Some jokes

[Rupert IV]

What's black and blue and doesn't like sex?

The little boy I keep in my cupboard.



A paedophile and a small child are walking through the woods. It's a foul night - lightning spearing the sky and thunder is crashing.
The child looks up at the paedo and says "I'm scared". The paedo says "What the **** are you moaning for? I've got to walk back on my own!"



A boy comes home from primary school one day. His mother notices that he's got a big smile on his face. She asks, "You look happy, did anything special happen at school today?"
"Yes mum - I had sex with my English teacher!" he replied.
The mother is stunned. "Get up them stairs now and wait until your father gets home!"
The dad comes home and hears the news; he's as pleased as punch. Beaming with pride, he walks over to his son and says, "I hear you had sex with your English teacher."
"That's right, Dad."
"Well, you became a man today - this is a cause for celebration. Let's get fish and chips, then I'll buy you that bike you've been asking for."
"Mint! - but I can I have a football instead? My arse is killing me."




What's the biggest cause of paedophilia in this country?

Sexy kids.

[FunkDaddy]

[Rupert IV]

A girl is watching her father shower.

She points to his penis and says, "Daddy, when will I get one of those?"

He looks at his watch and says, "When your mother leaves for work!"


A man takes his nine year old daughter to the doctor. After several hours in the waiting room, (NHS...) they're called in.
"Hello," the doctor says. "How can I help you?"
The man nods, "It's my daughter, I was wondering if you could put her on birth control."
"Birth control?" the doctor is incredulous. "She's too young to be sexually active!"
"Sexually active?" the father says, "She just lies there like her mother!"


What's the definition of relative humidity?

The sweat on your balls when you're ****ing your sister.

[FunkDaddy]

[crezoboymatt]

this is pretty bad.
I have one but i wouldn't dare say it.

[FunkDaddy]

[JesusTookMyBike]

in before the lock..