Copping some flack from the missus

[jeffgre_6163]

My wife had a bit of a heart to heart with me last night.
She is concerned I am getting too big!
She told me she prefers me at a lighter, more "Athletic" build.

At 5'7" and 185lbs I'm hardly a monster but at the rate I have been going it is possible I will crack 200lbs by Christmas.
this would be by far the biggest I have gotten even since my full on gym rat/instructors days back in the early 90's when we met
Personally I love it and am not about to slow down.
[I have put on 7.5 kg 16.5lb in 3 1/2 months!]

If she only knew how much my training occupies my mind and what I had stored in the fridge here at work [protein drinks etc] she would be even more concerned!
Any body else had this issue with their partner? and if so how did you reassure them that it was all good?

[BlondeAmazon]

Being a single female for 17 years and doing the whole dating thing- ugh puke-- ok anyway- YES!!! I often run into this issue with men AND women of men who i know at the gym. Men love the way I look right up until I wont have pizza and beer with them or when I hop outta bed at the buttcrack of dawn to do my workout. My guy friends in the gym say some of their wives/girlfriends wig out at their "obsession" with training and supplements and eating- It is a lifestyle- we must bring more people over to the dark side- otherwise they simply dont get it...

[TDetroit]

My wife thinks I am buffing up to get with someone else. I am thinking your wife has the same issue.

Hey, it's your body and you are not doing anything amoral with it. We all change our attitudes at different times in our lives. If she doesn't like this attitude of yours, too bad for her. Build to what you want to build to.

[LongnHard]

Originally Posted by jeffgre_6163

My wife had a bit of a heart to heart with me last night.
She is concerned I am getting too big!
She told me she prefers me at a lighter, more "Athletic" build.

At 5'7" and 185lbs I'm hardly a monster but at the rate I have been going it is possible I will crack 200lbs by Christmas.
this would be by far the biggest I have gotten even since my full on gym rat/instructors days back in the early 90's when we met
Personally I love it and am not about to slow down.
[I have put on 7.5 kg 16.5lb in 3 1/2 months!]

If she only knew how much my training occupies my mind and what I had stored in the fridge here at work [protein drinks etc] she would be even more concerned!
Any body else had this issue with their partner? and if so how did you reassure them that it was all good?

You didn't say anything about responding to her concerns and if fact your "if she only knew..." part makes me think maybe you have not been clear with her about how important this is to you? Sounds like maybe you need to sit her down for a heart to heart. Get her on board by allowing her to be aware of your goals, etc. I checked out your profile to see if I could understand what your wife might have meant by her perference for a lighter, more athlectic build. You don't look to have a higher then normal BF%, but you did mention yourself about wanting to lower the BF. It's pretty hard to gain over 16 lbs in 14 weeks with out putting on some fat. Could this be what she is talking about? If so you could explain the process of bulking and cutting and share your plan and timeframe with her. Again, try to get her involved and let her know what's going on with you. I'll bet if you included her in this she would find it a lot easier to undstand. Maybe you have already done all this and I am just full of crap if so never mind!

[Wayne Evans]

Originally Posted by jeffgre_6163

My wife had a bit of a heart to heart with me last night.
She is concerned I am getting too big!
She told me she prefers me at a lighter, more "Athletic" build.

At 5'7" and 185lbs I'm hardly a monster but at the rate I have been going it is possible I will crack 200lbs by Christmas.
this would be by far the biggest I have gotten even since my full on gym rat/instructors days back in the early 90's when we met
Personally I love it and am not about to slow down.
[I have put on 7.5 kg 16.5lb in 3 1/2 months!]

If she only knew how much my training occupies my mind and what I had stored in the fridge here at work [protein drinks etc] she would be even more concerned!
Any body else had this issue with their partner? and if so how did you reassure them that it was all good?

Boy, sorry to hear that.
Tough call as how to deal with this.

I don't share your problem but I'll just hop out on this limb....would she be receptive to you somehow 'including' her in your BB motives and goals, etc?
How do you endear her to your aspirations?
I'm sure there must be others here that have 'been there'.

