 |
10-28-2003, 08:49 PM
|
#1
|
|
Fallen to Ruin
Join Date: Oct 2001
Age: 32
Posts: 12,569
BodyBlog Entries: 0
BodyPoints: 1281
|
A couple jokes
Bob goes into the public restroom and sees this guy standing next to the urinal. The guy has no arms. As Bob's standing there, taking care of business, he wonders to himself how the poor wretch is going to take a leak.
Bob finishes and starts to leave when the man asks Bob to help him out. Being a kind soul, Bob says, "Ah, OK, sure, I'll help you."
The man asks, "Can you unzip my zipper?"
Bob says, "OK."
Then the man says, "Can you pull it out for me?"
Bob replies, "Uh, yeah, OK."
Bob pulls it out and it has all kinds of mold and red bumps, with hair clumps, rashes, moles, scabs, scars, and reeks something awful. Then the guy asks Bob to point it for him, and Bob points for him. Bob then shakes it, puts it back in and zips it up.
The guy tells Bob, "Thanks, man, I really appreciate it."
Bob says, "No problem, but what the hell's wrong with your penis?"
The guy pulls his arms out of his shirt and says, "I don't know, but I ain't touching it.
This next one is kind of tasteless:
A little blind girl goes up to her mum and says, "Mummy, mummy, when will I be able to see?"
Her mum replies "I'll tell you what, I'll take you to the chemist and get you some special cream for your eyes and you will be able to see in the morning."
So off they went to the chemist, got the cream, and went home, all the while the little girl was getting more and more excited at the prospect of being able to see again. Once they got home, the mother put the cream on the little girls eyes, wrapped a bandage around her head, and took her to bed.
The following morning the little girl stumbled into her mums bedroom and excitedly shouted "Quick mummy, take off the bandage so that i will be able to see again."
So the mother slowly took of all the bandages, taking her time, and all the while the little girl was getting more and more excited. Once they were off the little girl said "But mummy, I still can't see."
To which the mother replied, "April fool!"
__________________
But the solace lay beyond the darkness
In a land where light and life dwell
Yet soon will come death and the numbing fires
Only then will my mind lie to rest
For I am alone on this world
Enslaved and surrounded by the living dead
Yet still I stand tall as I bleed
Deep from within the cuts upon my skin
|
|
|
|
10-28-2003, 08:51 PM
|
#2
|
|
Banned
Join Date: Jan 2003
Location: Funky Town
Age: 29
Posts: 4,270
|
Re: A couple jokes
Quote:
Originally posted by Tim
Bob goes into the public restroom and sees this guy standing next to the urinal. The guy has no arms. As Bob's standing there, taking care of business, he wonders to himself how the poor wretch is going to take a leak.
Bob finishes and starts to leave when the man asks Bob to help him out. Being a kind soul, Bob says, "Ah, OK, sure, I'll help you."
The man asks, "Can you unzip my zipper?"
Bob says, "OK."
Then the man says, "Can you pull it out for me?"
Bob replies, "Uh, yeah, OK."
Bob pulls it out and it has all kinds of mold and red bumps, with hair clumps, rashes, moles, scabs, scars, and reeks something awful. Then the guy asks Bob to point it for him, and Bob points for him. Bob then shakes it, puts it back in and zips it up.
The guy tells Bob, "Thanks, man, I really appreciate it."
Bob says, "No problem, but what the hell's wrong with your penis?"
The guy pulls his arms out of his shirt and says, "I don't know, but I ain't touching it.
This next one is kind of tasteless:
A little blind girl goes up to her mum and says, "Mummy, mummy, when will I be able to see?"
Her mum replies "I'll tell you what, I'll take you to the chemist and get you some special cream for your eyes and you will be able to see in the morning."
So off they went to the chemist, got the cream, and went home, all the while the little girl was getting more and more excited at the prospect of being able to see again. Once they got home, the mother put the cream on the little girls eyes, wrapped a bandage around her head, and took her to bed.
The following morning the little girl stumbled into her mums bedroom and excitedly shouted "Quick mummy, take off the bandage so that i will be able to see again."
