need advice (kinda long)

[rsm688]

well, here goes....

me and this girl (Anna) were dating for a year, we spent all the time together, hooked up all the time like crazy ( i was her first everyhing, her fist love, her first kiss to her virginity), talked nonstop, etc. We dated for about 3 months and then she really pissed me off oen day and i was not thinking and broke up with her, after about three weeks she started talking to another guy and he was about to ask her out when she left him and came back to me (we were both miserable without each other). Anyways, we then dated for another 9 months, we were both head of heels for each other, as comfortable as possible in front of each other, we were in love, we both knew it and both told each other it all the time. We were even talking about the future and getting married (i know its crazy im only 18 but still), we were perfect. well anyways about 4 months ago this crazy ex of mine took advantage of me (i was totally trashed out of my mind) when i was drunk and got me to hook up with her and once i realized what had happened i chewed her out and told her never to talk to me again etc etc, then she decided she was going to pretty much blackmail me into hooking up with her again by saying she was going to tell Anna and ruin us, I was STUPID AS HELL and let her blackmail me because i was scared to lose Anna and hooked up with her about 5 more times (not once did i want to hook up with her but i just didnt wanna lose anna and was being totally ignorant. anyways it finally got to the point where i couldnt do it anymore because hiding that **** from anna was killing me so i told her and we broke up. That was about a month ago, two weeks after we break up she starts dating another guy (hes a ****ty skeez ball drug dealer who is FILTHY RICH and his parents buy him whatever he wants), for the week before they started dating i acted crazy as hell i was outta my mind and begged her back and freaked out on her and **** and kinda scared her away for a week. but anyways now that she has been dating him for about three weeks we had been talking some and she told me she was still in love with me but was trying to get over it and couldnt be with me right now. The past two weeks ive been seeing another girl that lives about an hour away from me and trying to strike up her jealousy while im having a good time with the girl also. and the past week i have been just acting like i could care less about her and im moving on so it kinda makes her think shes losing me and just being real short, not talking to her unless she says something first and just acting real uninterested, today is her birthday and i didnt even tell her happy birthday (i will probably send her a message later tonight telling her), she has seemed like she really wants to talk now that im acting like i dont care and freaked out last night and told me to come get all my clothes and stuff from her house because "it hurt too much to be reminded of me".

what i need help with is where do i go from here, im totally head over heels in love for her and its killing me that i cant be with her and she is with another guy and im trying my hardest to get her back. anyone got any advice for me on how to get her back? i have mad game and can normally fix stuff like this pretty easy, i do it all the time for my friends but ive got my heart in this one and its really clouding my vision and i cant think of what to do.


anyways thanks for reading my mini novel

thanks,
spencer

[user67987300011654]

dont text her or email or call her bro

if she wants you shell call, if not than cut your losses sorry to hear that bro

you are still young, many loves like her will come

[Fryphax]

Ahh, the attatchment of a first love. She is one of how many millions of other women out there. Learn from this one and move on, its over.

[rsm688]

Originally Posted by Janissarie

dont text her or email or call her bro

if she wants you shell call, if not than cut your losses sorry to hear that bro

you are still young, many loves like her will come

thanks for the advice. but i just cant really see anyone else like her coming. we were perfect together, my family totally loved her and she loved my family, she fully supported me in everything i did (from bb to building jeeps, etc), i was her first everything which just makes everything that much better knowing im the only guy she has been with (which is a huge in my books), how we were so comfortable and could care less what we looked around each other, etc...

[rsm688]

Originally Posted by Fryphax

Ahh, the attatchment of a first love. She is one of how many millions of other women out there. Learn from this one and move on, its over.

trust me ive learned from it. damn kinda harsh with the "its over." haha, i will give it a little longer and see how it goes and if not then im moving on.

[ClearlyCanadian]

it would of been better to of just come clean when u hooked up drunk. Hooking up 5 more times after that is just stupid lol

[rsm688]

Originally Posted by ClearlyCanadian

it would of been better to of just come clean when u hooked up drunk. Hooking up 5 more times after that is just stupid lol

i know.....thats why i said in my post i was STUPID AS HELL. i dont know what the fawk i was thinking. i was just scared to lose her and didnt use my common sense

[rsm688]

btw did i mention that shes SMOKING hot



thats us at prom last year

[younggunz20]

Sorry to hear that man, that really sucks. My heart sank a lil just because I could tell how much you care for this chick. I think you're playing it right. Just wait and see what happens. Good luck.

