Help me sort my life out misc... (serious)

[little0z]

This will probably just end up being a big rant that goes off the bottom of the first page in 5 seconds...but I have to get it out somehow... (no emo)...

Hmm well I'll start by saying that I spend all my time bouncing from one substance to the next.....getting up...down...making myself happy...or just getting f*cked up completely....I do this for 2 main reasons...the first being extreme boredem with life in general....things seem so dull and boring when I'm "sober"...the other reason is to help me with my social fears...

I have anxiety when it comes to any sort of social interaction...I mean most people would be stoked to bump into a friend at the shops right? I live in fear of it. I always think I'm going to say something stupid and make a fool of myself...any social interaction is very awkward...this has led to a lot of people thinking I'm anti-social...and I am in a sense...but not because I hate people...I mean I've had a decent number of girlfriends and I have one or two friends that I really like hanging out with (only one on one)...but they've moved away to other states.

For the last few months I haven't gone out or gone to any parties etc...because I've been dieting...but really (despite the results) it was just a convenient excuse for me to avoid going to these things...and that excuse will be up in roughly one week which is when I've been telling people my diet goes until. I avoid things like morning teas at work because of my dislike for social interaction....I go to work bbqs and things...mainly because there's drinking involved...so I feel a bit more at ease....even still I always think everyone is judging me...and I carefully consider my every move/word.

I'm not a bad looking guy...and I'm nice...people seem to like being around me and plenty of people always want to hang out with my but the majority of the time I just make up excuses and avoid it. I spend the majority of my weekend (as in hours at a time) just driving around the city randomly...looking at stuff/people....without any real purpose...I also wander around shopping malls by myself a lot and get strange looks from people...I guess I make it obvious how awkward I feel about them paying attention to me/looking at me. If I stop at some traffic lights and some girls stop in a car next to me...I get all embarrassed and try my hardest to avoid eye contact....wishing the lights would just change...

Getting back to the first issue....nobody but me knows the extent of my drug use...some people know of it....but have no idea how bad it is...I suspect my liver will eventually stop working...if it's not already damaged beyond repair....about half an hour ago I went into a chemist....for about the 3rd time today....desperate for any form of intoxication...I told the guy what I wanted....he gave me the wrong thing...but I had no choice but to go with the one he gave me...and just throw it in the bin when I got outside. I had to just laugh at myself at that point...such a ridiculous situation....what was I going to say to the guy..."DAMNIT I CAN'T GET HIGH WITH THIS ONE!!"....that's the point where you know you're pretty pathetic...

I was in a car crash a little while ago....and my biggest concern was frantically hiding all the drug-related stuff before anyone/police saw...didn't even care about my car...I'm sick of having all these secrets...missing out on all the enjoyment that I know a social life can bring...and living in fear of something simple like making eye contact with someone or talking to an acquaintance...

So I'm open to suggestions guys......tell me what I should do and I'll do it...whatever it is. Shake things up for me and get me out there with the people. The only restriction is that I work Monday-Friday, 9-5, time other than that isn't a problem, neither is money. It's funny in a way....I started bodybuilding because I was undersized...and just wanted to be the size of a regular guy.....now I just want to be like a regular guy in other ways....I'll be normal one day I suppose..........

wow strong rant....

[thickmasss]

Cliffs?

[Milamber]

Dude have you sought counciling? because you ahev some serious issues that your need to discuss with someone who knows what they are talking about.

[LB4LB.]

Originally Posted by SUPERB0Y

Cliffs?

seconded

[little0z]

Originally Posted by SUPERB0Y

Cliffs?

That was the cliffs.....

Originally Posted by Milamber

Dude have you sought counciling? because you ahev some serious issues that your need to discuss with someone who knows what they are talking about.

Nah.....I think any of these problems are things I can deal with just with some will power/effort....I don't need to pay someone to point out things that I already know...having said that I haven't sorted them out yet.......so what do I know...

[JACKIECHANFAN]

Originally Posted by little0z

This will probably just end up being a big rant that goes off the bottom of the first page in 5 seconds...but I have to get it out somehow... (no emo)...

Hmm well I'll start by saying that I spend all my time bouncing from one substance to the next.....getting up...down...making myself happy...or just getting f*cked up completely....I do this for 2 main reasons...the first being extreme boredem with life in general....things seem so dull and boring when I'm "sober"...the other reason is to help me with my social fears...

