What do you think of this article, it's about forgiving infidelity

[The_Reaper]

It seems like horse**** to me. I could never, ever, forgive a cheating woman, regardless of the circumstances. Here is the article. There's no need to read the whole thing, just the opening part is enough to get the gist of it.


5 Effective Ways To Rebuild A Relationship With A Mate
By Cucan Pemo

Five ways to deal with a partner's infidelity and rebuild the relationship.

It's only natural that, as relationships progress, we start to take each other for granted. You may feel resentful that your wife or girlfriend doesn't pay you compliments the way she used to, and has taken to nagging you about every little thing, or just ignoring you most of the time. So if the situation changes - you suddenly notice that she's buying you gifts, easing up on the nagging and giving you a lot more of that "alone time" you've been craving, your first instinct may be relief. In reality, however, a sudden, drastic change in your partner's behavior - even seemingly positive changes - may be a red flag that she's cheating on you.

Infidelity can plague even seemingly happy relationships, so if you're getting signals that your spouse may be cheating, you should pay attention. It may turn out that your partner is as faithful as the sun, but if you get that sneaking feeling that things are almost too perfect, it's natural to be curious. If there's been a noticeable shift in the dynamics of your relationship - if, say, she spends less time with you, and asks you for less advice than she used to - it may be that she's going to someone else to have those needs met.

If, after doing a little careful detective work, you discover that she's cheating on you, don't immediately fly off the handle. It may be tempting to jump ship and give up on the relationship, but that's not a solution to the problem. It doesn't change the fact that you love this woman and, perhaps, her infidelity is a symptom of problems in the relationship to which you contributed.

If you take time to examine why she strayed, you may find that you aren't the only victim in the relationship. Does she have physical or emotional needs that you've been unable to meet? Has she tried to discuss her feelings with you, but you failed to consider her feelings? If so, it shouldn't be entirely surprising that she found comfort with another. If there have been unresolved problems in your relationship that encouraged her to be unfaithful, you should seriously consider working with her to fix them, fixing them, rather than walking out on her in a fit of anger and causing even more pain to you both.

Here are five effective ways to deal with a cheating mate and help rebuild the relationship.

Approach With Caution

Step carefully when first raising the issue of your partner's infidelity. Don't charge in, full of righteous indignation, throwing around accusations. Your wife or girlfriend will only become defensive, and you may destroy any opportunity to rebuild the relationship later down the road. Instead, ask questions like "I've noticed you've been distant lately - why is this?" If you seem concerned and interested rather than angry, she'll be more likely to open up to you.

Talk It Out

Once you've opened the lines of communication, honesty is of the utmost importance. Carefully examine all aspects of your relationship. Was your cheating mate simply foolish, or was her mistake the result of serious problems in your relationship? Perhaps you devoted too much of your attention to work and neglected your relationship. Honest communication will be tough and time-consuming, but it's the only way to identify the problems between you. Instead of making her feel guilty, consider your own faults first. Is there anything you did to prompt her behavior? If you and your companion can discuss the flaws of your relationship, you have a good chance at correcting them. Small changes can go a long way!

Problem Solve

Actions speak louder than words. It's one thing to have a long conversation about your troubled relationship, but if you're not ready to solve the problems, there's no hope of fixing what's wrong. If she says you didn't seem emotionally available, believe her. Make a special effort to tune into her more from now on. If she says you simply weren't around enough to satisfy her needs, then designate one day a week as a "date night" and go out to dinner or stay in with a movie and some popcorn, just the two of you. If you truly respond to her complaints and requests, it's unlikely that she'll feel the need to cheat again.

Forgive And Forget - if you can

This is probably the most difficult step to rebuilding your relationship. You may be able to say that you understand why your partner cheated, but unless you can truly let go of her past your relationship is doomed. It's possible the relationship isn't salvageable - is she simply a woman who can't be trusted? If so, if you "forgive and forget" and it happens again, you feel like a fool. If, after talking out you problems, it turns out that you gave her no reason to cheat, it may be that her own personal issues led her to be unfaithful.

If that's the case, then nothing you do or say will keep her in your arms and it's best to move on. But if you feel your relationship still has potential and you're willing to do what it takes to make it work, then you'll need to devote all of your compassion and understanding to empathizing with your partner or else there'll always be a wall between the two of you. If you and your wife have children this is even more important, because it's the only hope you have of saving your marriage.

Keep Communication Open

Now that you've had a good, long talk about why she cheated and discussed ways to solve the problems of your relationship, what can you do to keep your partnership intact? The answer's simple - keep talking.