[rsm688]

Originally Posted by younggunz20

Sorry to hear that man, that really sucks. My heart sank a lil just because I could tell how much you care for this chick. I think you're playing it right. Just wait and see what happens. Good luck.

thanks alot man

[Russ-T]

Well to be honest it seems like this ended horribly becuase you my friend let it end horribly. Like a guy has already said sure you were tanked one time or smashed and a girl hooked up with you and you with her which is very wrong by all means but you let it happen 5 other times, thats where you went very very wrong. If you came out in the first place and told her it might be over for abit then you two came back to one another but this makes it really tricky and hard to trust one another.

I know you must trust her quite abit or alot becuase you two have been together for so long and rightfully so. she must have thought the same aswell but now after a year you area still able to do something that bad then who knows what there is left to think. You should have came out clean to her first of all and just said to her and talked about not drinking much anymore becuase you obviosuly cant hold your own or temptation at least gets to you.

Well now it also seems that she has gone her seperate ways and so have you. The real issue is that she is dating another guy she doesn't really like but is just a rebound and she's trying really hard to forget about you because it hurts so much. You are trying to do the same thing as she is and it might hurt for you quite abit or alot but for her it most likely is worse knowing she could trust someone with all her heart and then everything is thrown up in the air no matter how much you two love one another.

Well this guy doesn't mean anything at all but is what stand in the way for you to get back with this girl. You are acting like you dont care and thats what most guys would do, In the end think to youself do you really have a right to act like you could care less when all this is your doing? Can you make her feel like crap and pretend like none of this bothers you when you yourself is going crazy without her. Truth be told yea you can obviosuly do what you want and that's fine by all means this is the time that you will find out if you two are meant to still be in a relationship or its all supposed to end here and be done with.

It's either now she will think about all this and realize that all you two have been through and she will find the honesty inside you and take you back. She also could be talking to her friends right now who are like "OMG never take him back he's garbage he's a lowlife dirtbag dont even talk to him". Girls can be a huge influence on someone but hope that she will overcome that and be herself and actually make her own decisions.

She seems like a great girl and you seem like a good guy(no homo) but just made a few bad mistakes like we all do but in this care these mistakes can cost you deeply depending on her.

In the end you can only wait and see what happens, see what she wants and if you two are truly meant to be. I dont know if you should ignore her at all but its to late becuase your already doing that. Just do with what you doing and maker her realize whats happened and how much she wants you back. If in i'd say about a week or 2 she does nothing turn around and call her or even at night call her for only like 5 minutes and talk to her she will miss you incredibly and think about you alot still. These things will drive a girl crazy and make her want and want until she realizes like i've said a thousand times lol. But yea just wait abit and see what happens and if not call her and talk to her even a meaningless convo will make her realize what she's missing.

[rsm688]

thanks a ton rustynail. that helped alot. after that i started thinking and decided to tell her happy birthday,i texted her(we always text a ton because its convenient) at 10:40 and told her happy birthday, and here was our convo:

happy birthday anna (me)

i was starting to think you were going to be an ass and not tell me. your mother beat you to it haha. and thanks...it means lots...(anna)

sorry i was going to text you earlier and tell you but decided not too(me)

why (anna)

i dont know anna (me)

well you should have (anna)

. i had the phone in my hands at 11 59 last night going to be the first to tell you happy birthday like i did last year and i just decided not too for some reason. i dunno (me)

well evan took your place i guess.... (anna) (evan is her best friend whos a girl)

i guess so...(me)

i would have loved it to be you.(anna)

i know, i really regret it now. im sorry anna...(me)

ill forgive. i always do. (anna)

not always (me)

i knew right after i sent that message something like that was coming. (anna)

ha sorry, couldnt resist (me)

oh well. brought it on myself (anna)

nah. just pretend i never said that haha. anyways, just wanted to tell you happy birthday. hope you had a great day. and now you can finally go see r-rated movies without me having to buy your tickets haha. night anna (me)

haha very funny. thanks again. night (anna)

----------------------------------------------------------------------

i tried to keep things short but not be rude and be somewhat affectionate and sorry for it. im not texting her or talking to her unless she starts the conversation for the next week or two and after that i will take your advice rustynail and start making some short phone calls and whatnot to make her miss me.

anymore advice would be greatly appreciated

thanks again,
spencer

[Below 30]

From that converstation and your original post, as you said, you have the female interaction part down. The problem you really have, is mental. You don't completely understand the psychology of the game.

In your last post you apologized for not calling about her birthday. What did she say, she said she "always" forgives you. That means you apologize alot, but why? Your the male and the male is the dominant human being. So why would the dominant factor apologize? You have to learn that you don't apologize for anything, unless you are married.

