2 hours away from a break up (story inside)

self_made_hawk · 08-28-2007, 06:31 PM

Well todays the day i take back control in this deal. The past four days of my life I have been whiny and bitchy because my g/f wants to take a break. 9:30est time its over please read below for the stupidest story you've ever heard.

I'm from kansas, shes from new jersey. We're both pretty smart and met out in washington dc on a smart person politics trip. We talked the first day and hung out every chance we got that week. Exchanged cell numbers and went back to our states. We kept in touch and really started to talk alot more. She said she didn't want to stay in the NJ for college so I said well hey come out here then. She said okay.

We kept talking alot all the time and eventually I said i love you and she said it back. This was around december (8 months after knowing her)

April comes around and she flies out to visit and we have a great time.

May I fly out to see her. It was her prom and of course I went and we had sex that night (both our first times) and everything was really cool.

June she flies out here and we have alot of sex

July I fly out there

August school finally starts and sure enough her and her family drive out here. Her family loves me also and tells me to take care of her. I said i will.

A few days later school starts and I don't see really all that much of her and i was a little mad cause she drove 2000 miles to be with me and I never saw her.

She became more distance in the next 2 weeks and then finally we got together saturday. We went stragiht to haveing sex and afterwards I got up to make a PB and J sandwich. I come back and she's laying there very sad and i ask whats wrong. She says she doesn't feel the same way about me and thinks that if we take a break she'll get that feeling back for me. I then proceed for the next 4 days to be a whiny, bitchy girl, desperatly wanting her back.

So tonight I asked her to talk at 8:30 and she says okay but i need to be back at the school by 8:50. After everything we've been threw I get 20 minutes tops. This pushed me over the edge and its going to end tonight.

Am I doing the right thing you think or what? Just typing this out helps a little of getting rid of the numb horrible feeling i have right now.

Cliff notes:

*I meet girl in DC. We have a thing going
*Girl and i talk for 9 months and I fall in love
*Fly back and forth both have sex for the first time together
*girl moves 2000 miles away from family and friends for me
*girl wants a break after 3 weeks of being together
*i'm going to make her make a descision tonight

DnNuggets16 · 08-28-2007, 06:33 PM

Cliff notes?

FunkDaddy · 08-28-2007, 06:36 PM

She moved there to be with you. Her loss. Take the break and have fun dude.

self_made_hawk · 08-28-2007, 06:38 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by FunkDaddy

She moved there to be with you. Her loss. Take the break and have fun dude.

I know but i really thought that moving out here and leaving everything she knows behind for me meant something. I got her by luck and am just afraid that i'll never find anything like what we had again. Mainly thanks to all this PUA stuff going around

-Live2Lift- · 08-28-2007, 06:41 PM

Ask yourself if you are going to break up with her anyway what have u got to loose?

Just give her stupid break and see what happens.... but it might do you both good anyway.

Just perhaps try stick through it if you really want her...

self_made_hawk · 08-28-2007, 06:43 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by -Live2Lift-

Ask yourself if you are going to break up with her anyway what have u got to loose?

Just give her stupid break and see what happens.... but it might do you both good anyway.

Just perhaps try stick through it if you really want her...

thats exactly what i needed to hear. but my thing is what is the endgame. What will be accomplished from the time apart? I see nothing except me missing her, growing further apart.

-Live2Lift- · 08-28-2007, 06:47 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by self_made_hawk

thats exactly what i needed to hear. but my thing is what is the endgame. What will be accomplished from the time apart? I see nothing except me missing her, growing further apart.

No it could cause her to see how much you mean to her...because time away from you might make her miss you and see she took you for granted and come back based on fact of her realising how much you may mean to her.

She sounds like she does mean alot to you... and in your position i would just stick through the gunfire. Because i know current girl im dating means so much to me and ive never met a girl like her and i wouldnt be willing to loose her without some kind of a fight.

If you did loose her... you can at least look back and say you tried and fought for something you cared about.

TheGunther · 08-28-2007, 06:51 PM

when she does the break you should pretty much leave it at that and just ignore her completely. Most likely you've turned from the guy you used to be when you first met..

Ellimist · 08-28-2007, 06:52 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by self_made_hawk

So tonight I asked her to talk at 8:30 and she says okay but i need to be back at the school by 8:50. After everything we've been threw I get 20 minutes tops.

Oh man, this one got me. I know the feeling all too well.

I am so sorry to hear that bro. Good luck with it.

GriT- · 08-28-2007, 06:56 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Ellimist

Oh man, this one got me. I know the feeling all too well.

I am so sorry to hear that bro. Good luck with it.

I don't even get what his statement means. He called her at 8:30..isn't it his own fault he called so late before he has to get back to school? I'm lost.

self_made_hawk · 08-28-2007, 06:59 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by GriT-

I don't even get what his statement means. He called her at 8:30..isn't it his own fault he called so late before he has to get back to school? I'm lost.

no today i asked when she was availbe to talk. she said 8:30 after practice i said okay.

a few hours ago i ask if we're still on she said yeah i have to be back at the school by 8:50 tho.

