fishing in florida

sallystrothers · 09-22-2004, 09:20 PM

Isnt fishing supposed to be eloquent and relaxing?

Captain Ron sure didn’t represent that reputation on my first time ever fishing down in Pensacola FL. Alright maybe that was a lie, I have fished one before in my uncle bill’s pond behind his house down in tenessee, but I was drunk and we were fishing with pieces of big mac. But last week, I was down in florida on business and had an extra day open, fishing- hell why not.

Captain Ron it turns out, used to be a linebacker for tampa bay…. That explained why he weighed 300 lbs, had a deep bellowing voice and shook my hand on that dock with the grip of some kind of professional athlete, like a WWF wrestler or something.

Ron didn’t say a damn word for the frist several hours. His instruction of how to catch bait was given in grunts, either an approval grunt or a disembowel grunt. The bait was particularly hard to catch ( we only had 9 baits by 9 am) and Ron’s voice forcefully penetrated the euphoric waters with “Goddamn it I ****ing told you to pull the baits into the boat the moment you get them”.

I froze in apprehension as 2 more baits fell off back in the water as I dangled my pole over the edge. In the snap of a finger Ron jerked the pole out of my hand and proceeded to mutter a poetic list of profanities as he tried to catch more bait. By 10:00 he had given up on the bait and we headed off back to the innercoastal to fish for snook with no more then 9 greenies as bait

We fished where the innercoastal drained out to the ocean from the tide, along a rock jetti lined with pelicans (who later were our enemies). We casted toward the shore where the main current ran and were met halfway with 4 pelicans diving at out bait. They would follow it through the air and as it hit the water, they would dive bomb it. We had caught 5 fish with exactly 5 baits (keep in mind we only had 4 left) until one pelican tried really hard to get my bait and succeded. Dumbfounded I began to reel this poor bird into Ron who lie await at the end of the boat with quite possibly the most irate face I have ever seen. The bird comes in and ron picks it up by its beak and proceeds to unload profanities like a group of Mexicans unloading a truck full of 2x4’s.

“**** you you goddamn piece of **** smelling mother ****ing ass stained **** eating our last goddamn baits!!!!)

Five minutes of brutal insults to this bird ron backhandedly throws the pelican back to the water by its beak. Confused, the bird swims in circles with its head tucked underneath its wing. We switch to yammamoto artificial baits to keep the pelicans away from us and to save our last 3 baits. Not more then a few minutes later I hook another snook and what feels like a normal fish turns into what seemed like a lunker. A real BIG lunker. It comes up near the surface and where my line is at a ****ING dolphin jumps out of the water with my fish in its mouth like a dog bone. We all thought it was entertaining until by our 5th fish after that, same thing. Dolphin would eat them off our lines and sometimes right when we put the fish back in the water. We were more entertained with the dolphin then we were with fishing, but Ron sure wasn’t pleased.
Ron gave us a 20 minute talk on how the dolphins eat all the fish that the fishermen catch and how this particular dolphin doesnt hunt a single fish on its own. He tried to kill it once with a .22 pistol but he only got 1 shot in it before it swam out of sight but swear that day he would kill that dolphin sometime. Now before all you animal lovers get your panites in a bunch, this dolphin wasn’t your average cute dolphin. This one was grotesquely scarred, crusted in barnacles and had 4 fishing lines dragging off its face.

It was obvious the dolphin was going to stay all day long and eat all our fish, so on my next fish Ron gets an idea. He is going to save this fish by throwing it away from the boat, toward the shore where the dolphin wont see it. Ron takes my 23” snook, cocks back in the hand grenade position and releases the snook in an airborne parabolic path. He was flying away from the boat…. Flying…. Flying still… flying… flying until 10 yards in shore the bone crushing thud releases a steroid rage flashback in Ron. He raises his arma to the heavens and releases the primordial yell of an ex linebacker:

“GODDAMN THAT DOLPHIN”

“GODDAMN THAT ****ING BASTARD TO HELL!!!!”

“I SWEAR, HUAAAHAHAHHA <evil laughter>”

“I SWEAR ON MY OWN ****ING CAPTAINS LICENSE THAT ****ING BASTARD WILL BE DEAD BY TOMORROW MORNING”

“****ING DEAD BY TOMORROW MORNING!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!”

“GIVE ME THAT POLE!!”

ron grabs it out of my hands. He puts on the last bait, quickly hooks a fish, brings it up to the boat and dangles it there, teasing the dolphin. Unbeknownst to the dolphin Ron is holding a 5” gaffling hook behind his back. As the dolphin nears the boat I hear the loud horn of a tourist sight seeing boat. I dive to tackle ron and save him from killing a dolphin in front of 75 ocean wildlife sight seers. He backhands me 5 feet in the air and I spiral down on the bow. Ron raises his triton and javelins it in the side of the dolphin. He must have got it in there deep because the dolphin jerked it out of his hand and swam away 10 yards with this hook sticking out of the water. Screams from the tourists fill the afternoon waters’ silence, followed by the sound of a diesel motor starting as we speed off from the scene of the crime. I never heard back from ron if he got turned in or anything.

Fishing is a violent sport. I don’t recommend anyone to try to go fishing. Its just not worth killing all the helpless birds, fish, dolphins, and other creatures just to get a little rouse.

I’ll stick with archery-