How can I get my husband to relax?

**amberlyann2005** · 05-13-2008, 02:01 PM

He is under a great amount of stress right now and I really dont know what to do. Right now he is working in a place where he is very unhappy and its really wearing on him. He is about to change gyms (he's a personal trainer) but that seems to be stressing him out more. Its really wearing on both of us because im home all day watching our son and when hes home he is just irritated about everything and on me. I know its because of the stress but he wont talk with me about it so I dont know how to make it better. I have noticed his training has really backed off and im wondering if he is even working out now. We are going out of town this weekend alone without our son but im afraid he will just be all buisness the whole time. How can I help him? I feel if things dont get better we are both going to lose it.

**HeatherAC** · 05-13-2008, 02:02 PM

Two words: Blow Job. Seriously.

**kjvail1204** · 05-13-2008, 02:08 PM

I dont know if he likes to golf, or something along that line, but set him up a T-off time. Let him get out of the house with a few friends and just blow off some steem. He might be no working out because of the stess of work, being a trainer I would think that if you hated your job and it was working out, that you would in theroy hate working out.
Find something he really likes to do or maybe the two of you go out for and eveing of romance, get someone to watch the kids dinner and a movie, followed by a seyx meeting at a hotel. But dont be yourself on that night, get wild get creative, even roll play.
The point is to take him out of his daily routine, break it up and get his mind off work and the kids and everything. Just go let his hair down and dont bring up work if he wants to let him but dont try to provoke it sometimes men just need to deal with it on thier own and know that no matter what you will have our backs.

**sparky141978** · 05-13-2008, 02:11 PM

X2 on Heather's response....in all seriousness if that doesn't work, I would get him a massage. My husband has a high stress job and I know he loves getting massages.

**amberlyann2005** · 05-13-2008, 02:12 PM

Well he loves golf but honestly I feel im doing a pretty good job of letting him out with his friends. He plays softball 4 nights a week right now.. YES 4 lol. so I feel like he is never really home. He works until 7 or 8 at night and then goes and plays. He plays all day on Saturdays and the nights hes home he is on the computer working. Honestly I just feel a little pushed aside but I will try your ideas this weekend and see how it goes. Thanks!

**HeatherAC** · 05-13-2008, 02:14 PM

Originally Posted by sparky141978

X2 on Heather's response....in all seriousness if that doesn't work, I would get him a massage. My husband has a high stress job and I know he loves getting massages.

Or give him one yourself. The only bad thing is that once you give a man a good massage, he's going to want it all the time!

(on a funnier note, anyone find it odd that the guy gave the sensitive response and the chicks agree on the BJ???

)

Originally Posted by amberlyann2005

Well he loves golf but honestly I feel im doing a pretty good job of letting him out with his friends. He plays softball 4 nights a week right now.. YES 4 lol. so I feel like he is never really home. He works until 7 or 8 at night and then goes and plays. He plays all day on Saturdays and the nights hes home he is on the computer working. Honestly I just feel a little pushed aside but I will try your ideas this weekend and see how it goes. Thanks!

In that case, I edit my answer. Blow Job in sexy lingerie.

**amberlyann2005** · 05-13-2008, 02:17 PM

I was actually thinking the same thing.

**Jakelab06** · 05-13-2008, 02:21 PM

I would be worried if the bj and massage didn't work. lol. Give me a woman that will try that hard to make me happy, and I'll show you a happy man.

**Crazymix** · 05-13-2008, 02:38 PM

Originally Posted by HeatherAC

Two words: Blow Job. Seriously.

they only last so long.. try again.

**gixxer_751** · 05-13-2008, 02:41 PM

i'd say a 6 pack of low carb beer (ice cold) and wearing nothing but a business tie/boe tie (better) when he comes home... (yes serious)

**amberlyann2005** · 05-13-2008, 02:45 PM

Haha yeah. Thanks again. I guess things have changed a lot for us the past four years. We use to travel and have so much fun. Its amazing what jobs and a baby does to your relationship. Im just glad I will have some time with him all to myself.

Do you think I should be worried because he doesnt spend any time at home with me? Or do you think its just the stress? He just seems so distant. I guess im just reading a lot more into it because I feel left out.

