OT - New Darwin Awards

[justtryn]

Semifinalist #1

A young Canadian man, searching for a way of getting drunk cheaply, because he had no money with which to buy alcohol, mixed gasoline with milk. Not surprisingly, this concoction made him ill, and he vomited into the fireplace in his house. This resulting explosion and fire burned his house down, killing both him and his sister.

Semifinalist #2

Three Brazilian men were flying in a light aircraft at low altitude when another plane approached. It appears that they decided to moon the occupants of the other plane, but lost control of their own aircraft and crashed. They were all found dead in the wreckage with their pants around their ankles.

Semifinalist #3

A 22-year-old Reston,VA, man was found dead after he tried to use octopus straps to bungee jump off a 70-foot rail road trestle. Fairfax County police said Eric Barcia, a fast food worker, taped a bunch of these straps together, wrapped an end around one foot, anchored the other end to the trestle at Lake Accotink Park, jumped and hit the pavement. Warren Carmichael, a police spokesman, said investigators think Barcia was alone because his car was found nearby. "The length of the cord that he had assembled was greater than the distance between the trestle and the ground, "Carmichael said. Police say the apparent cause of death was "Major trauma."


Semifinalist #4

A man in Alabama died from rattlesnake bites. It seems that he and a friend were playing a game of catch, using the rattlesnake as a ball. The friend - no doubt a future Darwin Awards candidate - was hospitalized.



Semifinalist #5

Employees in a medium-sized warehouse in west Texas noticed the smell of a gas leak. Sensibly, management evacuated the building extinguishing all potential sources of ignition; lights, power, etc. After the building had been evacuated, two technicians from the gas company were dispatched. Upon entering the building, they found they had difficulty navigating in the dark. To their frustration, none of the lights worked. Witnesses later described the sight of one of the technicians reaching into his pocket and retrieving an object that resembled a cigarette lighter. Upon operation of the lighter-like object, the gas in the warehouse exploded, sending pieces of it up to three miles away. Nothing was found of the technicians, but the lighter was virtually untouched by the explosion. The technician suspected of causing the blast had never been thought of as ''bright'' by his peers.

The Winner

Now ladies and gentleman, the winner of this year's Darwin Award (awarded, as always, posthumously): The Arizona Highway Patrol came upon a pile of smoldering metal embedded in the side of a cliff rising above the road at the apex of a curve. The wreckage resembled the site of an airplane crash, but it was a car. The type of car was unidentifiable at the scene.

Police investigators finally pieced together the mystery. An amateur rocket scientist... had somehow gotten hold of a JATO unit (Jet Assisted Take Off, actually a solid fuel rocket) that is used to give heavy military transport planes an extra "push" for taking off from short airfields. He had driven his Chevy Impala out into the desert and found a long, straight stretch of road. He attached the JATO unit to the car, jumped in, got up some speed and fired off the JATO!

The facts as best as could be determined are that the operator of the 1967 Impala hit the JATO ignition at a distance of approximately 3.0 miles from the crash site. This was established by the scorched and melted asphalt at that location.

The JATO, if operating properly, would have reached maximum thrust within 5 seconds, causing the Chevy to reach speeds well in excess of 350 mph and continuing at full power for an additional 20-25 seconds. The driver, and soon to be pilot, would have experienced G-forces usually reserved for dog fighting F-14 jocks under full afterburners, causing him to become irrelevant for the remainder of the event. However, the automobile remained on the straight highway for about 2.5 miles (15-20 seconds) before the driver applied and completely melted the brakes, blowing the tires and leaving thick rubber marks on the road surface, then becoming airborne for an additional 1.4 miles and impacting the cliff face at a height of 125 feet leaving a blackened crater 3 feet deep in the rock.

Most of the driver's remains were not recoverable. However, small fragments of bone, teeth and hair were extracted from the crater, and fingernail and bone shards were removed from a piece of debris believed to be a portion of the steering wheel.

Epilogue: It has been calculated that this moron attained a ground speed of approximately 420-mph, though much of his voyage was not actually on the ground.

[Bob 1]

Ouch!

[Odin1970]

Originally Posted by justtryn

Semifinalist #1



Semifinalist #5

Employees in a medium-sized warehouse in west Texas noticed the smell of a gas leak. Sensibly, management evacuated the building extinguishing all potential sources of ignition; lights, power, etc. After the building had been evacuated, two technicians from the gas company were dispatched. Upon entering the building, they found they had difficulty navigating in the dark. To their frustration, none of the lights worked. Witnesses later described the sight of one of the technicians reaching into his pocket and retrieving an object that resembled a cigarette lighter. Upon operation of the lighter-like object, the gas in the warehouse exploded, sending pieces of it up to three miles away. Nothing was found of the technicians, but the lighter was virtually untouched by the explosion. The technician suspected of causing the blast had never been thought of as ''bright'' by his peers.

