Getting healthy, one day at a time.

[frolik]

Hopefully a few of you vaguely remember me... last time I was here was August 2007. I spent most of the last few months in various inpatient treatments for my bulimia, relapsing over and over again, and am still fighting hard. In the months I've been away, I've dropped about 50 pounds (gained a few back from bingeing recently) and 4-5 jeans sizes. This does not mean I'm remotely closer to health... in fact, far further away. I'm restarting here as a commitment to get back in shape (having not lifted since August, only cardio-ed my butt off... literally... and now I can't even run for over a minute or two without getting winded and crampy.) and get healthy, once and for all. I've taken the year off of school to focus on getting better, and I'm not allowed back in the fall unless I've made significant progress and am of sound mind. This is my commitment to myself to get there.


My goals:
- follow my meal plan as closely as possible.
- do an hour of some type of cardio each day.
- get back into a lifting routine.
- significantly reduce binges, purges, and laxative abuse.
- not get too obsessive about any of this.


My meal plan:
I don't happen to know the macros for any of this- nor do I want to know. It doesn't follow 40-40-20, 30-50-20, or any other plans. It's based on diabetic exchanges and given to me by the hospital nutritionist, and I'm using the same foods every day for simplicity's sake, and to avoid freaking out and deciding to skip all meals. I don't have cheat days or anything, because believe me, I "cheat" enough- 20,000 calories in an hour sound good to you??
- meal 1: 6oz nonfat yogurt, 2 slices whole wheat bread with 1T lite margarine
- meal 2: apple
- meal 3: tuna salad on whole wheat with lettuce, 1c carrots
- meal 4: 7 thin pretzels, 3/4c blackberries
- meal 5: (variable) 3 servings protein, 1 serving vegetables, 1 serving starch, 1 serving "lipid" (haha we're a fat-phobic bunch.)


My workout plan:
the bikini boot camp workout (http://www.bodybuilding.com/fun/sexy...t_workout.htm), with 1 hour cardio per day. I'm not planning rest days because I know I'll get exhausted and take them anyway. I also work waitressing and at IKEA, so those may give me extra exercise.



Give me your opinions on my plan so far, and wish me luck!!

[frolik]

another goal: more water, less late-night caffeine.

[twinnett]

Good luck to you...we're all here to support you! I, and many others on here, have struggled to overcome EDs. It looks to me like not many calories on that plan, but if you're working w/ someone, I'm sure you have a plan for building them back up. Are you sure that an hour of cardio every day is healthy for recovery? I just worry that it will lead to an obsessiveness about it for you. We're here for anything you need though!

[amj0883]

Good luck darling!! I hope that with the added support of all the women on this board you will be very successful at reaching your goals!

[frolik]

Originally Posted by twinnett

Good luck to you...we're all here to support you! I, and many others on here, have struggled to overcome EDs. It looks to me like not many calories on that plan, but if you're working w/ someone, I'm sure you have a plan for building them back up. Are you sure that an hour of cardio every day is healthy for recovery? I just worry that it will lead to an obsessiveness about it for you. We're here for anything you need though!

Thanks! I think I may decrease the cardio goal to half an hour per day, and no cardio machines on tae kwon do or yoga days. Considering where I'm currently at (nada) and how much time I spend on my feet, it seems more realistic that way, though without the questioning, I never would have let myself bring it down. That's what I'm here for- people to call me out on crap and be real. =)

Originally Posted by amj0883

Good luck darling!! I hope that with the added support of all the women on this board you will be very successful at reaching your goals!

Thank you!

[amj0883]

Were def. real Were always here for a good kick in the ass!!

Do you enjoy yoga? I'm trying to find more time to incoporate that...

[frolik]

Originally Posted by amj0883

Were def. real Were always here for a good kick in the ass!!

Do you enjoy yoga? I'm trying to find more time to incoporate that...

