problems in paradise

[tank03]

well...this story is kinda long, so you might wanna grab a snack or too before you start reading.

First off, I'm having serious relationship problems right now. Nothing that can't be fixed, but things that seem hard to fix. Let me give you a little background. My girlfriend asked me out when she was 16, I was 17 and really didn't notice her much and I was planning on joining the Marines after High school. After about 3 months, I fell in love with her...she was kinda of one of those "rare finds" especially in the school I was in. Anyway about 4 months in, she started to become a control freak. I really didn't like that, but I stuck in it with the attitude that these things happen in early relationships and I would just ride it out. The way she would "control" me was the infamous "if you loved me you would..." line. This was basically used to have me buy her stuff and do stuff for her like skipping class to be with her. The class she wanted me to skip was weightlifting, and like on the 4th time doing it I got caught and was forced to do burnouts everyday for the rest of the semester. Didn't have a problem with it, we've always went to every movie she wanted to see, always went to the stores she want to go to...basically did everything she wanted to do. It started to seem as if she didn't even notice that we were doing stuff that she wanted to do rather than do stuff we were both into. She's a virgin, and we tried to have sex like 50 times and she always says shes scared and it hurts (I only got like half my head in) and I was always like, no problem, I'll do it when you are ready. We both do oral on each other, but like after 6 encounters, she only wanted me to do oral for her and thats it....which I went along with without out any complaints, she did do the occasional oral, but it was rare and I gave her oral everytime I saw her. Still no complaints from me. Around December we had a big ass argument over something stupid I said on the phone to her and I really said some bad things to her on the phone that night...made her cry. Didn't call her a b$%#$ or anything just blowing off steam about how she was acting. A week later a guy asked her out to the movies, she accepted and they made out. The next day I appologize to her on the phone, and told her that everything wrong in the relationship was my fault, and we were closer than ever before afterwards. She left her diary in my car one day and she was writing to her friend and about the incident with the other guy, I was very angry...I went home, punched like 3 holes in my wall (tore my hand up pretty bad) I drove like 3 hours out to the beach by myself, found a good spot, sat down and began to think about stuff. There was so much stuff going through my head I didn't know what to think. I went to her house the next night and showed her the diary and asked her about it, didn't yell, I was pretty calm. She like burst out in tears, and saying she was sorry over and over we made up afterwards. I figured everybody makes mistakes, and everybody was entitled to a second chance, I would sure like a second chance if I was in that position. I didn't confront the guy she kissed, I just let it go. It took a lot to do that actually, I saw him everyday at school. I've a very bad temper, was never a bully, but like the littlest thing would make me snap...I was like a walking time bomb. My best friend thought something was wrong with me when I didn't do anything to the guy. Things we pretty well for awhile, but then there was a trip to go to the beach and a theme park for a whole week. I told her about it and she was like "If you want to go, you have to break up with me first....we can get back together when you come back" I asked her why and she had the idea that there were several girls that liked me and she didn't want anything to happen that she would have to worry about, so she wanted me to have that freedom. I didn't like that idea that she thought that I was shallow enough to try to get back at her so after a few arguments about it, I decided not to go. I didn't go in Marines, I went to a community college nearby so that I would still be able to be with her since she was still going to be in school after I left. The summer went ok without any major conflicts, but when school started back up, so did the problems. She was depressed that I wasn't at school with her...and worst she felt that I didn't have time for her. To have money to drive to and from school I got a job at a crappy fast food resturant, and I still live with my grandma. I went to school mon-fri and I was out most of the time by noon and at the latest 3p.m., I also worked 40hrs a week for $5.25. I started to push studying and homework after midnight and saw her as much as I could, everyday I was off I spent with her...still it wasn't good enough. I got like an average of 4 hrs sleep per night, and I was under like a ton of stress. I got bs at my job, my school has mostly people that are pushing 30, and at home I get bs from my grandma because she thinks that even though I drove over 200 miles per week going back and fouth to school, back and fourth to work, and I buy my own food, pay my car insurance (which is bullsh*t at $140 per month for 11 months, I'm switching to Geico), pay for my cell phone (which I'm about to give up), internet, clothes, have a girlfriend, save money, and buy all other things, I have the money to pay give her $100 every other week because all her money is going towards cutting down and cleaning up three trees that didn't need to be cut down in the first place (she was scared because she thinks ppl hides behind those trees at night time so she paid three local guys to cut it down in December...and they are still lying outside today, she has paid ppl, but they never came....I'm through with dealing with it). But anyways, you get the point, I'm under a lot of stress.

