The Horrors Of Old Men In The Locker Room

[Ellimist]

*I made this as a blog a while ago. I finally got fed up one day and had to vent. This is the results*


The title alone should say it all.

Every guy who has ever been to the gym and was forced to change in the locker room knows what I'm talking about.


You're minding your own business, changing into your clothes. All of a sudden, you see a slow walking, feet slapping sound coming up behind you.

The sweat begins to bead on your forehead. Your heart is racing. In a panic to get your clothes on faster, you had accidently put your shirt on backwards. By the time you turn it around (some skip this step out of sheer desperation), there they are. Dangling in your face like a pair of dice in a rearview mirror.

Old. Man. Balls.



I don't get it myself to be honest. Why is it that men over the age of 100 feel the need to walk around ass naked in the locker room?

Sure, when they get out of the shower, there might be a peek here or there (ok, just got back from throwing up thanks to the memories). But why do they have to literally lap the entire ****ing locker room with their old ****ing balls flopping around like a puppy from a Disney movie?

Just the other day, I'm changing at warp speed in an attempt to get out of the locker room before my eyes are burned out due to old man balls. Sure enough, there was an old guy just standing around, towel casually thrown over his shoulder when it could have been on his waist to cover up from that horrid display of the male anatomy.

I come back 15 minutes later to drop the kiddies off at the pool, and sure enough he's still ****ing standing there butt-ass naked for no goddamn reason at all!

why why WHY?! Do they honestly just want to show the men of the locker room that they have nothing to hide? Or are they giving us a glimpse of our futures??

Either way, when I hit 65 years old, I'm wearing a ****ing chastity belt so people don't have to witness the horror that will soon be my twig and giggle berries.

*Anyone else feel this way?*

[FunkDaddy]

[YUL]

you'll be an old man some day too just so you know

[Environ]

Those old naked guys probably started off as young naked guys. They've been doing it for so long it's natural to them. In 30 years time, if you are still going to the gym, will you consider changing your locker room behaviour just because your OLD? I doubt it. Also, I don't undestand why it should be such a big deal. Just go in the changing room, shower, change and leave.

[skinnyboipgh]

It's a fundamental rule of human behavior. Guys don't change. Those old guys r acting the exact same way in the locker room as they did when they were young.

If seeing the old guys privates bothers u that much, that tells me something about the level of ur gaze in the locker room, focus ur eyes higher & u won't notice it as much

[PickItUp]

Originally Posted by skinnyboipgh

It's a fundamental rule of human behavior. Guys don't change. Those old guys r acting the exact same way in the locker room as they did when they were young.

If seeing the old guys privates bothers u that much, that tells me something about the level of ur gaze in the locker room, focus ur eyes higher & u won't notice it as much

I agree...stop looking at the old man balls.

On the other hand...I have noticed it as well. It is always the old guys...never the younger ones. Younger guys usually are naked only when weighing themselves, or walking into/out of the shower.

All other times, they tend to cover up to some degree.

[Worldwide]

[Ellimist]

When you're seated on a bench changing, it makes it eye level =(

And "wow" to the negetivity about this thread. You guys are taking this way too personally, haha.

[RavenStorm]

lol, for now i dont have to worry, i lift at the highschool and no one gets naked THANK GOD


(no homo)

[Itsalwayshard]

Originally Posted by FunkDaddy

Is that Hulk vs Ultimate warrior dam certainly brings back memories.

[harrisjl]

Old. Man. Balls. <- you seam a little pre-occupied with these

Yes I walk around the locker room neckid just to make younger guys nervous LOL

[Geno]

Old nekkid dude checking in.

[Ellimist]

Originally Posted by harrisjl

Old. Man. Balls. <- you seam a little pre-occupied with these

Yes I walk around the locker room neckid just to make younger guys nervous LOL

Nah man, you still have 12 more years to go. As soon as you're able to order off the Seniors Menu at Bob Evan's, then you can claim the title of "Old Man".

=D

[mmondo13]

I hear what you're saying. My gym has old guys that hangout naked for so long. I will go work out and then come back 30 minutes later to take a piss and there they are...still naked.

[zcsmith]

Some old guys at my gym flop their old balls on the counter & start blowdrying them.

Also gotta love the old dudes who sit around in teh chairs naked, with their old a*ses against the plush cushions of the chair, and their old balls flopping over the edge, all while talking about some recent business transaction that they made.

There's lines that should never be crossed.

[OBeast]

I have never witnessed the balls blowdry session but they due stand naked in front of the mirror to blowdry their old grey chest hair. Also it is always like 1000 degrees in my locker room (a combination of the shower steam, the old men boiling a big pot of old ball stew in the hot tub, and the sauna) so there is a fan blowing on the changing bench. I was sitting there the other day changing and this 200 years old bastard comes up puts one foot up on the bench beside me and starts drying his balls with the fan. A DROP OF BALL WATER LANDED LIKE 4 INCHES FROM MY HAND. I freaked out on him and started yelling and cursing and he was like "whats the matter havent you ever seen a naked man before"

[Ellimist]

Originally Posted by zcsmith

Some old guys at my gym flop their old balls on the counter & start blowdrying them.

Hahahaha, wow.

[MAX-OT-IVAN]

lol- this is funny. We have several like that where I used to work out. I built my own gym now so I have finally escaped the nightmare.

There was this guy in particular, we called him "The one and only". LMAO More due to his lifting style than anything.

This guy would not only prance around the locker room but also loved putting one leg up on the bench while he went of about the politics showing on the locker room tv.

And as a note on the human behavior... I have never seen a guy under 50 act like this in any of the locker rooms I have frequented.

[Ellimist]

Originally Posted by OBeast

I have never witnessed the balls blowdry session but they due stand naked in front of the mirror to blowdry their old grey chest hair. Also it is always like 1000 degrees in my locker room (a combination of the shower steam, the old men boiling a big pot of old ball stew in the hot tub, and the sauna) so there is a fan blowing on the changing bench. I was sitting there the other day changing and this 200 years old bastard comes up puts one foot up on the bench beside me and starts drying his balls with the fan. A DROP OF BALL WATER LANDED LIKE 4 INCHES FROM MY HAND. I freaked out on him and started yelling and cursing and he was like "whats the matter havent you ever seen a naked man before"

I'm afraid therapy might be the only thing that can help you now.

[Brokensteel]

Old guys at my gym like to do the "Captain Morgan" naked. And carry on a conversation about how I "reminded them of Rudy." Old bastards.

[stronglemon]

Originally Posted by skinnyboipgh

It's a fundamental rule of human behavior. Guys don't change. Those old guys r acting the exact same way in the locker room as they did when they were young.

If seeing the old guys privates bothers u that much, that tells me something about the level of ur gaze in the locker room, focus ur eyes higher & u won't notice it as much

impossible. it's like a horrible car wreck; you can't look away no matter how much you want

[user23960508710783]

Originally Posted by YUL

you'll be an old man some day too just so you know

That is my biggest fear.

[PatrickDurden]

Theres an old guy at my gym who somehow always gets a locker by me and is naked all the damn time while hes in the locker room, it's nasty as hell.

[CellTechRage]

Haha, happens all the time at my gym too. I just laugh so hard every time. The worst part about my gym though is that the old men are always whistling when they are walking around naked. That annoys me the most.

[joelz54_99]

Shave the fukin ass!!!!