What does it mean when a guy says he's scared of commitment?

[999ALLisMINE]

I haven't been in a steady relationship for 3 years and I'm finally seeing a guy I like right now, but I don't know if we're an official couple or not. So I asked him if we're in a relationship and he said he doesn't know either. Then he tells me he's scared of commitment and I ask him to explain but he tells me he doesn't know how to. He said his last relationship ended horribly so maybe that has something to do with it? He also said he doesn't want to disappoint me or be a dick... I have to study for exams but this is bothering me and I can't stop thinking about it! I even asked him if he wanted an open relationship and he didn't technically say no, but instead said, "but that's friends with benefits". Then he tells me he really likes me and if we could just go with the flow for now. I'm thinking if he doesn't want a relationship, I'm wasting my time while I could be seeing others.

Men, can you all please tell me what this means?!

[DocHol1day]

I haven't been in a steady relationship for 3 years and I'm finally seeing a guy I like right now, but I don't know if we're an official couple or not. So I asked him if we're in a relationship and he said he doesn't know either. Then he tells me he's scared of commitment and I ask him to explain but he tells me he doesn't know how to. He said his last relationship ended horribly so maybe that has something to do with it? He also said he doesn't want to disappoint me or be a dick... I have to study for exams but this is bothering me and I can't stop thinking about it! I even asked him if he wanted an open relationship and he didn't technically say no, but instead said, "but that's friends with benefits". Then he tells me he really likes me and if we could just go with the flow for now. I'm thinking if he doesn't want a relationship, I'm wasting my time while I could be seeing others.

Men, can you all please tell me what this means?!

thats what i say when i like a girl enough to have sex with her but not enough to buy her dinner.

[Thy_Kingdom]

You don't know if you guys are a couple?

mind=blown.

He's been ****ing other girls while you're wondering, hahaha. He's giving you the old run-around.

[ll ReNeGaDe ll]

It means he is well aware that in your entire biological construction you do not possess any traits that include loyalty, accountability, logic, or abiding by principles.

It means he is well aware that when you are confronted with a situation where feelings are involved, you will choose feelings over what's right.

It means he is well aware that he is highly likely to get screwed over by you.

It means he does not know how to thwart the disaster that your relationship will turn into.

It means he is enlightened, but not enlightened enough.

[999ALLisMINE]

thats what i say when i like a girl enough to have sex with her but not enough to buy her dinner.

I don't expect men to pay for everything. We always go dutch.

He's been ****ing other girls while you're wondering, hahaha. He's giving you the old run-around.

If that's the case, fml.

It means he is well aware that in your entire biological construction you do not possess any traits that include loyalty, accountability, logic, or abiding by principles.

It means he is well aware that when you are confronted with a situation where feelings are involved, you will choose feelings over what's right.

It means he is well aware that he is highly likely to get screwed over by you.

It means he does not know how to thwart the disaster that your relationship will turn into.

It means he is enlightened, but not enlightened enough.

But I feel like I'm the one wanting a committed relationship..

[Sublime82]

All he wants is a fwb relationship, but he doesn't feel like telling you this because he'd rather keep the upper hand.

[DocHol1day]

I don't expect men to pay for everything. We always go dutch.



If that's the case, fml.



But I feel like I'm the one wanting a committed relationship..

oh, i see the intended humor was lost on you. allow me to explain better. you are attractive enough to sleep with, but you dont posses the qualities of a woman he sees as GF material. it might be physical, it might be non physical, but for some reason he doesnt think you'd be a good GF.

[Thy_Kingdom]

If that's the case, fml.

Did you let him know what you wanted from the relationship early on? Or did you have sex first then hope to discuss the boundaries of the relationship after he was more interested in you? Why haven't you been in a steady relationship for 3 years?

When I find out a girl hasn't been in a steady relationship for a few years, I think of her as a sexual object. A sportphuck. What docHoliday said, girls to practice on til I decide to get married. (srs)

[igotacookie]

if he mentioned FWB then yes thats what he wants...

all that other **** he said was just to appease you so you don't cut him off from sex.

Your choices:
1) Explain to him that your not interested in being **** buddies - then cut contact (thereby maintaining your dignity and self-respect)
2) If you really want the dude then... start meeting/dating other men. Don't prioritize him at all, he might get jealous and change his game up and try to date you. (not likely, but possible) I wouldn't recommend you do this.

[999ALLisMINE]

All he wants is a fwb relationship, but he doesn't feel like telling you this because he'd rather keep the upper hand.

Ugh, why do I have a feeling this is true.

oh, i see the intended humor was lost on you. allow me to explain better. you are attractive enough to sleep with, but you dont posses the qualities of a woman he sees as GF material. it might be physical, it might be non physical, but for some reason he doesnt think you'd be a good GF.

WHY ME!?

Did you let him know what you wanted from the relationship early on? Or did you have sex first then hope to discuss the boundaries of the relationship after he was more interested in you? Why haven't you been in a steady relationship for 3 years?


