10 WORST Things to Do During a Zombie Outbreak (yes long) (yes cliffs)

[skinnyboipgh]

Bookmark this thread! These tips and tricks for surviving a zombie outbreak might come in handy sometime. They were compiled through many hours of painstaking research, watching untold numbers of Hollywood's best (or at least classic) zombie movies!

10) Don't set zombies on fire. Burning zombies smell terrible.

We're not sure why you see it in every zombie movie, but it stands to reason that the only thing worse than a zombie is a flaming zombie. Remember, it can take a long time for a zombie to burn to death - more than ten minutes, in some recorded cases. Do you really want a burning zombie lighting you and your friends on fire? Play it safe - chances are good that there won?t be any fire-fighting infrastructure during a zombie outbreak if things get out of hand.

9) Don't get sentimental. Zombies won't.

Sure, it's your house. Sure, they were your family and friends. But now it's a zombie nest, and they're zombies. Stick around, and your best chance is to become zombie food - worst case, you'll end up a zombie like the rest. Zombies don't have any feelings - neither should you.

8) Don't forget to shut the door behind you. Zombies often come over without calling first.

Were you born in a barn? Zombies might not be the brightest, but they know an open door when they see one. Keep your suburban zombie fortress secure by remembering to close and lock the door behind you. And don?t slam it either! Zombies hate that.

7) Don't keep zombies in the basement. Even if they are your zombie family.

Devotion to family and friends is touching. However, you don?t want them to be touching you, after they?re dead. Do yourself a favor and make sure you put zombie friends and family down properly. Remember, there is no zombie cure, and keeping them around only prolongs their suffering and increases the risk for everyone. Besides, do you really want to get eaten by your buddies?

6) Don't try to reunite with friends/family over long distances.

Seems like a great idea, doesn't it? That?s what everyone thinks. Look, do the math. If you leave your house at noon, heading toward your mum's, traveling 3 km per hour, and a crowd of zombies leaves the general vicinity of your mum?s at the same time, heading toward you at 1 km per hour, what time will you get eaten by zombies? Skip the math and consult rule #9.

5) Don't go down. Zombies can go down too.

Zombies can't climb. You can. In light of this, why would you ever choose to go down, rather than up? Stay out of basements, gullies, sewers, and anyplace else that zombies might unwittingly wander / fall into and be unable to get out of. Remember, it's unlikely that a human would be in a sewer, but zombies don?t care a whit about the smell.

4) Don't broadcast your presence. Zombies may be listening.

Zombies that still retain their ears have been statistically shown to have above-average recognition of baseline frequencies. If you absolutely must blast music while killing zombies, do it on your Ipod, and you might want to consider delaying that block party until after the zombie outbreak blows over. During a zombie outbreak, remember to turn your cell phone to vibrate - it's only polite.

3) Don't stand in front of the window. That's just foolish.

You?d think this one didn't require stating, but apparently it does. Windows are an aesthetic defense against the environment, not protection against zombies and the living dead. Once you find your fortress, barricade the windows as quickly as possible and stay the hell away from them. Whatever you do, don't deliver speeches with your back to them.

2) Don't get too creative with zombie defense.

Sure, chainsaw slits in your van seemed like a good idea at the time, before you filled your car with fumes and exhaust, passed out at the wheel and got yourself sawed in half. The temptation to get very creative with zombie dispatching can seem almost unbearable at times, but when it comes to killing zombies, that old adage applies: Keep it simple, stupid!

1) Don't be "that one a$$hole" in your group.

Textual analysis of zombie movies has proven that "that one a$$hole," a character ubiquitous in zombie and survival horror movies, only stands a 4.32% chance of surviving until the end of the movie.

Later studies have challenged that figure, citing several movies in which ?that one a$$hole? was one-upped by "the other, bigger a$$hole," who then assumed "that one a$$hole" status.

What do these figures mean? Being nice matters. To dramatically increase your chances of survival, make sure you always have "that one a$$hole" traveling in your party with you, otherwise you might end up playing the role of "that weak douchebag," a similarly ill-fated character.

Cliffs:

10) Don't set zombies on fire. Burning zombies smell terrible & might burn your house down.

9) Don't get sentimental. Zombies don't have any feelings - neither should you, they will just take advantage.

8) Don't forget to shut the door behind you. Zombies know an open door when they see one.

7) Don't keep zombies in the basement. Keeping them around only prolongs their suffering.

6) Don't try to reunite with friends/family. Too much risk of being eaten by zombies along the way.

5) Don't go down. Zombies can go down too, but zombies can't climb, so go up instead.

4) Don't broadcast your presence. Zombies have good hearing. Turn your cell phone to vibrate, its safer that way.

3) Don't stand in front of windows. That's when zombies are sure to smash through the window and grab you from behind.

2) Don't get too creative, when it comes to killing zombies, that old adage applies: Keep it simple, stupid!

1) Don't be "that one a$$hole" or "that weak douchebag" in your group. Those characters are usually ill-fated.

[C-Winger]

Lol good stuff man.


But you forgot a rule...


11) Zombie Moshpits are a bad idea...

Just sayin'... No need to jump into a gazillion zombies below.

[robogain]

nice points there

[JCV]

5) Don't go down. Zombies can go down too.

I love when zombies go down

[skinnyboipgh]

Originally Posted by C-Winger

Lol good stuff man.


But you forgot a rule...


11) Zombie Moshpits are a bad idea...

Just sayin'... No need to jump into a gazillion zombies below.

Good point, so now we have 11! Feel free 2 add more.

[Tl12000]

FTMFW

12) don't loot,when breaking into a house someone might mistake you for a zombie

[zaorock]

always go for the high ground

[kyles1991]

Originally Posted by skinnyboipgh

Good point, so now we have 11! Feel free 2 add more.

you said to not get creative with the killing but a horror movie newb might not know that to kill them you have to shoot/stab/bash their head so maybe you should add that

[Ozkar]

I'll keep that in mind just in case. BTW, those rules also apply to a Door-Salesman invasion.

[GOON_]

[Ozkar]

Originally Posted by GOON_

That's a lot of protein. Imagine if zombies had a gym membership.

[skinnyboipgh]

Originally Posted by GOON_

Zombie Food Pyramid . . . ROFLMAO . . . Repped!

[Bullet for my Valentine]

was feeling quite depressed but this made me feel better (no emo)

[Takuan]

Originally Posted by zaorock

always go for the high ground

You don't want to get on top of a hill, zombies could see you really far away.

[IronAbrams]

5 star thread.

[Brad_Pitt]

Rules of things TO do should include...

1. Pretend to be a zombie

[RavenStorm]

13. Do not go to an island infested with zombies.

(yes Zombie)

[Blarnee_92]

[QUOTE=Tl12000;71047203]

haha my brother has this