just a normal guy seeking advice (How did you get..

[Marauder63]

Motivated

Heres a little brief story before my question but after reading you might get the just of it.

Now ive been with my girlfriend for just over 8 months i love her to death but

she keeps talking about getting to this certain before my graduation and not liking how she looks and she will look to want help. i try to give her tips and the whole ratio of this and that or to even cut out something she likes or lower how much she wants it. she takes Triple Triple Coffees from this coffee place in canada Tim Hortons god bless that place but i say you know three shots of sugar and three of cream if you want to change why not lower it to 2 and 2 for a bit then 1 and 1 eventually black coffee it still has caffeine that you look for.


and she wont budge

now im not here complaining about how she looks and all because i think she looks great the way she is but if she really wants this how can i get her motivated.

SHE works at a ymca before she goes to college ! and gets a free membership i dont know how easy it can be for her the only thing is

her parents buy crap for food frozen.. processed... she knows not to gorge but she wont go and buy a lil food of her own.

when my fridge is FULL of veggies fruits good meats ..cottage cheese (dry)

etc.

As well as a lot of home made stuff like homemade pretzels with little salt
muffins Bread..

ugh i want to help her and ive tried endless times

the hard thing is hearing her complain about herself and knowing she doesnt do a thing about it.

im sincerely asking how can i get her motivated.

[Marauder63]

My reason for posting in here is im just going to get a bunch of bonehead answers in the misc.. or workout program sections plus im not going to apply how a man gets motivated to my girlfriend .

for instance if i asked some random off the forum he would probably say i wanted Big Guns.

Thanks in advance for any advice its appreciated

[solstice]

You can't motivate someone else- they have to find the motivation within themselves or it's not gonna happen. Just be supportive and she'll do it when she's ready.

[Marauder63]

i suppose lately if im over at her place and she is say getting ready for something or if i let her sleep ill waste time by going on this site.

im always so excited if i find something new to do on here that looks good etc and she knows all about this site that it has diet plans a womens section.

all ive said is basicly i can get you on here easily if it will help get you motivated like youve been looking to do.

i dont know its only because she has been saying it for 8 months thats why i want to help her so bad.

but i mean she hasnt changed either she is maybe..2-3 pounds heavier then when i first met her

but my main thing is i dont just see her body like

i love her for the person she is its ironic she made me want to be a better person more focused on school etc and i have been i just wish it would be the other way around for the gym.

i mean if i had a free gym membership id be loving it so much.

for now i use my school weightroom

[swole2008]

the girl i was seeing was actually overweight... i tried helping her but realized quickly she didn't have any discipline or motivation whatsoever. So i did the next best thing, i just learned how to tell her how great i think she looks and i meant it, but if i didn't like her, holy cow she was outta shape lol.

what is it with fit guys always having unfit girlfriends? We're weird.

[Marauder63]

well im no where near extremely fit as you may be but for 230 i suppose im pretty good.

like yes she is not the typical girl but thats not all thats counts in what you look for.. i wish i can get her motivated like i said but i wont fight with her because of it it would be different if she didnt complain about herself.

right now its i dont like the way i look-her
i think you look great the way you are-me
i dont look good -her
you can always change if you feel that strongly about it-me

and it basicly ends there she will say well im going to the gym with (her girlfriend) and she will go like twice a week on a good week

but eat all the wrong stuff

[RachelBringIt]

Ive found that a lot of people will self-hate for years and itll take a big 'wake up' moment for them to change their habits to actually get them to change. There is nothin you can do, i know thats not what you want to hear, but more times than none, thats how it is. Maybe tell her to check out the forums? that might motivate her, i know it motivates me!

[Marauder63]

do you think it would be ok to say something ( the next time i see her)

like

(her name is lauren)

look lauren..im going to be level ill be behind anything you decide to do and i its hard for even myself to get motivated but places like this site(she knows about it) can really help you get motivated theres no one that will say you have to do this but just suggest things but seeing these people give you so much advice and trying to help might just work.

everyone you talk to unless you find an *******.

is there to help eachother and ill be there to.. but just putting it straight im here to help.

[RachelBringIt]

thats a good place to start. but remember, there is only so much you can do for someone. Dont be too disappointed if that doesnt get through.