When I find out a girl hasn't been in a steady relationship for a few years, I think of her as a sexual object. A sportphuck. What docHoliday said, girls to practice on til I decide to get married. (srs)

We didn't have sex, but went around it. tbh, I wasn't even thinking about getting into a relationship at first, but he started making moves on me and I realize I really like him... Haven't been in a relationship for so long 'cause I was trying to "find myself" (if anyone understands) after 2 consecutive bad relationships. And I never met anyone I really liked until now. I did go on a few dates the past few months, but never clicked with any of those guys.

if he mentioned FWB then yes thats what he wants...

all that other **** he said was just to appease you so you don't cut him off from sex.

Your choices:
1) Explain to him that your not interested in being **** buddies - then cut contact (thereby maintaining your dignity and self-respect)
2) If you really want the dude then... start meeting/dating other men. Don't prioritize him at all, he might get jealous and change his game up and try to date you. (not likely, but possible) I wouldn't recommend you do this.

If that's true, I guess I'll go with choice numero uno.... *sigh*

[DocHol1day]

WHY ME!?

*

i dont know anything about you.

-how long have you been dating?
-do you have a lot of guy friends?
-do you have a lot of "psycho ex's" that you talk about?
-does a typical conversation with you involve talking about coach bags and tanning?
-is your voice annoying?
-is your face fuked up looking?
-do you shower on a regular basis?

[999ALLisMINE]

i dont know anything about you.

-how long have you been dating?
-do you have a lot of guy friends?
-do you have a lot of "psycho ex's" that you talk about?
-does a typical conversation with you involve talking about coach bags and tanning?
-is your voice annoying?
-is your face fuked up looking?
-do you shower on a regular basis?

-About a month.
-Girlfriends to guy friends ratio is 50/50
-I never talk about exs and none were psycho. (but he talks about his "first times" which is kinda annoying)
-I'm not the materialistic type
-I don't sound like a mouse
-I have nothing hideous on my face
-Shower all day er day



I think I have to throw in a curve ball which might change things... He's 3 years younger than me and he's Muslim, where as I'm Agnostic. I don't know much about religion, but maybe he's not allowed to date non-Muslims and doesn't want to tell me that? And maybe the fact that I'm a "cougar"(I did not see this coming) is gross?

[ll ReNeGaDe ll]

OP you're not bad looking.

Wanna fuk? Not interested in a relationship though. Just sayin.

[momwithmuscle]

thats what i say when i like a girl enough to have sex with her but not enough to buy her dinner.

Words of wisdom, unfortunately for women.

[momwithmuscle]

-About a month.
-Girlfriends to guy friends ratio is 50/50
-I never talk about exs and none were psycho. (but he talks about his "first times" which is kinda annoying)
-I'm not the materialistic type
-I don't sound like a mouse
-I have nothing hideous on my face
-Shower all day er day



I think I have to throw in a curve ball which might change things... He's 3 years younger than me and he's Muslim, where as I'm Agnostic. I don't know much about religion, but maybe he's not allowed to date non-Muslims and doesn't want to tell me that? And maybe the fact that I'm a "cougar"(I did not see this coming) is gross?

The Muslim part has affected some friends I know. They would only consider Muslim women as marriage material, so the guy would just date my friends.

Yet it sounds like he doesn't want you to date other guys, but he doesn't want a serious relationship.

[crunchymilk]

It means he is a normal dude.

[jamestown0101]

thats what i say when i like a girl enough to have sex with her but not enough to buy her dinner.

this +1

[Thy_Kingdom]

We didn't have sex, but went around it. tbh, I wasn't even thinking about getting into a relationship at first, but he started making moves on me and I realize I really like him... Haven't been in a relationship for so long 'cause I was trying to "find myself" (if anyone understands) after 2 consecutive bad relationships. And I never met anyone I really liked until now. I did go on a few dates the past few months, but never clicked with any of those guys.

Can you please explain what you meant by 'find myself'? Is it what I'm thinking it is?

[Mr Beer]

What does it mean when a guy says he's scared of commitment?

Didn't read but this basically means 'I want your pussy but I don't want to marry you' or 'I want your pussy but I don't want to date you'.

[Mr Beer]

He's 3 years younger than me and he's Muslim, where as I'm Agnostic.

OK, definitely wants sex but no sort of commitment as his folks would be pissed.

[beaucephus]

muslim shud be a deal breaker to non muslims. Chill out op girlie ur twnty one years old. Stop chasing the fairy tale and find a guy u actually can relate to on important life topics such as a persons belief structure. Also him saying he doesnt want to be committed means nothing more or less than he doesnt want to be committed. Men dont talk in code. This guy may very well see u as marriage material. However hes eighteen. Stop thinking theres any hope for a lifelong relationship here. There isnt

[999ALLisMINE]

The Muslim part has affected some friends I know. They would only consider Muslim women as marriage material, so the guy would just date my friends.

Yet it sounds like he doesn't want you to date other guys, but he doesn't want a serious relationship.

Well that explains a lot. He tells me his dad is super religious.

Can you please explain what you meant by 'find myself'? Is it what I'm thinking it is?

I sort of went through an "identity crisis" type thing. And I'm on medication for anxiety/depression, which I guess is the extra baggage that guys don't want... I told him about it and he said he doesn't care, but who knows. What did you think I meant?