So the mother slowly took of all the bandages, taking her time, and all the while the little girl was getting more and more excited. Once they were off the little girl said "But mummy, I still can't see."
To which the mother replied, "April fool!"
|
LMAO!! 
|
|
|
|
|
10-28-2003, 09:08 PM
|
#3
|
|
Banned
Join Date: Sep 2002
Location: Morganfield,Kentucky
Age: 38
Posts: 391
Rep Power: 0 
|
tim sounds like something your mom would say to your sister if you have one
|
|
|
|
|
10-28-2003, 10:34 PM
|
#4
|
|
Registered User
Join Date: Oct 2002
Age: 30
Posts: 368
Rep Power: 8
|
Here's one an old drunk guy told me tonight at a bar:
"Why do women fake orgasms?....Because they think we care."
Wise old man.
|
|
|
|
|
10-28-2003, 10:37 PM
|
#5
|
|
Fueur Frei!
Join Date: May 2003
Location: Washington
Age: 22
Posts: 2,056
Rep Power: 9
|
Quote:
Originally posted by sqweezer
tim sounds like something your mom would say to your sister if you have one
|
 am i missing something?
|
|
|
|
|
10-29-2003, 05:35 AM
|
#6
|
|
Fallen to Ruin
Join Date: Oct 2001
Age: 32
Posts: 12,569
BodyBlog Entries: 0
BodyPoints: 1281
|
Quote:
Originally posted by nosliw
am i missing something?
|
Yeah I don't get it either.
__________________
But the solace lay beyond the darkness
In a land where light and life dwell
Yet soon will come death and the numbing fires
Only then will my mind lie to rest
For I am alone on this world
Enslaved and surrounded by the living dead
Yet still I stand tall as I bleed
Deep from within the cuts upon my skin
|
|
|
|
|
10-29-2003, 06:16 AM
|
#7
|
|
Registered User
Join Date: Feb 2003
Location: Kuwait
Age: 22
Posts: 1,527
BodyBlog Entries: 0
BodyPoints: 607
|
Quote:
Originally posted by Es Dubya
"Why do women fake orgasms?....Because they think we care."
.
|
AAAHAHAHHAHAAHAHAAAHAHA LMAO
that was so godamn funny lol
im gona add that to my sig if you dont mind
__________________
Every day you get better or worse, which one did you do today? -unknown
WARNING: If you are reading this then this warning is for you. Every word of this useless fine print is another second off your life. Don't you have other things to do? Is your life so empty that you honestly can't think of a better way to spend these moments? Or are you so impressed with authority that you give respect and credence to all who claim it? Do you read everything your supposed to read? Do you think everything your supposed to think? Buy what your told you should want? Get out of your apartment. Meet a member of the opposite sex. Stop the excessive shopping and masterbation. Quit your job. Start a fight. Prove your alive. If you don't claim your humanity you will become a statistic. You have been warned......
|
|
|
|
|
10-29-2003, 06:42 AM
|
#8
|
|
Major League Infidel
Join Date: Apr 2003
Location: Arlington, Texas, United States
Age: 31
Posts: 3,574
BodyBlog Entries: 0
BodyPoints: 4880
|
This page should keep you laughing for a while...
http://www.cliosport.net/humour/humour.asp
__________________
"Undoubtedly, some think the Second Amendment is outmoded in a society where our standing army is the pride of our Nation, where well-trained police forces provide personal security, and where gun violence is a serious problem. That is perhaps debatable, but what is not debatable is that it is not the role of this Court to pronounce the Second Amendment extinct." - Justice Scalia, DC vs Heller
|
|
|
|
|
10-29-2003, 09:43 AM
|
#9
|
|
Registered User
Join Date: Oct 2001
Posts: 2,865
|
Nice jokes Tim.
LMAO!!!!
|
|
|
|
| Thread Tools |
|
|
| Display Modes |
Rate This Thread |
 Linear Mode
|
|
Posting Rules
|
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts
HTML code is Off
|
|
|
|
Member Login
Sign in for more FREE features and tools!
|
|
