How do you achieve self-success? (serious) Reps for Advice

[Darkwatcher758]

In this past week:

1. I got laid off with no pay (mortgage company/market was down)

2. I'm in 5k debt just finished paying for surgery, 3k cash, 5k credit.

3. Moved in with parents

==================

I don't get along with my family that well at all, the reason I moved out at a young age was because they were ruining my life. Most of you think its just a saying but I grew up with an abusive family, I remember my mom burning me and hitting me due to if I did something wrong as a child or if she had a bad day. Sometimes cornering my in the shower and biting and scratching me. I guess after my gf cheated on me and my mom made fun of me about it I got angry and left. I've never spoken to her from then on, the only time we used to speak was when we would yell **** you's to each other.

My dad is ok a little procrastinator, he shows no role model in the house and he's worse then my mom because he seeks sympathy from everyone and everything and always asks permission to do anything he wants in the house. I feel sorry for him.

My brother is a dick, we got in a fight 4 years ago about something that I don't even remember, I tried to solve it to be a better person and he still acts like an ahole so unfortantly I rather not deal with him. He's 25 and I'm 20 and I'm the one trying to solve this issue.


==========================

So that being said even when I don't talk to my mom she really bugs the crap out of me I want to really beat the **** out of her. She keeps thinking I'm fired and is laughing and wanting attention and telling me how I can't hold a job. I have this image in my head where I have my own place, a nice car, a good set of friends and a stable job and at the same time going to college and maintaing a life I've always wanted without having to deal with this family.

I keep pushing and sometimes I feel like I'm failing in everything I do, I'm spending hours at coffee shops hoping to start my own business. I'm signing up for college and after my surgery I'm going to apply for a new job but I can't do this anymore. Others have families they can go talk to or friends. I don't have anyone and I know it takes time to built this **** but how can I ignore all these comments and all these put downs they give me? I just want to be successful one day not for anyone but for me but its so hard to do things when you're doing it with no ones help.

How can I achieve self-success, what are the "secrets" to becoming successful in life?

[Richie_Awesome]

I'm still trying to find out brother. I'll read some of the replies.

[Rob Awesome]

Yo man - you make life sound as if it should be seamlessly easy & bliss.

Life isn't like that.

[Richie_Awesome]

One major piece of advice I've heard is that you should help yourself with your own problems before worrying about other people's problems, that is not something I am good at.

I always help others, even though I have my own problems.

[Darkwatcher758]

Originally Posted by Rob Awesome

Yo man - you make life sound as if it should be seamlessly easy & bliss.

Life isn't like that.

Brother I agree, hard work gets you want you want in life. I know that, I want no silver spoon I really don't. I want to work for everything I have and boy do I. No one helps me but me and I understood that from the start but it hurts sometimes to know that you have a family you can never talk to or be with because they insult you, take you as a joke and don't care about you. I learned at a young age not to care for anyone else but for me but its funny, I always think of others before I think of me.

Only in my own family I don't care much for them, I wish I was just not having to talk to them ever again, I think a part of me is seeking happiness from that from hoping one day not having any contact with them at all.

but for now I'm trying to figure out what will it take for me to ignore everything they give me everyday and keep pushing and keep wanting results but making sure the results stick and not fall back.

[rude boy]

dream big. daydream. do what u love.

[The_Reaper]

As ghey as it may sound, keep a journal - it will help you clarify you thoughts and goals. Put them on paper, find ways to achieve these goals, and act.

[Darkwatcher758]

Originally Posted by rude boy

dream big. daydream. do what u love.

I do all the time, you won't believe it. I understand there are people who want to take action and don't. I take action, I remember at work I had a journal and whenever I had the time I would jot down business idea's, plans and sayings. I read business plan books, I study it, I even drove up to rich peoples houses and parked my car at lunch and ate studying other people wondering what it takes to get a house like that, what it takes to be successful. In my cube at work I had pictures of all these houses and cars to motivate me to continue fighting when I went through troubles.

but its not even right now a point where I want to be a self-made millionaire or own my own business. I have to think small and grow big, like move out of the house, invest in my education to benefit me the most. Just being at home really sucks not due to the fact that I'm limited to what I can do but due to the fact that these people are strangers to me then more family. Insults everyday in and out, reminding me that hey look where I stand you're a failure.

