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09-03-2007, 06:31 PM
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#1
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Registered User
Join Date: Mar 2006
Location: Cape Coral, Florida, United States
Age: 44
Stats: 6'0", 195 lbs
Posts: 2,072
BodyBlog Entries: 0
BodyPoints: 20664
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From the side of a Trainer Part Duex...
ok when you think you have heard/seen it all---
1. No I will not massage your ass at the end of a leg workout sorry.
2. I am not a doctor, nor am I a physical therapist or a freaking psycologist-- I cannot diagnose that skin thing on your inner thigh- please please for the love of GOD stop telling me about when you ****, its consistancy nor its color, and NO NO NO I cannot MASSAGE YOUR ASS. And finally??? YES your husband IS tagging every piece of available ass in the gym-- OPEN YOUR DAMN EYES WOMAN!!!!
3. Yes my biceps are real- no you cant touch them.
4. Ok I swear to God this happened this weekend-
a- man wants me to train him 3 X week- (i train his wife once a month)
b- said man sits in front of me and screams at his wife for 15 minutes
c- wife leaves- i say to man- "man- if you dont want training- I dont want to push you- but if you would like i will give you a free session to see if you like my style.
d--- ok man says- and I quote--"Oh I have no problem with your people- transgendered gay people dont bother me"
e- at which i respond- " well thats great BUT-what the F*** does that have to do with ANYTHING???" (im so gonna kick this guys ass on sunday- he seriously has no clue)
Dear God please stop giving me these people to practice my patience skills--
ok 5. Please wear underware to our sessions- I am so totally not interested in your junk nor having it hanging on the bench I work out on ok thanks.
6. No there is no pill that will help you get abs- none- no i dont CARE what the tv said- seriously no pill- ok can we do another set- thanks
7. yes i eat 7-9 times a day and yes I am losing weight = you eat once a day and your fat??? ok see how that works??? are you even a LITTLE bit with me on this?
8. Its 830 on a Friday night- ring ring goes my cell- hello? Oh Hi maria- I am in the bathroom at Applebees with the menu. (at this point i think-- huh is this a **** question or a food question cause really I am confused) so you know me- gotta ask--- okkkkkkk-- so What can I help you out with? She says- I dont know what to order and its cheat night. I said- what do you like? She says- nachos and margaritas-- ok then honey have that- she says ok and hangs up- -- major issue resolved.- still looking for that psycologist degree on my wall. huh- not there.
9. No- you cannot come to the gym and work out WITH me- it would kill you and It would piss me off. or you would piss me off and I would kill you- either way- its a no win.
10-- and finally- NO NO NO I WILL NOT MASSAGE YOUR ASS!!!!!
__________________
Don't let your ego get in the way and allow your muscles to write a check that your joints cannot cash...... ;)
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09-03-2007, 06:37 PM
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#2
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Registered User
Join Date: Jul 2007
Age: 45
Stats: 180 lbs
Posts: 52
BodyBlog Entries: 0
BodyPoints: 1627
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LMAO
There are some truly sad people out there
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09-03-2007, 06:44 PM
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#3
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Da1UnV
Join Date: Dec 2005
Location: Bronx, New York, United States
Age: 45
Stats: 5'8", 180 lbs
Posts: 14,235
BodyPoints: 40956
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Lmao :d
__________________
HATED BY SOME, LOVED BY A FEW, FEARED BY MANY, CONFRONTED BY NONE!
I WILL BE AT THE ARNOLD, JUST SAYING...
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09-03-2007, 07:42 PM
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#4
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Registered User
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Thailand
Age: 44
Stats: 6'0", 227 lbs
Posts: 1,045
BodyBlog Entries: 0
BodyPoints: 15798
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LOL - Oh man - that's a priceless post...
__________________
http://www.buffleheadprod.com
Life begins underwater
Workout Journal: http://forum.bodybuilding.com/showthread.php?t=2562341
"Those who assume hypotheses as first principles of their speculations...may indeed form an ingenious romance, but a romance it will still be." Roger Cotes - preface to Newton's Principia Mathematica 2nd ed 1713
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09-03-2007, 07:48 PM
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#5
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Add to Cart
Join Date: Sep 2004
Stats: 5'10", 205 lbs
Posts: 6,918
BodyBlog Entries: 0
BodyPoints: 29633
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**Mark calls Maria from Le Restaurante'**
Mark: Hi Maria, can I just have a hug?