I'm just hoping you both can come to some understanding.

Good luck.

[jeffgre_6163]

Originally Posted by LongnHard

You didn't say anything about responding to her concerns and if fact your "if she only knew..." part makes me think maybe you have not been clear with her about how important this is to you? Sounds like maybe you need to sit her down for a heart to heart. Get her on board by allowing her to be aware of your goals, etc. I checked out your profile to see if I could understand what your wife might have meant by her perference for a lighter, more athlectic build. You don't look to have a higher then normal BF%, but you did mention yourself about wanting to lower the BF. It's pretty hard to gain over 16 lbs in 14 weeks with out putting on some fat. Could this be what she is talking about? If so you could explain the process of bulking and cutting and share your plan and timeframe with her. Again, try to get her involved and let her know what's going on with you. I'll bet if you included her in this she would find it a lot easier to undstand. Maybe you have already done all this and I am just full of crap if so never mind!

I dont think it has to do with the increase in BF.
I have never been known to carry too much.
My wife has confessed she dson't like the thick neck look
That 16lbs is by far mainly muscle, my waist has decreased about 3 cm.
I have never found it that hard to gain.
I know my way around a gym very well [accrediated gym and fitness instructor in a past life and I am very well read on the subject] my training is very intense but I ensure I do not over train,

You are correct, i think I will have a chat about my goals and reassure her that carry extra weight in muscle is not any thing like carrying xtra weight in bf

[lcash]

I had this same conversation with my wife. I brought her to the gym with me and got her on her own workout plan with me coaching her. It gives us time together and lets her know I am not there for anyone else but her.

Lcash

[Ironized]

Originally Posted by jeffgre_6163

I dont think it has to do with the increase in BF.
I have never been known to carry too much.
My wife has confessed she dson't like the thick neck look
That 16lbs is by far mainly muscle, my waist has decreased about 3 cm.
I have never found it that hard to gain.
I know my way around a gym very well [accrediated gym and fitness instructor in a past life and I am very well read on the subject] my training is very intense but I ensure I do not over train,

You are correct, i think I will have a chat about my goals and reassure her that carry extra weight in muscle is not any thing like carrying xtra weight in bf

Lets see.. 16.5lbs of mainly muscle in 14 weeks, decrease in waist size, 43 years old, neck thick as a bull.

Ahh.. maybe the concern is not the muscle.

[Samraiwise]

Same here.

I have learned to measure my progress by the number of her scowl lines.
These days, the more she frowns the better I feel about myself.

[carbkilla]

My wife complained that I was eating differently after I changed to a BB diet. She also didn't like me losing fat and looking better than her (in her mind).

One day I got tired of it and explaind that she should be happy and support me in my healthy lifestyle. I told her I felt that if I expect another person to commit to only having sex with me the rest of her life then I feel obligated to keep myself fit and trim. It was like someone turned on a light bulb.

Of course, how silly is it to put down someone you love for trying to improve themself. Now she does 30 minutes of cardio in the morning and pumps Iron 3x a week.

The best way to recruit someone is to lead by example and show them the beauty of what you're doing. If they just don't get it then who cares what they think.

CK

[Whiskeyjack]

Originally Posted by Wayne Evans

...would she be receptive to you somehow 'including' her in your BB motives and goals, etc?
How do you endear her to your aspirations?
I'm sure there must be others here that have 'been there'.

I'm just hoping you both can come to some understanding.

Good luck.

Another good post, Wayne.

[jeffgre_6163]

Originally Posted by Ironized

Lets see.. 16.5lbs of mainly muscle in 14 weeks, decrease in waist size, 43 years old, neck thick as a bull.

Ahh.. maybe the concern is not the muscle.

I take it you are implying that she may be concerned that there is another woman or that I may attract another woman?

Hhhhmmmm... my wifes is not the jealous type and she certainly has no reason at all to be.
Having said that, if me getting in shape makes he see me as more attractive and possibly more attractive to other woman thens who am I to complain?