Boy this one must have been a close second....

[Mr. Someday]

Great stuff!!!

[IdahoViking]

Originally Posted by Mr. Someday

Great stuff!!!

A lighter for illumination around a gas leak? What a moron!








Personally, I would've used my Coleman lantern.

[exhibita]

I -hate- to be a bubble burster, but most of these are old -and- false. The JATO story has been around for longer then I've been standing up to pee


http://www.snopes.com/autos/dream/jato.asp

[IdahoViking]

Originally Posted by exhibita

I -hate- to be a bubble burster, but most of these are old -and- false. The JATO story has been around for longer then I've been standing up to pee


http://www.snopes.com/autos/dream/jato.asp

First time I heard that story, the JATO was strapped to some dude's triceratops.

[justtryn]

I'm sure it has been around... still, funny stories that I thought I'd share, exhibita.

Peace.

[WrongSideof40]

Originally Posted by Odin1970

Boy this one must have been a close second....

And having lived in Texas for the past 5 years ..... I'd say this was likely true!

[Aquilius]

A lighter for illumination around a gas leak? What a moron!

I actualy witnessed something like this in high school, when we had a gas leak in chemistry (you could smell it), and the teacher searched for it with the lighter. Everyone in class was to flabberghasted to say anything before the **** hit the fan.

Was a nice explosion, and his hairs, beard and eyebrows were quite burned. Could have ended much worse, though...

Regards,
Aquilius

[slackdaddy]

The T.V. show Mythbusters did the JATO rocket thing. They steered the car by remote. I don't remember the speed that It reached but it stayed on the ground the whole time.

[Right U R Ken]

Originally Posted by slackdaddy

The T.V. show Mythbusters did the JATO rocket thing. They steered the car by remote. I don't remember the speed that It reached but it stayed on the ground the whole time.

They also did the research and the jato rocket thing has never happened. Interesting story but complete myth. Funny that it was this year's winner. The story has been around for many years.

I believe the speed reached on mythbusters was around 180 mph.

[SV1000]

Snopes on 2005 Darwin Awards

http://www.snopes.com/horrors/freakish/darwin05.asp


Snopes on the Impala

http://www.snopes.com/autos/dream/jato.asp

[widebody195]

Originally Posted by Right U R Ken

They also did the research and the jato rocket thing has never happened. Interesting story but complete myth.

Oh yeah, well check this out:

http://www.ronpatrickstuff.com/

[sytennison]

Originally Posted by WrongSideof40

And having lived in Texas for the past 5 years ..... I'd say this was likely true!

And having lived in Texas for the past 41 years ..... I'd say I could have done without this remark.

[Baldsnake]

Darwin Awards has had that rocket story posted for years....saw it 10 years ago. An old yarn. Funny if it were true.

My favorite was the elephant keeper with the constapated elephant.

[Athena]

Thanks, justtryin!

Yes, they're old and probably not very fact-based, but who the hell cares? THEY'RE FUNNY -- SO LAUGH, PEOPLE!! Good, God. Why are we so quick to cut people down around here these days? Looks like I haven't missed much these past few weeks...


Thanks again, justtryin!

[StartinOver-68]

Originally Posted by Athena

Thanks, justtryin!

Yes, they're old and probably not very fact-based, but who the hell cares? THEY'RE FUNNY -- SO LAUGH, PEOPLE!! Good, God. Why are we so quick to cut people down around here these days? Looks like I haven't missed much these past few weeks...


Thanks again, justtryin!

Actually I kinda thought they were true since I never heard them before. I was about to say that jeto rocket thingy would leave a mark........Well maybe not.

[IdahoViking]

Originally Posted by StartinOver-68

Actually I kinda thought they were true since I never heard them before. I was about to say that jeto rocket thingy would leave a mark........Well maybe not.

I want to strap one on my elliptical, bet it would be less boring!

[Right U R Ken]

Originally Posted by widebody195

Oh yeah, well check this out:

http://www.ronpatrickstuff.com/

The one that supposely crashed in Arizona is complete myth.

[WrongSideof40]

Originally Posted by sytennison

And having lived in Texas for the past 41 years ..... I'd say I could have done without this remark.

Well .... I grew up in Gary, Indiana .... so, moving to Texas was a HUGE step up.

[dmr11]

I like the one where the criminal went to rob an ATM machine. His actions were recorded by the ATM camera. First he tried a prybar, next a sledge hammer. When both failed, he came back with a double barrel shot gun. The ATM, being made of steel, is of course harder than the lead shot, which rebounded right into his face. Of course, the story never said what his total wounds were.