Really depressed/ worried and don't really have a reson to be... (serious)

[Snatch Grabber]

So, i have a girlfriend who i have been dating for about 7 months now. She has a very pretty face, nice body (big boobs nice ass). She's my first gf, but she has been in one other serious relationship besides me. I feel like i can really trust her, as she has been cheated on in her last serious relationship and knows how it feels. Nonetheless she seems to have a high set of morals. She doesn't want to have sex b/c she is afraid of pregnancy, but she will do most other things sexually. The thing is, I'm just always afraid that she is going to leave me for someone better looking with a better body. She always tells me how cute i am and all, but I'm fat. I'm trying to lose weight, but it's a constant struggle b/c i got to college, don't make very much money, and live at home where there isn't a very healthy choice of foods. Anyhow, i try to eat as healthy as i can, and have been going to the gym a few days a week. I have even ran a mile (i know no big deal...) without stopping, which i have never done before. I want to lose the weight for me, but i also want to lose it to look better for my gf, b/c i know it sucks dating a fatass. However, she says i have a good personality, as i am pretty funny, I'm a nice guy, and I am pretty understanding. She can fly off the handle from time to time, and I'm able to deal with it and we just seem to be great together. We complement eachother in most aspects, and we both have similar goals.

However, I'm just still always afraid that she is going to leave me for someone more attractive with a better physique, but there is still something telling me that she won't do that. She told me about a guy who asked her out (she's at home taking a summer class). She told me his name and all, and I said, I bet he looks better than me. She said something like, he was surprisingly attractive, but you're my (insert my nickname she calls me). Then today I see that they are now friends on facebook...yeah, im prob. overreacting, but still, it bothers me...

Also, I have found myself losing the will to try anymore. At work, I seem to be "just there." I mean i do what i have to do, but i just don't feel all there while doing it, and sometimes i find myself cutting corners too sharply and not being the same person I have been for the past 20 years of my life. I have always wanted to do things the right way, a perfectionist to an extent, but that has begun to slip. I seem to be losing my will to try. Other times i feel incompetent. Like I KNOW or have a good idea of how to do something, but i don't have any confidence in carrying it out. I just kind of leave something for someone else to do, and then im like **** i know how to do that! or whatever, but yeah....

So, I seem to be worrying about stuff for nothing, and it is affecting my overall quality of life. I keep telling myself that my gf is not going to leave me for someone else just b/c im fat. I treat her well, and everyone tells her that she has such a great boyfriend. If she does leave me for someone else, it will be her loss, but it's just hard to believe it....

So, I don't really know what I want from this thread...i just felt like getting some of this off my chest...

[DYnomyte001]

Listen to me and listen to me real good.

If she leaves you for some guy with a better body, what kind of girl was she in the first place?

When you basically just admitted how ****ty you are, what kind of man are you? Grow a f*cking pair of balls and be the man you know you are and biologically you are!!!!

[Zepia]

[batista_029]

Hey bro.....

Not to put you down or anything but you seem to lack confidence and to most woman that is a complete turnoff. She is obviously with you for a reason and has stayed faithful so why worry? You are taking the necessary steps to lose the weight so keep it up. Dont' question her about it and don't show your lack of self-esteem. Women love a man that is confident.

[Npeart]

Originally Posted by Snatch Grabber

So, i have a girlfriend who i have been dating for about 7 months now. She has a very pretty face, nice body (big boobs nice ass). She's my first gf, but she has been in one other serious relationship besides me. I feel like i can really trust her, as she has been cheated on in her last serious relationship and knows how it feels. Nonetheless she seems to have a high set of morals. She doesn't want to have sex b/c she is afraid of pregnancy, but she will do most other things sexually. The thing is, I'm just always afraid that she is going to leave me for someone better looking with a better body. She always tells me how cute i am and all, but I'm fat. I'm trying to lose weight, but it's a constant struggle b/c i got to college, don't make very much money, and live at home where there isn't a very healthy choice of foods. Anyhow, i try to eat as healthy as i can, and have been going to the gym a few days a week. I have even ran a mile (i know no big deal...) without stopping, which i have never done before. I want to lose the weight for me, but i also want to lose it to look better for my gf, b/c i know it sucks dating a fatass. However, she says i have a good personality, as i am pretty funny, I'm a nice guy, and I am pretty understanding. She can fly off the handle from time to time, and I'm able to deal with it and we just seem to be great together. We complement eachother in most aspects, and we both have similar goals.

