One up on approach anxiety

[purplenemesis]

Ok so here is how it went. Some co-workers and I went out for happy hour at the bar down the street. The night started pretty lame. Just everybody sitting in there own little circle talking about boring work or family related stuff. There really wasnt much going on until an hour later people finally started rolling in. There was a DJ there who had the youngest person from every group get on stage. I was the youngest person from my group so I went up. They had everyone do the hokey pokey but instead it was for the girls put your tits in put your tits out and the guys it was your junk. The last person to not get kicked off the stage wins there party a pitcher of beer. Well I lost pretty quick. When I got back to the table everyone was heckling me for not winning them their pitcher. At that point I came up with a pretty random opener that I used for the rest of the night.

There were 2 girls sitting at a table by themselves. I walked over and said "My friends are still mad at me for not winning them a pitcher of beer" then sat myself down at there table and continues "Just because I couldnt shake my junk as good as the ladies" This got a big laugh. We eventually had a pretty good convo, cant remember exactly what we talked about but I kept it going pretty well, I was even making up stories off the top of my head to not have any awkward silence. This seemed to work pretty well since I had them laughing and generally into what I was saying. They eventually said they had to go find a friend that they were lost but promised me they were going to come back. I was like "Ok, Cool I might be around then".

I got back to my circle and everyone was like "dude those girls were hot", did you get any numbers, what did you say to them" ect... And my female co-workers were also giving me the thumbs up and signs of approval. "One of my female co-workers then says to me "check out those 2 hot girls over there, go talk to them" At this point I realised that if I didnt do this I would be not only letting myself down but everybody else. I walked over used the same opener and they were very receptive to it. They were laughing at my jokes but the convo eventually stalled. I bailed and went back. Just as soon as I got back my boss was like forget them "look at that table right behind me. There are 4 girls and one guy". At this point I literally had no approach anxiety, it actually didnt seem like I was even trying to pick up girls at this point, but performing for other people. It was actually pretty awesome because I am usually the shy quiet guy but tonight I was the center of attention and I admit, I ate every little bit of it up.

I then proceed to walk up to the table and use the exact same opener. These girls seemed to light up more than any others that night like they have never freaking been approached before. I tell a couple stories to get started and then had everyone at the table do a social and clanked bottles with everyone. Well the girl next to me (The hottest one) finished her beer off and I high fived her for drinking like a champ. In fact she actually started kinoing me on the shoulders, elbows and chest when talking. I knew I was in at this point. Had a good convo for about 10-15 minutes. I left on a high note and said "I am going to check out the band outside with some friends but if you are around later we should get together". "She said her let me give you my number". I said cool "I will call you later" then she said "you better not forget about me". That was actually a pretty freaking awesome response.

I actually end up texting her back because the noise was so loud. I told her I was hanging out by the bar outside and she should meet me. She had already left the bar but said she really wanted to hang out with me sometime. She then started sending me pics from her phone. One normal pic and one of her in a skimpy little bathing suit on the beach. I then passed my phone around to all my co-workers who were basically speechless by this point. I also sent her one of me in a tank top and got a "Wow, thats pretty hot" response.

I basically spent the rest of the night opening sets and trying to get free shots from the female waitresses and bar tenders. I didnt get any free shots but the best response I got was "if you get half naked I will give you one". I told her that seeing me half naked was worth at least 2. She said she couldnt do it because the shot were inventoried. I didnt believe her but I said "Its your loss sweatie". She gave me a big smile, winked and went about her business. I really wanted to pursue that but I didnt see her for the rest of the night, oh well.

I really learned how easy approaching women can be if you are in the right state. I think you have to relate approaching women to fun and excitement instead of thinking of the fear of getting blown out. I made a huge step in this area because I didnt get blown out once. The closest thing to a blowout was when the conversation stalled and the women lost interest. Thats it but every girl I talked to last night was generally very receptive and friendly. Approaching girls is fun and that was the main goal of the night, fun. Dont even worry about getting numbers and trying to take a girl home. Just have fun and approach in a very friendly way. The girls who are interested will give you signs if they are interested, then you can escalate further. I see so many guys who escalate way too soon without reading the signs they get shut down way just like that. It also helps a lot if you have somebody pushing you. For instance I bet the night wouldnt have gone as well as it did if people werent pushing me further. If I would have been by myself I would have probably not approached many of the sets I did. Hell I actually had more fun going back to my co-workers and giving them the story on the girls I was talking to than actually talking to the girls.

[phateless]

Good for you bro! I remember the night where I finally figured it out. It's like it came all of a sudden. Just make sure you keep that state of mind and snap back to it when you need it.

[Mernalous]

Nice work, how's the confidence boost feeling?