[jude-o]

He's implying that gaining more than a pound a week of mostly muscle on a middle-aged man often requires...shall we say, rather exotic supplements. :-)

[jeffgre_6163]

Originally Posted by jude-o

He's implying that gaining more than a pound a week of mostly muscle on a middle-aged man often requires...shall we say, rather exotic supplements. :-)

Ha Ha you have got to be kidding!
I'm married with an 8 year old son, in a private school, 4, count them 4 mortgages and a hobby - my motorcycle - more expensive than you can imagine.
I have NO chance of affording any juice thats for sure
on our family budget and my weekly "Allowance" of $50.00 I'm struggling to be able to afford a $40.00 container of creatine or my fav protein shake!

I have no problem with 'roids, if someone wants to take them go luck.
On this board I would have no problem admitting taking them but I never have and [probably] never will.

I think my gains are due to intense, correct training and a decent no. of calories

Plus a decent dose of decent genetics perhaps

[emf]

my wife and i grew up together.married real early.she saw me thru everything and supported me in everything i accomplished.
the only thing she ever gives me any flack on is when i take a prohormone as im not young anymore.
she will say i dont want you taking any of that stuff,and thats the end of it as she knows im going to follow thru with my plan.

[Like It Or Not]

Originally Posted by jeffgre_6163

My wife had a bit of a heart to heart with me last night.
She is concerned I am getting too big!
She told me she prefers me at a lighter, more "Athletic" build.

At 5'7" and 185lbs I'm hardly a monster but at the rate I have been going it is possible I will crack 200lbs by Christmas.
this would be by far the biggest I have gotten even since my full on gym rat/instructors days back in the early 90's when we met
Personally I love it and am not about to slow down.
[I have put on 7.5 kg 16.5lb in 3 1/2 months!]

If she only knew how much my training occupies my mind and what I had stored in the fridge here at work [protein drinks etc] she would be even more concerned!
Any body else had this issue with their partner? and if so how did you reassure them that it was all good?

Couple different schools of thought here. Yeah, you have the she's jealous thing and maybe she's thinking you're getting bigger for the attention of someone else. Maybe she's jealous of the time you spend in the gym and not with her. Maybe she is honest and doesn't want you bigger. Obviously, something attracted you to her, if this is the biggest you've ever been, maybe she REALLY doesn't like it. Maybe you could try bringing her to the gym (if she's somewhat interested) or getting some workout equipment for the house as she may be a little self concious at first.

Kind of ironic. I always thought men married women hoping the woman wouldn't change and women married men hoping they would change. Tell her you're changing

[thearm95]

I've seen women drooling over guys who look like they couldn't pull the skin off a bowl of custard. Sad really.

- but there are probably just as many women who like muscle on guys - my missus likes my strength training and the muscle that comes with it, I don't think I could get that big that she wouldn't like it. She also likes that I can lift and carry heavy **** around without any problems or complaints!

[michaeljazz]

Originally Posted by Wayne Evans

Boy, sorry to hear that.
Tough call as how to deal with this.

I don't share your problem but I'll just hop out on this limb....would she be receptive to you somehow 'including' her in your BB motives and goals, etc?
How do you endear her to your aspirations?
I'm sure there must be others here that have 'been there'.

I'm just hoping you both can come to some understanding.

Good luck.

I agree with Wayne on this. My wife and I are always 100% supportive to one another concerning goals of any kind. I've endeared my wife to my fitness aspirations, in particular, by allowing her to point out things about me that she likes.. and wouldn't mind seeing more pronounced & defined. Not that I wouldn't do just that as part of my program anyway, but it makes it more interactive for her.

I like receiving her input, and I also give her the opportunity to help "put her husband together."

My wife loves to shop, so I let her point out "parts" that she sees on TV or in movies and magazines, and tell me what she would like to see on me. It's turned in to quite a fun little game that we both enjoy. It gets her involved in my goals, and has gotten her heavily interested in my progress. She's really liking it

It's even getting her wanting to join me in the gym after the baby's born! I think that if you involve her, she'll support you more.