[Marauder63]

well her weight is also decieved with her height like im not sure that makes sense but.. she is only 5'2 ...max well lets just say


if theres a guy out there at 5'2 and 200 pounds but Jacked like shredded

and theres the same guy at the same weight but..5'8 he will seem smaller

[elitist]

She sounds like me before I met my boyfriend. There are only two things you can do: be an example of how wonderful it is to be in shape (let her know how excited and great it makes you feel on a day-to-day basis), and accept her actions, whether or not that does motivate her to make a change.

If she hasn't made a change yet, she doesn't want it badly enough yet. Maybe seeing how happy you are and how fulfilling your lifestyle is, she'll want it more for herself.

[Marauder63]

possibly but i wont act any happier then i am which is really happy but i wont shove it down her throat like Im so happy so for her to be happy she has to do what i do if she gets fit one way she gets fit that way its still wintery in winnipeg so once it warms up she will be walking in the sun to work and be out more so it will be more of a plus for her everyone is still packing there "winter weight"

[Char]

the girl i was seeing was actually overweight... i tried helping her but realized quickly she didn't have any discipline or motivation whatsoever. So i did the next best thing, i just learned how to tell her how great i think she looks and i meant it, but if i didn't like her, holy cow she was outta shape lol.

what is it with fit guys always having unfit girlfriends? We're weird.

Yeah what is that? I'm a fit girl and want a fit guy, but when I look around all the fit guys have unfit girlfriends. Well, not all but most. And many of them are overweight. I dont get it. You would think that someone want a bf or gf with the same lifestyle..

[swole2008]

Yeah what is that? I'm a fit girl and want a fit guy, but when I look around all the fit guys have unfit girlfriends. Well, not all but most. And many of them are overweight. I dont get it. You would think that someone want a bf or gf with the same lifestyle..

Well me personally, i work full time (nightshifts at a hotel), go to school full time (uc irvine, electrical engineering), and between the two fitting the gym basically involves having absolutely ZERO social life. I always watch my diet, my whole schedule is the same thing, ALL the time, nothing spontaneous, nothing unpredictable. Even when bulking and taking tree 1,000 calorie shakes a day i STILL avoid fast food and trans fat.

Now take a fat lazy chick... she defies every little ounce of my reasoning/existance. And its nice escape from my typical ****hole life.

Come to think of it, all those unfit people that are happy just the way they are. They're so much luckier than us

[TurbulentFluid]

It's rather lousy to think unfit people are "luckier" than us. I suppose you've never been a "lazy fat" person. I've been fat, and I assure you it's no walk in the park. Also, it's rather rude to assume someone's lazy because they're fat, or vice versa. I know quite a lot of overweight people who have too much happening in their lives to be LUCKY ENOUGH to do things you do, like eat healthy meals, avoid fast food, go to a gym, even AFFORD shakes and supplements... Just because you are some rich kid going to Irvine and having all you can possibly want from life (and don't attempt to contradict, just being IN the US makes you better off than about 60% of the mankind) And wouldn't it be rather stupid if Bill Gates said "well look at my fully sheduled life, I always have to work, always mind my millions, never anything spontaneous. And then think of those lazy homeless people, THEY haven't a worry in the world! I think they're so much luckier than me..."

That said, to return to the OP... there are two reasons why people who WANT to get in shape, don't:
a) lack of information needed to construct a good get-in-shape program
b) lack of consistency / motivation to fully follow the program

In my humble experience, b) always follows out of a), in other words, if you don't have a good enough program, you won't be able to follow it. If someone wants to lose a few pounds, they don't have to follow a pro bb-er's program! But what you describe seems to be worse than that: she's no idea what she's DOING to her body by eating the way you describe. Try and motivate her by explaining this (if you can). For instance, you have no idea how MEN get motivated (you're 18, you're a guy but you've no idea what a MAN thinks like. Just like me, at 26, am only beginning to see how a WOMAN thinks like. I strongly doubt a 45-year-old man who spent 20 years being overweight and had a stroke starts to work out because he "WANTS BIG GUNS!!". Chill.)
She has to want to lose weight / live healthy for HERSELF, not for you or for other people who will see her at some party. Sadly, most of us get the "fit life epiphany" at the time when it's way too late. My own came when my spine was so badly damaged by excess weight, that I had to do something about the pain, which is now only lessened, not gone. Unfortunately, most people don't understand / hear what you tell them about health issues connected with weight until they actually experience them.

Also, tell her to join this forum and ask questions. This forum is a great place to get and stay informed and motivated.

Also, tell her to use punctuation: that way, more people will bother with her posts. Yours are quite unreadable.