However, I'm just still always afraid that she is going to leave me for someone more attractive with a better physique, but there is still something telling me that she won't do that. She told me about a guy who asked her out (she's at home taking a summer class). She told me his name and all, and I said, I bet he looks better than me. She said something like, he was surprisingly attractive, but you're my (insert my nickname she calls me). Then today I see that they are now friends on facebook...yeah, im prob. overreacting, but still, it bothers me...

Also, I have found myself losing the will to try anymore. At work, I seem to be "just there." I mean i do what i have to do, but i just don't feel all there while doing it, and sometimes i find myself cutting corners too sharply and not being the same person I have been for the past 20 years of my life. I have always wanted to do things the right way, a perfectionist to an extent, but that has begun to slip. I seem to be losing my will to try. Other times i feel incompetent. Like I KNOW or have a good idea of how to do something, but i don't have any confidence in carrying it out. I just kind of leave something for someone else to do, and then im like **** i know how to do that! or whatever, but yeah....

So, I seem to be worrying about stuff for nothing, and it is affecting my overall quality of life. I keep telling myself that my gf is not going to leave me for someone else just b/c im fat. I treat her well, and everyone tells her that she has such a great boyfriend. If she does leave me for someone else, it will be her loss, but it's just hard to believe it....

So, I don't really know what I want from this thread...i just felt like getting some of this off my chest...

If she's all that and a bag of chips then get your ass to the gym, lift and do cardio and you WILL be that guy with the better body. This is a good opportunity to use your fear of losing her as motivation to a) get in shape and b) keep her interested.

Come on, bro. Cut the insecurity crap and get your $hit together. You can do it.

[TheGunther]

Use this frustration and put it in to your workout. So, you dont have much money, but you DO live at home. Maybe bargin with your mom to buy this instead of that, most likely it will even be cheaper (Tuna for instance). Remember to always work out for yourself first. Build confidence, be happy with yourself and your attitude will reflect that. If you keep having the mind set that she is going to leave you, then that will show, and she really WILL leave you. Believe in yourself bud! And dont sweat the small stuff!

[Hallock]

I used to weigh a lot more than I do now, and not in a good way. Losing weight (Forty pounds worth for me) gave me a huge confidence boost. I started meeting a lot of people too, I've never been sure if it was because I wasn't overweight, or if it was simply good timing, but either way it worked.

Just keep working at it, that's the best any person can do. If she really leaves you for someone else, she wasn't a great pick to begin with.

[BenchnCurls]

Alot of it has to do with you psychologically. You are insecure. You think that because you are fat, that girls will find you unattractive, in this case, your girl friend. Well let me tell you, that looks are NOT everything. But no matter, looks DO affect physical attraction. You may be everything shes looking for personality wise, and thats whats keeping the relationship going on. Use it as motivation, to work, to workout, and to workout your insecurity.

[rampagefc77]

you sound liek uve got a good head on your shoulders man. you lack confidence however. you KNOW you have a lot to offer, so does anything else matter? if u want a better body, then start doing some research and do what u can to lose some weight and gain some muscle. im sure there are plenty of people on here who would be willing to give advice. if she leaves u, then shes a shallow bitch. but u are suffering from "one-itis." its your first gf, you do realize there are several billion other girls out there. if things dont work out, she will get used by some dude and ull have a lot to offer another lucky lady out there. get your **** together and get back to life man, u only get one dont waste it worrying.

[King Baer]

If she's facebook friends with the dude then she's probably a little bit attracted or intrigued by him. But at the same time, she is still with you and likes you for who you are, not how you look (which is important).

There really is no excuse for you not to be in the gym 4-6 days a week, eating healthy, and getting your **** together. No excuse whatsoever. Empower yourself and start getting into the routine. Forming the habit is the hardest part. Once you start to see results, it will only fuel your desire to get back into the gym.