If new problems, even small dissatisfactions, arise then speak up! And don't fall victim to "what's good for the goose is good for the gander" thinking - running away from the relationship and into the arms of somebody new is not a solution. If you're sorely tempted to be unfaithful yourself strictly out of pain or revenge, talk to your partner about it. You may be able to negotiate changes that will help the two of you rebuild your relationship, or you may find you want to seek counseling. Of course, you may end up choosing to separate - but any of these alternatives are better than infidelity.

If your worst fears are confirmed and she's cheating, don't feel sorry for yourself and act like a victim. Relationships take two people to succeed or fail - it's very likely that you made your share of mistakes, too. Nobody's perfect. Weigh the potential of your relationship and decide if it's worth the work involved in saving it. If so, keep these five steps in mind, and get to work. You may find that the two of you become closer than ever before as a result.

[TheNextEpisde]

How low has the male gender sunk...

[DaCougarMech]

bull****
all this crap does is prolong an unhealthy relationship that wont last longer than my temper

[purplenemesis]

So what I got out of that article is that its mostly the guys fault if a woman cheats. The woman shouldn't be held accountable because it was probably the mans fault anyways for not paying attention to her emotional needs and working too much. Hell if the guy started spending more time with her and not working as much the girl would proabaly still cheat on him for not being able to provide like he used to. It is such bull****, if a girl is a cheater she is going to find an excuse to cheat no matter what, same for guys.

[stliftn8]

I didnt even bother reading the article thumbs down to it.

[82nd_Fister]

Further proof of the Feminization of America.

[indian23]

female supremism

[82nd_Fister]

Paratroopers forgive nothing. Am I right, Airborne?

[somanybuttons]

OK - I thought it was going to be about how to forgive if it was a one off thing, but I scanned it (couldn't be bothered reading the whole thing) and no, it was about how to forgive someone who has been cheating REPEATEDLY... wtf? Why would you bother? I can understand how things can be fixed if she ****ed up once, but cmon, how whipped do you want to be???

[shiv15]

**** that ****, **** cheaters. (Yes anger)

[malty]

A guy named Cucan would write such a ridiculous article

[TheNextEpisde]

Originally Posted by somanybuttons

OK - I thought it was going to be about how to forgive if it was a one off thing, but I scanned it (couldn't be bothered reading the whole thing) and no, it was about how to forgive someone who has been cheating REPEATEDLY... wtf? Why would you bother? I can understand how things can be fixed if she ****ed up once, but cmon, how whipped do you want to be???

No. Never forgive a cheater.

If a girl cheats once, she is gone. Maybe then will she think with her head instead of her vagina.

[yabbayabba]

Cheat once and its over, it will happen again. Saying that I have become friends with a ex that did cheat on me. We have bumbed uglies a few times but I would never think about having a real relationship with her again.

[somanybuttons]

I disagree - there are some (only some) situations where things can be worked out. This goes for guys as well as girls. But I think that depends on the relationship, the people involved and the situation in which it happened.

Each to their own though I guess.

[shiv15]

Originally Posted by somanybuttons

I disagree - there are some (only some) situations where things can be worked out. This goes for guys as well as girls. But I think that depends on the relationship, the people involved and the situation in which it happened.

Each to their own though I guess.

Let me pose a hypothetical situation for you.

Say your dating a guy for a year, and his best friend is a girl of 10 years. And they are partying one night and end up hooking up. Would you forgive your boyfriend in this "situation" just because its his best friend who hes probably wanted to bang for all 10 years?

[xer0xed]

damn, i'd like to neg the guy that wrote that

[ItalWHOP]

Originally Posted by xer0xed

damn, i'd like to neg the guy that wrote that

Me too. It is **** like this that has caused the average man to lose himself.

**** that, I'm taking masculinity back!!

[Brutotal]

Originally Posted by The_Reaper

I It doesn't change the fact that you love this woman

Sorry but it does change that "fact" that you love them. How do you love someone who doesn't give a **** about you?

[Beklet]

People of either sex cheat mainly because there's something they're not getting in their current relationship.

Just forgiving them isn't going to work - they will just cheat again.

I certainly wouldn't (and haven't) forgiven anyone who cheats on me

[nognig]

Here is nignog's 3 step method to dealing with infidelity:

1. Go for one last ****. Treat her like a stamp, lick it, stick it, smash it with your fist then send it on it's way.

2. Tell her that you love her and would like to work stuff out. Over the next two weeks empty her bank account and ruin her credit rating. Make sure she won't even qualify for HUD housing.

3. Fake a positive AIDS test then give her the results after step 1. When she starts crying yell out "Your immune system is dun buss! LOL!"

