Help me motivate my wife.

[JoeST]

I'm hoping someone here can help me out here. My wife is driving me nuts with all the crap she is taking in hope of losing some weight. She really isn't big but she dose have some extra weight that I know she would like to get rid of & I wouldent mind seeing her loose as well. I have just recently started to get into bodybuilding, but now that I'm doing it every time I go to buy supplements she has to buy another diet pill of some sort that she thinks is going to do something for her. It's not that I mind if she is taking them it's that she thinks that taking a pill is going to save her. I have been working my butt off to get the results I have. I have completely stopped drinking beer, eating sweets & junk food, & have been eating better overall. I run, bike, & lift pretty routinely. And so far both myself & her are loving the results.
But again the point of me starting this thread my wife. I cannot get it through to her that some magic diet pill isn't going to do crap unless she puts in the effort to work as well. We have gotten into countless fights over this. She will not touch a single vegetable, with the exception of corn & potatos. Fish is a no go, shes not much of a sweets eater but she is big on chips & other not so healthy snacks. About the only thing she seems to eat are chicken, rice, pasta, & chips.
As much as she says she wonts to loose the weight, she will say it all wile sitting down & swallowing another pill. All I here from her is I can't. I can't run, I can't lift weights, I cant' this, I can't that. She has a bike that she has been on all of maybe four times in the last two years. She bought some Rollerblades that I think she has used twice. She refuses to run or even try, which that I can somewhat understand because she is a bit (forgive me) top heavy.
Than she will blame me for half of it. She thinks that I'm making fun of her half the time if we go out to do something. Like biking for example. I love to bike, & I am normally pretty non stop on my bike. So I admit I get antsy with her because I'm used to it. I can ride non stop for several miles at an average speed of about 18mph, all wile jumping over everything in my path, taking odd trails here & there & so on. But the couple times she has went with me she thinks because I'm jumping around over things & goofing off she thinks I'm poking fun at her. I'm really just being myself & having fun wile I'm out no differently than I would by myself. But being that she rides at a much slower speed I'm back & forth zipping around her to stay close to her, & she thinks this is offensive.
Since I've gotten into bodybuilding she complains about how she can't do all the things that I do. But I'm not trying to get her to do what I'm doing. But rather find something that works for her & stick to it. She might do a few simple things a couple times, than just stop. I keep telling her that all she has to do is make up her mind to do it, & go after it. But all I get back is excuses for why she can't. I know she can she is just lacking the ambition & drive to do it.
If she didn't wont to do it than I wouldn't say a thing about it. But as long as she is looking for a fix in a bottle & telling me she wonts to loose weight, but is un willing to do nothing else about it I will.
So please dose anyone have some good suggestions to help get her going. I can't convince here that the answer is not in pill form, can you?

[mlpelzel]

I'm sorry that it's an issue. But that's why they call them "supplements" to supplement the right diet and exercise. my trainer told me something that really helped me. he told me that 75% of getting the results i wanted was all up to me eating right. and then i thought, well, i may not be able to keep up with my husband, but i can control what i eat!

she probably feels overwhelmed that she can't keep up with you physically, and gets frustrated and quits before it even begins. I would start with baby steps. if my trainer told me what i would be doing and eating now back then, i would have been overwhelmed and would have quit before i started. how do you eat an entire elephant? one bite at a time. if you do work out with her, go at her pace and be encouraging. when you work out with her, it isn't for you it's for her, and then do your own thing another time. but first thing's first--diet IMO.

it's ultimatly up to her. i tried loosing weight for my husband and became resentful. a year later, i did it because i was sick and tired of feeling terrible and did it for me. i've lost 18lbs while going from a 14 to an 8. if i got discouraged, i would look at before and after photos of really fat women who've lost 100+ pounds and thought, if they could do THAT then i certainly can do my measly 20lbs. my husband didn't pester me about my weight/eating habits and just left it alone and did the best thing he could by praying for me.

[Eileen]

I can understand why she doesn't want to cycle with you. What is a fun pace for you is exhausting for her, and I bet that everytime you stop to rest, she has just barely caught up when you are itching to go again.