[Baldsnake]

An old expression. Some men prefer their women this way so that they are not an attraction to other men. It is also a cultural thing in some societies. I have seen it work the other way in bodybuilding. Two out of shape softies get married. Later one of them (75% the man) gets into shape and becomes very attractive. Billy Buff and his wife Patty Pudgie. Patty feels threatened yet does nothing for her own self esteem and health so she yammers constantly at her old man Billy Buff. I have been in the body building circles a long time. If the wife or husband keep up the complaining about their obsessed healthy mate....the marriage fails. Also called growing apart.

At your body weight you have only begun. If you were 220 and hard as nails I would say she might have a point.

[StartinOver-68]

Been there, done that, divorce, got over it, life goes on especially your own.

[Whiskeyjack]

Originally Posted by thearm95

I've seen women drooling over guys who look like they couldn't pull the skin off a bowl of custard. Sad really.

- but there are probably just as many women who like muscle on guys - my missus likes my strength training and the muscle that comes with it, I don't think I could get that big that she wouldn't like it. She also likes that I can lift and carry heavy **** around without any problems or complaints!

I agree with everything you say. I would also add two separate but related factors - self-image and time/dedication. Perhaps what a lot of women may not like with male bodybuilders, size aside, is the implied narcissism (ie. self satisfaction, looking in the mirror instead of at her, etc., whether real or not), and the time spent at the gym vs. with her. I'm talking about HER perception of things. I have always understood that a bit of self-love (as opposed to self confidence) is usually considered socially acceptable in women, but is less tolerated in men.

I dated a successful competing female bodybuilder in the '80s - bear in mind that I was myself training for a contest at that time and she did a little coaching. She worked in the gym where I trained and I found that she basically lived at the gym; everything she did pivoted around that nodal point, even her social life. I suppose I was less dedicated than her, but I found it a bit offputting that she would choose a workout over me even if there was something I really wanted to do. I then remembered the girls whom I'd put aside for my own workouts previously. So I believe this is a factor for the ladies, and I sympathize big-time. We can say, "Well, I'm dedicated!" till the cows come home, but that doesn't mean it'll impress our significant others who have a longer and deeper claim on our time (if we're in deep or long lasting relations).

[DanVanVliet]

My wife thinks I'm crazy I never miss a workout unless planned. She is starting to warm up to it though she likes the way I look, it will pass keep on growing your wife will love it when you cut. Good luck.

[hunter1492]

Ask her if she would rather you make a new habit of hitting the bars and coming home late? She should support your desire to be more fit.

[SC23]

Originally Posted by hunter1492

Ask her if she would rather you make a new habit of hitting the bars and coming home late? She should support your desire to be more fit.

He shoots, he scores!! lol..

Im wonderin if its actually that she does prefer the slimmer athletic look vs the bulky beefcake. If thats the **real** reason.. that might need some workin on.. but I bet its either the jealous, left behind thing or the worry about other chix diggin ya thing.

Im only 3 weeks in now but after the first week my wife decided she wanted to start workin out too.. quote "You're not gettin all buff and me bein all flabby, thats not gonna happen" lol..

[mlmg]

I lift at 5:30am and am home before 7:00am. Therefore, my wife doesn't mind my working out. I don't preach about eating habits, she has hers, I have mine. With the kids we lean more towards my lifestyle. I also include her in what my plans and goals are and I guess I am lucky, she supports me 100%. I also think she enjoys having me this size...

[rudai123]

I've had similar grumbling from my wife. How I have countered it is by saying:
"This is the only way that I know how to get in shape". "If you want me to get fat and soft, then insist that I stop lifting for size."

This has worked to some degree.

[greyhair]

Originally Posted by jeffgre_6163

My wife had a bit of a heart to heart with me last night.
She is concerned I am getting too big!
She told me she prefers me at a lighter, more "Athletic" build.