The_Reaper: I do have a little dry board I keep in the room I made for lifting, it has my goals written down. =) Good advice for anyone though really.

[joe447]

Originally Posted by Darkwatcher758

In this past week:

1. I got laid off with no pay (mortgage company/market was down)

2. I'm in 5k debt just finished paying for surgery, 3k cash, 5k credit.

3. Moved in with parents

==================

I don't get along with my family that well at all, the reason I moved out at a young age was because they were ruining my life. Most of you think its just a saying but I grew up with an abusive family, I remember my mom burning me and hitting me due to if I did something wrong as a child or if she had a bad day. Sometimes cornering my in the shower and biting and scratching me. I guess after my gf cheated on me and my mom made fun of me about it I got angry and left. I've never spoken to her from then on, the only time we used to speak was when we would yell **** you's to each other.

My dad is ok a little procrastinator, he shows no role model in the house and he's worse then my mom because he seeks sympathy from everyone and everything and always asks permission to do anything he wants in the house. I feel sorry for him.

My brother is a dick, we got in a fight 4 years ago about something that I don't even remember, I tried to solve it to be a better person and he still acts like an ahole so unfortantly I rather not deal with him. He's 25 and I'm 20 and I'm the one trying to solve this issue.


==========================

So that being said even when I don't talk to my mom she really bugs the crap out of me I want to really beat the **** out of her. She keeps thinking I'm fired and is laughing and wanting attention and telling me how I can't hold a job. I have this image in my head where I have my own place, a nice car, a good set of friends and a stable job and at the same time going to college and maintaing a life I've always wanted without having to deal with this family.

I keep pushing and sometimes I feel like I'm failing in everything I do, I'm spending hours at coffee shops hoping to start my own business. I'm signing up for college and after my surgery I'm going to apply for a new job but I can't do this anymore. Others have families they can go talk to or friends. I don't have anyone and I know it takes time to built this **** but how can I ignore all these comments and all these put downs they give me? I just want to be successful one day not for anyone but for me but its so hard to do things when you're doing it with no ones help.

How can I achieve self-success, what are the "secrets" to becoming successful in life?

Always the military....just saying (serious)

They give you a roof over your head, money, pay **** for you. Trust me that would be the best way to go. I know you prolly dont want to hear it but it is. Also you can stick it to your mom that way. Like saying look at me now bitch try to f*** with me. Or I know I'm better than you just look.

[proteinpump]

Originally Posted by Richie_Awesome

One major piece of advice I've heard is that you should help yourself with your own problems before worrying about other people's problems, that is not something I am good at.

I always help others, even though I have my own problems.

My life became much better when I did this. You have to learn to be selfish like this.

[Darkwatcher758]

Originally Posted by joe447

Always the military....just saying (serious)

They give you a roof over your head, money, pay **** for you. Trust me that would be the best way to go. I know you prolly dont want to hear it but it is. Also you can stick it to your mom that way. Like saying look at me now bitch try to f*** with me. Or I know I'm better than you just look.

I'm seriously thinking about it, I mean I don't want it to be my only option but is maybe moving out from this city a good idea too? I might find a relative to stay at, I can't deal with this anymore. I've come to a point where all feelings towards her and my brother are gone.

I never blame problems on anyone but due to all those beatings and all the **** I went through thats why I was obese. To top it off always being made fun of at school and at home really hurt me. I'm a better person now and I can't blame anyone but me for that but I keep pushing and I'll keep lifting. I just want a new life.

Is leaving the city to live with someone else a chickens way out? I just need to get out of this house.

[daltrey]

At least they're putting a roof over your head, when i turned 18 I was told to get out. I joined the navy and listened to a bunch of ***s that couldn't make it in the real world. Did 3 years and decided I was tired of being babysat all day. First thing you need to do is stop wasting your time in this crap forum and go out and get a job. dont make it harder than it is, millions of people a day go to work, so I know there's something you can find. Not the answer you was looking for, well life aint all rainbows deal with it sunshine.