[Char]

Well me personally, i work full time (nightshifts at a hotel), go to school full time (uc irvine, electrical engineering), and between the two fitting the gym basically involves having absolutely ZERO social life. I always watch my diet, my whole schedule is the same thing, ALL the time, nothing spontaneous, nothing unpredictable. Even when bulking and taking tree 1,000 calorie shakes a day i STILL avoid fast food and trans fat.

Now take a fat lazy chick... she defies every little ounce of my reasoning/existance. And its nice escape from my typical ****hole life.

Come to think of it, all those unfit people that are happy just the way they are. They're so much luckier than us

Ok I can see that. Its a nice escape from your every day life. And if you are happy with a gf that doesn't work out, and whos lifestyle is so much different than yours then thats what matters, right? As long as they are happy with the way they look and fell, instead of sitting around complaining like Marauder63's gf. I think he is doing a good job trying to motivate her, but if she doesn't want to do what it takes, then there is not much he can do about it.

I have different reasons for wanting a fit bf.
1. Because I have a busy schedule, and doesn't have much of a social life, I would like my bf to work out with me, so that way we could spent more time together. It's not a must, but it would be nice.
2. The lifestyle. I think I would have a hard time dealing with someone if he was eating junkfood and being lazy and not caring about himself and his health.
3. Someone who works out on a regular basis, has a better understanding to why we eat and train the way we do. And understands that it is not just a hobby but a part of our life.
4. Attraction. However, fit for me doesn't necessarily mean cut and always in perfect shape. Just that he takes care of himself, is somewhat muscular and if he is 20-30lbs overweight, thats fine.

well... just my thoughts

[swole2008]

Ok I can see that. Its a nice escape from your every day life. And if you are happy with a gf that doesn't work out, and whos lifestyle is so much different than yours then thats what matters, right? As long as they are happy with the way they look and fell, instead of sitting around complaining like Marauder63's gf. I think he is doing a good job trying to motivate her, but if she doesn't want to do what it takes, then there is not much he can do about it.

I have different reasons for wanting a fit bf.
1. Because I have a busy schedule, and doesn't have much of a social life, I would like my bf to work out with me, so that way we could spent more time together. It's not a must, but it would be nice.
2. The lifestyle. I think I would have a hard time dealing with someone if he was eating junkfood and being lazy and not caring about himself and his health.
3. Someone who works out on a regular basis, has a better understanding to why we eat and train the way we do. And understands that it is not just a hobby but a part of our life.
4. Attraction. However, fit for me doesn't necessarily mean cut and always in perfect shape. Just that he takes care of himself, is somewhat muscular and if he is 20-30lbs overweight, thats fine.

well... just my thoughts

yea your reasoning sounds better. k i want a fit g/f now. i can't do that vin diesel thing from fast and the furious with my last ex. you know where when ur kissing you cup each butt cheek with your hand and then just pull 'em up and they wrap their legs around you...and for that brief moment they think ur badass, when ur really not, but you've totally got them fooled.

what was this thread about again?

[RachelBringIt]

It's rather lousy to think unfit people are "luckier" than us. I suppose you've never been a "lazy fat" person. I've been fat, and I assure you it's no walk in the park. Also, it's rather rude to assume someone's lazy because they're fat, or vice versa. I know quite a lot of overweight people who have too much happening in their lives to be LUCKY ENOUGH to do things you do, like eat healthy meals, avoid fast food, go to a gym, even AFFORD shakes and supplements...

For the record, most people can make time (an hour, 30 mins...etc) to work out, they are just too lazy to do so. And eating healthy is a lot cheaper than fast food. Fruits and veggies in season or frozen are super cheap. No excuses from that angle. You dont need shakes/supplements to not be fat. Fat people are full of excuses on why they are that way...trust me, i used to be there as well. It takes a big wake up moment for them to change.

[Marauder63]

i only answer the way i answer, because its the way i know. i know i have to get the grammer going, not that i dont know how, but. In terms of getting your message across vs making sure everything is right. I would choose to get it typed out.

and the same goes for the big guns comment of course not all men do it to get "big guns" but the typical guy ill see around the weightroom (my highschool weightroom for now of all places) will obviously say that so that is my answer for that.

i dont think its a problem for her to be...active.. i mean she is talking of rollerblading etc. yet ill have trouble finding a good pair because of how big my feet are 6E width now thats a different story.

once snow clears up and it gets warm (we walk a lot and she does on her own when she goes to places to shop etc.

that will be another plus.

so i mean if she accompanies that with 2-3 times of going to the gym i dont see why it cant do good for her its pretty troublesome, though. with her eating habits again, she wont gorge herself.