If you love something you have to be willing to let it go... live for yourself first. If this girl leaves you for another guy, then you really will have to take whatever lessons you can from it and move on. Life is hard, life sucks sometimes.. do you really want to be the guy who can't deal with ****, or the guy who plows forward no matter what and makes himself better on a daily basis?

No such thing as victims... victim is a state of mind... don't be a loser... get your ass to work.

[FullSack]

Avoid saying things like 'i bet he looks better than me'. If i've ever been with a girl who i think is too good for me looks wise - i will NEVER acknowledge that she is a more attractive person than me, i avoid criticising my looks in anyway. The girl may or may not be aware of the fact that she could do much better, but i'll never say anything that will increase her awareness of this.

The first girl i dated - i was a total pussy, telling her she was too good for me, bull**** like that. I think this affects the power balance, plus it just makes you look like a puss. Don't say **** like that.

[luckylynch]

Originally Posted by Npeart

If she's all that and a bag of chips then get your ass to the gym, lift and do cardio and you WILL be that guy with the better body. This is a good opportunity to use your fear of losing her as motivation to a) get in shape and b) keep her interested.

Come on, bro. Cut the insecurity crap and get your $hit together. You can do it.

why do that? If she likes you she will take you as you are. If you want to lift just lift---

usually if your uncomfotable around chicks....it means that they are the wrong one....the right ones will just click...

Just be yourself and they will practically select you...smile at or want to be around you...

[john_29]

I don't think you should be worrying. She got with you when your body was what it was and it seems you have only been getting better (losing fat). If she was just looking for someone with a better body, she wouldn't have got with you in the first place. I know it can be hard to keep motivated to exercise when you have a school, job, etc. but you need to think why you are doing it and what you will get out of it.

[Brutotal]

Lose weight and gain muscle=problem solved right?

Be patient and don't worry it takes time.

[-Live2Lift-]

Hey bro im in the same position.

I've recently been going out with a very hot girl for a couple of months now.. shes very good looking i know this i remember last week in club some guy saw me dancing with her and gave me 2 thumbs up like i had scored great or something which made me more insecure about it really.

I dont think im best looking guy in the world... cause shes first serious GF ive had and shes MUCH hotter than any of the few girls i hooked up with. I had a dream once where i was in nightclub left her alone for 30 mins and i came back to see her kissing another guy... i woke up at that second feeling emotionally drained heavy breathing and feeling like ****. Like which made me more paranoid cause my dreams sometimes seem to happen.

But i get that paranoid feeling sometimes that she could do alot better than me, she tells me all time how good looking i am and how much of a unique and great personality i have and how shes never met a guy as caring and as nice as me and such.

But still i sit paranoid admittedly your problem is a little different with body orientation but the principles are still the same bro we are both just very insecure and to be honest it doesnt do anything for either of us.... ive stopped getting insecure now ive just told myself if it does happen i cant do anything about it just enjoy the time i have with her now.

You really need to cut insecurity and paranoia man cause all its going to do is eat you up like it did with me.

But hope my post helped show you ur not alone in the world mate and gave you some comfort.

[SkeWeDSELFimAge]

Sup man-

Have you ever seen the movie, "Waiting..." with that chick from Scary Movie, and Ryan Reynolds, and some other funny people... like Luis Guzman, he's a great example, here's the ugliest guy in the world next to Jack Nicholson, but through confidence and charm, a total heartbreaker, and that's word.

Anyways, in the end of the movie, there's this guy who gets told off, because throughout the whole movie he's whining about girls and how they act and if they talk to other guys and stuff... basically showing no set of nuts. This girl who tells him off says, (summary) most of the time its your fault, you keep wondering if somethings the matter or if somethings wrong, or if you're not good enough, and its a self-fulfilling prophecy, you and whats around you becomes everything you think it is... and you blame some external catalyst when it was yourself all along.

moral of the story, if the girl loves you, and she's talking to some dude on facebook, BFD... its the internet, what harm can come from it? It's not like she is leaving you home on saturday night to catch a movie with him. and if she does that? drop her. know that in a year, you will be YOKED, RICH, and SUCCESSFUL like your boy skewed, and not care about what some liar tells u.

[5x10]

Originally Posted by batista_029

Hey bro.....