[22yearoldvirgin]

cliffs please dave man

[Fearless_]

What kind of career do you want and how much money would you like to make? The more specific the better.

[The-Stig]

Organize your life bro. Sit your ass down and make a list of goals. It could be anything from short-term goals such as washing your car or writing a resume to long-term goals such as getting a college degree in 5 years. Once you have that accomplished, prepare yourself mentally. That is the toughest part. Motivating yourself to accomplish whatever your goals are while dealing with all the negativity and stress is not easy. But get there day by day. Remember, you can be whatever you want to be (however cliche and cheesy it may sound). Don't ever let anyone put you down, even your parents or loved ones. Trust me, at the end of the day, you have NOBODY to rely on except for YOURSELF. When you're your biggest friend, trust yourself and listen to yourself. Good luck bro.

[Darkwatcher758]

Originally Posted by Fearless_

What kind of career do you want and how much money would you like to make? The more specific the better.

You see its not even about money or career, I can get any job I want in this world if I keep working hard to get it. that's how I was making so much money at age 20, doing what 30 year olds do. I just want to be successful in my own eyes..

Right now I want to seek a life where I can throw this family away like it never happened and keep contact only with my dad. I want a social life to follow with it and my own place. I want something where I don't have to wake up and be constantly reminded that I'm ****. Nothing is more important then investing in my education, after that sure a good job and income is important but right now I just want to get out of this **** hole I live in and I want to be successful in everything I do.

Everything from finishing school to moving out and in a way where what my family says can't effect me or slow me down.

[amjzzz]

Originally Posted by proteinpump

My life became much better when I did this. You have to learn to be selfish like this.

You are only 20. I moved in with my parents at 29 after grad school for a while so I could get situated. I didn't have any issues with my parents, although my dad tried to pull crap once in a while. Then as above generally I would just tune everyone else out and do what's best for yourself. For a lot of people I think the more selfish you are the better your life turns out (as long as you don't step on people on your way).

My life tends to be easy, but I made it that way.

[Darkwatcher758]

Originally Posted by tyler-durden

Organize your life bro. Sit your ass down and make a list of goals. It could be anything from short-term goals such as washing your car or writing a resume to long-term goals such as getting a college degree in 5 years. Once you have that accomplished, prepare yourself mentally. That is the toughest part. Motivating yourself to accomplish whatever your goals are while dealing with all the negativity and stress is not easy. But get there day by day. Remember, you can be whatever you want to be (however cliche and cheesy it may sound). Don't ever let anyone put you down, even your parents or loved ones. Trust me, at the end of the day, you have NOBODY to rely on except for YOURSELF. When you're your biggest friend, trust yourself and listen to yourself. Good luck bro.

this is really motivating, I'm a nice person I always help others before I help myself its the kind of person I am but maybe its time to back out of it and help myself only. I don't have anyone to love anymore but myself, so I have to figure out what it is exactly that I want and give myself a time limit and take charge.

[JJJJ4]

Sounds like before you can do anything positive you gotta get out of that house. That should be your only priority at this point IMO.

[Darkwatcher758]

Originally Posted by amjzzz

You are only 20. I moved in with my parents at 29 after grad school for a while so I could get situated. I didn't have any issues with my parents, although my dad tried to pull crap once in a while. Then as above generally I would just tune everyone else out and do what's best for yourself. For a lot of people I think the more selfish you are the better your life turns out (as long as you don't step on people on your way).

My life tends to be easy, but I made it that way.

when you say selfish, selfish how? How do you reach your goals? Yeah my mom is ****ing crazy dude like she will still try to hit me, I'm to a point where I really just want to fight back.

[3kgtjunkie]

its simple. everything in nature, economics and our world has a pattern to it. the people who break, differ from, or alter that pattern in a positive (sometimes negative) way that benefits themselves are the billionaires. the trick is, how do YOU do that. or you can simply follow patterns made by others and be successful, but not rich.

[Fearless_]

Originally Posted by Darkwatcher758

You see its not even about money or career, I can get any job I want in this world if I keep working hard to get it. that's how I was making so much money at age 20, doing what 30 year olds do. I just want to be successful in my own eyes..

