Too much baggage?

[Ashe]

Hey guys,

Just need some opinions from you knowledgable bastards Pretty complicated situation but i'll try sum it up in as few words as possible. I met this girl a couple months ago in the gym and we became pretty close, went out a couple times. She's pretty athletic, i'd say maybe an 8 on a good day, but in this situation that doesn't mean much to me. When I met her I made it clear to her as gently as possible that I couldn't have a relationship, simply for the fact that i'm really busy, and she said she understood this completely. I'm at college from 7:30am - 5:30pm monday to thursday, and 7:30 - 1:30 on friday. Each day after college, monday to friday, I do either powerlifting or MMA training with a coach. The traffic here is insane and I usually spend +-2.5hours a day in traffic getting around. I'll get home at around 8 during the week and still need to eat, shower, and do an insane amount of college work, and then still try and get enough sleep to wake up at 6am the next day to be on time for class. I'll usually go out once a week and that'll be with my high school mates to a bar for an hour or two before I need to get to sleep. I'm also doing a part-time exercise science course on a saturday morning for a couple hours. So essentially I'm truthfully really busy. It sucks, but it seems like the way its gonna have to be this year if I want to get through all my studies.

Here's the crunch: I'm turning 20 in 5 days, this chick is 25. She works at a travel agency and has way more free time than me, which she wants to spend with me. She has a pretty messed up past - She had a boyfriend a year or two ago that got her pregnant and then forced her into an abortion by threatening her, and I think that scarred her quite a bit. She's also on really bad terms with her family because of said situation. She says she really cares for me and may even love me, but she's in and out of depression, on anti-depressants and loses it sometimes with me when I can't see her, even though I want to. Is this a lose-lose situation? What do I do guys?

[NosLliWhsoj]

i say you forget lifting for a bit and bone this chick!

[hugs]

well to be honest, 5 years right now is a big leap. You're just now thinking about where you want your life to go and she's already on that path. I don't think her baggage is over the top...but depending on how recent taht event was it could be too much right now. She also could be a bit of a clinger if she feel that emotional need to have a guy love her again.

Basically, it doesn't sound like you're ready for anything serious and she's in the stage of a woman's life were she's thinking about kids (especially) and marriage. Once women turn 25 it's like "oh my gosh, I'm gettign old!"

It's also a bit odd for a 25 year old woman to want to date a guy who's 20...(no offense). Just something to think about.

[Slashed]

5 years is a big gap. Also you want your studies to go well. So you do not want her to mess up your schedule because that will affect you long-term wise. You do not want a girl to mess up that, as you never can say she is one. As the poster said above, she is 25 and she feels old. Maybe you should just tell her that you do not have the time for a relationship. But if she is interested call her regularly or something like that. And what do you do on the weekends? Could you meet with her then?

[HALTEH]

[QUOTE=NosLliWhsoj;24556091]i say you forget lifting for a bitQUOTE]


I feel like shooting you in the head with a sniper...close range. :-|

Lifting > Life =)

[Ashe]

Thanks for the replies.

NosLliWhsoj - I thought about cutting back on the training to free up some time but I just made the pl national team and I'd like to do well at some comps. this year, so it isn't really an option.

hugs - I think you're on the right track. I'm just not sure how to go about the situation from this point onward. She gets really depressed sometimes and starts on the whole no-one-loves-me thing, and the fact that her family are the way they are doesn't help at all. Basically if i'm going to cut her loose per say, I need a way to do it that won't hurt her, and right now i'm out of ideas.

Slashed - Thanks for the suggestions. The whole thing stems from the fact that I told her right at the beginning I didn't think I'd be able to maintain a relationship. Nevertheless over time she's become more and more demanding, and I don't blame her for that because if I get to see her once every two weeks out of the gym its a lot, and lately I don't even have a spare second to get to the gym. On the weekend I do part-time exercise science courses and try to catch up all the work that has snowballed during the week, which I often still can't get done, and then try to prepare for any tests I have the following few days.

Update: Just a warning that the below convo. is pretty long. I just landed a couple hours ago from another part of the country where I competed at the national BP champs. We started sms'ing each other and the conversation went something like this. Note how i've been trying to ease my way out of this situation for some time:
WARNING LONG CONVO.