I have anxiety when it comes to any sort of social interaction...I mean most people would be stoked to bump into a friend at the shops right? I live in fear of it. I always think I'm going to say something stupid and make a fool of myself...any social interaction is very awkward...this has led to a lot of people thinking I'm anti-social...and I am in a sense...but not because I hate people...I mean I've had a decent number of girlfriends and I have one or two friends that I really like hanging out with (only one on one)...but they've moved away to other states.

For the last few months I haven't gone out or gone to any parties etc...because I've been dieting...but really (despite the results) it was just a convenient excuse for me to avoid going to these things...and that excuse will be up in roughly one week which is when I've been telling people my diet goes until. I avoid things like morning teas at work because of my dislike for social interaction....I go to work bbqs and things...mainly because there's drinking involved...so I feel a bit more at ease....even still I always think everyone is judging me...and I carefully consider my every move/word.

I'm not a bad looking guy...and I'm nice...people seem to like being around me and plenty of people always want to hang out with my but the majority of the time I just make up excuses and avoid it. I spend the majority of my weekend (as in hours at a time) just driving around the city randomly...looking at stuff/people....without any real purpose...I also wander around shopping malls by myself a lot and get strange looks from people...I guess I make it obvious how awkward I feel about them paying attention to me/looking at me. If I stop at some traffic lights and some girls stop in a car next to me...I get all embarrassed and try my hardest to avoid eye contact....wishing the lights would just change...

Getting back to the first issue....nobody but me knows the extent of my drug use...some people know of it....but have no idea how bad it is...I suspect my liver will eventually stop working...if it's not already damaged beyond repair....about half an hour ago I went into a chemist....for about the 3rd time today....desperate for any form of intoxication...I told the guy what I wanted....he gave me the wrong thing...but I had no choice but to go with the one he gave me...and just throw it in the bin when I got outside. I had to just laugh at myself at that point...such a ridiculous situation....what was I going to say to the guy..."DAMNIT I CAN'T GET HIGH WITH THIS ONE!!"....that's the point where you know you're pretty pathetic...

I was in a car crash a little while ago....and my biggest concern was frantically hiding all the drug-related stuff before anyone/police saw...didn't even care about my car...I'm sick of having all these secrets...missing out on all the enjoyment that I know a social life can bring...and living in fear of something simple like making eye contact with someone or talking to an acquaintance...

So I'm open to suggestions guys......tell me what I should do and I'll do it...whatever it is. Shake things up for me and get me out there with the people. The only restriction is that I work Monday-Friday, 9-5, time other than that isn't a problem, neither is money. It's funny in a way....I started bodybuilding because I was undersized...and just wanted to be the size of a regular guy.....now I just want to be like a regular guy in other ways....I'll be normal one day I suppose..........

wow strong rant....

I read this whole thing and the first thing you need to do is cut out the drugs.

[TheBlackDahlia]

Originally Posted by LB4LB.

seconded

thirded (combat multiplier in effect)

[little0z]

Originally Posted by JACKIECHANFAN

I read this whole thing and the first thing you need to do is cut out the drugs.

I completely agree with that......I think the main thing that would help me with that is to distract myself with something else....I have to be more occupied so I don't end up just sitting around and needing to entertain myself somehow...

Originally Posted by TheBlackDahlia

thirded (combat multiplier in effect)

QUAD DAMAGE

[Milamber]

Originally Posted by little0z

That was the cliffs.....



Nah.....I think any of these problems are things I can deal with just with some will power/effort....I don't need to pay someone to point out things that I already know...having said that I haven't sorted them out yet.......so what do I know...

I still think you shoudl talk to someone... I mean seriously your paranoid about saying something stupid to you mates. and It seams liek you cant get through a day without a fix.

[homershw]

ice will ruin his career i see in the uni toilets

[little0z]

Originally Posted by Milamber

I still think you shoudl talk to someone... I mean seriously your paranoid about saying something stupid to you mates. and It seams liek you cant get through a day without a fix.

Hmm I dunno...that's like the ultimate defeat.....besides...you guys are someone

Maybe I need to join some sort of social clubs or something? Throw some ideas at me.....I need to get out of my comfort zone...

[Mtguy8787]

- check yourself into a rehab program

- visit a physchologist or psychiatrist.

- Go buy some self/help motivational books/tapes, from one/some of the top speakers.

you have to do is to decide where you want to end up in the future, how you are gonna get there, and take responsibility for your life.

No external event/object/substance is going to make you happy. It is 100% inside your own mind. Some of the most miserable people in the world are celebrities who seemingly have everything: money, fame, success, women/men, friends, cars, etc, etc.