But I'm really using your current relationship as an example. You have to be fully dominant from the start. The girl should never hear you apologize for anything. Now, you are sorry becaue you have 'Oneitis'. You don't realize that your girlfriend is cloned 1000's of times in your city. She is not special, no girl or man is special, we're just human beings. Stop looking at this girl as the last one in your town.

You posted her picture, smokin' nice is what she is, no question. Guess what though, I've seen that image on TV and real life 1000's of times. That means, there are tons of girls as smoking as her. Get this in your head, you get with a girl and when (yes they all fail) things get bad, leave. Don't waste time with a one trac mind, get other #'s.

Now at 19, no question, all what I typed means nothing, why? Because you haven't been through this before, so it doesn't sound logical yet. You will have to go through continually calling this girl and leading yourself on, with false hope. But in maybe 1 year or 2, when it finally hits you, these words will start to make sense. Then you will play the game from a different angle.

I only hope it doesn't take you more than a year to figure it out, there are too many 50 year old men, who wish they could be your age again, to do it right.

[siberian_tiger]

Well you have 2 options, the first you go back and get her.. who knows, but its worth a shot if you care that much for her. Or the second, you live your life, there are others out there. Who knows maybe you will find the right girl tomorrow.

Im not much older than you, and the most important thing I know is, live everyday likes its your last.

[ClearlyCanadian]

Originally Posted by rsm688

btw did i mention that shes SMOKING hot



thats us at prom last year

holy **** dude! she is a ****ing 10

[rsm688]

Originally Posted by ClearlyCanadian

holy **** dude! she is a ****ing 10

hahah thanks man.


thanks for the help guys.

and below 30: im going to say i have to disagree with you on the never saying sorry to a female part. yes males are the dominant race, we make the decisions, we protect the ladies, we run the countries, etc. blah blah. but that does not mean we should not have respect for the women and be sorry when you know you have messed up. they are humans too, saying sorry for hurting someone is not a bad thing at all. not a sign of being weak either. i dont know why she said i always do, i have not said im sorry that often to her. just about big things, but still. its besides the fact, not ever saying sorry to a girl/woman until you are married is just plain dumb. thanks for taking your time to right your response but i disagree there.

[FunkDaddy]

Yeah, it makes it just that much harder when they're smoking hot doesn't it? That's because the pride and ego dogpiles on top of the broken heart and you can't help but think about some other dude tagging that sweet piece that you used to.

And I know it feels like nobody will ever compare to her bro but you have to get over the mentality ASAP. Was she REALLY that unique? Think about how many girls there are in the world, in the country, in your city...do you really think there isn't a girl who can compare?

I'm not saying you have to give up on Anna, even though all signs point to...give up on Anna. What I am saying is at the very least, give up on her for now, go out and live your life. If she sees you doing this, it'll make any feelings she has for you multiply exponentially because she will see you are able to live without her and that will drive her crazy, just like seeing the same is doing to you.

Maybe you guys ARE meant to be together, but you aren't meant to be together right NOW. So go out and find somebody else, see if maybe Anna wasn't all you crack her up to be.

[Below 30]

Do you know what a family feels like when a muderer at the trial, says he's sorry for killing their family member? I don't know first hand, but do you really think that helps them? It doesn't.

If I have a girlfriend and I see another girl and I sex her, I sexed her. She didn't control my brain and make me do the in and out movements, I did it. So what's the point of saying 'sorry' to the girlfriend. Every single option available to man, was not used by me, to avoid sexing another girl, so I'm not actually sorry.

Regret, we know about that. But regret is not the same as sorry. Sorry is walking backwards and bumping into your girlfriend, because you didn't know she was behind you. Patronizing people is old and tired now, we have to grow up and face reality. Plus, where did the word 'sorry' get this situation anyway? That's why rugged ex-cons get all the girls they do and always have a smirk on their face where ever they go. They do things and commit to it. If it offends the girl, they just say "Oh well" and keep going.

Don't be an ex-con, just saying, those guys don't live in la-la land, they recognize reality. Being soft with girls isn't going to cut-it in this era. Softness will leave a man, a broken mess for life, as so many already are.

[SniperChick]

Originally Posted by rsm688

well anyways about 4 months ago this crazy ex of mine took advantage of me (i was totally trashed out of my mind) when i was drunk and got me to hook up with her

A: You drank and used it as an excuse to screw around, or B: You got SO drunk that you were literally passed out- in which case I'm left to wonder, why would you put yourself in such a vulnerable position knowing someone such as your ex was ready to "take advantage of you"? (and I use the expression liberally here). Look, I'm not saying guys can't be taken advantage of, but your future actions make this HIGHLY unlikely in my mind.

