How important is physical attraction?

[latebloomingmom]

sooo I was having a conversation today with a friend of mine on this topic.
How important is this in a relationship?
Only important for the initial meeting and dating part?
What about for the life of the marriage/relationship?
I said yes, it is possible to maintain a relationship even if that part may not be as strong as it was
in the beginning..he disagreed and said that if that element is missing then the relationship is
ultimately doomed...
thoughts on this?

[-=FLEX=-]

To me it's very important, but I also think the more feelings and respect you have for someone, the more attractive they become.

So yes it 'opens the door' as you said, but there must be more to it than that to keep things going.

[ArchAngel'73]

Imo, it is part of the prerequisit overall package.
All parts of the package must be maintained for me to consider entering a relationship.
If 1 is neglected for a considerable amount of time after the relationship has been established then that is grounds for deal breaking.

[theKurp]

Without it there is no relationship - end of story.

[Keltron]

To me it's very important, but I also think the more feelings and respect you have for someone, the more attractive they become.

So yes it 'opens the door' as you said, but there must be more to it than that to keep things going.

this

Imo, it is part of the prerequisit overall package.
All parts of the package must be maintained for me to consider entering a relationship.
If 1 is neglected for a considerable amount of time after the relationship has been established then that is grounds for deal breaking.

and this..

Well put my Canuck friends.

[DubfromGA]

Imo, it is part of the prerequisit overall package.
All parts of the package must be maintained for me to consider entering a relationship.
If 1 is neglected for a considerable amount of time after the relationship has been established then that is grounds for deal breaking.

Profound words.

I agree.

That attraction is huge at first....usually the fuel for the beginning. Very important for lasting success, too.

[IronCharles]

Depends on what's important to you. Stephen Hawking's been married, more than once.

[latebloomingmom]

do you feel that in a relationship..each party has a responsibility to themselves and
their partner to maintain their own health and physical fitness?




is this an unfair expectation to have for your partner?
does this make you superficial/shallow?

[Keltron]

do you feel that in a relationship..each party has a responsibility to themselves and
their partner to maintain their own health and physical fitness?

Yes.. but i do realize that as time goes by, neither of us are going to be able to look exactly the same.

[Bigtimemuscles]

This is just another sneakily worded thread on how great we are because we lift weights and obsess about food.

[LisaSkinnoble]

This is just another sneakily worded thread on how great we are because we lift weights and obsess about food.

I don't think so, Mr Muscles. I am no bodybuilder, but look at Mr Flexy's post.

He tells me all the time he thinks I'm pretty. I tell him he just likes my prime rib. lol!

[paolo59]

It's pretty important. Sometimes I just can't drag myself away from in front of the mirror!?

[Rowyn]

Depends on what's important to you. Stephen Hawking's been married, more than once.

But that doesn't mean the people he married were not attracted to him, does it? Perhaps being attracted to someone has less to do with their physicality than one would think. Funny intelligent men trump pretty boys any day in my book.


I agree that initial attractedness to your partner is important. But I don't see how its possible to expect a person to always meet your particular fitness/attractiveness expectations as life evolves. I mean, we all age, we all sag, we all get wrinkled...at some point you are in love with that person in a way that much of that no longer matters. And then there are pregnancies, accidents, mental issues, stress, money issues, life.... All contribute to the downfall of conventional attractiveness.

If physicality was THAT important, no "ugly", saggy, fat, maimed, disabled person would ever have a partner. Somebody, somewhere, finds that person attractive on a level many may not.

[LisaSkinnoble]

But that doesn't mean the people he married were not attracted to him, does it? Perhaps being attracted to someone has less to do with their physicality than one would think. Funny intelligent men trump pretty boys any day in my book.


I agree that initial attractedness to your partner is important. But I don't see how its possible to expect a person to always meet your particular fitness/attractiveness expectations as life evolves. I mean, we all age, we all sag, we all get wrinkled...at some point you are in love with that person in a way that much of that no longer matters. And then there are pregnancies, accidents, mental issues, stress, money issues, life.... All contribute to the downfall of conventional attractiveness.

If physicality was THAT important, no "ugly", saggy, fat, maimed, disabled person would ever have a partner. Somebody, somewhere, finds that person attractive on a level many may not.

This is true. And I think attraction is cyclical. Perhaps you meet someone you think is pretty, you date, you have heaps in common, and then you're in a long term relationship. As the relationship grows stronger, you see that person as more and more beautiful. The more you love someone, the more you're attracted to them.

Ah, lovely thread. Has me thinking about true everlasting love.

[DubfromGA]

do you feel that in a relationship..each party has a responsibility to themselves and
their partner to maintain their own health and physical fitness?

is this an unfair expectation to have for your partner?
does this make you superficial/shallow?