[weightgainnow1]

-About a month.
-Girlfriends to guy friends ratio is 50/50
-I never talk about exs and none were psycho. (but he talks about his "first times" which is kinda annoying)
-I'm not the materialistic type
-I don't sound like a mouse
-I have nothing hideous on my face
-Shower all day er day



I think I have to throw in a curve ball which might change things... He's 3 years younger than me and he's Muslim, where as I'm Agnostic. I don't know much about religion, but maybe he's not allowed to date non-Muslims and doesn't want to tell me that? And maybe the fact that I'm a "cougar"(I did not see this coming) is gross?

Cougar has nothing to do with it your 21 for god sakes. It has to do with the fact that he is muslim! He will never take you seriously relationship wise. God OP im suprised you left that out to begin with. Most muslims i know (the ones who are serious about their religion) will only **** non-muslim girls but never date/marry.

[FSUBRAH84]

I haven't been in a steady relationship for 3 years and I'm finally seeing a guy I like right now, but I don't know if we're an official couple or not. So I asked him if we're in a relationship and he said he doesn't know either. Then he tells me he's scared of commitment and I ask him to explain but he tells me he doesn't know how to. He said his last relationship ended horribly so maybe that has something to do with it? He also said he doesn't want to disappoint me or be a dick... I have to study for exams but this is bothering me and I can't stop thinking about it! I even asked him if he wanted an open relationship and he didn't technically say no, but instead said, "but that's friends with benefits". Then he tells me he really likes me and if we could just go with the flow for now. I'm thinking if he doesn't want a relationship, I'm wasting my time while I could be seeing others.

Men, can you all please tell me what this means?!

He doesn't want you to become an obsessed soul sucking GF.

It doesn't mean he just wants to be friends with benefits, it sounds like he wants a real relationship but doesn't want to ruin a good thing in case you are psycho like 90% of women.

[GreatDutchHope]

Can you please explain what you meant by 'find myself'? Is it what I'm thinking it is?

[FSUBRAH84]

-About a month.
-Girlfriends to guy friends ratio is 50/50
-I never talk about exs and none were psycho. (but he talks about his "first times" which is kinda annoying)
-I'm not the materialistic type
-I don't sound like a mouse
-I have nothing hideous on my face
-Shower all day er day



I think I have to throw in a curve ball which might change things... He's 3 years younger than me and he's Muslim, where as I'm Agnostic. I don't know much about religion, but maybe he's not allowed to date non-Muslims and doesn't want to tell me that? And maybe the fact that I'm a "cougar"(I did not see this coming) is gross?

The fact that you say "all day er day" is concerning too. lol

[Thy_Kingdom]

I sort of went through an "identity crisis" type thing. And I'm on medication for anxiety/depression, which I guess is the extra baggage that guys don't want... I told him about it and he said he doesn't care, but who knows. What did you think I meant?

I thought you meant you were promiscuous, that you rebelled against your parents, dated bad boys, had a one night stand, sucked off guys you just met, allowed guys to use you for sex. Sorry if that came off judgmental.

[FSUBRAH84]

sort of went through an "identity crisis" type thing. And I'm on medication for anxiety/depression, which I guess is the extra baggage that guys don't want... I told him about it and he said he doesn't care, but who knows. What did you think I meant?

That would raise huge red flags for me. Of course he is not going to say he cares about that even if he does.

[999ALLisMINE]

muslim shud be a deal breaker to non muslims. Chill out op girlie ur twnty one years old. Stop chasing the fairy tale and find a guy u actually can relate to on important life topics such as a persons belief structure. Also him saying he doesnt want to be committed means nothing more or less than he doesnt want to be committed. Men dont talk in code. This guy may very well see u as marriage material. However hes eighteen. Stop thinking theres any hope for a lifelong relationship here. There isnt

This makes me sad but sounds about right. Also, I've discussed with friends and am now concerned that 21 isn't such a "young" age for girls. Since men like their women youthful and all... I need to find a marriage material bf quick?

OK, definitely wants sex but no sort of commitment as his folks would be pissed.

Maybe that's why he said if no one asks about us, he won't tell...

Cougar has nothing to do with it your 21 for god sakes. It has to do with the fact that he is muslim! He will never take you seriously relationship wise. God OP im suprised you left that out to begin with. Most muslims i know (the ones who are serious about their religion) will only **** non-muslim girls but never date/marry.

Ugh, religion, why?!

He doesn't want you to become an obsessed soul sucking GF.

It doesn't mean he just wants to be friends with benefits, it sounds like he wants a real relationship but doesn't want to ruin a good thing in case you are psycho like 90% of women.

Do guys think girls with anxiety/depression are psycho?

I thought you meant you were promiscuous, that you rebelled against your parents, dated bad boys, had a one night stand, sucked off guys you just met, allowed guys to use you for sex. Sorry if that came off judgmental.

I did rebel against my strict traditional parents, but that's about it.

[FSUBRAH84]

Do guys think girls with anxiety/depression are psycho?

I don't think people who are depressed or have anxiety are psycho.

My buddies have had problems with every girl who was though.