NN

[Fearless_]

Wow, I am speechless. The guy who wrote that should do the world a favor and kill himself.

[SuicideGripMe]

Cheating in an unforgiveable act. If youre gonna cheat, break up. Id never trust a cheater, if you cheated once, youll cheat again to me.

[NYY]

Originally Posted by The_Reaper

It seems like horse**** to me. I could never, ever, forgive a cheating woman, regardless of the circumstances. Here is the article. There's no need to read the whole thing, just the opening part is enough to get the gist of it.


5 Effective Ways To Rebuild A Relationship With A Mate
By Cucan Pemo

Five ways to deal with a partner's infidelity and rebuild the relationship.

It's only natural that, as relationships progress, we start to take each other for granted. You may feel resentful that your wife or girlfriend doesn't pay you compliments the way she used to, and has taken to nagging you about every little thing, or just ignoring you most of the time. So if the situation changes - you suddenly notice that she's buying you gifts, easing up on the nagging and giving you a lot more of that "alone time" you've been craving, your first instinct may be relief. In reality, however, a sudden, drastic change in your partner's behavior - even seemingly positive changes - may be a red flag that she's cheating on you.

Infidelity can plague even seemingly happy relationships, so if you're getting signals that your spouse may be cheating, you should pay attention. It may turn out that your partner is as faithful as the sun, but if you get that sneaking feeling that things are almost too perfect, it's natural to be curious. If there's been a noticeable shift in the dynamics of your relationship - if, say, she spends less time with you, and asks you for less advice than she used to - it may be that she's going to someone else to have those needs met.

If, after doing a little careful detective work, you discover that she's cheating on you, don't immediately fly off the handle. It may be tempting to jump ship and give up on the relationship, but that's not a solution to the problem. It doesn't change the fact that you love this woman and, perhaps, her infidelity is a symptom of problems in the relationship to which you contributed.

If you take time to examine why she strayed, you may find that you aren't the only victim in the relationship. Does she have physical or emotional needs that you've been unable to meet? Has she tried to discuss her feelings with you, but you failed to consider her feelings? If so, it shouldn't be entirely surprising that she found comfort with another. If there have been unresolved problems in your relationship that encouraged her to be unfaithful, you should seriously consider working with her to fix them, fixing them, rather than walking out on her in a fit of anger and causing even more pain to you both.

Here are five effective ways to deal with a cheating mate and help rebuild the relationship.

Approach With Caution

Step carefully when first raising the issue of your partner's infidelity. Don't charge in, full of righteous indignation, throwing around accusations. Your wife or girlfriend will only become defensive, and you may destroy any opportunity to rebuild the relationship later down the road. Instead, ask questions like "I've noticed you've been distant lately - why is this?" If you seem concerned and interested rather than angry, she'll be more likely to open up to you.

Talk It Out

Once you've opened the lines of communication, honesty is of the utmost importance. Carefully examine all aspects of your relationship. Was your cheating mate simply foolish, or was her mistake the result of serious problems in your relationship? Perhaps you devoted too much of your attention to work and neglected your relationship. Honest communication will be tough and time-consuming, but it's the only way to identify the problems between you. Instead of making her feel guilty, consider your own faults first. Is there anything you did to prompt her behavior? If you and your companion can discuss the flaws of your relationship, you have a good chance at correcting them. Small changes can go a long way!

Problem Solve

Actions speak louder than words. It's one thing to have a long conversation about your troubled relationship, but if you're not ready to solve the problems, there's no hope of fixing what's wrong. If she says you didn't seem emotionally available, believe her. Make a special effort to tune into her more from now on. If she says you simply weren't around enough to satisfy her needs, then designate one day a week as a "date night" and go out to dinner or stay in with a movie and some popcorn, just the two of you. If you truly respond to her complaints and requests, it's unlikely that she'll feel the need to cheat again.

Forgive And Forget - if you can

This is probably the most difficult step to rebuilding your relationship. You may be able to say that you understand why your partner cheated, but unless you can truly let go of her past your relationship is doomed. It's possible the relationship isn't salvageable - is she simply a woman who can't be trusted? If so, if you "forgive and forget" and it happens again, you feel like a fool. If, after talking out you problems, it turns out that you gave her no reason to cheat, it may be that her own personal issues led her to be unfaithful.

If that's the case, then nothing you do or say will keep her in your arms and it's best to move on. But if you feel your relationship still has potential and you're willing to do what it takes to make it work, then you'll need to devote all of your compassion and understanding to empathizing with your partner or else there'll always be a wall between the two of you. If you and your wife have children this is even more important, because it's the only hope you have of saving your marriage.