I feel that we simply have the responsibility to maintain our health and physical fitness...relationship or not.

It's more a personal responsibility than anything else. A contract with yourself, if you will.

In a relationship, I can see where one parties failure to do so could create an obstacle for the other's commitment. It is not unlike differing opinions on finances, long term goals, and etc.

I see now where it is a much bigger piece of the relationship puzzle.

It's also a dynamic issue, subject to change be it improvement or decline. Because of this I think it's one obstacle where there is hope. A change in philosophy can lead to huge fitness gains.

[dungeonmistress]

When I was younger I put a lot of stock in it, but I learned that superficial looks fade and then you are stuck with what's underneath. If you don't like that person, then what are you stuck with? As I got older I figured out that personality, quit wit, good sense of humor, kind heart and commonalities mean far more.

You are not your partner's keeper. Be responsible for your own health and fitness. Sometimes it's better to lead by example than bitching and moaning. Help if they ask, but also remember why you married that person, what it was that you loved about them that made you want to marry them in the first place. If it was looks based, boy are you in trouble if they gain weight, lose hair, etc.

[Thebigzub]

I don't judge a book by it's cover....just sayin

[GirLInterrupted]

do you feel that in a relationship..each party has a responsibility to themselves and
their partner to maintain their own health and physical fitness?




is this an unfair expectation to have for your partner?
does this make you superficial/shallow?

I don't think that is it... You can be very physically attracted to someone who isn't fit, or even ugly to someone else. I think physical attraction has to be present in a relationship. However, someone who you might never feel you would be physically attracted to might really float your boat once you get to know them. I'm lucky, my hubs is a total stud , but I think of my celebrity crush.... Kevin James! Absolutely drives me nuts. Most women would probably not be physically attracted to him, so I guess it just comes from within.

[Corbi]

When I was younger I put a lot of stock in it, but I learned that superficial looks fade and then you are stuck with what's underneath.

Beauties only skin deep, but ugly goes clear to the fukin bone.

[dungeonmistress]

Beauties only skin deep, but ugly goes clear to the fukin bone.

fckin' a-right it does!

[SP1966]

I don't judge a book by it's cover....just sayin

Of course not, got to get the covers off before you can make an informed judgement!

[Thebigzub]

Of course not, got to get the covers of before you can make an informed judgement!

not only that.....who reads......

[themyth2009]

I didnt get divorced over looks but I would probably leave someone that balloned out on me for sure. I care most how I am treated.

[LisaSkinnoble]

I like your avi, Mr Myth! That's nice.

[djflex]

This thread makes me wonder what my wife sees in me......


Yes, short fat bald guy with hot wife. No, not rich...

[x-trainer ben]

sooo I was having a conversation today with a friend of mine on this topic.
How important is this in a relationship?
Only important for the initial meeting and dating part?
What about for the life of the marriage/relationship?
I said yes, it is possible to maintain a relationship even if that part may not be as strong as it was
in the beginning..he disagreed and said that if that element is missing then the relationship is
ultimately doomed...
thoughts on this?

Depending on what you want in a mate it may be a 9/10 in the beginning or a 5/10. In my case it started out as a motivating factor to make me approach and if I didn't find her interesting/ cute I would have hung with my buddies that night.
As for the life of the marriage it is important to keep up your appearance for work, health, and spouse/ mate. It is good for self esteem also. If appearance worsens then it isn't doomed but the spark dims a bit. It isn't a deal breaker but the eye may wander.

[chodan9]

physical attraction is more important early on in a relationship, but its not the only thing.
There are so many facets to a (real and meaningful) relationship that losing a single facet of it should not be a deal breaker.
How many of us agreed to love honor and cherish for richer or poorer, in sickness and health etc?
Have you ever seen an old married couple of 50 years walking and holding hands like a couple teenagers, they no longer have the same fire physically, but IMO their love burns brighter than any newlyweds.

If your focus is so narrow as to draw the line at physical attractiveness, then you may be cheating yourself of the ability to grow old with that one person who you can truly love.

[themyth2009]

I like your avi, Mr Myth! That's nice.

It is me last night in Sao Paulo...just hanging out having fun.

[x-trainer ben]

do you feel that in a relationship..each party has a responsibility to themselves and
their partner to maintain their own health and physical fitness?




is this an unfair expectation to have for your partner?
does this make you superficial/shallow?

Yea to the expectation of health and sOme definition. No it isn't unfair or superficial because some fitness helps with longevity. That and a good healthy diet.

[SP1966]

It is me last night in Sao Paulo...just hanging out having fun.

Cool, you daughters cute!