How about hiring her a personal trainer? Someone who will help her work at her pace, and who she will probably believe about food and supplements more than you. After all, you are buying supplements, and you look great, so why shouldn't they work for her?

Failing a personal trainer, how about a women only exercise class or group?

How about you offer to do the shopping and cooking? If the junk isn't in the house, she can't eat it. But make sure you do buy stuff that is suitable for snacking. Women tend to graze more than men, eating lots of little bits as they go through their day.

Ok, this is nasty, but could you "forget" to pay the cable bill and take a long time to sort it out? Without a working television, it's a lot easier to get out of the house and do some exercise.

A big thing will be finding an exercise that she likes and will do. One of my favourites is "Cardio shop". I pick a shop that I can barely cycle to in the time available, and convince myself I need something from it. Would your wife walk to the shops?

[JoeST]

I was worried that this would get turned around on me. I'm not trying to push her into anything, I'm not nagging her to do something a certain way, & I'm not trying to make he go at my pace. What I wont is for her to understand that if she wonts to loose weight she has to do something about it other than pop pills & sit on her butt. Taking diet pill have been a problem for her long before I got into bodybuilding, but know they are just getting worse it seams.
Like I said before I don't care that she takes them, but its a waste to spend 20bucks or more on a bottle of pills than sit down & do nothing.
I honestly prefer that I go riding by myself because the way I ride, but it would be nice if she would go once in a wile & not start complaining after we've gotten one block down the street (at her pace). My problem is that it dosen't matter what it is we do she will complane about something. Even going at her pace their is always some kinda excuse for why she can't do it. I just wont for her to either stop taking pills & shut up about her weight, or do something about it.
I know how women like complements & wont to be constantly reminded how they look. But she persists on asking me all the time if she looks skinner or telling me that she thinks her belly is flatter when I honestly don't notice a bit of difference. And Im sorry I'm not going to lie about it & tell her she is when she hasn't done a thing.

Oh about the shopping & cooking comment. If I done the shopping & cooking she would starve. I will eat just about anything & love veggies with just about everything. She wont touch most things that even have a hint of a veg in them. Also I was the big junk food eater for a long time & have stopped it. She on the other hand used to tell me how disgusting she thought it was that I ate like I did. But now that I've stopped it she is dragging it around & baking cookies & junk all the time (when she didn't before) expecting me to eat it when she knows good & well that I don't wont them.

[mlpelzel]

I didn't mean to have my post turn on you. sounds like she's just unhappy. and there's nothing you can do about it. you can be the supporter, encourager and do everything right, but if she's unhappy with herself, she won't see it & continue to blame you (it's easier than blaming herself). You can't make her see anything. she'll more likeley believe one of her girlfriends/stranger rather than you. that's about all I've got....sry

[ChickenTuna]

no magic pills...

you can't motivate anyone else... that person has to want the results in order to be willing to do all the hard work and sacrifice which is necessary for success.

[darkangel]

Eventually, she's going to realize "popping pills and sitting on her butt" isn't accomplishing anything. At that point, it will be up to her to decide if she really wants to get in shape or not. Right now, she doesn't and from what you've described, it sounds like no amount of encouragement is going to change that. It's her life; it's her decision.

[abeachparty]

Originally Posted by ChickenTuna

no magic pills...

you can't motivate anyone else... that person has to want the results in order to be willing to do all the hard work and sacrifice which is necessary for success.

I think that ChickenTuna is correct. All the technical information about how to accomplish a change in one's body will avail nothing, until the person wants the change pretty badly.

I would add that some people (e.g., myself in high school) have a sort of worldview that says "Exercise works in the case of other people, but not in my own case; my own body is impervious to it." I'm not sure if this is how your wife feels or not, but it is how I used to feel. Once a person has tasted a bit of success in terms of body transformation, though, it gets much easier to keep doing the right things.

Even among regular exercisers, there can be another version of this mentality. My wife used to be a gymnast, and then was a runner for years, but she didn't believe (until recently) that she could significantly strengthen her upper body. At first, she just didn't care to. Then, through the process of preparing to become a Personal Trainer, she began lifting weights more regularly. Once she fell in love with the new changes in her body, the rest was easy for her.

