What does it mean when a guy says he's scared of commitment?

[Thy_Kingdom]

I did rebel against my strict traditional parents, but that's about it.

Did you have sex outside of steady relationships?

[mashhead]

It has to do with the fact that he is muslim! He will never take you seriously relationship wise. God OP im suprised you left that out to begin with. Most muslims i know (the ones who are serious about their religion) will only **** non-muslim girls but never date/marry.

This.

[999ALLisMINE]

Did you have sex outside of steady relationships?

No. I had 2 past relationships, both long term. I only enjoy intimacy with partners I trust.

[999ALLisMINE]

Okay thanks to everyone for their replies.

From what I can gather, it's because he's Muslim, hence he can't officially be with me, and/or he's wants a fwb type thing.

fml. Time for confrontation...

[Thy_Kingdom]

No. I had 2 past relationships, both long term. I only enjoy intimacy with partners I trust.

So you've only been with 2 guys?

[999ALLisMINE]

So you've only been with 2 guys?

Yes. You're from Canada, do I know you irl?

[Thy_Kingdom]

Yes. You're from Canada, do I know you irl?

Nah, just asking some creepy intimate questions.

[Train_Harder]

I haven't been in a steady relationship for 3 years and I'm finally seeing a guy I like right now, but I don't know if we're an official couple or not. So I asked him if we're in a relationship and he said he doesn't know either. Then he tells me he's scared of commitment and I ask him to explain but he tells me he doesn't know how to. He said his last relationship ended horribly so maybe that has something to do with it? He also said he doesn't want to disappoint me or be a dick... I have to study for exams but this is bothering me and I can't stop thinking about it! I even asked him if he wanted an open relationship and he didn't technically say no, but instead said, "but that's friends with benefits". Then he tells me he really likes me and if we could just go with the flow for now. I'm thinking if he doesn't want a relationship, I'm wasting my time while I could be seeing others.

Men, can you all please tell me what this means?!

[golfpunk1985]

It means he is well aware that in your entire biological construction you do not possess any traits that include loyalty, accountability, logic, or abiding by principles.

It means he is well aware that when you are confronted with a situation where feelings are involved, you will choose feelings over what's right.

It means he is well aware that he is highly likely to get screwed over by you.

It means he does not know how to thwart the disaster that your relationship will turn into.

It means he is enlightened, but not enlightened enough.

That was pretty epic. You have just exposed the female pysche in a very profound way. But... it's stuff like this that can really make you jaded and ruin your perception of women forever.

[Viper Six]

He's just not that in to you

[DocHol1day]

-About a month.
-Girlfriends to guy friends ratio is 50/50
-I never talk about exs and none were psycho. (but he talks about his "first times" which is kinda annoying)
-I'm not the materialistic type
-I don't sound like a mouse
-I have nothing hideous on my face
-Shower all day er day



I think I have to throw in a curve ball which might change things... He's 3 years younger than me and he's Muslim, where as I'm Agnostic. I don't know much about religion, but maybe he's not allowed to date non-Muslims and doesn't want to tell me that? And maybe the fact that I'm a "cougar"(I did not see this coming) is gross?

-1 month is too soon for the exclusivity talk
-50/50 guy friends is too many guy friends unless by "friend" you mean people that your friendly with and associate with in your expanded social circle. i could never seriously date a girl that had a lot of guy "friends" (read: wanna be boy friends in waiting) texting her all the time. major red flag.
-the rest is fine


he's probably turned on by the age difference, dating older is cool at 18. the religious thing is only an issue if he is devout. more info is needed.

[momwithmuscle]

I don't think people who are depressed or have anxiety are psycho.

My buddies have had problems with every girl who was though.

Clinical anxiety and depression are very common, especially in college. I wouldn't classify that as "psycho" (I'm sure that term would upset most women who have these illnesses).

Yet a relationship with someone who suffers from one of these illnesses is going to be challenge on either side, man or woman. The other party usually suffers from one or multiple MIs himself, or he has to be very understanding and supportive.

[golfpunk1985]

Clinical anxiety and depression are very common, especially in college. I wouldn't classify that as "psycho" (I'm sure that term would upset most women who have these illnesses).

