Trick or Treat

[Dr. Swole, PhD]

I always hated Halloween. Dressing up in some f*ggy costumes begging for treats that will destroy gains? No thanks. Thanksgiving; now there's a holiday made for bodybuilders.

After an excruciating chest and shoulders day at the gym, all I wanted to do was kick back in my mansion for the night. However, these goddamned trick or treaters made sure I wouldn't get the R&R my tired muscles needed and deserved.

The first trick or treater showed up on my doorstep 5 minutes after I got home. Some short fat kid arrived with his fat father in tow.

Me: What the f**k are you supposed to be?
Fat Father: Why he's Tom Brady, multiple Super Bowl MVP winner.
Me: Sorry, don't watch wrestling.
Fat Kid: Can I get some candy mister? I know with this huge mansion you've got to have some killer candy in there.
Me: Hold on. Let's see what I've got.

I ventured into the kitchen and found a stalk of celery, came back and put it in the kid's bag.

Fat Kid: Aw, come on Mister. Havent you got any Snickers? Or M&M's?
Me: Looks like you've had enough chocolate this year, Tubby. Make yourself a damn salad.
Fat Father: Hey you f**king prick. Don't talk to my son like that.

I took off my aviators and glared at him in the face.

Me: Excuse me?
Fat Father: You heard me!

I took off my fur coat, revealing my 18 inch pythons.

Me: Excuse me?
Fat Father: <voice shaking> I said you h-h-heard me.

Me: Look, cupcake. We can do this one of two ways. Either I pummel you to the ground right here, or I give you a 15 second head start before I release my pit bulls on your fat asses. They haven't eaten in weeks.

Fat Father grabs his son and starts running. Their breasts bounce up and down my driveway like a Baywatch rerun.

The night progressed like this, until a young boy showed up with his mother. Mother was in great shape: diesel tits and an ass tighter than Fort Knox.

Me: Why hello there.
Boy: Trick or treat!
Me: Indeed.

<I dropped a tub of protein powder into his bag>

Boy: What's this?
Me: Protein powder. It'll help you grow big and strong like Uncle Swole.
MILF: You sure that's ok? He's only 6 years old.
Me: Well, you can't argue with results. Have a feel.

<I flex for her>

MILF: Oh boy.. oh my.
Me: Care to come in for a few?
MILF: Yes, please.

<MILF and her son start to follow me into the mansion.>

"Not you," I snarled at the boy, throwing him back onto my front steps and locking the door behind him.

MILF: Hey! You can't just leave him out there all alone!
Me: Trick or Treat?
MILF: What?
Me: <snarling at her> You heard me, Trick or Treat?
MILF: Uhh, treat I guess.

I take off my gym shorts and shove a treat down her throat; making sure to blow my load all over her face. Smiling at her, I say "treat indeed."

I walk her to the door and throw her into the front yard, where her son is crying hysterically.

Me: Here ya go sonny, this'll make it all better! <I toss him a bottle of ZMA>
MILF: When am I going to see you again?

I burst into laughter and slam the door on her. Putting on my fur coat, I go sit in front of my fireplace. "I hate this f**king holiday," I mutter to myself as I light up a cigar.

[NosLliWhsoj]

i negged you for several reasons: troll, your names, being a douche, and dissin halloween... and your post is too long.

[ispy]

Yeah uh... older stories were better. And what happened to the pattented hip toss?

[Mrs Grudge]

Me: What the f**k are you supposed to be?
Fat Father: Why he's Tom Brady, multiple Super Bowl MVP winner.
Me: Sorry, don't watch wrestling.

lmao

[GLEX]

Originally Posted by NosLliWhsoj

i negged you for several reasons: troll, your names, being a douche, and dissin halloween... and your post is too long.

I neg repped you because you are skinny.

[eehee]

lol, made me chuckle in a couple places.

[mike_d]

*yawns*

[SlammaJamma]

Haha, the last paragraph was awesome

[Jhendi82]

Good story, but I miss the old ones.

[TwiztedbyDesign]

Originally Posted by Dr. Swole, PhD

I always hated Halloween. Dressing up in some f*ggy costumes begging for treats that will destroy gains? No thanks. Thanksgiving; now there's a holiday made for bodybuilders.

After an excruciating chest and shoulders day at the gym, all I wanted to do was kick back in my mansion for the night. However, these goddamned trick or treaters made sure I wouldn't get the R&R my tired muscles needed and deserved.

The first trick or treater showed up on my doorstep 5 minutes after I got home. Some short fat kid arrived with his fat father in tow.

Me: What the f**k are you supposed to be?
Fat Father: Why he's Tom Brady, multiple Super Bowl MVP winner.
Me: Sorry, don't watch wrestling.
Fat Kid: Can I get some candy mister? I know with this huge mansion you've got to have some killer candy in there.
Me: Hold on. Let's see what I've got.

I ventured into the kitchen and found a stalk of celery, came back and put it in the kid's bag.

Fat Kid: Aw, come on Mister. Havent you got any Snickers? Or M&M's?
Me: Looks like you've had enough chocolate this year, Tubby. Make yourself a damn salad.
Fat Father: Hey you f**king prick. Don't talk to my son like that.

I took off my aviators and glared at him in the face.

Me: Excuse me?
Fat Father: You heard me!

I took off my fur coat, revealing my 18 inch pythons.

Me: Excuse me?
Fat Father: <voice shaking> I said you h-h-heard me.

Me: Look, cupcake. We can do this one of two ways. Either I pummel you to the ground right here, or I give you a 15 second head start before I release my pit bulls on your fat asses. They haven't eaten in weeks.

Fat Father grabs his son and starts running. Their breasts bounce up and down my driveway like a Baywatch rerun.

The night progressed like this, until a young boy showed up with his mother. Mother was in great shape: diesel tits and an ass tighter than Fort Knox.

Me: Why hello there.
Boy: Trick or treat!
Me: Indeed.

<I dropped a tub of protein powder into his bag>

Boy: What's this?
Me: Protein powder. It'll help you grow big and strong like Uncle Swole.
MILF: You sure that's ok? He's only 6 years old.
Me: Well, you can't argue with results. Have a feel.

<I flex for her>

MILF: Oh boy.. oh my.
Me: Care to come in for a few?
MILF: Yes, please.

<MILF and her son start to follow me into the mansion.>

"Not you," I snarled at the boy, throwing him back onto my front steps and locking the door behind him.

MILF: Hey! You can't just leave him out there all alone!
Me: Trick or Treat?
MILF: What?
Me: <snarling at her> You heard me, Trick or Treat?
MILF: Uhh, treat I guess.

I take off my gym shorts and shove a treat down her throat; making sure to blow my load all over her face. Smiling at her, I say "treat indeed."

I walk her to the door and throw her into the front yard, where her son is crying hysterically.

Me: Here ya go sonny, this'll make it all better! <I toss him a bottle of ZMA>
MILF: When am I going to see you again?

I burst into laughter and slam the door on her. Putting on my fur coat, I go sit in front of my fireplace. "I hate this f**king holiday," I mutter to myself as I light up a cigar.

WTF Swole where is the jug of water... and the baseball bat... and what about Lex?

[affliction]

hehe some parts were pretty funny

[britishbulld0g]

pics or it didn't happen

[guest89]

Originally Posted by britishbulld0g

pics or it didn't happen

Strong bump of a 2 year old post.

[SumblimeStyle]

lmao at this thread

[allLiving]

GJ on bumping this pile.

[SumblimeStyle]

mega rebump