Her: "Welcome back! Hehe guess what, my very 1st boyfriend in high school that I told you about, well he wants a 2nd chance coz hes neva goten ova me. He's still a nice and funny guy."

Me: "Cool If he's a great guy, makes you laugh and treats you right then thats awesome."

Her: "But so do you..."

Me: "Yeah but I can't give you the time that he can."

Her: "Now u c why ive realised ill neva get a chance with u in anyway, im far 2 old for u, we want different things, im not ur type... im not sure if i give him a second chance what will happen in the future? but if i do get married 1 day, ill invite you this really is hurting me because i dont know what to do... You must be thinking good riddens..."

Me: "I'm not thinking that. And I do like you and would like to spend time with you if i could, but I can't at this stage and im sorry for that, but i'm not here to steal your life or prevent you from moving on."

Her: "Im so scared that if i give him a chance or date other guys il lose that chance with you... im scared il marry 1 day not knowing what could of happened between us...but things happen for a reason and i dont want u 2 feel guilty. Im just another girl that really likes u alot, something u used 2 having all of the tym. All this is making me believe we'll only b friends.Im really sorry for liking u so damn much but f u beleive its best that i move on i will. we may neva c each other afta this but we'l always b friends!"

Me: "I told you when I met you i wouldnt ever tell you what to do, and that stands, so you need to make your own decisions. I also told you id be honest with you so i will be. I do like you, but right now i cant give you what you need and i feel guilty for that."

Her: " And i like you a real lot <-->, enuff 2 wait 4 u til ur ready. ur not stealing my life from me. im so scared of loosing you. u dont know how gr8 this fear is..."

Me: "I don't know if i could make you wait through 3 years of college. You're a great girl and i'd feel bad doing that to you."

Her: "i told u im struck with murphys law i neva get the guy im inlove with. yes im inlove with u <---> and ill always get hurt... Frank ((guy who forced her to have an abortion)) was right. but i understand. u have a gr8 life going 4 u and ul find a girl that has the same success as u. it was great knowing you <---> and i wish u all the best. if u dont mind im gonna try cry 4 awhile then erase u out of my mind, heart, life. im going 2 take u off my phone, that way i wont bug u or hurt myself even further. goodbye <---> please look after urself and never change 4 any1. i enjoyed our friendship while it lasted. ill miss u. what u've just said to me ive heard so many timed b4. ive stopped believing what ppl tell me. anyway take care."


--------------------------------------
From that point on I didn't send a reply back. I'm not really too sure what to say. I don't want this chick to do something crazy and cut herself or something. She seems like a great girl, just with some major problems from the past. I'm worried she'll get one of her emotional swings if I say the wrong thing, but it looks like its tending to that anyway. I'm in a corner.

[kraZi.]

Abuse your power over her and get real dirty in the sack with this girl. PIITB, Get her to lick your cornhole and suck on your ball sack. Also ASS TO MOUTH baby!

[Ricky_k]

[QUOTE=HALTEH;24563311]

Originally Posted by NosLliWhsoj

i say you forget lifting for a bitQUOTE]


I feel like shooting you in the head with a sniper...close range. :-|

Lifting > Life =)

NEEEEEEEEEEEEERRRRRRRRRRRRRDDDDDDDDDDDDDD

[hugs]

ok, so i read teh whole convo (it wasn't taht long).

You should stop feeling any kind of guild ASAP.

That being said, this girl is an emotional basket case. She's manipulating you big time by making you think you're being the bad guy.

And all that talk about her loving you is crap too. It's puppy love, and she' just in love with your kind heart and body---she doesn't really know you. For you to wait 3 years is ridiculous. First of all, you are going to change in so many ways in 3 years and in 3 years she'll be 28 (way too old for you). Also she's already talking about marriage with only tells me that i was right in my first post about hwo she's just freaking out about her age and needing to settle down and feel loved.

She said she wasn't going to call you or talk to you anymore (all manipulation) so take her up on that and if hse calls you or tries to contact you IGNORE it!

Her bringing up taht guy who's interested in her is a game too---don't put up with that crap.

Oh--and her talking about how she's gonna go cry....that made me laugh because she's just trying to get you to say you want her.

You made a very good and smart choice to not see her anymore. I'm proud.

[Infa]

Whats this girl mean to you, who is she to you? She sounds WAY too caught up. I say leave this **** alone, unless you like her THAT much.