Keep Communication Open

Now that you've had a good, long talk about why she cheated and discussed ways to solve the problems of your relationship, what can you do to keep your partnership intact? The answer's simple - keep talking.

If new problems, even small dissatisfactions, arise then speak up! And don't fall victim to "what's good for the goose is good for the gander" thinking - running away from the relationship and into the arms of somebody new is not a solution. If you're sorely tempted to be unfaithful yourself strictly out of pain or revenge, talk to your partner about it. You may be able to negotiate changes that will help the two of you rebuild your relationship, or you may find you want to seek counseling. Of course, you may end up choosing to separate - but any of these alternatives are better than infidelity.

If your worst fears are confirmed and she's cheating, don't feel sorry for yourself and act like a victim. Relationships take two people to succeed or fail - it's very likely that you made your share of mistakes, too. Nobody's perfect. Weigh the potential of your relationship and decide if it's worth the work involved in saving it. If so, keep these five steps in mind, and get to work. You may find that the two of you become closer than ever before as a result.

It's wimps like this who make all us nice guys look like chumps with no backbones.

[Brother Steel]

To all you guys who think this article is BS. Print it out and save it. Once you have been in love with a woman or man for over 25 years take it out and read it again. I think you will look at it differently.

A lot of what was mentioned in the article about how to save your marriage should be practiced throughout your marriage to keep it healthy. Failure to have good communications with your partner be it wife, husband, girlfriend or boyfriend is setting up the stage for disaster. It takes two people to be in a relationship and it takes two people to keep the relationship going. Each partner has to learn to give and take and learn to listen to each other. Good relationships are not by chance. You have to commit and work at them all the time. Once you understand this you will find your work will be a labor of love!

[Brutotal]

Originally Posted by Brother Steel

You have to commit and work at them all the time.

They require both people to commit to the relationship and work at it.

I must ask of course, are you with someone right now who cheated on you and did it work itself out because you forgave her? I've never heard of any relationship working long term after someone cheated.

[Ex-Terminator]

That article sucks big, fat, hairy, slimy green, diseased, day-old donkey dicks, with a side of hairy rat asses.

/thread

[rampagefc77]

Originally Posted by Brutotal

They require both people to commit to the relationship and work at it.

I must ask of course, are you with someone right now who cheated on you and did it work itself out because you forgave her? I've never heard of any relationship working long term after someone cheated.

agreed. I cant think of any situation where cheating would be forgivable. no matter how much you "love" the girl, u cant forgive them. i forgave a chick who cheated on me before (yes highschool haha) needless to say what happened several more times in the next few months..

at this point, you cheat, youre gone. end of story.

[Brother Steel]

Originally Posted by Brutotal

They require both people to commit to the relationship and work at it.

I must ask of course, are you with someone right now who cheated on you and did it work itself out because you forgave her? I've never heard of any relationship working long term after someone cheated.

Note I said, "It takes two people to be in a relationship and it takes two people to keep the relationship going."

I have not claimed to know how to save a marriage. I can only comment on what works to help keep a marriage intact. My wife and I must be doing something right for we have been a couple for 25 years and happily married for 24 of those. I should add I have known my wife since we were small children.

To my knowledge my wife and I have both been faithful to each other. An ounce of prevention is worth a pound of cure. My wife and I practice many of the principles listed in the article. Without good communications I am sure we would not have lasted as long as we have. We treat each other with respect and listen to each other's problems. We do not always agree with each other but we have learned to agree to disagree.

I do know of couples my age who have saved their marriage after infidelity but their marriage was never the same. Once you cross the line of trust into distrust it is hard to regain your partners trust again. It sometimes takes years to put the pieces of your relationship back together again. That is why I advocate many of the principles that are in the article be put into practice BEFORE there is trouble in a relationship. Then you will never have to try to put the pieces back together in the first place. I hope this has cleared things up for you.

FYI: My wife's parents have been married for 49 years. My parents have been married for 52 years. My sister and her husband has been married for 25 years. (My wife has no siblings) The world I live in is not perfect though my baby sister had been married 3 times and in numerous other relationships and my older brother distrusts all women and has never been married. (he is not gay) - Oh Well!

[TDetroit]

bet you this crap was written by a woman. they want our money and someone else's dick.

[Brutotal]

Originally Posted by Brother Steel

To all you guys who think this article is BS. Print it out and save it. Once you have been in love with a woman or man for over 25 years take it out and read it again. I think you will look at it differently.

^^ I believe I misread this part for after she cheats on you take this out and you'll understand it.

Communication and trust is key but you can't really "heal" infidelity.