I get twenty minutes of her time.

self_made_hawk · 08-28-2007, 07:01 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by -Live2Lift-

No it could cause her to see how much you mean to her...because time away from you might make her miss you and see she took you for granted and come back based on fact of her realising how much you may mean to her.

She sounds like she does mean alot to you... and in your position i would just stick through the gunfire. Because i know current girl im dating means so much to me and ive never met a girl like her and i wouldnt be willing to loose her without some kind of a fight.

If you did loose her... you can at least look back and say you tried and fought for something you cared about.

thats how i feel and i wish i could rep you more. i would be willing to do anything to keep what we have. its not looking promising tho

-Live2Lift- · 08-28-2007, 07:05 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by self_made_hawk

thats how i feel and i wish i could rep you more. i would be willing to do anything to keep what we have. its not looking promising tho

Promising or not... going down with a fight is better than just curling up and submitting.

The_Reaper · 08-28-2007, 07:12 PM

You are smothering her. The psychological paradox and irony of life is that the more you chase something, the farther away from you it runs. My advice now it to pull back a little. If she says she wants a break, mother of christ for the love of jesus DO NOT try to get closer to her, as if by trying harder you will win her back to you. This is the greatest fallacy in the dating/relationship world. Pull back, be cool, don't let your emotions get the better of you, don't turn into a wussy in front of her, and let her know that if she wants to take a break, you're unwilling to put up with it and that you wish her well - and mean it. Don't get emotional and flustered. Be calm and state yourself clearly.

BrightNail · 08-28-2007, 07:13 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by self_made_hawk

thats how i feel and i wish i could rep you more. i would be willing to do anything to keep what we have. its not looking promising tho

You do not have many options. In fact, you have one.

1. Giver her the time she wants.

Now, given that - where does that leave you?
1. Sit at home and pine about her
2. Move on with your life

That is all there is to it. She is not into you anymore. Its okay. It happens. Some of us had a really hard time getting over our "firsts" or "letting go", but you know -- its part of life. She probably wants to "explore" and see what her options are....

Also, you shouldn't settle. I know she was your first, but other than that - let go and see if you two really are for each other.

You are both young, in different schools ---- you are each in your primes. Go out and experiment.

I know its tough. But when you girl says " you have 20 minutes" to talk to me.. that is sorta lame, and it is very telling.

Also, personally..... I would have opted NOT to talk to her when she is putting time constraints on you like that. Where is the respect? I would just say "you know, you are right. Take care of yourself and be happy.".. and that is that.

Whatever you do. DO NOT WHINE, DO NOT CRY. DO NOT BEG. you will regret it and it does NOTHING BUT PUSH HER FURTHER AWAY.

She will for sure start calling you once its official. She will want you as a security blanket. You will be all confused cause she will appear to be loving, yet never give you anything. If this happens, you need to put your foot down "tell her to STOP CALLING YOU".

Don't be that puppy love dude that pines away for his ex who is out experiencing other men and occasionally calls and confuses the you... and then you endlessly talk to your friends about "why, and how come". Its just part of the experience of relationships.

good luck.

The_Reaper · 08-28-2007, 07:14 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by -Live2Lift-

Promising or not... going down with a fight is better than just curling up and submitting.

No, this is wrong. You cannot fight a woman for her love. Read my post above. You need to take a leap of faith and trust me on this one, because it is highly counter-intuitive.

The_Reaper · 08-28-2007, 07:17 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by BrightNail

You do not have many options. In fact, you have one.

I would just say "you know, you are right. Take care of yourself and be happy.".. and that is that.

Whatever you do. DO NOT WHINE, DO NOT CRY. DO NOT BEG. you will regret it and it does NOTHING BUT PUSH HER FURTHER AWAY.

She will for sure start calling you once its official. She will want you as a security blanket. You will be all confused cause she will appear to be loving, yet never give you anything. If this happens, you need to put your foot down "tell her to STOP CALLING YOU".

Don't be that puppy love dude that pines away for his ex who is out experiencing other men and occasionally calls and confuses the you... and then you endlessly talk to your friends about "why, and how come". Its just part of the experience of relationships.

good luck.

Yes, listen to that

NotRippedYet · 08-28-2007, 07:17 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by self_made_hawk

no today i asked when she was availbe to talk. she said 8:30 after practice i said okay.

a few hours ago i ask if we're still on she said yeah i have to be back at the school by 8:50 tho.

I get twenty minutes of her time.

If she's not even willing to give you her time to talk about it then it's time to walk away. Meet her, tell her goodbye and walk right out of there. Don't whine, don't get all soft. Tell her if she wants a break that she has one, only it's permanent. Don't talk to her again, don't contact her, don't answer her calls.

