if someone loves you then should looks be so importian?

[mommyfisc]

sometimes my husbands passion for working out and how much importiance he puts on the "body" deflates my self esteem....... i sometimes view it as unloving am i totally wrong for feeling this? i work out and i am transforming but what if something happened..life is unpredictable and i am so bothered by the lack of importiance on who a person is compared to what a person looks like. i know men are visual but too much of anything can be bad where is the balance........... reassure me that i am right here... something. i agree looks are importian and staying in shape is importian to me becasue of ageing i want to look good especially when i am older i don't agree with letting yourself go but staying in shape shouldn't be an obsession that has more importiance than other things in our lives..

[bambifox]

Originally Posted by mommyfisc

sometimes my husbands passion for working out and how much importiance he puts on the "body" deflates my self esteem....... i sometimes view it as unloving am i totally wrong for feeling this? i work out and i am transforming but what if something happened..life is unpredictable and i am so bothered by the lack of importiance on who a person is compared to what a person looks like. i know men are visual but too much of anything can be bad where is the balance........... reassure me that i am right here... something. i agree looks are importian and staying in shape is importian to me becasue of ageing i want to look good especially when i am older i don't agree with letting yourself go but staying in shape shouldn't be an obsession that has more importiance than other things in our lives..

Is his emphasis on "health" or "physical appearance"? That would make all the difference.

[mommyfisc]

both ..... but most is looks.. he works out very hard and maintains a great body but he has really good genitics it comes so easy to him

[bambifox]

Originally Posted by mommyfisc

sometimes my husbands passion for working out and how much importiance he puts on the "body" deflates my self esteem....... i sometimes view it as unloving am i totally wrong for feeling this? i work out and i am transforming but what if something happened..life is unpredictable and i am so bothered by the lack of importiance on who a person is compared to what a person looks like. i know men are visual but too much of anything can be bad where is the balance........... reassure me that i am right here... something. i agree looks are importian and staying in shape is importian to me becasue of ageing i want to look good especially when i am older i don't agree with letting yourself go but staying in shape shouldn't be an obsession that has more importiance than other things in our lives..

Well IMHO, your never wrong for feeling the way you do. It's "your" feelings. However, sometimes we can misunderstand other people's motives. I suggest you have a blunt conversation with your hubby and ask him right out if your appearance bothers him. At least you'll know how he actually feels and not assume that he is unloving. Not saying that your not correct in your feelings, but you'll never know until you ask. Also, let him know how the things he says makes you feel. The best intents mean diddly squat, when the end results are hurt feelings. Lastly, you getting into better shape should be solely for YOU...not for him. Allow him to be honest with you and try not to "judge" his opinions, he is also entitled to his own "feelings" as well. In the end, take it all in and weigh the good vs. the bad (which in all relationships there is both). If the good outweighs the bad, then your in a winning relationship and I suggest you just shrug your head...say "MEN"...and move ahead focusing on the positive things in your life. Hope this helps a bit.

[whitneya12]

I feel the same way too sometimes! While my bf has done so much to help improve me (fitness wise) cause he is a personal trainer, i feel this incessant push to look like a victoria secret model!
He always looks a girls even if they have just a little pouch belly with a grimace on his face. god forbid I were to ever have even a bit of a belly. I always want to be fit and in shape for myself, but his actions do lower my self esteem every once in awhile

[JabCross]

Originally Posted by bambifox

Is his emphasis on "health" or "physical appearance"? That would make all the difference.

if i could rearrange the alphabet, id put u and i together

[bambifox]

Originally Posted by JabCross

if i could rearrange the alphabet, id put u and i together

Huhhhhhhhh???? WTF?

[mysteriouslady]

I understand where u are coming from. I am on the way to becoming fit and it is a continous struggle for me. My man is so dedicated he workouts are 2 hrs 7 days a week. And sometimes the things he says to me really hurt my feelings. I sometimes feel the same way that all he cares about is my looks. Then i have to step back and say when the two of us got together i wasnt even working out at all. I think that all he is trying to really do is motivated me where i see it that way or not.

[HeatherAC]

Originally Posted by mysteriouslady

I understand where u are coming from. I am on the way to becoming fit and it is a continous struggle for me. My man is so dedicated he workouts are 2 hrs 7 days a week. And sometimes the things he says to me really hurt my feelings. I sometimes feel the same way that all he cares about is my looks. Then i have to step back and say when the two of us got together i wasnt even working out at all. I think that all he is trying to really do is motivated me where i see it that way or not.

Ha! I've seen the pics.....and can understand where you're coming from.

Don't stress over it too much, a lot of it boils down to communication styles. I've noticed men try to motivate women like they would motivate men - that does NOT work! I remember the day my ex YELLED at me to get my last rep in on squats - I looked at him like he was a total ass (which he was) - turns out he was just doing what GUYS do.

Explain to him that the best way to encourage and support you is through positive reinforcement. No woman responds well to a man being a jerk - but half the time they don't even realize that they're being one.


On a side note, how have you been doing with your progress - still stuck at that plateau? Have you looked at adjusting your routine a bit?

[swole2008]

Originally Posted by bambifox

Huhhhhhhhh???? WTF?

your legs must be tired.
Because you've been running through my mind all day.




Why are people using random cheesy pickup lines on you on this thread? lol

[SexyChic]

Because they need to work on their e-game?