Huh? Didn't you say in another thread you were making like $15 an hour???

Right now I want to seek a life where I can throw this family away like it never happened and keep contact only with my dad. I want a social life to follow with it and my own place. I want something where I don't have to wake up and be constantly reminded that I'm ****.

Yup, having money will get you out of there bro.

Nothing is more important then investing in my education, after that sure a good job and income is important but right now I just want to get out of this **** hole I live in and I want to be successful in everything I do.

Either you're going to have to join the military or take out a loan with a part/full time job and be poor as hell while going to college (assuming leaving your house is #1 on the current priority list).

Everything from finishing school to moving out and in a way where what my family says can't effect me or slow me down.

Seems to me like you just really don't want to be around your family anymore. Either join the military and start a life for yourself or move out and go to college if you can find a way to afford it.

[Mises]

You obviously know something about nutrition and lifting to shed all that weight....so I'm going to assume you know there is no "secret" to shedding all that weight besides hardwork.

Success is the same way, except that everyones definition of success is different. You're focusing on ONE thing and that's MONEY....have you thought about HOW to make that money? Have you fantasized about the business instead of the houses and cars?

Are you good at anything at all? Is there anything you like to do? Do you have a skill you can work out and improve on? Be good at ONE thing...............and follow that road.

The road isn't easy, but I'm sure losing all that weight wasn't either. You're obviously not happy, but you're 20....so you have ONE great thing going for you and that's TIME. Happiness and success doesn't happen over night, and you're on the right track by deciding to go back to school. Looking for a job isn't that hard in souther california....if you have to work at a McDonalds or something...do what you gotta do.

p.s. Kick the habit of being nice to everyone you meet. Do they deserve it? Say "no" more often. Tell the truth. First, to yourself. Say it until it hurts. Learn the reality of your own selfishness. Quit living for other people at the expense of your own self.

[Darkwatcher758]

Originally Posted by JJJJ4

Sounds like before you can do anything positive you gotta get out of that house. That should be your only priority at this point IMO.

unfortantly thats how I see it too, its holding me back but you see I can't let it condition my mind that its the only thing holding me back. I have to move out ASAP but I have to figure out an alternative to live life and get to where I want without thinking that if I don't move out nothing will change for me. I'm trying to be positive as possible.

[dickhordishay]

Don't you collect unemployment? If so, can't you find anybody that'll pay you under the table for mowing lawns or something? If not, get a legit job. There are plenty of construction jobs, bank teller jobs, etc, etc.
Your 1st priority is obviously get a job and/ or save money. 2nd is to get the hell out of your parent's house. It'll be a constant nagging stress on you until you do. Find a roommate if you have to.

[Darkwatcher758]

Originally Posted by Fearless_

Huh? Didn't you say in another thread you were making like $15 an hour???



Yup, having money will get you out of there bro.



Either you're going to have to join the military or take out a loan with a part/full time job and be poor as hell while going to college (assuming leaving your house is #1 on the current priority list).




===========

Looks like everyone is saying get another job and move out.. I will be getting another job either way, I'm not worried about finding another job, I have great skills and I've always managed to find a job I want without giving up and applying everyday.

but if the case seems that there is no other way but to move out then so be it, I'll be moving out after saving a few paychecks.
Seems to me like you just really don't want to be around your family anymore. Either join the military and start a life for yourself or move out and go to college if you can find a way to afford it.

Yeah, $15 is a lot for me man I save up my money a lot and get into investments and stuff. I know I was hoping until after I recover from surgery I can get my life back on track but I can't slow down anymore, I just can't let what they say effect me anymore I'm going to keep pushing, I was just hoping someone can tell me how I can block them out of my life when living with them. I've stopped talking to my mom completly not a single word with her, she keeps asking questions, making fun of me, calling me a failure. She almost tried to hit me too.

Maybe I can live with my uncle in Sacramento, I don't know the guy really well but moving out of the house can just going to a whole new place, does it help at all or is that an easy way out?

[JJJJ4]

Originally Posted by Darkwatcher758

unfortantly thats how I see it too, its holding me back but you see I can't let it condition my mind that its the only thing holding me back. I have to move out ASAP but I have to figure out an alternative to live life and get to where I want without thinking that if I don't move out nothing will change for me. I'm trying to be positive as possible.