Repped

[stephano5]

honestly ill freeze approaching girls unless i got some alcohol in me lol, i gotta learn too do it without alcohol

[purplenemesis]

Thanks. The confidence boost feels pretty nice. I will admit I was drinking that night and I think that may have helped a little but on the other hand I drink most of the time when I go out to bars but never approach girls either especially groups of girls and mixed sets. I usually just make excuses for not approaching like "there busy eating at there table, they dont want anyone to bother them" so I try to wait for a lone wolf to appear and most of the time I chicken out on that. Most of my interactions from the past were from girls approaching me. Yes I know, I am usually an incredibly shy and quiet person but I have been working on that a lot lately. One of the best comments I got the other night was "not everyone can be as outgoing as you". That completely shocked me but its then I realized that the difference between being shy and quiet to being outgoing and talkitive is really all in your head.

I havent actually had a chance yet to attempt approaching any girls since Friday night but it will be interesting to see where I stand. I honestly think I will have a much better time duplicating my success in bar scenes for now on since I can get into that state easier. As for approaches during the day I usually chicken out there. Most people say its easier during the day. I just have some weird misconception that people dont like to be bothered during the day and will blow me off. I think I just need to get rid of that misconception just like I did at the bar. Most people are generally excited to meet and socialize with someone who displays friendly, cool, confident traits. And besides people really do the same boring crap everyday, think about how much more exciting it is to meet a random stranger who seems pretty cool and who you may be able to have fun with. So instead of the girl just going home from the mall with just a new shirt to show off to her friends, she can tell them about this awesome guy she met today. I will probably try to get a friend to go out with me sometime who can push me a little bit in case I chicken out.

[phateless]

I've always found meeting people is easiest when you're standing in line and you just start talking for no apparent reason. Or last night at a coffee shop this girl just said "I like your shirt" to me and we started talking. It's easy, really.

[purplenemesis]

Originally Posted by phateless

I've always found meeting people is easiest when you're standing in line and you just start talking for no apparent reason. Or last night at a coffee shop this girl just said "I like your shirt" to me and we started talking. It's easy, really.

You know, there is so much material written on how to properly approach that it becomes easy to overthink everything. Your example shows simplicity at its best. Nothing fancy but a simple comment to break the ice is all your really need. For instance I was standing next to a girl in the liquor store a week or so ago and complimented her on her choice of beer. That struck a 15 minute convo. I chickened out on the number close but now that I think about it I probably would have gotten it had I asked. But yeah its comforting when you realize how easy it can be when your not analysing everything that can go wrong.

[phateless]

Yep. A while ago at the grocery store i was standing in line and this hott girl walks up behind me holding 2 fifths and a handle, a case of beer, some red bull, etc... I'm thinking "jackpot!" lol

I said "looks like you've got your work cut out for you tonight" and we talked for like 10 mins.

[Mernalous]

Originally Posted by purplenemesis

You know, there is so much material written on how to properly approach that it becomes easy to overthink everything. Your example shows simplicity at its best. Nothing fancy but a simple comment to break the ice is all your really need. For instance I was standing next to a girl in the liquor store a week or so ago and complimented her on her choice of beer. That struck a 15 minute convo. I chickened out on the number close but now that I think about it I probably would have gotten it had I asked. But yeah its comforting when you realize how easy it can be when your not analysing everything that can go wrong.

Yeah, the confidence boost definatly helped you. It was pretty much a plateau breaker, think about it, some times in the gym you may be stuck on that weight for 8 reps for a month or so, then you think to yourself "**** it, let's put on another 5 kgs" and you do that for 8, BANG, more growth, more confidence.

Now all you needa do is keep it up!

[Below 30]

Originally Posted by purplenemesis

I really learned how easy approaching women can be if you are in the right state. I think you have to relate approaching women to fun and excitement instead of thinking of the fear of getting blown out. I made a huge step in this area because I didnt get blown out once. The closest thing to a blowout was when the conversation stalled and the women lost interest. Thats it but every girl I talked to last night was generally very receptive and friendly. Approaching girls is fun and that was the main goal of the night, fun. Dont even worry about getting numbers and trying to take a girl home. Just have fun and approach in a very friendly way. The girls who are interested will give you signs if they are interested, then you can escalate further. I see so many guys who escalate way too soon without reading the signs they get shut down way just like that. It also helps a lot if you have somebody pushing you. For instance I bet the night wouldnt have gone as well as it did if people werent pushing me further. If I would have been by myself I would have probably not approached many of the sets I did. Hell I actually had more fun going back to my co-workers and giving them the story on the girls I was talking to than actually talking to the girls.