[ranger83]

Sorry I never post in this section but came across this thread...anyways Im pretty sure he is not working out for anybody else but himself (i know that sounds bad but it really isnt). He is not doing this to put you down or hurt your feelings...more or less he is addicted to this lifestyle and wants to continiuely improve himself.

Im the exact same way....I started out wanting to get a certain physic/weight, once I got that I set another goal...and so on. Sometimes we get so involved in this lifestyle that we almost put everything else to the side...alot of my girlfriends used to get so mad at me, like I was cheating on them with the gym...lol.

Pretty much what it comes down to is he isn't giving you enough attention and too much attention to the gym...just calmly let him know this and maybe work out some arrangement where on a certain day instead of going the gym he does something special with you. I dont know what else to say im single mostly due to this...

[bambifox]

Originally Posted by JabCross

if i could rearrange the alphabet, id put u and i together

Oooookkkay! I just got it! Thanks Swole! U and I = rearrange the alphabet...oooookay! Sorry, I'm not good with "cheezzzy pick up lines". It must be the early stages of alzheimers (41 ya know!)

[blazay]

u seriously didnt get that joke at first? lol

[Inthegrass]

I hope that you don't mind me putting my two cents in here for a minute. I just couldn't resist.
Love is a fascinating thing really. How you can look at someone for quite sometime and then all of a sudden see them in a different way. That is what love does to you.
You asked the question... If someone loves you then should looks be so important?
In a word, Yes!

Okay so slow down here for a second and let me explain because it is not what it will seem to be. You all have looked at someone that you are or have been in love with and you know what I mean. It becomes the way that they smile, the way that they move, the way that they carry themselves, the actions that they take. I think this is the driving force behind how looks are important. Whether someone has a perfect figure has nothing to do with it because I believe that love truely is blind in all other areas. What makes someone fall out of love with someone else isn't because their dress or pant size has changed, it has to do with those other factors that change around them. How their outlook and caring for the other person changes.
If someone stops loving you because you have developed a small tummy, for example, then they never loved you to begin with. If on the other hand it is because you have changed your habits to such a degree that things become difficult to connect anymore, (emotionally, spiritually, physically together you are not the same person) then that is possible. I'm not sure if I am saying this well?? In other words, if they stop loving you, if they really did, the looks might just be a result of the reason they stopped loving you but not the reason on it's own. Provided they truely loved you to begin with that is. I hope that makes sense???

You ever see how ugly some of those super models look? Would it kill them to smile? Attitude is everything to being beautiful!!!

Your self esteem should have nothing to do with anyone else but you.
Also if I were you I'd take it as a compliment that your husband works out so hard. Maybe he loves you so much he just wants to be the best he can for you. I know I do that a bit myself here.

Jeff

[swole2008]

Originally Posted by SexyChic

Because they need to work on their e-game?

your butt is distracting

[Crazymix]

Originally Posted by swole2008

your butt is distracting

you know the drill.

[swole2008]

Originally Posted by Crazymix

you know the drill.

I don't know the drill

[Crazymix]

Originally Posted by swole2008

I don't know the drill

fail.. you should be NEGGDED

[SexyChic]

Originally Posted by Crazymix

you know the drill.

What's the drill?

[Crazymix]

Originally Posted by SexyChic

What's the drill?

oh no.. you too... this is un real.

[SexyChic]

=O SOrry... tell me though (in PMs so Swole can't find out)

[swole2008]

Originally Posted by SexyChic

What's the drill?

send noodz

[SexyChic]

I was born with a thong on btw...so that's not possible

[swole2008]

Originally Posted by SexyChic

I was born with a thong on btw...so that's not possible

so you're like a never-nude from arrested development.

[Crazymix]

Originally Posted by SexyChic

I was born with a thong on btw...so that's not possible

that will do.

[dunkonu9]

I have to agree with inthegrass.

I had that feeling when my wife was dogging me for being a fat slob and telling me I was disgusting for weighing nearly 300lbs. I thought she did not love me because I was fat. I mean she is materialistic to a point but I think it was my low self esteem I had developed. I have always been a good athlete and from what I am told a mativating leader. I had lost that I think that is what bothered her the most.

The fact you are posting this thread leads to beleive you have lost a little bit of confidence. Go out today and buy yourself a smoking hot dress and knock his socks off with some mind blowing this is why your married to me sex tonight.

Yes men motivate differently. I was on my wife the other day saying oh yeah easy weight you can do it. She said STFU it is not easy it is heavy as h3ll. Or make sure you breath. I get you will know if i am not breathing I will die. Lets just say by the time we are done busting a$$ in the gym that birds and little animals are not following her like Cinderella.

[gfundaro]

Is he obsessing over your body, or his own? It's his business if he wants to perfect himself. Unless he's specifically putting you down or trying to make you feel uncomfortable with your body, he's not doing anything wrong. Everyone has something in life on which they focus the majority of their energy, and with this lifestyle, training is usually that thing. Training makes you feel physically and mentally good, seeing progress makes you feel physically and mentally good, and reaching your goal makes you feel awesome in every way. Is he unloving for wanting to feel that? Or are you unloving for not wanting him to feel that?

Just some food for thought...

[john2496]

Sounds like he has too much free time on his hands. When I was confined to a rural existence, in central new york, I only worked out & ate. After moving to li, I haven't had the time or the motivation to work out. As a couple, you should try finding new hobbies and better ways to allocate your time.