Sometimes you hafto be realistic and acknowledge that external factors are holding you back, its not all about being "positive". I know youre trying to live by the motto "dont blame anyone else for you problems, do everything yourself", but youve gotta realize that often times there will be people holding you back or in your way. Sometimes taking control of your own life requires you move someone else out of your way, forcefully.

[Darkwatcher758]

Originally Posted by JJJJ4

Sometimes you hafto be realistic and acknowledge that external factors are holding you back, its not all about being "positive". I know youre trying to live by the motto "dont blame anyone else for you problems, do everything yourself", but youve gotta realize that often times there will be people holding you back or in your way. Sometimes taking control of your own life requires you move someone else out of your way, forcefully.

yeah you should have known me when I was obese, constantly being made fun of at school then coming home to family where my own mother made fun off me everyday. Reminded me that I'm nothing much but a failure, this is coming from her she had (stomach staple, tummy tuck ) and she still dares to call me fatter then her. She's more chunky then I am, she purposely tries to make food with butter so I get fat. I think something is really wrong with this lady.

You know its funny the first time I decided to make a change, she laughed at me for spending my money foolishly on a gym membership that I'm still going to be fat. I showed her big time. What made me lose weight for once and for all was because of this girl who said she liked me. The day I realized a girl liked me for who I was, rather then what I looked like, I said **** it I'm going to make myself look better for her. 120lbs later and I fell in love with bodybuilding, it teaches me so much about life about having to wait to get the results working at it and the feeling of success you get with that hard work..

[amjzzz]

Originally Posted by Darkwatcher758

when you say selfish, selfish how? How do you reach your goals? Yeah my mom is ****ing crazy dude like she will still try to hit me, I'm to a point where I really just want to fight back.

Trying to think of things...

I had a contract job which wasn't gonna take me where I wanted and spent at least 30 mins a day online looking for a better job. As soon as I got a better job that I liked, I put in my 2 weeks and sailed out of there. I did excellent work there.

Certain girls are notorious for sucking the life out of you. Took me a while to learn, but when I started dating a girl and they tried to pull crap I would get the hell out immediately. Ex: Dating this girl for about 4 weeks, she was trying to play me poorly, so I stopped answering her calls, she left me a serious of voicemails, each one sadder.. trying to act like I was the bad guy. I'm dating someone right now, so I'm not all crazy and bitter

Used to donate money and care about causes, tip well.... BS, look out for yourself first. I had a number of instances when I tipped a bartender/waitress very well and they screwed me over on the check.

With work or acedemics you want to find one or two people who love you, who you can use a reference. Do extra work and a great job on their stuff and prioritize their projects over other people and then call on them later as a reference.


I think these are some decent examples about being selfish, but not a dick.

[Fearless_]

Originally Posted by Darkwatcher758

Yeah, $15 is a lot for me man I save up my money a lot and get into investments and stuff. I know I was hoping until after I recover from surgery I can get my life back on track but I can't slow down anymore, I just can't let what they say effect me anymore I'm going to keep pushing, I was just hoping someone can tell me how I can block them out of my life when living with them. I've stopped talking to my mom completly not a single word with her, she keeps asking questions, making fun of me, calling me a failure. She almost tried to hit me too.

Maybe I can live with my uncle in Sacramento, I don't know the guy really well but moving out of the house can just going to a whole new place, does it help at all or is that an easy way out?

$15 an hour may be a lot to you but it's not enough to live the kind of life that you want, otherwise you wouldn't be at home right now.

Your main problem seems to be your family and how you want to block them out of your life completely. That's going to be hard to do living under their roof.

You need to stop focusing on the problem and start focusing on the solution: which is making some real money or getting on track to doing so (military, college).

If someone can't talk to girls because he is lacking confidence, he's going to need to identify WHY he's lacking that confidence. All the people in the world could tell him "be yourself, be more confident" but until he identifies the problem underneath it it will never get fixed. If he is fat, he will need to get on a diet and workout plan and lose weight. Hopefully that example makes sense.