Originally Posted by rsm688

once i realized what had happened i chewed her out and told her never to talk to me again etc etc,

Feeling guilty's a bitch...playing the victim sure is easy though.

Originally Posted by rsm688

I was STUPID AS HELL and let her blackmail me because i was scared to lose Anna and hooked up with her about 5 more times (not once did i want to hook up with her but i just didnt wanna lose anna and was being totally ignorant.

I'm sorry, I just don't buy it. I can't imagine someone who's able to compose the coherent thoughts written here could be so "ignorant". Labels are great but don't change the facts- you fooled around with this girl a total of 6 times! Blackmail doesn't quite cover it. The first drunken night, forgivable...sometimes things happen, but the 5 other times were all because of "blackmail"? Please, this isn't some arbitrary act you had with this girl- you were fully concious and no longer inebreated. Fool me once shame on you, fool me twice- shame on me. Think about it.

[k4y]

Dude... you've GOT to know when to use jealousy to your advantage, but more importantly WHEN TO STOP and "reap your benefits" so to speak.

If you continue on with your shunning, you really might lose her forever. Trust me, tell her how much you love her and TRY to get her back. Don't live with this regret... Trust me.

[rsm688]

Originally Posted by SniperChick

A: You drank and used it as an excuse to screw around, or B: You got SO drunk that you were literally passed out- in which case I'm left to wonder, why would you put yourself in such a vulnerable position knowing someone such as your ex was ready to "take advantage of you"? (and I use the expression liberally here). Look, I'm not saying guys can't be taken advantage of, but your future actions make this HIGHLY unlikely in my mind.



Feeling guilty's a bitch...playing the victim sure is easy though.



I'm sorry, I just don't buy it. I can't imagine someone who's able to compose the coherent thoughts written here could be so "ignorant". Labels are great but don't change the facts- you fooled around with this girl a total of 6 times! Blackmail doesn't quite cover it. The first drunken night, forgivable...sometimes things happen, but the 5 other times were all because of "blackmail"? Please, this isn't some arbitrary act you had with this girl- you were fully concious and no longer inebreated. Fool me once shame on you, fool me twice- shame on me. Think about it.

I was pretty intoxicated, i told her it was not an excuse though that it was my fault for messing up. and i know it doesnt seem like a very likely story but in all honesty its the truth, what reason would i have to make **** up and post on this site when there is no way in hell my ex or anyone that knows me will read it? i really was outta my mind for that two months, like totally crazy i dont even know what got into me. i was so set on not losing her that i did anything i could to not lose her which consisted of going allong with the conniving ex.....

yeah and im not ignoring her anymore, i talk to her like a friend. short conversations, nothing long. not one word about us or anything else....just trying to keep it friendly....she knows how much i love her and what she means to me, a week after i told her i wrote a 3 page letter telling her all about my feelings for her and how sorry i was for everything etc...i just feel weird telling her how i love her and trying to get her back now because it feels like im just annoying the hell out of her or something...

[rsm688]

Originally Posted by Below 30

Do you know what a family feels like when a muderer at the trial, says he's sorry for killing their family member? I don't know first hand, but do you really think that helps them? It doesn't.

If I have a girlfriend and I see another girl and I sex her, I sexed her. She didn't control my brain and make me do the in and out movements, I did it. So what's the point of saying 'sorry' to the girlfriend. Every single option available to man, was not used by me, to avoid sexing another girl, so I'm not actually sorry.

Regret, we know about that. But regret is not the same as sorry. Sorry is walking backwards and bumping into your girlfriend, because you didn't know she was behind you. Patronizing people is old and tired now, we have to grow up and face reality. Plus, where did the word 'sorry' get this situation anyway? That's why rugged ex-cons get all the girls they do and always have a smirk on their face where ever they go. They do things and commit to it. If it offends the girl, they just say "Oh well" and keep going.

Don't be an ex-con, just saying, those guys don't live in la-la land, they recognize reality. Being soft with girls isn't going to cut-it in this era. Softness will leave a man, a broken mess for life, as so many already are.

i somewhat see what your saying, im not soft with any girl except her. never been soft to any girl before, its just different with her i guess. im nowhere near as soft as i was with her anymore though.


and when im saying i am sorry about what i did in here (not the im sorry to her) its a regret, i know the difference between sorry and regret and i truly regret what i did

[rsm688]

Originally Posted by FunkDaddy

Yeah, it makes it just that much harder when they're smoking hot doesn't it? That's because the pride and ego dogpiles on top of the broken heart and you can't help but think about some other dude tagging that sweet piece that you used to.

