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  1. #1
    Toothfairy Agnostic Brasmonky's Avatar
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    Abducted by a tribe in Africa for Three Weeks -jakeassist's True Story

    Abducted by a tribe in Africa for Three weeks, my true story.
    Hi there, my name is Jake and the following is an account of what happened to me when I was kidnapped by tribe in Kenya, Africa.

    I'm a resident of the United Kingdom and live in London. I work at a grocery store as a manager and lived a very happy and peaceful life. Around mid-September, me and three of my friends decided we should visit Kenya and visit the wildlife sanctuaries etc. Basically being influenced by the false rendition of Africa by Discovery Channel and such, we decided that it would be a great experience of watching the animals in their natural habitat.

    But, we were wrong.

    My friends, namely were Sarah, Dennis and Stacy. So.. we got our Tickets, did the necessary documentation through the Kenyan Embassy and ** voyage! We were off to Africa. Our journey was mostly comfortable as we were traveling in the Business class, and we thoroughly enjoyed it.

    Next, we landed in the capital of Kenya, Nairobi. The place looked splendid, and we thought that we weren't even in Africa. It looked very well developed, neat and populated. There were a lot of hotels, clubs, shopping centers, parks etc. We were almost mesmerized by this unexpected view of Africa until

    Kris: "Hello there, are you from London?"
    Dennis: "Yeah?"
    Kris: "Mr. Jake Anderson?"
    Me: "Yeah thats me, and.. you?"
    Kris: "My name is Kris and I am from SOTC, I'd like to welcome you to Kenya and I hope you enjoy your stay here, please follow me to your cab in which you're going to check in to your hotel"

    We went with Kris, who was the local franchise of SOTC, our Travel Agency. Checked in to the rooms, which were very comfortable. We had two rooms, one for the girls and one for me and Dennis (no homosexuality). There were two separate beds, and the room was very spacious.

    We slept for a few hours due to being absolutely tired of all the traveling. Dreaming of my forthcoming trip around Kenya, I was woken up by the sound of Dennis talking to someone.

    It was the room service attendant. Dennis had called him. He was a tall African lad, very lanky but had bloodshot eyes possibly due to heavy drinking.

    Attendant: "How can I help you?"
    Dennis: "Yeah we'd like us two cups of coffee and some Nachos"
    Attendant: "Alright I'll note it down"
    Dennis: "Any cool places to visit around here?"
    Attendant: *names a few places*
    Dennis: "Thats awesome, and... where do you guys score the girls at? Haha"
    Attendant: "I cannot talk about this"
    Dennis: "Why?"
    Attendant: "My religion.. sorry sir, I'll get you your order"

    This left me and Dennis puzzled a bit... the lad seemed taken aback by my friend's question. This bothered me. Another attendant served us the Nachos and Coffee after about ten minutes, as we geared up for a day of checking out Nairobi.

    To be continued...
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  2. #2
    nom nom nom cupcakekid's Avatar
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  3. #3
    LIGHT SKINNED MANDINGO G-mane12's Avatar
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    cliffs
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    "One morning I woke up and found my favorite pigeon, Julius, had died I was devastated and was gonna use his crate as my stickball bat to honor him. I left the crate on my stoop and went in to get something and I returned to see the sanitation man put the crate into the crusher. I rushed him and caught him flush on the temple with a titanic right hand he was out cold, convulsing on the floor like an infantile retard." -Mike Tyson
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  4. #4
    das it mane Phal4nx's Avatar
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    I read the whole thing.

    Didn't leave me hanging though. The only thing that leaves some sort of puzzle in the story is why the attendant was avoiding talking about girls.

    Is this story about aids? :P
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