But its also not eating enough in the same sense.. breakfast.. lunch and..dinner instead of those multiple small meals a day.

i went with them to a costco where they go.

and besides the fruit and veggies...Frozen.. Processed stuff all the time and the cokes... those are bad enough. wether or not one coke not killing you. Its the fact that it can halt things.

i tell her..


my mom cut out..coke...chips..slurpees... (slurpee capital (winnipeg)

and she lost weight no matter what else just by dropping that stuff.

im sorry for the huge Message im sure half of it is useless i just dont know it.

[Marauder63]

For the record, most people can make time (an hour, 30 mins...etc) to work out, they are just too lazy to do so. And eating healthy is a lot cheaper than fast food. Fruits and veggies in season or frozen are super cheap. No excuses from that angle. You dont need shakes/supplements to not be fat. Fat people are full of excuses on why they are that way...trust me, i used to be there as well. It takes a big wake up moment for them to change.

thats exactly how i was but now i take gym everyday i have like 2-3 credits of fitness over the required ammount

and workout at lunch which is like 45-50 minutes.


but with this talking of being what we used to be i think when i go home its time for me to look for a before picture i would love to show how i really changed

[swole2008]

heres my transformation:
http://butters000.tripod.com/transformation.jpg

i'm 6'.
picture 1: 135lbs
picture 2: 155lbs
picture 3+4: 175lbs (same timespan, different lighting) about 8% bodyfat?

currently i'm bulking and at 190 lbs. still 11% bodyfat. =)

can't wait to start cutting early june. i'm sick of eating. can't wait to starve

[cksmy]

Well I've been married for 10 years and I have been super fit for 1/2 of that. Now my husband on the other hand has not been. Then one day, he got sick of seeing me compete in Races and going to the gym and having extra energy to play soccer with my boys that he broke down, joined the gym and now he is more fit than me! LOL.

When I was younger (teens and 20's) I let myself just eat junk and never worked out. I don't think the urge for women to get fit really hits hard until after we have kids. Not all women, but most women. Before kids I was 5'2 135 pounds. After kids i"ve maintained between 100 pounds -115.

Invite your girlfriend to workout with you. Buy her clothes 1 size smaller, so she gets the hint! Remind her how important fitness is to you. Maybe she will want to enter your world!

[Char]

yea your reasoning sounds better. k i want a fit g/f now. i can't do that vin diesel thing from fast and the furious with my last ex. you know where when ur kissing you cup each butt cheek with your hand and then just pull 'em up and they wrap their legs around you...and for that brief moment they think ur badass, when ur really not, but you've totally got them fooled.

what was this thread about again?

LOL.. I guess for me it would be the other way around. What if I cant wrap my legs around him? No honestly, I dont mind lovehandles on a guy, as long as it is within reason.

i only answer the way i answer, because its the way i know. i know i have to get the grammer going, not that i dont know how, but. In terms of getting your message across vs making sure everything is right. I would choose to get it typed out.

and the same goes for the big guns comment of course not all men do it to get "big guns" but the typical guy ill see around the weightroom (my highschool weightroom for now of all places) will obviously say that so that is my answer for that.

i dont think its a problem for her to be...active.. i mean she is talking of rollerblading etc. yet ill have trouble finding a good pair because of how big my feet are 6E width now thats a different story.

once snow clears up and it gets warm (we walk a lot and she does on her own when she goes to places to shop etc.

that will be another plus.

so i mean if she accompanies that with 2-3 times of going to the gym i dont see why it cant do good for her its pretty troublesome, though. with her eating habits again, she wont gorge herself.

But its also not eating enough in the same sense.. breakfast.. lunch and..dinner instead of those multiple small meals a day.

i went with them to a costco where they go.

and besides the fruit and veggies...Frozen.. Processed stuff all the time and the cokes... those are bad enough. wether or not one coke not killing you. Its the fact that it can halt things.

i tell her..


my mom cut out..coke...chips..slurpees... (slurpee capital (winnipeg)

and she lost weight no matter what else just by dropping that stuff.

im sorry for the huge Message im sure half of it is useless i just dont know it.