**gixxer_751** · 05-13-2008, 02:46 PM

damn... maybe it's time to start reading between the lines here..

**tm29** · 05-13-2008, 02:52 PM

Originally Posted by amberlyann2005

Do you think I should be worried because he doesnt spend any time at home with me? Or do you think its just the stress? He just seems so distant. I guess im just reading a lot more into it because I feel left out.

Trust your instincts Amber...you have a baby and he's out 4 nights a week. You're worried about how to make him feel better? Sounds like you 2 need a serious sit down (if the blow job doesn't work).

But seriously, if there's a voice telling you it's more, listen to it, because it's never too late to get things under control and fix them.

**amberlyann2005** · 05-13-2008, 02:59 PM

Originally Posted by tm29

Trust your instincts Amber...you have a baby and he's out 4 nights a week. You're worried about how to make him feel better? Sounds like you 2 need a serious sit down (if the blow job doesn't work).

But seriously, if there's a voice telling you it's more, listen to it, because it's never too late to get things under control and fix them.

I really dont feel like anything else is going on. He is just overworked. I do feel very left out but I know how guys are sometimes. The only reason why I ask is Im just wondering why he would want to be away so much. Mainly wanted to see if any of the guys on the board could relate with him.

**dunkonu9** · 05-13-2008, 05:07 PM

Originally Posted by HeatherAC

Two words: Blow Job. Seriously.

You are awesome in fact I am going to rep you for now on as often as it lets me. That is the best answer ever.

**dunkonu9** · 05-13-2008, 05:09 PM

Originally Posted by HeatherAC

In that case, I edit my answer. Blow Job in sexy lingerie.

In fact I like you even more now. Rep to all those in favor of the BJ.

**BlueShoe** · 05-13-2008, 05:17 PM

Has anyone ever seen the movie Parenthood with Steve Martin? The wife tries to get Steve Martin's character to relax and chooses to do it while he's driving the car. He ends up wrecking and getting a ticket.

Just reminded me of that.

**dunkonu9** · 05-13-2008, 05:52 PM

Originally Posted by tm29

Trust your instincts Amber...you have a baby and he's out 4 nights a week. You're worried about how to make him feel better? Sounds like you 2 need a serious sit down (if the blow job doesn't work).

But seriously, if there's a voice telling you it's more, listen to it, because it's never too late to get things under control and fix them.

I agree here too. You show up dressed in one of his ties and give him mind blowing BJ finishing the job right and he is still out 4 nights a week then you need to do some serious heart to heart.

I get to play basketball like one night a week sometimes two during the season and well my a$$ better be home and at a decent time. If I was out 4 nights it would quickly turn into 7 when my key did not work anymore.

**tm29** · 05-13-2008, 05:53 PM

Originally Posted by amberlyann2005

I really dont feel like anything else is going on. He is just overworked. I do feel very left out but I know how guys are sometimes. The only reason why I ask is Im just wondering why he would want to be away so much. Mainly wanted to see if any of the guys on the board could relate with him.

Then the best you can do is just give him lots of space. In the end I'm sure he'll appreciate it.

Originally Posted by BlueShoe

Has anyone ever seen the movie Parenthood with Steve Martin? The wife tries to get Steve Martin's character to relax and chooses to do it while he's driving the car. He ends up wrecking and getting a ticket.

Just reminded me of that.

...and the cop says so what happened here? and he looks at his wife and says honey, why don't you show him? BEST SCENE!!!!

**BootyCamp** · 05-13-2008, 06:40 PM

Originally Posted by HeatherAC

Two words: Blow Job. Seriously.

...x2

(or try a good foot rub)

**Crazymix** · 05-13-2008, 06:55 PM

Originally Posted by BootyCamp

...x2

(or try a good foot rub)

after the blow job right

**amberlyann2005** · 05-13-2008, 06:56 PM

Gosh I swear. If he would ever get home. I am bored out of my mind!

**Jakelab06** · 05-13-2008, 08:14 PM

Originally Posted by amberlyann2005

I really dont feel like anything else is going on. He is just overworked. I do feel very left out but I know how guys are sometimes. The only reason why I ask is Im just wondering why he would want to be away so much. Mainly wanted to see if any of the guys on the board could relate with him.