It was pure h#ll that first semester, I came out with a 2.0 gpa, I was taking 5 classes. I gave my girlfriend my cell phone so she could call me everynight, and when I try to get off the phone to do my homework, she thinks that I don't love her and I don't want to spend time with her, its like everytime I got on the phone, there was always something I say to piss her off. It was like little stuff like me not complimenting her enough, or not noticeing a new outfit, or something like this (this is an actual e-mail she sent me) "I THOUGHT YOU WAS GOING TO E-MAIL ME!!!!! YOU SAID THAT YOU WAS GOING TO E-MAIL ME. I EVEN SENT YOU AN E-CARD YESTERDAY SAYING HOW MUCH I MISS YOU!!!!! WELL JUST TO LET YOU KNOW I DON'T MISS YOU AND I'M GLAD I DON'T HAVE TO SEE YOU!!!!! YOU MAKE ME SICK!!!!! IF YOU LOVE ME YOU WOULD E-MAILED ME LIKE YOU SAID!!!!! YOU TOLD ME YOU WAS GOING TO CHECK YOUR E-MAIL WHEN WE GOT OFF THE PHONE!!!!! CALL ME AT 10:30 TONIGHT EVEN IF YOU ARE 1 MIN. LATE I WILL NOT ANSWER IT!!"

"don't use the excuse of being tired from workin cuz that won't work!!!! Because you know I wolud e-mail you. And you know we have not talk to each other until yesterday only for 2 min. Well you don't have to come to see me today! You don't have to e-mail me. Maybe we should stop talking to each other!!!!"

Those were from like times I fell asleep at my desk doing my homework, I've tried telling her that, but it didn't work. Things got a little better once she was chewing me out on the phone, and I got mad and tore my room up....again. Things are sort of ok now, but she's been talking with her friends and they basically told her she's been self-centered. Now she wants to do ANYTHING I say, seriously, anything. and now that's bugging me out. Anytime I ask for her opinion about anything she's like "what ever you want or I'll do it if you want me to do it". I think this is bad for the relationship because I want one we do things we both enjoy. Am I'm being too nice? What should I do to like smooth things over. I need a lot of advice, we will have been together for 2 years in September, I don't know, but I don't want to get out of this relationship...I know most of you would say I should, but I like to give things a chance to grow...nothing is perfect, and you should try to make better of what you have instead of wishing you had better. Anyone got any advice that would help us out? I'm open to all opinions, and sorry that this is so long...I had to put you in the atmosphere a little

[desiree]

she sounds like she needs medicated for depression, if you don't talk to her about this it will probably get worse, she is way too controlling and demanding, it sounds like you do everything to please her, including not following your dreams, and she doesnt appreciate it

[zab]

Hey i am sorry that this is happening but you really have been to nice to her.... listen this is what you do and dont say its too harsh when she says something like i dont think we should talk anymore say fine i guess we wont talk anymore and just wait about a week and if she doesnt call you than you call her if you really think you need her that bad... but i seriously think you should just study right now and get your grades up and stuff and dont worry about her for a little i understand you love her but you should be studying and concentrating and if she doesnt understand that and wants to control you than you really shouldnt be with her... there are plenty more fish in the pond that would be alot nicer than her you really need to stop letting her control you like this... she is using reverse psychology on you.. you need to make her stop or when she wants something tell her no and if she has a problem than let her parents go buy it your not her dad and not her husband you shouldnt be buying her everything

plesae do what i said its really what you should do if you dont think so than dont expect her to stop controlling you and acting like a bitc*

[whazzzup]

if im u, i would just break up with her. she sound like a bitch to me (sorry, just saying what i think)

if u wanna give things a chance to grow then go for it. but not for too long.

u must know what she like to do. so when she ask what u wanna do, u can choose things that she like to do (also u would like to do it too)

i would say u have been too nice to her, dude!

good luck

[violinlifter]

Congratulations on writing a 1,674 word long book. I didn't read it....but I hope things work out man.

[Kurupt]

Originally posted by violinlifter
Congratulations on writing a 1,674 word long book. I didn't read it....but I hope things work out man.

lmao!

[tank03]

she's actually sweet most of the time, its just when she gets mad....all h*ll breaks loose. I'm really good friends with her parents they are very controlling also, they only let her go out about once a week now, she actually faught her mom once because her mom said something about me. She used to be on punishment like three and four times a month. Her parents are are like those hardcore Christian parents (they even made her younger brother throw away his pokemon cards and her mom nearly bit my head off when I brought my gf a Harry Potter book), and they have a problem with me not going to church, but they like me.

[rizay]

Dude,

You need to figure out where YOUR life is going and what do YOU want to do for yourself. If she's willing to go along for the ride, and be a part(ner) of it, then try to work things out to make decisions together. If not, then let her go man, take 4 classes instead of five, work your way to Manager (or keep looking for something in the meantime, even on campus), cut your losses, train hard, and take care of YOUR responsibility. If you don't see in a positive future with her, don't let it drag on. You'll be looking back in 10 years trying to explain it to yourself...You sound like a decent fellow, I'm sure someone who is better suited for you will pop along in no time.