At 5'7" and 185lbs I'm hardly a monster but at the rate I have been going it is possible I will crack 200lbs by Christmas.
this would be by far the biggest I have gotten even since my full on gym rat/instructors days back in the early 90's when we met
Personally I love it and am not about to slow down.
[I have put on 7.5 kg 16.5lb in 3 1/2 months!]

If she only knew how much my training occupies my mind and what I had stored in the fridge here at work [protein drinks etc] she would be even more concerned!
Any body else had this issue with their partner? and if so how did you reassure them that it was all good?

Jeff,
With all charity and respect, here is my cut.

I do suspect there is more underlying this than how you look.
My own experience with women tells me that gals generally want a man to look "good enough" and after that its irrelevant. It could be something else.

Is it really how you look or is it the degree to which you are devoted to bodybuilding? Are you involved enough in what is important to her? Is she getting enough of your attention compared to the time you spend working out? I also believe that women want a man to show that they love them by occasional demonstrations of personal sacrifice. She could be asking you to show that she is more important than your other "mistress"

I think you need to have another couple heart to heart talks and see if there is something under the surface. I don't know what your bride's home was like, but gals who had only sisters, or preponderance of female company will always be sending sub-text in conversations and will be always "reading between the lines" when you talk with them. This can be really frustrating for men since guys usually just lay it out on the table with plain talk.

Now if what she said is what she means, then you have to decide some thing more simple.

Do you love your wife more than bodybuilding?
If you do, then you'll moderate. If you don't then you'll ignore her request.

I don't mean to be too blunt, but I hope things work out.

God Bless.

[Minotaur]

"I do for everyone else, this I do for me."

[Daretosoar]

I have to agree that there is more to her story. I think she maybe feeling a little uneasy about where your relationship is. You need to reassure her that she is the one that you want no matter how great you look. A lot of people are known for getting in better shape right before or right after they end a relationship.

My husband is not the jealous type or so I thought. Then one day we were talking about sexy people. I finally showed him a picture of someone I thought was and instant jealousy. He got over it quickly. I had never before told him about anyone that I thought was sexy. He would ask me my opinion on some of the guys at the gym (nicely built) and I would tell them that it looks like they were hitting the gym hard and had some nice muscle development but that was it.

Your wife may also be concerned about you getting in much better shape than she. She may also be trying to tell you what she likes and what she dont. What I am trying to say is you need to have a heart to hart with her.

[dmangiarelli]

Originally Posted by BlondeAmazon

Being a single female for 17 years and doing the whole dating thing- ugh puke-- ok anyway- YES!!! I often run into this issue with men AND women of men who i know at the gym. Men love the way I look right up until I wont have pizza and beer with them or when I hop outta bed at the buttcrack of dawn to do my workout. My guy friends in the gym say some of their wives/girlfriends wig out at their "obsession" with training and supplements and eating- It is a lifestyle- we must bring more people over to the dark side- otherwise they simply dont get it...

Even after getting them to the dark side, sometimes they just don't get it ...

Originally Posted by TDetroit

My wife thinks I am buffing up to get with someone else. I am thinking your wife has the same issue.

LOL! My wife too. I told her that at the end of my workout I am drenched in sweat and couldn't possibly see how another woman could find that attractive! In fact, my wife won't even come near me until after I've had a shower...

Originally Posted by lcash

I had this same conversation with my wife. I brought her to the gym with me and got her on her own workout plan with me coaching her. It gives us time together and lets her know I am not there for anyone else but her.

Lcash

Me too ... This seems to work especially well. She got a training session from one of the trainers at teh gym and then came home and told me that I know way more than the trainers and I actually listen to her goals and prescribed a program based around them ...

Originally Posted by Samraiwise

Same here.

I have learned to measure my progress by the number of her scowl lines.
These days, the more she frowns the better I feel about myself.

That is hilarious!

Originally Posted by StartinOver-68

Been there, done that, divorce, got over it, life goes on especially your own.

Bro, One day I saw an old, beatup truck with an old, beatup camper on the back driving down the freeway with a bumper sticker that read, "Every seven years I meet a woman I hate and buy her a house!" was that you?

Don