Once you want it badly enough, I think it gets easier. You've got to want it more than the chips.

[JoeST]

Well she has found this thread (yes hi dear I know) but she hasent said anything to me yet surprisingly.
So seeing how she is following me around maybe you gals & guys could just offer some advice for her.

[darkangel]

I think Eileen's suggestion to get a personal trainer would be the way to go, IF she's ready to make the commitment and work for it. After everything you've said about her in your opening post, I'd think she'd WANT to make a go of this, if for no other reason than to prove you wrong.

[nicoledominique]

I don't know about anyone else, but I would be fairly offended if I was your wife and found this thread. Why not talk to her about things rather than seeking advice from strangers about what you think she needs to work on?

Or better yet, maybe realize that it really isn't your place to be trying to change her. You married your wife knowing the person she was, but now you have become unhappy with her behavior due to the changes you have made in your own life. That is pretty unfair if you ask me.

You can't change people, and the more you try the more they are going to pull away from you and resist.

[JoeST]

Originally Posted by nicoledominique

I don't know about anyone else, but I would be fairly offended if I was your wife and found this thread. Why not talk to her about things rather than seeking advice from strangers about what you think she needs to work on?

Or better yet, maybe realize that it really isn't your place to be trying to change her. You married your wife knowing the person she was, but now you have become unhappy with her behavior due to the changes you have made in your own life. That is pretty unfair if you ask me.

You can't change people, and the more you try the more they are going to pull away from you and resist.

Your missing my point & I'm not trying to change her because I have changed.
All I wont is for her to understand that pills are not going to change her life for her, but that she has to put in some effort to make it happen.
And trust me I've been with my wife for almost 15 years she is one of the most strong willed people I know if you get her motivated, that just the problem is the motivation I think.
Like I said before I wouldn't be asking for advice if she just said I'm not doing it & I'll stop with the pills. But the fact remains that she shows interest in it in one way or another, so I'm looking for advice on how to help her get going.

And honestly what is the difference between asking people here for help compared to paying someone for similar advice? If we had the extra money to blow on a personal trainer I wouldn't care if that was what she wonted, I could use a lot of advice myself as well. But paying for someones advice is just not something we can afford to do. Besides that isn't that part of the point of these forums, getting others help & advice?

[caska]

I can't blame you for asking for advice in this situation, though it might be embarassing for your wife... I used to be like her though. Just the same way. I resisted changing my eating habits and didn't feel like exercising regularly. I would get irritated (well, I was just jealous) of how my fiance hit the gym every weekday and sometimes on weekends. I kept eating "diet" foods (I considered anything nonfat, low-calorie or sugar free to be acceptable in any quantity I desired.) I tried pills too, though I didn't understand how they worked until he explained it to me. After he did, though, and showed me BB.com and other articles/reports/so on... it just drove the point home... the fact that I wouldn't get anywhere without changing my lifestyle. That meant drinking down protein shakes that tasted like sawdust (until I found flavors I like) and implementing fruits and vegetables I normally wouldn't care for (but I've come to like them!)

So if your wife really wants to change, she'll eventually see reason.

With all the complaints and obvious insecurities, though, it sounds like she's too anxious about her appearance. I'd be asking her why she's so emotional and irrational about the way she looks, especially when it causes her to lash out at you. That would be the first step in changing one's lifestyle for the better... weeding out anxiety such as that. I can relate to that part too, and it's been the most difficult obstacle in my life to overcome.

[darkangel]

Originally Posted by JoeST

And honestly what is the difference between asking people here for help compared to paying someone for similar advice? ... Besides that isn't that part of the point of these forums, getting others help & advice?

The difference is she needs someone knowledgeable to develop an exercise program and diet for her. Someone who's going to stick with her, supervise her workouts, encourage her, motivate her and hold her accountable. Someone she respects and perceives as an authority. From your first post, it's obvious it's not working out with YOU trying to be that person. She doesn't believe the things you're telling her, she feels like she's in competition with you and she resents you.

Why would she take the advice of anyone on this forum? She doesn't know any of us, doesn't hang out here regularly to read and educate herself and get to know the mods and regular posters. There's nothing, in her mind, to prove any of us have the qualifications to tell her what to do.