I'm trying to find more motivation to incorporate it... and yes, I absolutely love it. I do power yoga, which is essentially hot yoga on speed for people with ADD. It keeps my interest going unlike a slower-paced kind, and it's a pretty tough workout. I highly recommend it.

[frolik]

Today was a bunch of ups and downs. The workout didn't go as planned, only managed a whopping five minutes on the crosstrainer, and no more than 20lbs lifting, but I'm trying to be positive and focus on the fact that I walked for oh, about.. 8 hours?? today (Five hours foodrunning + 1.5 hours each way walking to/from work- during which I got honked at three times! Woohoo!) a min crossnd that it was on only having eaten an apple all day. Oops. On the other bright side, I haven't binged.

food:
apple
will be making shirataki noodles and seared tuna for dinner, with some type of veggie- yum!!

workout:
5 min crosstrainer
bench 6 x 3 x 20lbs
crunches 12 x 3
db flyes 6 x 3 x 5lbs
skullcrushers 6 x 3 x 5lbs
incline bench 6 x 3 x 20lbs
hanging leg raises 12 x 3
dips 6 x 3
I really need to work on upping my lifts- my muscles are so weak right now!!

[frolik]

GAHHHH this better be period bloat, I'm going insane.

[amj0883]

Odds are it is...don't worry!!

[frolik]

I skipped tae kwon do this morning... way to suck. I've also got absolutely NOTHING to do ALL DAY LONG... which, of course, makes me want to binge just to pass time.

[frolik]

Originally Posted by frolik

I skipped tae kwon do this morning... way to suck. I've also got absolutely NOTHING to do ALL DAY LONG... which, of course, makes me want to binge just to pass time.

food for today:
1 pt blackberries
2 cheesy quesadillas
1 apple
3 croissants (1 plain, 1 glazed, 1 cinnamon sugar)
1 bavarian creme donut
1 white creme donut
1 jelly donut
1 vanilla iced cruller w/ sprinkles
1 3" x 8" (1/2 pound) carrot cake
1.75L lemonade
1 bag marshmallows
1 tuna salad hoagie w/ cheese
10 tortillas
1 pizza stuffed pretzel
1/2 jar nutella
2 pkgs shrimp scampi.

exercise:
none.




I suck at this.

[Missbrooke79]

Hey just hang in there! I appreciate you being so candid. I have dealt with bulimia for the past 4 years. I've been in denial for a long time b/c sometimes I have been fine for months and then I'll get too controlling with my diet and excercise and go through the whole miserable cycle again. I'm finally to the point where I realize that I'm not going to reach my goal if I don't get serious about helping myself. I just don't know where to start. Don't beat yourself up though, it sounds like you've been making progress!

[frolik]

I've gained ten pounds in 4 days. no joke. Bingeing SUCKS. I haven't made it to workouts at all, I'm quitting my waitressing job because I'm using symptoms at work, and I'm generally too depressed to get out of bed. I'm desperately trying to get back on track, as I currently can't go a mere 24 hours without b/p at least twice. My therapist pointed out that I may be legitimately addicted to sugar/ flour given the addiction history in my family, so I think I'm going to try the OA system of avoiding sugar and white flour. I'll post again when I come up with a mealplan that follows.

[frolik]

I managed an hour and a half power yoga class!!! Yay!!!

[vanillabn]

Good job about the power yoga! I hope you're feeling a bit better. I can imagine your frustration, but I agree with missbrooke79 - your being so candid is really great. The point of these journals is to be "real" and write down our struggles as well as successes, so I'm glad you are able to do that. Stay positive and hang in there!! You have lots of support here!

[amj0883]

WOO HOO - for getting yoga in!!!

[frolik]

Thanks girls! The support means a lot. So guess what else?? HUGE success for today- I ate my meal plan (yes, it was very low-cal, but still- I ate. without bingeing. WHOA.), and haven't binged at all! GO ME.

[amj0883]

Very cool!! I"m proud of you!