I don’t know why I posted this as Spoiler Alarm, since Hostel has not much of a story to it.
But just in case so I don’t get banned by the big bad wolf…
++Spoiler Alarm++Spoiler Alarm++Spoiler Alarm++Spoiler Alarm++Spoiler Alarm++Spoiler Alarm++
Now let’s get this bad boy on the road shall we?
I’m not going to go all down and dirty and “analyze” The Hostel,…. I leave that to Mr. 2 thumbs up EbertIlikeitintheass…
My Hostel review:
I’m bad company while watching any movie, I have a sixth sense in spotting a plot or the “hidden” bad guy and I cannot but share my thoughts and theories with my “movie partner” in most cases my G/F. The Hostels plot was so weak I think they (the Director and Scriptwriter) must have (while being heavily stoned and drunk) sketched out the plot on a f*cking napkin, I mean I nearly fainted at times that’s how weak I thought the plot was all together..
In fact I think the first half of the movie sucked all together, If I want to see some lame ass dudes getting laid with #10 chicks I watch Bang bus….they are more convincing than the 3 main actors in The Hostel.
I came to see this movie coz I want to see some cruel and unusual torture and mayhem, I want to cringe in my chair when I see somebody’s ear cut off.
But hey (I thought) at least it get’s better when the “party” begins….
Fast forward to the actually torture scenes, here we are with the first guy on the chair and yes for a second I nearly was convinced that for once in my f*cking life I will walk of after watching a movie with a smile on my face and not raging mad sacrificing another newly born kitten to calm me down.
Him sitting in the chair begging and getting “drilled a couple of times” and all was pretty cool, even better when he says: Please I just want to go… and they Sadist cutting his legs F*CKING ROCKED !!!!
But HALT…. Things don’t go to plan since he kills him moments later
I have trouble believing that, I mean If I was a Sadistic F*ck who just paid a large sum of money so I can torture a human to death, well maybe I should kind of taking my time? I mean have you see the f*cking table, there were so many “toys” to play with and all he does is to drill and cut him a little ? What a pussy...
Same with the second guy, he cuts of a piece of hair and than moves on to the Chainsaw… ffs take it easy people.
And how ****ing stupid do you have to be until you notice that things might not be the way they are supposed to be, take that last American guy for instance, after all his friends disappear without leaving a message, he goes (by his own will) to that run down Factory to see an “art show” the chick he ****ed said his friends are watching …. Okay can I say one thing here please…If I would see my friends disappear, the chicks I have hanged and f*cked get all creepy on my ass and they drive me to an run down factory …IT’S F*CKING GUN OR RUN TIME you f*cking momo.
The little torture scenes they actually bother showing were great, I also loved the idea in itself that some organization would do a thing like that, the building was great to, I loved the way it felt like a slaughterhouse.
In short I believe he (the Director) could have done much more to show and shock us, when I walked out of the cinema I had the same feeling I had last time I slept with a woman and in the middle while ****ing (and before I came) she would said: I think you had enough and walks off leaving me with blue balls… Yes I felt f*cking cheated when I left the cinema complex.
Anyways...
I give the movie 3 out of 5 Ebert thumbs up, but just for the little gore you see...and I'm in a good mood.
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