The members on this forum ARE giving you advice: find a personal trainer she can like and trust... at least pay for a few sessions to get her started, IF she's willing to work at it and give it an honest try. But the bottom line is still: she's got to want it for herself.

[N-cognita]

I've been sort of where your wife is. Not so much thinking that exercise won't work or that a magic pill will make it all go away... but feeling a little 'left behind' by a husband who's gotten into working out, and feeling building resentment toward him.

A few months ago my husband, who'd also gained a lot of weight (he was in varsity track & cross country in high school and also served in the Army for 4 years), decided to get off his butt and do something. He started running again, and then decided to start lifting. Meanwhile, I was sitting on my behind, complaining about how much thinner he was getting. He got to buy new smaller clothes, he looked good without his shirt off, and I started to feel like he'd find someone cuter and thinner any day now and leave me behind. He kept bugging me to add him to my gym membership (which I paid for but never went).

The day I added him I realized that if you can't beat them, then you gotta jon them... and now we go together... we pack our gym bags, get over there, and from there we split up. I do my thing at the gym, he does his... and when I'm lifting I'll go down to where he's at and ask him for advice but that's about it.

I will say this... my husband has not nagged at any point here, and has never tried to get me to work out. He just started doing it for himself, and essentially led by example. If I ask for help, he will offer it and is quite supportive.... he'll remind me to take my multivitamins, or to eat more throughout the day, etc., but he isn't pushing me. I think of it as... he's standing right behind me ready to give me a hand up if I trip up.

My point: perhaps it'd be best to back off from trying to get her to do anything, and just focus on your own transformation. She's not going to do anything until she makes up her mind that she wants to change. And when she's ready, do go together but be conscious of the fact that her workout might be shorter and not nearly as intense, so you should work out separately. I can't go running with my husband... no way would I keep up with him. But I do like to swim, so I do that instead.

I am not sure that hiring a personal trainer, or continuing to buy things for her is going to accomplish much because it all feels like pushing, even if you have good intentions. Just back off completely, and do your thing. If she really wants to change, she'll change when she's ready, and at that point you need to be very supportive... but not by telling her what to do or how to eat.

And finally, some people can only change in small amounts... maybe she needs to start by doing a little exercise. If that's the case, leave her eating habits alone! Just encourage her attempts to exercise. At some point she'll either start eating better on her own, again, by watching YOU.

Good luck!

[davha]

Originally Posted by ChickenTuna

no magic pills...

you can't motivate anyone else... that person has to want the results in order to be willing to do all the hard work and sacrifice which is necessary for success.

AMEN!!
i tired to motivate someone who wants to lose some weight but doesnt really do it.

how can you help a person if that person doesnt even wanna help himself.

[rhbrand]

All you can do is encourage her. And maybe not take her out biking unless you are willing to let her lead and you follow her pace. You leading and having her tag alone would be like you following Lance Armstrong in the mountains of France and him expecting you to keep up.

Maybe start off slowly. Say, go out for an evening walk 3-4 days a week. Tell her you just want to go out and enjoy the evening with her.

Other than that, you are just going to let her figure out what works for her. You can't do it for her. She's going to have to figure out if she's willing to put in the effort herself.

[Roger999]

80-85% of bodybuilding is diet, and the rest is routine, supplements are just there to give you that LITTLE boost that diet alone cannot, if she wont excercise, just have walks with her everyday, if you have a dog, that is better, walk the dog with youre wife 30-50minutes a day for excerise, get her to make a account and join this forum, its a great place for some motivation.

[phil2007]

I've motivated some of my friends. Not even intentionally. They all started weight training after they saw my work ethic.

I think you need to leave her alone for just a little while. It won't take long till she realizes that the pills aren't doing anything for her.

[fitnuf]

I think it is hard to get started, I found it very difficult and was overweight for quite some time before I made the 'decision' one day.
I have since lost 18 kilos.
I would say start small and gentle- any movement is better than none at all.
Set a long term goal but then break it into smaller acheiveable goals.