[ironpleasure]

Join the marines and get the hell out, if she's still there when you get back, good, if not, dont sweat it, you sound like a good guy, find a chick that appreciates it.

[Diggy007]

Geez man, don't you see how much stress this is putting on yourself? This is the type of girl that no matter what you do, you are damned in one way or another. She is never satisfied and nothing is good enough. I've had this type of girl before. I hope things work out, but listen; you're going through a lot of **** that isn't necessary. Relationships are supposed to be happy, not stress. Good luck man.

[Kodiac]

Originally posted by violinlifter
Congratulations on writing a 1,674 word long book. I didn't read it....but I hope things work out man.

I concur

[zeac]

One more vote to give her the boot!
No seriously, I registered just to tell u this. if u have the courage, break up with her. Like others say relationships are supposed to be happy, but I sense mostly unhappiness from you. Take a break, get new girlfriends and see how the world is like. After that if you still feel that she is the one then go back to her, but I really doubt that would be the case.

Theres a reason why some guys choose to date older women. cuz they have enough of childish girls. I say yours is xtreme. So take a break, give her time to grow up. Both of you are too young to be so serious in a relationship. Dont forget people change over time.

My relationship is over 5 yrs and counting. I was totally like you. And trust me in the end she will grow up... (be more understanding, more trusting, less petty quarrels) After these years, I start to see the real deal. The world doesnt revolve around one girl. She should never be number 1 in your priority list. At least not the only number 1. Friends family and your own goals are equally as important. If you dont believe me now, after a few years you will agree.

If you ever find another girl, remember not to be too nice from the start. Just like kids, if you'r too nice they become spoilt. Hope things go well.

[imo]

This type of girl is most commonly referred to as "leecher."

Immediate advice: drop her NOW. U prolly dont wanna hear this but u're gonna anyway. she's USING U. U're her "bitch stick."

Yea, yea it's harsh but u gotta see it.

Start acting like a man. U're giving in to her so easily. U're buying her all this stuff and giving her ur cell etc... why dont u just put ur balls on the chopping board?

I'm not gonna applogize for being harsh because the problem is too many ppl are totally pussified to tell it like it is for fear of "hurting" someone but more than usual, the hard truth told str8 out usually snaps a person back into reality.

There are TONS of girls out there that will treat u the way u should be treated. She ISNT "the one." Too many guys fall into the "she's the one" trap. "One-itis" or "Single Syndrome" where u become obssessed with one chick. THERE'S BETTER!

The problem is not the relationship it's a mix of HER and u. Some girls aren't worth it. And the pain is ur fault cuz u're letting her walk over u.

I'm not gonna re-post info (mainly cuz im lazy :P) but go here:

http://forum.bodybuilding.com/showth...0&pagenumber=1

That has tons of info. A lot of it is about breaking outta the friendship zone but the advice I posted applies to u too. U need massive help... U're totally lost; ask any follow up q's that u want and I'll be glad to help.

[Rocky388]

She sounds crazy to me. Any normal person would not be that controlling...i just don't know why you didn't mention it when you first realised it. The thing is...she was being controlling since the beginning...and you let it happen. After awhile of that...she realised she can get you to do whatever she wants. If you mentioned that she was being controlling in the very beginning...things would probably have gotten better, instead of her getting even worse.

Now that you left school, i think she doesn't really know how she feels...thats why you're getting all these mixed emotions from her. It seems like she's mad because you're not in school with her anymore. Also, maybe she feels that because you're away from her...you're into other girls now...which is why she went with the other guy.

Also, after her friends told her how she was acting, she probably thinks thats why you don't call her and spend every second of the day with her. Because of that, she's doing whatever you want to make up for it...otherwise she thinks you might leave her.

That's just what i take from the situation. The only thing you can really do to find out how she really feels...is to just talk to her. Explain to her that you need your space and you can't spend every minute with her. Also explain that you'd like to do things that you like to do once in awhile instead of everything she wants to. At the same time...don't pile all these problems on her. Tell her that you're always loyal to her and you wouldn't cheat on her so she doesn't need to worry about that.

But listen...you have to do what you have to do. If you wanna be a marine...than you should do everything to reach that goal, and she should support you...not hold you back. Even though she might miss you or whatever...don't do anything just for her...because when/if you break up years from now...you're really gunna regret not following your dream because of some girl.


Edit: what i posted is stuff to help the relationship. Honestly, i wouldn't have let the girl become that controlling...but if i was in ur shoes, i'd let her go. You're 17...theres things that are much more important right now in your life than some immature girl.

[badboyslayer]

I read the first few lines..

my conclusion:

You are a pussy

Grow some balls and **** off