Many who seemed to have it all, and seemed to live a great life are actually miserable beyond belief. Why do you think many celebrities try to commit suicide? Many other people cover it all up with more & more & more material things, and seem happy on the outside, but end up dying with nothing but regret.

Some of the happiest people in the world are ones who are physically disabled, and do not have much in the way of material possesions.... people who you look at and think "how the **** can this guy possibly be happy?!!!!". It really does come from the inside.

[thickmasss]

ehhh you're from Aust
nice work

[Milamber]

Originally Posted by little0z

Hmm I dunno...that's like the ultimate defeat.....besides...you guys are someone

Maybe I need to join some sort of social clubs or something? Throw some ideas at me.....I need to get out of my comfort zone...

yeha join a sporting club or something liek that... actually do something where you are hanging out with new peopel and ****.

[k1llsh0t]

Originally Posted by little0z

Hmm I dunno...that's like the ultimate defeat.....besides...you guys are someone

Maybe I need to join some sort of social clubs or something? Throw some ideas at me.....I need to get out of my comfort zone...

Well, joining a club is good and all but that isn't going to fix the root issues. You need to get some serious help beyond what us miscers can provide. Only after you break your addiction to drugs will you be able to interact socially with others on a normal level. Until then, you will just be coping. You need to talk to your close family members and friends and get their support as you look into cleaning yourself up. Good luck because it's a long road.

[little0z]

Originally Posted by Mtguy8787

- check yourself into a rehab program

- visit a physchologist or psychiatrist.

- Go buy some self/help motivational books/tapes, from one/some of the top speakers.

The first thing you have to do is to decide where you want to end up in the future, how you are gonna get there, and take responsibility for your life.

No external event/object/substance is going to make you happy. It is 100% inside your own mind. Some of the most miserable people in the world are celebrities who seemingly have everything: money, fame, success, women/men, friends, cars, etc, etc.

Many who seemed to have it all, and seemed to live a great life are actually miserable beyond belief. Why do you think many celebrities try to commit suicide? Many other people cover it all up with more & more & more material things, and seem happy on the outside, but end up dying with nothing but regret.

Some of the happiest people in the world are ones who are physically disabled, and do not have much in the way of material possesions.... people who you look at and think "how the **** can this guy possibly be happy?!!!!". It really does come from the inside.

You make some good points.

As mentioned above I think I can get things sorted out without help of rehab/psychologist help...but I like your idea about getting something like self-help books....I think I need to start looking at things differently...almost like becoming religious but...not that...haha.....right now I'm just stuck in this pointless loop that isn't going anywhere good...despite...as you said...me being successful in external ways...

[homershw]

try ur best.

i like a quote but its not good in this situation.

"I chose not to choose life: I chose something else. And the reasons? There are no reasons. Who need reasons when you've got heroin? "

i use to worry what people thought but now I only worry that they might try to murder me if i do something really obnoxious.

i compare myself to a starving ethiopian i suppose 2 make me feel happy.

[little0z]

Originally Posted by homershw

try ur best.

i like a quote but its not good in this situation.

"I chose not to choose life: I chose something else. And the reasons? There are no reasons. Who need reasons when you've got heroin? "

Trainspotting?

[homershw]

yep

but u might have some disability ive seen people who go red every time they talk to people. dont know what particular condition it is.

Id see a doctor or some medical professional u can get a rebate on.

[k1llsh0t]

Originally Posted by little0z

You make some good points.

As mentioned above I think I can get things sorted out without help of rehab/psychologist help...but I like your idea about getting something like self-help books....I think I need to start looking at things differently...almost like becoming religious but...not that...haha.....right now I'm just stuck in this pointless loop that isn't going anywhere good...despite...as you said...me being successful in external ways...

You say it yourself, that you are stuck in a pointless loop that isn't going anywhere good. Realizing that you might not be able to fix this yourself is something you might have to do. Your friends and family will support you.

[Resplendency]

Originally Posted by little0z

QUAD DAMAGE

Quintupled

[homershw]

if u hav the money id c a psychologist even if it is mostly bull**** they spew

[Mtguy8787]

Originally Posted by little0z

You make some good points.

As mentioned above I think I can get things sorted out without help of rehab/psychologist help...but I like your idea about getting something like self-help books....I think I need to start looking at things differently...almost like becoming religious but...not that...haha.....right now I'm just stuck in this pointless loop that isn't going anywhere good...despite...as you said...me being successful in external ways...