You got it right there. Too many guys treat the mating game like it's a life and death scenerio. When you act like you don't care and be humourous, you'll rarely lose -30-

[EyeCyoo]

Originally Posted by purplenemesis

These girls seemed to light up more than any others that night like they have never freaking been approached before.

You would be suprised how many times girls have been approached properly. Hot girls probably get 20 guys (with lots of liquid confidence) coming up to them and trying to screw them right away... But actually having a decent guy come up to them and talking to them like they are a human being in a social way is rare. Your confidence and inviting non-threatening social skills are what set you apart.

Originally Posted by Below 30

You got it right there. Too many guys treat the mating game like it's a life and death scenerio. When you act like you don't care and be humourous, you'll rarely lose -30-

You have a funny mindset (no bashing). Seeing social life as a game left me very alone because no one truely knew who I was. I am learning to be myself and and put myself out there which is scary to do, but I feel like a whole person.

[Compoundlift83]

Originally Posted by purplenemesis

Ok so here is how it went. Some co-workers and I went out for happy hour at the bar down the street. The night started pretty lame. Just everybody sitting in there own little circle talking about boring work or family related stuff. There really wasnt much going on until an hour later people finally started rolling in. There was a DJ there who had the youngest person from every group get on stage. I was the youngest person from my group so I went up. They had everyone do the hokey pokey but instead it was for the girls put your tits in put your tits out and the guys it was your junk. The last person to not get kicked off the stage wins there party a pitcher of beer. Well I lost pretty quick. When I got back to the table everyone was heckling me for not winning them their pitcher. At that point I came up with a pretty random opener that I used for the rest of the night.

There were 2 girls sitting at a table by themselves. I walked over and said "My friends are still mad at me for not winning them a pitcher of beer" then sat myself down at there table and continues "Just because I couldnt shake my junk as good as the ladies" This got a big laugh. We eventually had a pretty good convo, cant remember exactly what we talked about but I kept it going pretty well, I was even making up stories off the top of my head to not have any awkward silence. This seemed to work pretty well since I had them laughing and generally into what I was saying. They eventually said they had to go find a friend that they were lost but promised me they were going to come back. I was like "Ok, Cool I might be around then".

I got back to my circle and everyone was like "dude those girls were hot", did you get any numbers, what did you say to them" ect... And my female co-workers were also giving me the thumbs up and signs of approval. "One of my female co-workers then says to me "check out those 2 hot girls over there, go talk to them" At this point I realised that if I didnt do this I would be not only letting myself down but everybody else. I walked over used the same opener and they were very receptive to it. They were laughing at my jokes but the convo eventually stalled. I bailed and went back. Just as soon as I got back my boss was like forget them "look at that table right behind me. There are 4 girls and one guy". At this point I literally had no approach anxiety, it actually didnt seem like I was even trying to pick up girls at this point, but performing for other people. It was actually pretty awesome because I am usually the shy quiet guy but tonight I was the center of attention and I admit, I ate every little bit of it up.

I then proceed to walk up to the table and use the exact same opener. These girls seemed to light up more than any others that night like they have never freaking been approached before. I tell a couple stories to get started and then had everyone at the table do a social and clanked bottles with everyone. Well the girl next to me (The hottest one) finished her beer off and I high fived her for drinking like a champ. In fact she actually started kinoing me on the shoulders, elbows and chest when talking. I knew I was in at this point. Had a good convo for about 10-15 minutes. I left on a high note and said "I am going to check out the band outside with some friends but if you are around later we should get together". "She said her let me give you my number". I said cool "I will call you later" then she said "you better not forget about me". That was actually a pretty freaking awesome response.

I actually end up texting her back because the noise was so loud. I told her I was hanging out by the bar outside and she should meet me. She had already left the bar but said she really wanted to hang out with me sometime. She then started sending me pics from her phone. One normal pic and one of her in a skimpy little bathing suit on the beach. I then passed my phone around to all my co-workers who were basically speechless by this point. I also sent her one of me in a tank top and got a "Wow, thats pretty hot" response.

I basically spent the rest of the night opening sets and trying to get free shots from the female waitresses and bar tenders. I didnt get any free shots but the best response I got was "if you get half naked I will give you one". I told her that seeing me half naked was worth at least 2. She said she couldnt do it because the shot were inventoried. I didnt believe her but I said "Its your loss sweatie". She gave me a big smile, winked and went about her business. I really wanted to pursue that but I didnt see her for the rest of the night, oh well.