I'm a 23 year old guy so take this with a grain of salt. But, I'd say if he is spending four nights a week away from family and when he is home he is on the computer. I'd say there is more going on. That is the first impression I got, when I read it, and usually my first impressions are dead on. It just seems like everything else is coming first. I understand working hard to provide for your family, but playing four nights a week isn't exactly that. Just my opinion. Hope it helps.

**kjvail1204** · 05-13-2008, 08:19 PM

Originally Posted by amberlyann2005

Gosh I swear. If he would ever get home. I am bored out of my mind!

Honestly let him know that it bothers you that he is gone so much. Explian that you want to understand and he should talk to you.
If he says nothings wrong, leave it at that. I suppose the BJ option is there, you could meet him at the door, push him against it tell him how much you missed him being there, drop to yoru knees and show him.
Honestly it could be any number of things. Yes him running around might be one, but if you feel solid its not then dont worry about it. Stress at work, then coming home to a house full. Maybe he feels he is failing at his job. I have had my share of down weeks and months.
Try a weekend get away just the two of you, i think time alone would do you both some good. Sounds like you both need a break honestly

**amberlyann2005** · 05-13-2008, 08:30 PM

Originally Posted by kjvail1204

Honestly let him know that it bothers you that he is gone so much. Explian that you want to understand and he should talk to you.
If he says nothings wrong, leave it at that. I suppose the BJ option is there, you could meet him at the door, push him against it tell him how much you missed him being there, drop to yoru knees and show him.
Honestly it could be any number of things. Yes him running around might be one, but if you feel solid its not then dont worry about it. Stress at work, then coming home to a house full. Maybe he feels he is failing at his job. I have had my share of down weeks and months.
Try a weekend get away just the two of you, i think time alone would do you both some good. Sounds like you both need a break honestly

Yeah you have no idea. We only have one little boy and he goes down at 6:30 so I find myself so bored at night and I just wish he would be home on time. I guess im kinda venting on here because I dont know how to talk with him about it because he is well hes just so hard to talk to.

We are going to Charleston this weekend. So I am hoping he will find time for me then. I feel bad because he works so much and I stay at home. I think he is a little resentful but he has no idea what all I do around the house.. anyway vent over. I will talk with him and im sure everything will workout. Thanks for your advice.

**v4lu3s** · 05-13-2008, 08:35 PM

Physical intimacy will not replace emotional intimacy, though it can always help mask things and put off facing the real problem til later.

**Npeart** · 05-13-2008, 09:49 PM

Originally Posted by HeatherAC

Two words: Blow Job. Seriously.

I like the way you think. . . in fact, I'm feeling very stressed.

*unzips pants*

**HeatherAC** · 05-13-2008, 09:52 PM

Originally Posted by Npeart

I like the way you think. . . in fact, I'm feeling very stressed.

*unzips pants*

Damn you.

Your coworkers are gonna' be looking at you kinda' funny, don't you think????

**CraigF** · 05-13-2008, 10:03 PM

Originally Posted by Jakelab06

I'm a 23 year old guy so take this with a grain of salt. But, I'd say if he is spending four nights a week away from family and when he is home he is on the computer. I'd say there is more going on. That is the first impression I got, when I read it, and usually my first impressions are dead on. It just seems like everything else is coming first. I understand working hard to provide for your family, but playing four nights a week isn't exactly that. Just my opinion. Hope it helps.

ditto

in a relationshipit take two to tango. there's more than meets the eye. are you sure he's playing softball all this time? could he be elsewhere doing something else? weall need time to ourselves but we also must make time for our loved ones.

**HeatherAC** · 05-13-2008, 10:04 PM

Originally Posted by amberlyann2005

Yeah you have no idea. We only have one little boy and he goes down at 6:30 so I find myself so bored at night and I just wish he would be home on time. I guess im kinda venting on here because I dont know how to talk with him about it because he is well hes just so hard to talk to.

We are going to Charleston this weekend. So I am hoping he will find time for me then. I feel bad because he works so much and I stay at home. I think he is a little resentful but he has no idea what all I do around the house.. anyway vent over. I will talk with him and im sure everything will workout. Thanks for your advice.

Have you thought about going to watch his softball games to cheer him on?

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