Seriously, go seek help. If you want to really deal with something like an addiction, dont mess around. Even if you *might* not need it, do it anyways.

All the following is intended for the OP, as well as anyone else reading who might be thinking similar things about their life

Ive thought alot about the ideas of success and happiness in life recently, and have also come across alot of various writings, some of which seemed profound to me. (Many misc'ers reading this may laugh to themselves, but that doesnt really matter. If all the different stuff I post ends up helping one person, then it was worth the time)


There are many people who are extremely happy in life, and *seemingly* dont have all that much. Their happiness doesnt come from their current situation -- they may live in a crappy old apartment, drive a junky car, etc. They are happy because for them, they see what they want in the future, they believe they are gonna achieve it, and because of that, their life gets better every day.

Some people see life as a tragedy. Those people are probably chronically depressed. Other people see life as a wonderful experience. Youll find that those people honestly look forward to the next day... not because they are gonna go to a great party, get a new car, or a bunch of money -- simply because they just love living life itself. Even if they do nothing at all that day, they are still happy. Only a few years ago, I did not think much of this idea.

A few years ago, I tended to think that getting a great place, a nice car, money, traveling, etc etc would make me happy. I would have dismissed all of this sort of thing that im posting now. But the more I look around, the more I realize that all of these things are true. Any person who is extremely wealthy (wealthy in life as a whole... not just money), or extremely happy in life will tell you the same thing, in one way or another.


One well known(in his field) psychiatrist who has done alot of work on this area says something like this.

In some of his writing, he asks what it is that people want in life. Many people will say happiness. Others say success. Others say freedom. In his model, he combines the 3, and says that what people really want in life is "fulfillment". In the same model, it presents the following idea:

Learn to master your emotions, and the result will be happiness
Learn to master your mind, thoughts, and beliefs, and the result will be success
Learn to master decision making, and the result is personal freedom.

Combining all of those results in what he calls fullfillment.


~~~~~~~~~~

Many/most people will never entertain or consider ideas like that. And many/most people end up living average/below average lives.

~~~~~~~~~~

The more i think about this, and other similar things, the more profound it seems to me.

[Worldwide]

Volunteer

Helping others is a fantastic was to help yourself. Seriously, it works. If you spend hours just driving around town, you've got time to spend helping others who really need it. Once I started helping others, my life improved dramatically. Give it a try.

[Guy Fawkes]

Originally Posted by Resplendency

Quintupled

6-hit combo.

[Mtguy8787]

Originally Posted by homershw

if u hav the money id c a psychologist even if it is mostly bull**** they spew

just like personal trainers, or any other professional there are horrible, ok, good, and excellent psychologists.

But you should definitely see one. If s/he sucks, try another one.

[TheCreature55]

Originally Posted by little0z

I have anxiety when it comes to any sort of social interaction...I mean most people would be stoked to bump into a friend at the shops right? I live in fear of it. I always think I'm going to say something stupid and make a fool of myself...any social interaction is very awkward...this has led to a lot of people thinking I'm anti-social...and I am in a sense...but not because I hate people...I mean I've had a decent number of girlfriends and I have one or two friends that I really like hanging out with (only one on one)...but they've moved away to other states.

The thing is, I know EXACTLY what your talking about here. I used to be afraid of this kind of thing (ie. Bumping into people you know in random places) when I was in high school. The main thing would be walking down in a corridor if I?m by myself and seeing someone I know, and unless they were a good friend I would avert my eyes and pretend nobody was there. This made me come across as simply rude.

In my case it all boiled down to what other people thought of me. I would always think that the other person didn?t want to talk to me, and I didn?t want to look like an idiot. This was mainly because I was bullied frequently in my first high school about certain physical features (which I?d rather not mention), and this carried on when I went to my second high school, even though I got a fresh start.

I?ve mostly gotten over it through the realisation that I?m not actually ugly, which is pretty much what I was told throughout primary and high school (uploaded a pic on hot or not, lol) which gave me more self confidence. But I guess the main thing that helps is not giving a **** what people think about you ? I just assume that everyone wants to talk to me.

I doubt that your situation is the same but I hope this is of some help. I had to recover from a number of social issues in the past so if you have any questions hit me with a PM.

For the drug/alcohol issue, SEEK COUNSELLING. It?s incredibly hard to beat that kind of thing by yourself, so counselling is really the best thing you can do. However I?m not speaking from experience about this bit since I?ve never had this particular problem.