Not to put you down or anything but you seem to lack confidence and to most woman that is a complete turnoff. She is obviously with you for a reason and has stayed faithful so why worry? You are taking the necessary steps to lose the weight so keep it up. Dont' question her about it and don't show your lack of self-esteem. Women love a man that is confident.

x2
keep that act up and she will leave you

if your worried about your body, get committed to making a change, and stop crying about it
this website has great resources on diet, exercise, supps, etc
your confidence will grow as your body does

good luck

[phateless]

if your body was an issue she would never have got together with you in the first place. just relax and be yourself. confidence is the sexiest thing about you. as for pregnancy...

www.plannedparenthood.org

do some research. it's VERY easy to have sex without risk of pregnancy.

[kmk25II45]

You sound like a lazy piece of sh*t.

"I even ran a mile once", "I eat as healthy as i can"...WHAT BULL****!?!?!

Get your ass to the gym 4 times a week, buy yourself as much tuna and chicken breast as you can afford, and get your ass into shape. I have friends who say the same type of sh*t and then order a cheese steak for dinner and a damn cheesecake for dessert...

YOU LACK DISCIPLINE!

[phateless]

It's true, my coworker lady eats soo healthy all the time cuz she really really wants to lose weight... and yet she won't even go for short walks or hikes or ANYTHING. Totally unclear on the concept. I've tried explaining it to her, but nothing. People want it but they're f*cking lazy.

[TricepsNGirls]

She will NOT leave you just because someone else is more attractive. By now, you should know a relationship is not founded on that; lust is.

She might get a kick out of chatting with some eye candy every now and then, but that alone is satisfying enough. Most people with enough common sense know not to push boundaries. The fact that she's been cheated on before and hasn't done the same should provide you enough assurance.

This relationship is a great opportunity for you to improve physically and mentally. Don't let insecurity drag you back down again.

[Environ]

If she loves you, she will stay with you. You do not need to worry about that. Do you have any reason to believe she will leave you just because of your physique? There is usually a reason for insecurity and, while it might just be the fact that you are overweight, are you sure it's not something else? Has she ever given you a reason to suspect that she will leave you?

If anything, it is your insecurity that will cause you to leave.

If you are going to the gym to change yourself to make sure that you keep her, then you are doomed to failure. Trying to change yourself to please or satisfy someone else is almost guaranteed to lead to failure. If you want to change your physique, do it for YOURSELF and because you want to.

[Snatch Grabber]

Thank you all for your replies. The truth is, I am insecure, and it's just hard for me to believe that someone like her, or any one would like me. However, recently, as i've gotten older quite a few girls have told me that i am really cute. A few of my female coworkers found out that i was trying to lose weight, and asked why. I told them that i need to lose some weight, obviously. They said that they didn't think so and that they liked bigger guys. This is just hard to believe for me, i guess b/c no girls ever paid that much attention to me in Highschool, or maybe i just failed to realize it. Anyhow, I've been wanting to lose the weight, and i have gotten in to the gym and have lost about 10 pounds now. My gf came to visit me a few days ago, as she is at home taking a summer class. She said i looked like i've lost weight (she knew i was trying to lose weight though), and that i was looking good. However, she has always told me that she loves me the way i am, and that she would still love me even if i stayed the way i was. Nonetheless, she is still happy that i'm trying to become healthier in order to prolong my life. I believe her, and i don't really have any reason to believe that she would leave me for someone else just because of my body; it's just insecurity issues with me. She tells me that i have a great personality...im unique, funny, nice, etc, etc....I guess i just sometimes get these feelings that overwhelm truth and my logical thinking...

[phateless]

it's so hard to shut off that negative thought process... really quite amazing... have you seen the movie matchstick men or weatherman? can't remember which, but that self-deprecating thought process is so familiar to me and it's only the past couple years that i've got over it. she's told you everything you need to hear. BELIEVE HER! if she didn't believe what she says to you 100% SHE WOULD NOT BE WITH YOU. So it must be true.

you may also want to speak to a psychologist. they can help you turn off that damn negative thought process. it helped me.

[Relativity]

Sounds like a keeper. Don't let your past way of thinking influence your future.