It seems like you are heading in the right direction. Maybe she just needs a little education on the nutrition. And as you say, you can go for long walks together and go rollerblading, thats a good way of spending time together and have fun at the same time. Ask her to join you at the gym twice a week. She might enjoy it. When she starts to feel different about her self and see the changes in her body, that might encourage her to her eating habbits. Just take on step at a time

[HawaiianSiren]

You can't motivate someone else- they have to find the motivation within themselves or it's not gonna happen. Just be supportive and she'll do it when she's ready.

Agree. "How man psychologists does it take to screw in a lightbulb?" The answer is ONE but the lightbulb has to want to be changed. Same theory applies here. We ALL want to transform our bodies it's being honest with ourselves and our goals as to how much effort we are going to put into that transformation. Make sense? Wanting and doing are two different things. Just try a different approach. Tell her "when you're ready, I'm here to help" and drop it. This way, you're not wasting your time and she'll be more focused when she *is* ready.

Good luck

[Marauder63]

LOL.. I guess for me it would be the other way around. What if I cant wrap my legs around him? No honestly, I dont mind lovehandles on a guy, as long as it is within reason.



It seems like you are heading in the right direction. Maybe she just needs a little education on the nutrition. And as you say, you can go for long walks together and go rollerblading, thats a good way of spending time together and have fun at the same time. Ask her to join you at the gym twice a week. She might enjoy it. When she starts to feel different about her self and see the changes in her body, that might encourage her to her eating habbits. Just take on step at a time

well if it meant her coming to the gym with me that wouldnt be till about ..june im just using my school right now and we live across the city from another well about a 25-30 minute drive depending on traffic. etc.

otherwise id be going with her and again she does have a free membership to the gym she works at... imagine that lol.. well she works at the daycare in the ymca but still gets it free.

Well I've been married for 10 years and I have been super fit for 1/2 of that. Now my husband on the other hand has not been. Then one day, he got sick of seeing me compete in Races and going to the gym and having extra energy to play soccer with my boys that he broke down, joined the gym and now he is more fit than me! LOL.

When I was younger (teens and 20's) I let myself just eat junk and never worked out. I don't think the urge for women to get fit really hits hard until after we have kids. Not all women, but most women. Before kids I was 5'2 135 pounds. After kids i"ve maintained between 100 pounds -115.

Invite your girlfriend to workout with you. Buy her clothes 1 size smaller, so she gets the hint! Remind her how important fitness is to you. Maybe she will want to enter your world!

im thinking that if i.. well i wont hint anything to her but say i get in incredibly good shape that she sees that and does it herself like you were saying.

and like i said answering the previous comment inviting her to the gym is not for a while (going to take advantage of a gym deal)

but again anytime i spend a day or 2 or the weekend at her place i can always say lets go to the gym today.

thanks both of you and anyone else for advice

[Marauder63]

im planning on that i see her wednesday and id rather not do it over the phone with her. ive also walked into a gnc store with her once in a while if she wanted to go shopping ill always say well i just want to look for a second.

ill always point out (since she is skeptical about stuff like that)

its not just Protein and Weight Gainers and fat loss pills.

i show her theres lots of generic vitamins and stuff for women and i have a discount card whenever she wants to get anything

Agree. "How man psychologists does it take to screw in a lightbulb?" The answer is ONE but the lightbulb has to want to be changed. Same theory applies here. We ALL want to transform our bodies it's being honest with ourselves and our goals as to how much effort we are going to put into that transformation. Make sense? Wanting and doing are two different things. Just try a different approach. Tell her "when you're ready, I'm here to help" and drop it. This way, you're not wasting your time and she'll be more focused when she *is* ready.

Good luck

[girlygirl]

i haven't read all the answers here, so hopefully i don't repeat anyone else too much.

it's difficult if not impossible to motivate a person you're in a relationship to make healthier choices, especially if that person happens to be female. for about a bazillion reasons.

however, having said that i don't think there's nothing you can do, either. my guess would be she does want to workout/improve/reap all the benefits of being healthier/more fit, but she's afraid of a couple of things that might seem just plain silly to you, since you already live that life style.

1. failure. believe it or not people find it comforting to think, "well, i could lose weight if i did this or that, i just don't have time/it's stupid/it's too much work/etc..." why? because actually working hard at it and then failing means they can NEVER improve. at least by not trying, they haven't "failed."

2. disbelief. you understand that you can have a positive effect on your body by making choices, but she might not entirely believe it's true for her too. the diet industry has done more to convince people they're helpless than it's done at anything else (except make money).