Maria: k
__________________
To succeed beyond the average, we must constantly challenge our minds and bodies, beyond what we believe our capabilities are.
The People's Spotter
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09-03-2007, 08:06 PM
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#6
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Team Scivation Crew
Join Date: Sep 2006
Location: Commerce Township, Michigan, United States
Age: 40
Stats: 5'6", 175 lbs
Posts: 1,144
BodyPoints: 91641
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D'oh! I'll stay with engineering
__________________
Making it Happen with Team Scivation!
Working with Derek Charlebois to get ripped, shredded, and all out nasty for my 2010 comp season!
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09-03-2007, 08:18 PM
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#7
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When in doubt, mumble
Join Date: Jun 2005
Location: Virginia Beach, Virginia, United States
Age: 48
Stats: 5'8", 190 lbs
Posts: 11,786
BodyPoints: 14816
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Could you massage my hammies at least?
LOL
__________________
Yorkshireman I: Right! I had to get up in the morning, at ten o'clock at night, half an hour before I went to bed, eat a lump of cold poison, work twenty-nine hours a day down mill and pay mill-owner for permission to come to work, and when we got home, our dad would kill us and dance about on our graves, singing Hallelujah!
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09-03-2007, 08:45 PM
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#8
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Finding my Potential
Join Date: Aug 2006
Location: Dallas, Texas, United States
Age: 40
Stats: 5'6", 237 lbs
Posts: 2,997
BodyBlog Entries: 0
BodyPoints: 15771
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I'll massage their ass - but it might hurt like a mother.
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09-03-2007, 09:09 PM
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#9
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Registered User
Join Date: Nov 2006
Location: United States
Age: 59
Posts: 2,940
BodyBlog Entries: 0
BodyPoints: 16561
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Can't spell 'massage' without 'ass'.....whoops, not helping things here 
Trying not to laugh about the crap you just described. Ever try the long silent cold stare? (I think I'm getting one.).
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09-03-2007, 10:28 PM
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#10
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Getting Younger!
Join Date: Aug 2006
Location: United States
Age: 51
Stats: 5'8", 130 lbs
Posts: 1,138
BodyPoints: 14099
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LMAO.......I feel your pain! I have my clients numbers programed in my phone so I can see when they're calling. Love catching them out, eating everything bad, then next session they ask why can't I lose any BF, why do I look the same! I'm thinking of offering a role of duct tape when they begin their training, maybe that will help......heheh evil laugh....... No one has asked for a massage yet
__________________
Donna a.k.a WonderWoman
I'm Just Your Average, Ordinary, Everyday, Superhero
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09-03-2007, 10:40 PM
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#11
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Registered User
Join Date: Jul 2007
Location: Universal City, Texas, United States
Age: 52
Stats: 6'1", 241 lbs
Posts: 321
BodyBlog Entries: 0
BodyPoints: 3925
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Buy a shop vac and tape a Kbar knife to the side of it and tell these clients you also do on the spot liposuction. They'll either straighten up or run.
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09-03-2007, 11:21 PM
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#12
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Army of one.
Join Date: May 2006
Location: United States
Age: 37
Stats: 5'10", 157 lbs
Posts: 613
BodyPoints: 33583
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Oh that was great.
I hope you really work that guy over on Sunday. What the hell was he thinking?
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09-04-2007, 03:59 AM
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#13
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Registered User
Join Date: Feb 2007
Location: Georgia, United States
Age: 52
Stats: 5'10", 165 lbs
Posts: 1,563
BodyBlog Entries: 0
BodyPoints: 14639
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what? no complimentary ass massage. bummer 
i love to read your post. you have great stories and i bet a wicked sense of humor. 
__________________
Loved by some
Hated by others
Forgiven by the grace of God.
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09-04-2007, 04:13 AM
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#14
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Registered User
Join Date: Mar 2006
Location: Cape Coral, Florida, United States
Age: 44
Stats: 6'0", 195 lbs
Posts: 2,072
BodyBlog Entries: 0
BodyPoints: 20664
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Quote:
Originally Posted by abcreations
Oh that was great.
I hope you really work that guy over on Sunday. What the hell was he thinking?