And I know it feels like nobody will ever compare to her bro but you have to get over the mentality ASAP. Was she REALLY that unique? Think about how many girls there are in the world, in the country, in your city...do you really think there isn't a girl who can compare?

I'm not saying you have to give up on Anna, even though all signs point to...give up on Anna. What I am saying is at the very least, give up on her for now, go out and live your life. If she sees you doing this, it'll make any feelings she has for you multiply exponentially because she will see you are able to live without her and that will drive her crazy, just like seeing the same is doing to you.

Maybe you guys ARE meant to be together, but you aren't meant to be together right NOW. So go out and find somebody else, see if maybe Anna wasn't all you crack her up to be.

ive tried that, i had another girl. fun as hell, and prett hot too. within two weeks of being with me she was already saying how i was the most amazing guy and so charming and crap and started wanting to date me and although i liked her and all that i just couldnt bring myself to date someone else at the moment so i broke things off with her....just wasnt the same and the whole time i was with her anna was in the back of my head and i couldnt quit thinking about her.

[Below 30]

This is interesting, you do recognize that you weren't sorry. I applaud that. Now, you must understand that you told your girlfriend sorry, which is just patronizing her. She already knows that you aren't sorry and she doesn't care if you regret it.

What happens to a man after his spine is broken? At mininum, he will never walk properly in our life time. That's what this situation is, you broke the spine of the relationship. It would do you so much better to cut her out of your mind and move forward. I noticed something about your reply, you seemed to resent being refered as something.............

S-o-f-t! Ah......It's not cool for a man to be refered to that way is it? But if you do things that make the shoe fit, you will be walking in those shoes. You admit you're soft for this girl. Yet, she isn't the last girl in the country and she is built like any other human girl. So until you realize this, it doesn't matter how you handled any other girls.

Until you let this one go, you are S-O-F-T!


(no personal jabs)

[rsm688]

Originally Posted by Below 30

This is interesting, you do recognize that you weren't sorry. I applaud that. Now, you must understand that you told your girlfriend sorry, which is just patronizing her. She already knows that you aren't sorry and she doesn't care if you regret it.

What happens to a man after his spine is broken? At mininum, he will never walk properly in our life time. That's what this situation is, you broke the spine of the relationship. It would do you so much better to cut her out of your mind and move forward. I noticed something about your reply, you seemed to resent being refered as something.............

S-o-f-t! Ah......It's not cool for a man to be refered to that way is it? But if you do things that make the shoe fit, you will be walking in those shoes. You admit you're soft for this girl. Yet, she isn't the last girl in the country and she is built like any other human girl. So until you realize this, it doesn't matter how you handled any other girls.

Until you let this one go, you are S-O-F-T!


(no personal jabs)

so you think that there is no way to salvage it since the "spine" has been broken? anyone else want to second or negate that?

well from now on im not going to be soft for her, or any other girl

[Below 30]

You have these feelings, because you haven't lived life yet, you're young. The young part is very good, but only if you put it to use. Meaning, if you can learn not to get wrapped up in any one female, you'll live such a happy life.

Just like when someone buys a car and they don't like it 2 years later, they sell it. You don't see these people go into depression, because the car isn't up to par anymore.

"So you're saying girls are like cars? You certainly are robotic when it comes to females."

No, I'm saying, just like how a person can realize that the car isn't right anymore, you have to learn how to let girls go, if the situation isn't good.

Just like I'm not a mechanic and wouldn't try to fix a car, no man is a relationship mechanic either, don't try to fix it, it's damaged. I know it's not as easy as breathing, but I don't even know how much easier it would be for me, if internet forums were around in my day. I think I would have really made use of it though.
Use all this information to your advantage, now.

[MrBrain-]

Originally Posted by rsm688

so you think that there is no way to salvage it since the "spine" has been broken? anyone else want to second or negate that?

well from now on im not going to be soft for her, or any other girl

I dont think your soft, u had a special relationship...NOT ALL GIRLS ARE THE SAME, identical to how not all MATES are the same...she sounds special to you and those text messages had SERIOUS overtones.

You arnt being soft, ur being real which I respect and furthermore you dont have 'ONE-ITIS'...u just want your relationship back. The spine of a relationship is trust, so yeah to an EXTENT the spine is broken...to get back with her you hav to build things from scratch again and it might not be the same as it was...but its worth trying.

YOu hav to date other girls and just giv her some space. Once shes feeling alittle healed youve just gotta hope shell take you back...eventually what you wanna do is start SEEING her again even if its plutonic and start building trust and attraction ect. all over again that is the only way ull get her back u need to effect her emotionally in a positive way again.