So I'm open to suggestions guys......tell me what I should do and I'll do it...whatever it is. Shake things up for me and get me out there with the people. The only restriction is that I work Monday-Friday, 9-5, time other than that isn't a problem, neither is money. It's funny in a way....I started bodybuilding because I was undersized...and just wanted to be the size of a regular guy.....now I just want to be like a regular guy in other ways....I'll be normal one day I suppose..........

I would treat the drug/alcohol issue as the highest priority, and would seek counselling and talk to your parents (if you get along with them) immediately. I would also set out some goals that you want to achieve ? for example, going out to a certain number of social events, making friends, saving money, staying free from drugs/alcohol. Then try to work towards achieving them every day. However there are heaps of threads on bb.com about goal setting (search for the ?self improvement thread?) so I won?t really go into it much.

Good luck man

[homershw]

also go to

google: "psychology psychiatric forum message board"

big-boards.com: "psychology psychiatric forum message board"

[Mtguy8787]

Originally Posted by TheCreature55

The thing is, I know EXACTLY what your talking about here. I used to be afraid of this kind of thing (ie. Bumping into people you know in random places) when I was in high school. The main thing would be walking down in a corridor if I?m by myself and seeing someone I know, and unless they were a good friend I would avert my eyes and pretend nobody was there. This made me come across as simply rude.

In my case it all boiled down to what other people thought of me. I would always think that the other person didn?t want to talk to me, and I didn?t want to look like an idiot. This was mainly because I was bullied frequently in my first high school about certain physical features (which I?d rather not mention), and this carried on when I went to my second high school, even though I got a fresh start.

I?ve mostly gotten over it through the realisation that I?m not actually ugly, which is pretty much what I was told throughout primary and high school (uploaded a pic on hot or not, lol) which gave me more self confidence. But I guess the main thing that helps is not giving a **** what people think about you ? I just assume that everyone wants to talk to me.

I doubt that your situation is the same but I hope this is of some help. I had to recover from a number of social issues in the past so if you have any questions hit me with a PM.

For the drug/alcohol issue, SEEK COUNSELLING. It?s incredibly hard to beat that kind of thing by yourself, so counselling is really the best thing you can do. However I?m not speaking from experience about this bit since I?ve never had this particular problem.



I would treat the drug/alcohol issue as the highest priority, and would seek counselling and talk to your parents (if you get along with them) immediately. I would also set out some goals that you want to achieve ? for example, going out to a certain number of social events, making friends, saving money, staying free from drugs/alcohol. Then try to work towards achieving them every day. However there are heaps of threads on bb.com about goal setting (search for the ?self improvement thread?) so I won?t really go into it much.

Good luck man

good post.

[little0z]

Originally Posted by TheCreature55

The thing is, I know EXACTLY what your talking about here. I used to be afraid of this kind of thing (ie. Bumping into people you know in random places) when I was in high school. The main thing would be walking down in a corridor if I?m by myself and seeing someone I know, and unless they were a good friend I would avert my eyes and pretend nobody was there. This made me come across as simply rude.

In my case it all boiled down to what other people thought of me. I would always think that the other person didn?t want to talk to me, and I didn?t want to look like an idiot. This was mainly because I was bullied frequently in my first high school about certain physical features (which I?d rather not mention), and this carried on when I went to my second high school, even though I got a fresh start.

I?ve mostly gotten over it through the realisation that I?m not actually ugly, which is pretty much what I was told throughout primary and high school (uploaded a pic on hot or not, lol) which gave me more self confidence. But I guess the main thing that helps is not giving a **** what people think about you ? I just assume that everyone wants to talk to me.

I doubt that your situation is the same but I hope this is of some help. I had to recover from a number of social issues in the past so if you have any questions hit me with a PM.

For the drug/alcohol issue, SEEK COUNSELLING. It?s incredibly hard to beat that kind of thing by yourself, so counselling is really the best thing you can do. However I?m not speaking from experience about this bit since I?ve never had this particular problem.



I would treat the drug/alcohol issue as the highest priority, and would seek counselling and talk to your parents (if you get along with them) immediately. I would also set out some goals that you want to achieve ? for example, going out to a certain number of social events, making friends, saving money, staying free from drugs/alcohol. Then try to work towards achieving them every day. However there are heaps of threads on bb.com about goal setting (search for the ?self improvement thread?) so I won?t really go into it much.

Good luck man

You may have actually hit upon a key point here. I was bullied all through high school mainly about being small/short...and I'd forgotten about it until you mentioned bullying just now....for all I know it had a more profound effect on me than I realised....