3. not understanding all of the benefits, or what healthy living really means in terms of having a better quality of life all around. she's probably focusing on all the confusion of learning to do it to begin with, and the idea that it's all hard work. when it comes down to making a difficult choice, she's seeing all the negatives and the only positive being "maybe looking better." not even DEFINITELY looking better. so when she goes to eat breakfast she might think, "hm, if i gave up these pop tarts for 6 months, i might look slightly better. or i might not. and i really like these things. and oatmeal is gross. and i don't look that bad, do i?" and it doesn't work out in her head that it's worth it.

the only way to really overcome these things is by trying some things to begin with. your suggestions--working out, cutting out nutrionally questionable foods, etc.--are really practical. but they require a little faith to begin with, which it doesn't sound like she has.

so i'd rack your brain for everything you know about health and fitness and HER, and figure out some enjoyable things she can try, that will make some noticable difference, however small. find that protein bar or two that is just as tasty and satisfying as a poptart--yeah, it's not ideal, she'd be better off with whole foods, but at the very least getting some protein in her vs. just refined flour/sugar won't feel "hard", and she will possibly notice she doesn't get hungry 22 seconds later like she does with a poptart. lol. so, she won't go to the gym--start a habit of taking a long walk with her once or twice a week if the weather's nice. don't say it's 'for exercise', but rather--it's just enjoyable. get her some fish oil supps--they're not going to do anything magical but they'll improve her skin and hair most likely. once she has enough of these tiny changes in her life to feel the difference, and to be able to really believe that she can make healthier choices and see and feel real results, she will hopefully be willing to make those bigger changes that require more discipline.

[swole2008]

i only answer the way i answer, because its the way i know. i know i have to get the grammer going, not that i dont know how, but. In terms of getting your message across vs making sure everything is right. I would choose to get it typed out.

don't worry about your english bro. People can understand you. They just might need to read your post 2 or 3 times =)

[Marauder63]

its not my ability to speak or write it its my laziness to do it properly lol

[Marauder63]

i haven't read all the answers here, so hopefully i don't repeat anyone else too much.

it's difficult if not impossible to motivate a person you're in a relationship to make healthier choices, especially if that person happens to be female. for about a bazillion reasons.

however, having said that i don't think there's nothing you can do, either. my guess would be she does want to workout/improve/reap all the benefits of being healthier/more fit, but she's afraid of a couple of things that might seem just plain silly to you, since you already live that life style.

1. failure. believe it or not people find it comforting to think, "well, i could lose weight if i did this or that, i just don't have time/it's stupid/it's too much work/etc..." why? because actually working hard at it and then failing means they can NEVER improve. at least by not trying, they haven't "failed."

2. disbelief. you understand that you can have a positive effect on your body by making choices, but she might not entirely believe it's true for her too. the diet industry has done more to convince people they're helpless than it's done at anything else (except make money).

3. not understanding all of the benefits, or what healthy living really means in terms of having a better quality of life all around. she's probably focusing on all the confusion of learning to do it to begin with, and the idea that it's all hard work. when it comes down to making a difficult choice, she's seeing all the negatives and the only positive being "maybe looking better." not even DEFINITELY looking better. so when she goes to eat breakfast she might think, "hm, if i gave up these pop tarts for 6 months, i might look slightly better. or i might not. and i really like these things. and oatmeal is gross. and i don't look that bad, do i?" and it doesn't work out in her head that it's worth it.

the only way to really overcome these things is by trying some things to begin with. your suggestions--working out, cutting out nutrionally questionable foods, etc.--are really practical. but they require a little faith to begin with, which it doesn't sound like she has.

so i'd rack your brain for everything you know about health and fitness and HER, and figure out some enjoyable things she can try, that will make some noticable difference, however small. find that protein bar or two that is just as tasty and satisfying as a poptart--yeah, it's not ideal, she'd be better off with whole foods, but at the very least getting some protein in her vs. just refined flour/sugar won't feel "hard", and she will possibly notice she doesn't get hungry 22 seconds later like she does with a poptart. lol. so, she won't go to the gym--start a habit of taking a long walk with her once or twice a week if the weather's nice. don't say it's 'for exercise', but rather--it's just enjoyable. get her some fish oil supps--they're not going to do anything magical but they'll improve her skin and hair most likely. once she has enough of these tiny changes in her life to feel the difference, and to be able to really believe that she can make healthier choices and see and feel real results, she will hopefully be willing to make those bigger changes that require more discipline.

Thanks a lot i just didnt expect everyones answers and your repped btw though it wont make much of a difference.