She's trying to play you because she's interested in someone else or wants to be with someone else, but wants to keep you there as a safety. Don't let her have that.

Fidelis · 08-28-2007, 07:19 PM

In my experience, break = break up

Both of you may really intend to just be taking a break but one person, if not both, will decide to move on.

JacoborJake · 08-28-2007, 08:09 PM

dude I'm from Kansas too, I went to KU/Washburn! Anyways, trust me - blow her off, keep in touch and act like she doesn't mean anything to you. When you talk to her, tell her that you'd to chat it up but you've got plans. In the mean time be social and meet some new people! Remember - and I mean no matter what happens, remember this:

Treat a girl like dirt,
she'll stick to ya like mud.

Peace

Ex-Terminator · 08-28-2007, 08:13 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by self_made_hawk

May I fly out to see her.

Yes, you may.

self_made_hawk · 08-28-2007, 08:18 PM

okay heres an update and then i'll go read everything you guys said

she had something else to go to after her practice and said she couldn't make our talk

we talked on the phone and i asked her she even wants to try to make it work and she said right now No. I said no either you do or you don't. Call me with your descion. And hung up. 5 seconds later she called and said she does but shes just so busy and doesn't want me to have to wait around for her.

we might actually be okay (kinda alpha because i said either you do or you don't and hung up) meh kinda alpha

Cyberia · 08-28-2007, 08:19 PM

I think you should give her space because during this time.. a lot will go through her mind. She will eventually realize a lot.. and hopefully she'll come to a conclusion that you are a great person and that she prob wont find another great guy like you. ( this all depend if you were kind, and sweet to her when you guys were in a relationship)

But in the mean time, you should go out and enjoy life man. My ex of 2.5 years recently broke up with me. She left for college today and it hurts a lot but I am slowly trying to get my life back on track.

Trust me man, if she was yours to begin with, she will come back. Just give her the space she needs.

Kaptn Krunch · 08-28-2007, 08:35 PM

Now that school started, she's found someone else she's interested in, and it ain't you. You're 19 and in college. You won't find more pussy at any point in your life. Forget about her and go get laid by strange and beautiful women.

You probably got all clingy and smothered her way too soon. When you only saw each other every few months, absence made the heart grow fonder and she couldn't wait to cram your cock (no homo) into every orifice she had. Now that she can see you 24/7, she's lost interest.

*cliffs* MOVE THE FCUK ON!

self_made_hawk · 08-28-2007, 08:40 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Kaptn Krunch

Now that school started, she's found someone else she's interested in, and it ain't you. You're 19 and in college. You won't find more pussy at any point in your life. Forget about her and go get laid by strange and beautiful women.

You probably got all clingy and smothered her way too soon. When you only saw each other every few months, absence made the heart grow fonder and she couldn't wait to cram your cock (no homo) into every orifice she had. Now that she can see you 24/7, she's lost interest.

*cliffs* MOVE THE FCUK ON!

you make alot of sense. but i think we're going to workout

Ravage7 · 08-28-2007, 08:47 PM

I think you need to grow some balls and move the hell on because a relationship has already failed if one person needs to be pleading with the other over staying together. You should be old enough to know this by now but I'm guessing you're new to relationships or something because you're acting exactly like a 13 year old kid with his first gf who just can't let go.

Kaptn Krunch · 08-28-2007, 08:48 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by self_made_hawk

you make alot of sense. but i think we're going to workout

I'll bet you a week's worth of reps that she'll tell you in a few weeks that it's just not going to work. Her line was the typical BS, "It's not you, it's me", easy break-up speech. I've given it a ton of times. But it's pure BS!

You'll only be kicking yourself in the ass after you foolishly wait around for her for months, only to find out that she's been seeing someone else. As soon as you hear the words, "I just need some time", it's time to get the hell out of there and never look back.

ewb302 · 08-28-2007, 08:58 PM

You need to change your thinking. If she is not interested in you, you should not be interested in her, simple. Even if you are upset, you need to let her go and forget about her. If you see her or speak to her any time in the future, act confident and make sure she does not detect you are hurt/bothered. I would suggest letting her go to have her space. Don't try to call her or initiate contact. If she feels like she lost something good, she'll call you. If not, then it wasn't meant to be and you do not want to be in a one sided relationship anyways.

backinbusiness · 08-28-2007, 09:01 PM

You made a wrong move saying you loved her after 8 months of "knowing" her. You couldn't have spent that much time with her. Way to early.

self_made_hawk · 08-28-2007, 09:02 PM

Her exact words, are I want to be with you but its not fair for you to be waiting around for me to get used to all this. She said if you want to date other girls i won't stop you but it'll break my heart.

She really is busy and I'm starting to believe her. School from 8am-1pm, lunch then cheerleading and dance practice till 5pm and then dinner and play practice from 7pm to 9pm. I mean thats a big schedule for anyone