living up the misc damit - a joke for u kids

[iBswole]

One day little Johnny comes upon his grandfather enjoying a beer. Johnny asks, "Granpa, can i have some of your beer?" To which his grandfather replies, "Well that all depends, can your d!ck touch your arsehole?" Slightly shocked, Johnny says, "No, granpa" "Then you're not man enough" his grandfather replies promptly.

The next day Johnny sees his Grandfather smoking a cigar. He asks him, "Granpa, may I smoke a cigar?" Again his grandfather replies "Can your d!ck touch your arsehole?" and, again, Johnny says no.

The third day Johnny's grandfather sees little Johnny eating some fresh baked cookies. He says, "Hey there Johnny, can you give me a cookie?"

Johnny asks, "I don't know grandpa, can your d!ck touch your arsehole?"

His grandfather proudly replies, "Why yes, yes it can"

Johnny says, "Well then go fuk yourself, because grandma made these cookies for me"

[puppet_master]

rofl aussie humour for the win

[iBswole]

A husband and wife were sharing a bottle of wine when the husband said, "I bet you can't tell me something which will make me happy and sad at the same time".

The wife thought for a few moments, and then said,

"Your dick's bigger than your brother's"

[puppet_master]

Whats the difference between acne and a priest?

Acne waits until your at least 13 before it cums on your face

[povcity]

**TRUE STORY***

i was talking to one of my female friends about what we were each doing for spring break. i said "i want to go visit Mexico" in which she replied "Do you know how to speak Mexican?"

[iBswole]

Condoleeza Rice came in to Bush's office and said "Sir, 2 Brazilian soldiers died in Iraq today."

George replied, "Holy Jesus this is terrible. How am I ever going to tell the American people about this one?"

She ponders about his strange over-reaction for a minute, then leaves.

George then turns to his secretary and says, "How much is a brazillion?"

[just_ace]

Little Johnny was in class one day when his teacher told the students to go home and research the word 'contageous' and then use it in a sentance.

So little johnny goes home, and sure enough the next day he has the word to use in a sentance.

"Ok students, lets here your definitions of contageous" said the teacher "We will start with you Amy"

"If you get a cold it can be contageous" said Amy
"Very good Amy, thats correct, Next we will have your definiton Johnny" replied the teacher

"Yesterday I was walking with my dad past this HUGE building and there was this one man painting it all on his own, and I thought to myself. FARK Me Its gonna take That Cu.Nt-Ages to finish that off"

[RIP_Quorthon]

Read my sig. I think it's the funniest fucking joke I've ever heard. That, or the paedophile jokes I was banned for posting once before. Jesus they were funny