For instance if the long term goal is to lose ten kilos then each kilo represents 1 small step or goal.
Reward for each acheived goal (each kilo lost)
Dont deprive completely, when i was losing weight i allowed myself one chocolate biscuit with a low fat choc drink at the end of the day. unorthodox perhaps but it worked for me. I looked forward to that treat and didnt 'cheat' during the day as I knew that was my reward at the end of the day.

I have a degree in psychology and am now also a qualified fitness instructor - I try to combine these things to acheive a balanced mind/body fitness.
Which to me includes being nice to yourself and taking things slow.

I hope it all works out and if your wife would like to chat im happy to tell her what worked for me etc
Anji x

[Silentredrose]

I can't speak for your wife since I don't personally know her. I do know every woman wants to look good and most importantly FEEL good about herself. So yes, we are always a bit self concious about our bodies or some flaw (hense probably the diet pill popping through the years.) However, maybe she felt comfortable with herself in the marriage and never cared too much to change her lifestyle too much. Then when you stopped eating the junk and took charge she felt kind of betrayed and felt pressure to change herself as well though deep down she wasnt really into it or prepared. It's kind of like a jealousy/competition thing with you now. I honestly think it's great you are taking a step towards health. I'm not saying you are pressuring your wife, but please be sensitive to her needs and accept if she is not into changing her ways or condeming her for what she eats..etc. She is your wife afterall, look into her feelings (Oh, I know how manly..forget the mancho sh*t for awhile. :P) and see how she is feeling and try understanding her. Love her for who she is and perhaps things won't be so bad. Good luck to you both!

[dortress]

Originally Posted by rhbrand

All you can do is encourage her. And maybe not take her out biking unless you are willing to let her lead and you follow her pace. You leading and having her tag alone would be like you following Lance Armstrong in the mountains of France and him expecting you to keep up.

Amen to that advice. My husband and I used to go out biking before I was doing the amount of cardio I am now and I couldn't keep up. He was continually frustrated, angry and well, raced ahead. I'd finally catch up to see him standing there, tapping his foot. I can't tell you how quickly I came to decline invitations to go out. There was no enjoyment out of it.

Oddly enough, now the roles would probably be reversed... But I would attack it at his pace because I'd want the company....

Your wife sounds alot like my husband. I'll comment on what he's doing, praise his efforts and generally stand aside because his motivation has got to come from himself. He's halfway there, but taking steps at his own pace to improve. My goal is to support him and not squash those efforts with my enthusiasm or any judgemental attitude.

[scotland_boy]

I have started exercising and loosing a lot of weight recently. My wife feels guilty that I have been able to loose but she is stuck behind. We are in a bind because what has worked for her in the past (a women only gym) isn't available for us now. She feels self-conscious when she goes to the gym with me because she sees a lot of people in much better shape than her and she is also uncomfortable working out around men in general. A women's only gym like Curves may be something that would ease any self-conscious feelings your wife might have until she progresses to a point where she would feel comfortable going into a regular gym and tackling the free weights. Just a thought, but if it works, it will be worth it.

[Ninja J]