Well anyway, what we generally mean when we refer to women being "psycho" is the fact that they are emotionally unstable... I think.

[simion3]

it means he doesnt want some chick holdin him down.

[devil_s haircut]

It means he is well aware that in your entire biological construction you do not possess any traits that include loyalty, accountability, logic, or abiding by principles.

It means he is well aware that when you are confronted with a situation where feelings are involved, you will choose feelings over what's right.

It means he is well aware that he is highly likely to get screwed over by you.

It means he does not know how to thwart the disaster that your relationship will turn into.

It means he is enlightened, but not enlightened enough.

All of this. If a guy is cautious, he's "afraid of commitment". If he dives into a relationship headfirst, he's guaranteed to get burned.

Once you've been around the block once or twice, you learn to stop listening to what women SAY and pay more attention to what they DO. The guy's probably trying to protect himself, Muslim or not.

[sixfootsix]

if its not bc of the muslim thing, I would say he just wants to be fwb.

[azn3r1c]

It means he just wants to sleep around or he's not into you. Get with the program.

[999ALLisMINE]

He's just not that in to you

I guess . I should also re-watch that movie. Maybe I'll learn something, haha.

-1 month is too soon for the exclusivity talk
-50/50 guy friends is too many guy friends unless by "friend" you mean people that your friendly with and associate with in your expanded social circle. i could never seriously date a girl that had a lot of guy "friends" (read: wanna be boy friends in waiting) texting her all the time. major red flag.
-the rest is fine


he's probably turned on by the age difference, dating older is cool at 18. the religious thing is only an issue if he is devout. more info is needed.

I'm not very socially outgoing (probably due to my anxiety) so I don't have that many friends, just acquaintances. Close friends are girls. I'm more of a private person and get along in small groups of people. I get anxious in big crowds.
I do think he's devout. He doesn't drink alcohol at all. Even when his friend tried to offer he turned it down. He doesn't really talk about his religion with me. I had to ask about it once, but he didn't give much info and changed the subject.

Clinical anxiety and depression are very common, especially in college. I wouldn't classify that as "psycho" (I'm sure that term would upset most women who have these illnesses).

Yet a relationship with someone who suffers from one of these illnesses is going to be challenge on either side, man or woman. The other party usually suffers from one or multiple MIs himself, or he has to be very understanding and supportive.

I just jokingly say that I'm "psycho" when I'm about to tell someone I'm on medication. Maybe that's not such a good idea anymore...
Do men want to know about a girl's emotional state before diving into a relationship? I'm not sure if I should tell guys right away about my anxiety/depression if there's something between us or save it for later.

All of this. If a guy is cautious, he's "afraid of commitment". If he dives into a relationship headfirst, he's guaranteed to get burned.

Once you've been around the block once or twice, you learn to stop listening to what women SAY and pay more attention to what they DO. The guy's probably trying to protect himself, Muslim or not.

I think he's cautious because of his last relationship. He never told me why or how it ended horribly.

[Viper Six]

I guess . I should also re-watch that movie. Maybe I'll learn something, haha.



I'm not very socially outgoing (probably due to my anxiety) so I don't have that many friends, just acquaintances. Close friends are girls. I'm more of a private person and get along in small groups of people. I get anxious in big crowds.
I do think he's devout. He doesn't drink alcohol at all. Even when his friend tried to offer he turned it down. He doesn't really talk about his religion with me. I had to ask about it once, but he didn't give much info and changed the subject.




I just jokingly say that I'm "psycho" when I'm about to tell someone I'm on medication. Maybe that's not such a good idea anymore...
Do men want to know about a girl's emotional state before diving into a relationship? I'm not sure if I should tell guys right away about my anxiety/depression if there's something between us or save it for later.



I think he's cautious because of his last relationship. He never told me why or how it ended horribly.

Give him room, don't be pressing.

[Candees]

Okay thanks to everyone for their replies.

From what I can gather, it's because he's Muslim, hence he can't officially be with me, and/or he's wants a fwb type thing.

fml. Time for confrontation...

Thata girl, send Habib to the curb.

Don't fall for his excuses either.

[KeepQuiet]

if you like him, tell him you like him and want a more serious relationship with him, if he views you in that way you will find out very soon.
dont play games like other posters recommended trying to make him jealous or something, if he does not want a relationship then move on.