[Jordyn]

congrats to u for being so focused and dedicated to ur life and studies.

i say ditch her. she sounds like wayyy too much drama, w/ all that depression, anti depressants, bad relationship w/ the fam and the ex drama. not some1 u wanna date seriously.

[FunkDaddy]

It sounds like you care for this chick and it sucks that she basically put you into the position of breaking her heart, but it seems like she was trying to do that from the get go and try to make you feel bad so you'd pity her and make time for her. You've got a lot of important things on your plate right now dude and GREAT JOB on prioritizing like you have. She sounds like, ultimately, a negative person that would only bring you and your life down.

[chyeaaaa]

Cliffs or negs.. YOU decide..

[Cheftepesh]

beein in these situations before. Crazy woman, herione addict and so on. Best to leave. In the end your going to be brought to do things you will later regret. Trustr me.

[Ashe]

Hey

Yeah I know - wow strong bringing back an old thread. Sorry about that, tried to log in one night and it wouldn't work, then completely forgot about it in the midst of everything.

Heh kraZi and ricky_k, entertaining :P

So a little update: Basically I have only seen this chick once since I last posted, just for a cup of coffee. Seemed alright, she doesn't really say much of substance in person though, jut small talk - nothing emotional. She still texts pretty much every day making small talk but seems to have calmed down a bit, not much dramatics anymore, which is cool, just hints here and there of getting together and talking about work etc. I decided against cutting her off aggressively because I didn't know if she could handle it emotionally at the time, but things seem to be going better for her now and she's a bit more pleasant to talk to. So at the moment i'd say we're at friend level, with her maybe pushing for something more, hopefully without the mind games. I'm keeping my guard up though.

hugs/Slashed/Jordyn/FunkDaddy/Infa/Cheftepesh, thanksfor the great advice thus far.

All the best,
Ashe

[Rugger7]

Lifting > Life =)

Pussy > everything

ummm, I thought the reason most of us lifted was so we could get some, or get some more. Am I off here? To be truthful, if I lived in China, and it's true what they say that Sumo wrestlers are regarded as sex-symbols, I'd be eating a big bowl of rice right now.

[KingCanuck]

hump and dump bro

[DYnomyte001]

Last g/f was 24, I was 19/20 at the time. And I don't regret it, it was amazing... in fact I choose only to date older women plus dem dere older women love my strong ass polish frame.

And yes, most women at 24-25 are beginning to get marriage stuck firmly in their head, especially if their family/friends are married. Once the initial attraction and what not dies down, you'll be faced with that problem. Just think of it this way: if you do plan on staying together and you tell her you want to get married when your set... out of college... house etc the whole shibbang and then you break up she's going to be 30 and damaged goods on the baby making/marriage market.

In regards to her headcasity (copyrighted) levels, it appears your best bet is when you are about to have sex with her, state to her "I think your an amazingly beautiful person _____ (insert random girl name) but I do not have a time for commitment right now and I don't want to lead you on, but I completely enjoy spending time with you and your company and I wish to continue to do so." And see what she says, if she is cool with it, you have a friend with benefit and no strings attached. And in your case... sounds quite the smart thing to do.

[wwrjd??]

I say you get her drunk on anit-depressants and booze, then PIITB then when your done punch her n the face and call her a nappy headed hoe.

[Rugger7]

Originally Posted by wwrjd??

I say you get her drunk on anit-depressants and booze, then PIITB then when your done punch her n the face and call her a nappy headed hoe.

advocating date rape, domestic violence and an Imuus reference, hilarious.. not.

[Oppressed]

You're doing the right thing. You have to concentrate on yourself at the moment. You're at a pivotal part of life and don't need an anchor holding you back. And brother, she sounds like one big god damn emotional wreck of an anchor

[Navigator416]

The whole point I believe, in dating an older woman(5 years at 20 and 25 is older) is because it should be completely different than dating one your age. Her problems are grown up problems yes, but the kind of situation she is in is that of a high school girl.

Basically, why date a older girl with younger girl problems.

And I dunno what her social life is like but if she is having trouble with emotions, family, past/outside factors you are asking for trouble. She is going to turn to you for EVERYTHING. Already 'almost in love' with you after a few months?

Man this can be a bad situation waiting to happen.