Beat ur kids and tell CNN they suck (Cheese Thread)

[Apoc]

Posted by Cheese on another forum
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Ever notice how good people always die?

Da Cheese be watching da NEWS, where he came across a report dat tugged his loins. Some skanky antique-dealing old-woman, was moaning about her son being murdered and so was pleading on TV for “anyone with helpful information to come forward and contact the police.”

Now she aint said nuttin bout monetary reward, so she can kiss my tanned buttocks.

But we are shown photographs of her deceased son, and see quick interviews with close friends and family . . . all wit sad music and slow-motion editing that had me vomiting sawdust.

“...he was the best son ever.”
“Everyone loved JAMAL. I don’t know who would have wanted to kill him.”
“He was a great friend and was always there for me.”
“A pillar of the community.”
“...loving father and son.”
“...funny and caring.”

HAHAHA suck my gynaecologicaly enhanced groin. This dude sounds like JESUS. This JAMAL dude sounds great. I will surely mourn his loss along with billions of other people who have no idea who he is.

But what JAMAL’s drug junkie 70 year old, Victorian toilet seat collecting momma, ain’t be telling noone, is that her lil love child be smacking her neighbours‘, nephews‘, niece in some gun-crime infested trailer park.. The woman’s badass husband probably walked in on them wid a box of drumsticks and went kung-fu on poor ole JAMAL.

Jamal aint no good person, and his momma is crazy nugget who gotta lie to keep from bad-mouthing her own son..

JAMAL woulda probably been able to fight back, had his negligent momma not breastfed him corn as a baby, and given him a body full of inherited diseases. Dude probably going to die of AIDS in a couple weeks anyway. He got lung cancer, genital herpes and Aids all fightin for his death certificate.

When da Cheese sees some droopy mourning person on TV crying about their lost family members, he wants them to tell da truth. Don’t sugarcoat the life of dat dead dude on your lawn.

“Everyone loved him, I don’t know who would have wanted to kill him.”

Yo son is dead cus you’re a crappy drug junkie mother. He probably missed his payment on the 12 ounces of cocaine you got stashed in yo antique toilet paper roll. She probably aint even discovered he was missing till she walked into her garden to check up on her marijuana patch. Dude was probably half eaten by earthworms by da time da police arrived.

Da Cheese has no problem with decent people dying and being mourned with nice lil retrospective jiggy. I can handle that. They do that sorta stuff for people like Bob Marley and Sherlock Holmes. Thats sweet.

But when child molesting 30 year olds get locked up by da cops, I wanna hear their mommas on TV saying “I always knew he was a pervert. He used to say brushing his teeth was like jacking off his mouth. And that was in kindergarten.” not “I don’t know what happened. He was always a good child and human being.”

Why are all these people in denial. Can’t they tell da truth about their children? Sadly, I submit that they cannot.


And the root of this problem is that parents are not IN TOUCH WITH THEIR OFFSPRING.

I aint talking spiritual voodoo and mystic family firewalking sessions. I mean PARENTS NEED TO BEAT THEIR CHILDREN.

Parents need to BEAT THE HELL OUT OF THEIR KIDS. I don’t want to hear that you “occasionally spank” or “harshly scold” your child. A spank is nothing. I spank myself just for giggles. “Harshly scolding” is just plain gay.

When yo kids screw up you gotta blaze their arse. Because if you don’t beat them into line by the time they hit 13, you got yo self lil teenage glue inhaling non comformist locksmiths.

You want them to end up dead on yo lawn with 20 pounds of cocain in their faded jeans back pocket? Forget education and all that crap. Beating the hell outta them is the best way to cheaply condition them.

Its FAST.
Its CHEAP.
Its EFFECTIVE.

That’s right biatch. Bag my groceries.

I recently went to a guys house and his seven year old little brother was running around the kitchen screaming “F*** you” at his mom. Da dude’s dad comes in a tells the seven year old to take a “Time Out.”

“Time Out?”

I just laughed my G-string off and shook my head.

No. No. No. I told them. You gotta jump kick the seven year old devil in the chest and smash him into a wall. Someone needs to take this kid’s Tickle me Elmo and beat him senseless wid it. You gotta INFLICT PAIN till he is AFRAID of you. You gotta make sure he CONNECTS HIS WRONGDOINGS with the UPPERCUT you just gave him

And you gotta do it WHILE YOUR BIGGER THAN HIM. As soon as that little guy grows up he will be dodging you, carrying switchblades and cruising wid his own posse.

It may sound crude and barbaric but wot else ya gonna do? Carry him to a PHYSIATRIST so that he can pull out some disorder and sue you for parental negligence? I respectively do not freaking think so.

No. You beat them solid. When yo kid disobeys you, you JUMP KICK him across the room and start pelting him with furniture. If your kid ain’t hiding under a bed when you ring the doorbell, then you know you aint a good parent.

And when the time comes for you to moan on da local news channel, about your dumb arse child being gunned down by gangstas, dont sugercoat it and say he was a good kid. Say your a stupid, sucky parent, who shoulda hooked his son up to a car battery and zapped his nipples everytime he misbehaved.