21 is not old, but most of the 21-24 year old girls i know in relationships are with guys 3-5 years older than them.

[Fairplay]

I haven't been in a steady relationship for 3 years and I'm finally seeing a guy I like right now, but I don't know if we're an official couple or not. So I asked him if we're in a relationship and he said he doesn't know either. Then he tells me he's scared of commitment and I ask him to explain but he tells me he doesn't know how to. He said his last relationship ended horribly so maybe that has something to do with it? He also said he doesn't want to disappoint me or be a dick... I have to study for exams but this is bothering me and I can't stop thinking about it! I even asked him if he wanted an open relationship and he didn't technically say no, but instead said, "but that's friends with benefits". Then he tells me he really likes me and if we could just go with the flow for now. I'm thinking if he doesn't want a relationship, I'm wasting my time while I could be seeing others.

Men, can you all please tell me what this means?!

Denial is a fun place isn't it. You can refuse to read between the lines and keep on believing that you're a unique snowflake. Fact is there is a big difference between finding someone sexy and wanting to have a relationship with someone and you know this already, you just want us to tell you that eventually he'll come around and you'll live happily ever after.

[Candees]

Also him saying he doesnt want to be committed means nothing more or less than he doesnt want to be committed. Men dont talk in code.

Sure they do, it's called: lying (oh snap!).

[beaucephus]

Sure they do, it's called: lying (oh snap!).

its 3am, go to sleep.

Another earthquake just hit Japan. 7.1

[Candees]

its 3am, go to sleep.

Another earthquake just hit Japan. 7.1

I got a good 2.5 hours and for some reason I couldn't quite sleep right. The sheets were making me itchy so I'm doing laundry. I wash my sheets with soap shavings because detergent makes me itch.

[porcupinetree]

I dated a girl for a long time. She was always on my case about me not being committed enough. It eventually destroyed us because she was always trying to force me to commit, and accusing me of not committing. And after a while, it didn't matter what I did, how much commitment I gave. It was never enough for her.

If she would have just relaxed and let me be, we probably would have made it just fine. I really liked her, but dammed if I was going to give in to ultimatums and pressure.

Pressuring me to commit DID NOT WORK. Do you get that? You cannot force a guy to feel a certain way. You must let him come to you.

Hey, it's only been a month. Calm DOWN! Don't act like the guy owes you something. Getting on his case will not help your cause.

If he says he is afraid of commitment, THEN DON'T SCARE HIM!

I am still angry at my ex for blowing it with me. I really came to like her a lot, but she never got over the commitment issue and tried all sorts of crap to force me to commit. Love tests all the time. She eventually pushed me away. STUPID.

[Candees]

I dated a girl for a long time. She was always on my case about me not being committed enough. It eventually destroyed us because she was always trying to force me to commit, and accusing me of not committing. And after a while, it didn't matter what I did, how much commitment I gave. It was never enough for her.

If she would have just relaxed and let me be, we probably would have made it just fine. I really liked her, but dammed if I was going to give in to ultimatums and pressure.

Pressuring me to commit DID NOT WORK. Do you get that? You cannot force a guy to feel a certain way. You must let him come to you.

Hey, it's only been a month. Calm DOWN! Don't act like the guy owes you something. Getting on his case will not help your cause.

If he says he is afraid of commitment, THEN DON'T SCARE HIM!

I am still angry at my ex for blowing it with me. I really came to like her a lot, but she never got over the commitment issue and tried all sorts of crap to force me to commit. Love tests all the time. She eventually pushed me away. STUPID.

If you like then you beta put a ring on it...

[Candees]

I got a good 2.5 hours and for some reason I couldn't quite sleep right. The sheets were making me itchy so I'm doing laundry. I wash my sheets with soap shavings because detergent makes me itch.

Freshly laundered sheets + hot bubble bath = perfection.

[Tiffany Wantsmore]

It means he wants to fukk other women. I'm surprised so few of the guys have admitted this.

[SwayWay]

Means he thinks YOU ARE NOT GIRLFRIEND MATERIAL, you're either too slutty, not hot enough or don't meet his criteria of a quality girl. Sorry real talk here.