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ya know- ive been called many things- been told i look like a guy- that im too big- yada yada yada- but never that I WAS A GUY -- and a guy having a sex change to be a GIRL-- christ-
__________________
Don't let your ego get in the way and allow your muscles to write a check that your joints cannot cash...... ;)
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09-04-2007, 05:15 AM
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#15
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Registered User
Join Date: Jul 2006
Location: Connecticut, United States
Age: 45
Stats: 5'10", 198 lbs
Posts: 321
BodyBlog Entries: 0
BodyPoints: 4032
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Quote:
Originally Posted by BlondeAmazon
ya know- ive been called many things- been told i look like a guy- that im too big- yada yada yada- but never that I WAS A GUY -- and a guy having a sex change to be a GIRL-- christ-
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Hmm...I don't know...those muscles ARE kinda big.
__________________
My workout journal:
http://forum.bodybuilding.com/showthread.php?t=864556
My Journal, Fitness & Nutrition Info, Recipes
http://wesmorrison.blogspot.com
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09-04-2007, 06:59 AM
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#16
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Go TB RAYS/BUCS/LIGHTNING
Join Date: Jun 2006
Location: Florida, United States
Age: 39
Stats: 6'5", 237 lbs
Posts: 3,788
BodyBlog Entries: 0
BodyPoints: 12175
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Hmmm....
Is there a pill that will help me lose fat so that you will want to massage my A$$ so I can let my junk hang out while I feel your biceps and we discuss my bowel problems?
j/k
As much as I LOVE working out, I don't think I could deal with people like that. I always told my wife that if we ever won the lottery, i would open a gym, but obviously, I'd have to have a few people working w/the noob's.
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09-04-2007, 07:51 AM
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#17
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Back in the saddle again!
Join Date: May 2007
Location: Covington, Kentucky, United States
Age: 48
Stats: 5'7", 200 lbs
Posts: 13,546
BodyPoints: 39510
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Maria, you are a hoot! It's amazing how nuts some people are
__________________
~ Penney
Diet * (weights + cardio) = success
My new OV35 journal: http://forum.bodybuilding.com/showthread.php?t=117825751
We must be the change we wish to see in the world
-Ghandi
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09-04-2007, 08:05 AM
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#18
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From Dude to Dad
Join Date: Jul 2007
Location: Raleigh, North Carolina, United States
Age: 38
Stats: 6'1", 205 lbs
Posts: 836
BodyPoints: 26390
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Bring a meat tenderizer to your workout sessions.. you know.. that big mallet looking thing with the metal teeth on it.
Tell your clients that this is what you use for all butt massages, and that you swing it down like you're trying to win a prize at the state fair.
If anybody still wants one after that... THEN you refer them to the psychologist
__________________
My workout sessions are so vicious, so auspicious, and so clankalicious!
*My son, Evan, is HERE!!!* (10/3/07 - 9lbs 12oz 21in)
Take a Repcheck:
Freakin' Hibs x2
Booze
WTex
Kodlaw
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09-04-2007, 09:10 AM
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#19
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An 80's kind of guy.
Join Date: Jun 2006
Location: Maricopa, Arizona, United States
Age: 46
Stats: 6'0", 175 lbs
Posts: 255
BodyPoints: 4501
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This is why I work with computers.
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09-04-2007, 09:46 AM
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#20
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Radioactive
Join Date: Jan 2004
Stats: 5'11", 256 lbs
Posts: 5,770
BodyPoints: 28688
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So, is there any specific glute training you do that has your clients all wanting ass massages?
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09-04-2007, 10:13 AM
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#21
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Registered User
Join Date: Apr 2006
Location: New York
Age: 58
Posts: 592
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You're an excellent writer! Great sense of humor, great sense of pacing.
This has got to be considered for publication!
Go for it!
__________________
Knocked down seven times, stand up eight.
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09-04-2007, 10:14 AM
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#22
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Registered User
Join Date: Jul 2007
Location: Nederland, Texas, United States
Age: 46
Stats: 5'11", 159 lbs
Posts: 116
BodyPoints: 5581
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That first post was priceless.. LMFAO!!!!
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09-04-2007, 10:45 AM
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#23
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Registered User
Join Date: Jul 2005
Location: League City, Texas, United States
Age: 40
Stats: 6'2", 215 lbs
Posts: 3,179
BodyPoints: 13453
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ROFL, awesome post! I shouldn't have read it while eating though, you almost made me snort my tuna salad!