About 3 years ago, I was in this exact situation. Minus the diet pills. My husband was lifting, I was overweight from eating badly while pregnant and not moving around as much.My husband is an ectomorph, and in order to gain any sort of weight has to eat and work out constantly. He kept bugging me to , or rather, "hinting" that I should start lifting with him, etc. But nothing, would get me going until I decided enough was enough. I had dabbled in yoga and pilates, thinking that would help, I hadn't really changed my diet, but I was also one of those that would only eat like once or twice a day, and maybe graze on cheese-itz. While, I was always "thin" before I got pregnant, eating the sme way, the weight wasn't budging after I had our daughter. 6 months post-partum, I was still 160lbs on my medium 5 foot 1 inch frame. Not him, not anything was going to get me to lose the weight until I decided it for myself. Back then he was a member of this board,a nd was constantly telling me to come here. I'd avoid it. Saying things like I'm not lifting weights, I don't want to be a bodybuilder, I don't want to look like a man, etc. The normal first response of someone that knows nothing about weight lifting in general.
Finally, in December of 2004, I got some pictures in. They were pictures of us from the Marine Corps Ball. When I saw these pictures, I couldn't believe how'd I let myself go. I was HUGE. I looked horrid. While I knew then how much I weighed, and had seen other pictures of myself, I didn't look like what I did in those ball pictures. My mind set had changed. I was determined NOT to be a fat mom. NOT to look like THAT ever again. No one else could've done that for me. It has to come from within. It HAS to be the person's decision to want to change. No comments, no helpful advice, no nothing is going to work. You can talk, give advice until you are blue in the face, but until that person seriously wants to change, it doesn't matter what anyone says. That's not just regarding lifting, exercise, but everything in life. Which is why I've actually STOPPED giving advice to anyone outside of these boards. Since I started lifting, back in Jan. 2005, and have lost now a total of 43lbs since my start date, I've had family members, friends, etc, asking me how to do stuff. But no one wants to work for it. When I tell them they need to EAT, all I get is "But I'll get fat!" Or to stop drinking the booze daily.. oh no can't do that. "I want to tone up my triceps, how do I just tone up my triceps?" How do I just lose the fat on my butt?" All these questions are like nails on a chalk board to me. Because no one wants to hear that they actually have to WORK for it. Too many people are naive and think some stupid little pill, or cutting out entire food groups is going to help them, or eating only a once a day. Then when it doesn't they can't figure out WHY it didn't work for them.

So in my humble advice, I'd say leave your wife alone. She won't do anything, or listen to anything until she's willing and ready to accept the truth, and actually do something to make herself better. Her lashing out and her cooking things that she never normally cooked after you started to make yourself healthier, are things to try to sabatoge what you are doing. I mean what fun is it for her is she's the only one unhappy?! She may ask or act like she's interested, but it's a false plea. If she was truly interested, she'd go for it. I was hesistant about lifting, but once I got into it, I fell in love. When I had lost the weight (took all of 9 months) I had put on during/after pregnancy, I changed my goals. Besides, I was never into "bodybuilding" persay. I fell in love with the weights. The being a woman, and small and lifting more than the Marines at the gym. Then moving, and lifting more than the guys at the civilan gym. And I just loved increasing my weights. Whatever body changes came of that, were just icing on the cake for me. My goal was/has never been to have that 6 pack, or the super low body fat to where you can see all defined muscles. While of course, that's nice.. lol, I honestly lack the motivation/will power for that. Besides, I never plan on competing, so it's never been important to me to have any of that. Having them show when I flex, is good enough for me. lol
Once she finally decides to change herself, she'll have to find her own niche. What makes her tick, what makes her keep going. I don't do any cardio. I HATE it with a passion. So of course the attempts I've made to add it to my routine have ALWAYS failed. My heart was never in it. But I've done just fine with out "forced" cardio. Lift heavy/work hard enough, and that is cardio.

[TurbulentFluid]

I agree with the people who suggested a PT.

I myself am an athletically inclined person; even if I was fat (I mean some 20 kg extra) for 90% of my life, I never was a couch potato and if I went to list all the sports I was into, this post should be edited. You seem to be the same type: you like the physical activity for ITSELF, as well as for the results it gives you. You enjoy running, biking, lifting, you're having fun and goofing 'round.
Your wife seems to NOT be such a type of a person, end of story.

And NO, this forum isn't the same thing as a PT. We can give you advice on how many sets to a rep, or even help devise a program, but if you haven't a CLUE and you haven't a WILL, a PT is a way to go. Just like at school, where strangers have a greater authority over kids than parents, the comparative "distance" makes the trainee "obedient" and disciplined. Also, a good PT's knowledge cannot possibly be compared to us here, who are mostly just your regular Janes and Joes who learned their stuff through experience and are about 95% of times WRONG.

Maybe you don't have the money to "blow" on a PT, but if you add up all the cash you (both of you) spend on useless supps and junk food? An adequate PT could devise her a manageable program AND provide the required motivation. Also it'd help of the said PT is female and not used to training pro fem bb-ers, in order to not have a tendency to set the bar too high too soon... Good luck!

And if your wife's reading this, then well... The BEST way not to fail at something, is to not even TRY. But it doesn't make you any less of a loser! Just... take the challenge, huh? It's FUN!!