I really learned how easy approaching women can be if you are in the right state. I think you have to relate approaching women to fun and excitement instead of thinking of the fear of getting blown out. I made a huge step in this area because I didnt get blown out once. The closest thing to a blowout was when the conversation stalled and the women lost interest. Thats it but every girl I talked to last night was generally very receptive and friendly. Approaching girls is fun and that was the main goal of the night, fun. Dont even worry about getting numbers and trying to take a girl home. Just have fun and approach in a very friendly way. The girls who are interested will give you signs if they are interested, then you can escalate further. I see so many guys who escalate way too soon without reading the signs they get shut down way just like that. It also helps a lot if you have somebody pushing you. For instance I bet the night wouldnt have gone as well as it did if people werent pushing me further. If I would have been by myself I would have probably not approached many of the sets I did. Hell I actually had more fun going back to my co-workers and giving them the story on the girls I was talking to than actually talking to the girls.

Cliffs please

[fleep]

good work bro

[Below 30]

Always remember this; Girls wear make-up on their face which is a form of real life photoshopping. Thus they are trying to look better than the next female to attract more men. This whole mating ritual is a game
-30-

[Mernalous]

Originally Posted by Below 30

Always remember this; Girls wear make-up on their face which is a form of real life photoshopping. Thus they are trying to look better than the next female to attract more men. This whole thing mating ritual is a game
-30-

So when are we going to see below 30's journal?

Also to purplenemesis, keep up the approaches.

[EyeCyoo]

Originally Posted by Below 30

Always remember this; Girls wear make-up on their face which is a form of real life photoshopping. Thus they are trying to look better than the next female to attract more men. This whole thing mating ritual is a game
-30-

How is trying to look better that the next person a "game"? I try to look my best, but it has nothing to do with a game.

I feel sorry for anyone that has such a lack of confidence in society and themselves that they have to make up for their personality deficiencies by playing games with real people.

Be yourself. Instead of winning (by mating), you start living.

[Below 30]

Originally Posted by EyeCyoo

How is trying to look better that the next person a "game"? I try to look my best, but it has nothing to do with a game.

I feel sorry for anyone that has such a lack of confidence in society and themselves that they have to make up for their personality deficiencies by playing games with real people.

Be yourself. Instead of winning (by mating), you start living.

How many men put paint on their face to change their natural look? Women use paint to make the most noticable part of their body look more appealing than nature intended. They are being fake by doing that because it's all a game.

Looking better by wearing certain clothers or excercising is one thing. But to cover your face with paint to make it look anything but your natural self, that's part of a game plan.

A journal? I leave that to you guys, those are a better read. -30-

[EyeCyoo]

Originally Posted by Below 30

How many men put paint on their face to change their natural look? Women use paint to make the most noticable part of their body look more appealing than nature intended. They are being fake by doing that because it's all a game.

Looking better by wearing certain clothers or excercising is one thing. But to cover your face with paint to make it look anything but your natural self, that's part of a game plan.

A journal? I leave that to you guys, those are a better read. -30-

I don't see how putting on make-up turns everything into a game. Everyone wears some kind of mask in social situations to make them look as good as possible, not to "game"

How is working out to look better good any different to wearing make-up to look better, and at what stage of make-up application does it change from congealer to "game

[phateless]

I completely agree with below on this one. I think make-up, especially foundation, is f*cking disgusting. I want to look at a girl's face, not 3 coats of primer. I don't find make-up appealing at all, if anything, it grosses me out. My ex would occasionally wear a touch of eye shadow, and maybe lip gloss, but that's it. I like it better that way. If i wanted to touch a painted face, i'd make out with a clown.

[EyeCyoo]

Originally Posted by phateless

I completely agree with below on this one. I think make-up, especially foundation, is f*cking disgusting. I want to look at a girl's face, not 3 coats of primer. I don't find make-up appealing at all, if anything, it grosses me out. My ex would occasionally wear a touch of eye shadow, and maybe lip gloss, but that's it. I like it better that way. If i wanted to touch a painted face, i'd make out with a clown.

Too much make-up is a big turn off. You can't tell who you're talking to behind the disguise. I prefer natural beauty that doesn't need layers of filler to look nice.

But going overboard with make-up does not turn social life into a game you have to play.

[purplenemesis]

Yeah, makeup + beer goggles can = WTF the next morning. But then again think if the tables were turned and men could put on makeup which would help them get more females gawking over them. I guarantee that most guys on here would do it.

[EyeCyoo]

Originally Posted by purplenemesis

Yeah, makeup + beer goggles can = WTF the next morning. But then again think if the tables were turned and men could put on makeup which would help them get more females gawking over them. I guarantee that most guys on here would do it.

You would be surprised how different a guy can look if he works on his appearance. Most hot male celebs (no homo) are just average Joe's that have been made to look amazing by their stylists and personal care-takers that make them look a million bux.

If you look at casual pics of male celebs when they aren't working, they look crap. But on the red carpet they look fantastic. Co-incidence... no.

[Sach]

your alpha has been released. now go. spread your seed.