Darren
__________________
Just lift, for life!
Strong people are harder to kill than weak people and more useful in general. - Mark Rippetoe
http://startingstrength.wikia.com/wiki/Starting_Strength_Wiki
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09-04-2007, 01:16 PM
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#24
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CHA CHA CHA-ING
Join Date: Jan 2007
Location: Georgia, United States
Stats: 5'4", 140 lbs
Posts: 4,008
BodyBlog Entries: 0
BodyPoints: 10820
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I can't wait to hear the rest of the story after Sundays W/O!
__________________
We have the power to accomplish anything, it's called our mind.
I watch the Food Network for porn.
Scivation journal @
http://forum.bodybuilding.com/showthread.php?t=109190861
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09-04-2007, 02:02 PM
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#25
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Registered User
Join Date: Mar 2006
Location: Cape Coral, Florida, United States
Age: 44
Stats: 6'0", 195 lbs
Posts: 2,072
BodyBlog Entries: 0
BodyPoints: 20664
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I swear I love you guys!!!!! I will keep you posted to the saga... Today i threw an 80 lb dumbell (no not a little person-- a real dumbell) to make a point to the ******* who didnt put it away- - I do try to keep things interesting.
__________________
Don't let your ego get in the way and allow your muscles to write a check that your joints cannot cash...... ;)
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09-04-2007, 02:20 PM
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#26
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Add to Cart
Join Date: Sep 2004
Stats: 5'10", 205 lbs
Posts: 6,918
BodyBlog Entries: 0
BodyPoints: 29633
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Hey Blondie, what would ya say if I wanted to massage you? Ya Rly 
__________________
To succeed beyond the average, we must constantly challenge our minds and bodies, beyond what we believe our capabilities are.
The People's Spotter
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09-04-2007, 02:36 PM
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#27
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Bringing it!
Join Date: Apr 2007
Age: 52
Stats: 5'7", 125 lbs
Posts: 256
BodyPoints: 8353
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I am glad I worked out this morning before reading this. I cannot breathe from laughing.
I also think I cracked a rib falling over.
Thank you for making me laugh!!!
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09-04-2007, 02:41 PM
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#28
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Don't give me evils!
Join Date: Feb 2007
Location: Rip Off Britain, United Kingdom (Great Britain)
Age: 46
Posts: 1,627
BodyBlog Entries: 0
BodyPoints: 15370
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Oh my good God there are some truly disturbed and weirdy people in this world! But they all spoeak very highly of you
Working with the general public can be hysterically funny at times but in your profession you must get more than your share of creepy people sniffing around
Beat them with sticks I say
__________________
Brian! Who are all those people outside?
I don't know mother, they just .... popped by.
Popped by?! Swarmed by more like!
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09-04-2007, 07:56 PM
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#29
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Registered User
Join Date: Mar 2006
Location: Cape Coral, Florida, United States
Age: 44
Stats: 6'0", 195 lbs
Posts: 2,072
BodyBlog Entries: 0
BodyPoints: 20664
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Mark1T
Hey Blondie, what would ya say if I wanted to massage you? Ya Rly |
I would say- I am free friday night
__________________
Don't let your ego get in the way and allow your muscles to write a check that your joints cannot cash...... ;)
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09-04-2007, 08:14 PM
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#30
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Love Thailand
Join Date: Nov 2005
Location: Sechelt, BC, Canada
Age: 62
Stats: 5'11", 181 lbs
Posts: 3,720
BodyPoints: 28159
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Quote:
Originally Posted by BlondeAmazon
9. No- you cannot come to the gym and work out WITH me- it would kill you and It would piss me off. or you would piss me off and I would kill you- either way- its a no win.
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I succumbed to a young guy that wanted to work out with me 2 weeks ago. I ask him what he wanted to do he said shoulders. I told him too bad it was my leg day, surprisingly he said OK. I said "Have you ever done Hack squats????" He now avoids the gym if I'm around....
__________________
Often Lukamar your posts walk a fine line between sarcasm and humor, splashed with common sense and mastery of the obvious.
Old School Bodybuilders Forum Admin
http://www.oldschoolbodybuilders.com
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