[darkangel]

So, Joe... how about an update?

[JoeST]

Originally Posted by darkangel

So, Joe... how about an update?

Well I pretty much just starting ignoring this thread. Granted I do think that some of you have offered some great advice, I still don't think that some understand quite what I'm saying.
The biggest thing is the whole macho thing that it seams some think is coming into play. First off lets clear that up, because I'm not the gotta prove I'm a bad ass type like so many guys are. If it helps you get a better picture of who I am, I am one of the rare few guys ( I think ) who hates sports. Thats right I HATE SPORTS. Baseball, basketball, football, well just about anything that involves a bunch of sweaty guys playing with balls I don't even like racing & I grew up building cars all my life & cars are my biggest passion. I'm not out to prove anything to anybody other than myself, that I can do what I set my mind to. I know all too many guys who seem to have to prove that their the baddest dude on the block. I'm just a active, busy type that likes to have fun with what I do & normally dosent sit still but for a minute.
Anyway before I go on with some big rant about everything that no one really wonts to hear. My point still is to get my wife to understand that pills are not the life saver that she seems to think they are. I'm by no means ( And please read this carefully ) NOT trying to push her into anything..... If she dosent wont to exercise I don't care. If she wonts to eat **** for food so be it , just keep it away from me. But quit expecting the pill to solve her problems or get off her ass & do something about it.
And if one more person says Personal Trainer... Not all of us have money to fork over for every little piece of advice that we need or desire. A Trainer is not a matter of some ego complex or some crap like that. It's the point of WE DON'T have the money for something like that. A PT is not going to happen, end of story unless free is a new option.
Thats all I have I don't know what else to say...

[Ninja J]

and like everyone said, she's not going to listen to you or anyone else for that matter, until she realizes it for herself.

"If she dosent wont to exercise I don't care. If she wonts to eat **** for food so be it , just keep it away from me. But quit expecting the pill to solve her problems or get off her ass & do something about it."

So tell HER that, not us. And if she doesn't like that, then tell her not us, to stop complaining around you. You don't have to hire a personal trainer. I personally think most are crap. Most that work at the gyms anyhow. When she comes to terms with herself what she wants when she's ready, she can easily look up how to do work outs, or come to this board and ask for advice on how and where to start. Until then, I'd say drop it. Because there isn't anything you or anyone can say that is going to change her mindset.

For the record, my husband isn't into any sort of sport either, neither does my dad, or a few other men that I know. Sports are never watched in this house. I think our sat. gets every sports channel known to man, but I have them all blocked, since we never watch them. Never thought of you as the "macho" type. Not saying your post was directed to me or anyone else. Just letting you know that the advice given had nothing to do with YOU since the question was how to get your wife "motivated" and stop popping stupid diet pills.

[JoeST]

Originally Posted by Ninja J

So tell HER that, not us. And if she doesn't like that, then tell her not us, to stop complaining around you. You don't have to hire a personal trainer. I personally think most are crap. Most that work at the gyms anyhow. When she comes to terms with herself what she wants when she's ready, she can easily look up how to do work outs, or come to this board and ask for advice on how and where to start. Until then, I'd say drop it. Because there isn't anything you or anyone can say that is going to change her mindset.

I have told her Countless times & she wont listen, that was my whole point for starting this thread. To hopefully find someone who can suggest something to get her to make up her mind, either all or nothing.
I have just said forget it though because no one here apparently seems to understand what I am asking, which is why I havent been responding to posts. Or people are getting defensive because they think I'm trying to force or convince my wife to do something she dosent wont to.
I'll say it one last time,hopefully someone will understand it this time. The ONLY thing I'm trying to get across to her is about the damn pills. If shes going to spend the money & take them, spend the time to put in some effort as well. Otherwise she might as well start flushing a $20 down the toilet every other week or so. That would get just about as much done.

[nicoledominique]

Well, you said in an earlier post that she had found this thread, so I am sure that by now she knows exactly what you think and feel regarding the diet pills.

Hopefully she isn't too offended by it, and doesn't keep taking them simply out of spite.