How do I get my wife to be motived to work out.

landsteam1 · 10-10-2007, 09:05 AM

I have been working out for a while now. I got my wife to start a few months ago. Now whenever I bring up working out she get mad and doesn't want to talk about it. The more I want help her the more she says she hates it. What is the best way to motivate someone? She is well aware of help benefits.

IdahoViking · 10-10-2007, 09:15 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by landsteam1

I have been working out for a while now. I got my wife to start a few months ago. Now whenever I bring up working out she get mad and doesn't want to talk about it. The more I want help her the more she says she hates it. What is the best way to motivate someone? She is well aware of help benefits.

When you find the answer let me know, I've been trying to get my wife started for years to no avail.

antiquemom · 10-10-2007, 09:20 AM

Sounds like my husband! I started him out just walking, lasted at week. When I would ask him to go for a walk after that he would give me every excuse then get mad. I just let it go, when he is ready it will happen, the more I push the deeper his heels go in. Good luck to you!

namtrag · 10-10-2007, 09:21 AM

Start mentioning how a lot of 25 year old sales clerks, and personal trainers at the gym are asking for your phone number!

lol

Seriously, my wife was the same way. Now that we are family members of the Y, she at least is walking on the treadmill 3 times a week for 25 minutes. It's a start.

Dad_in_KC · 10-10-2007, 09:21 AM

I think the best way to get your spouse to workout is by continuing to lift and eat right yourself. I have only been training for a few months now but as my wife sees my body change she has began to inquire about my gym, the cost of adding her, etc. She has just started to use fitday.com to track her diet after she saw me doing it. It's like my kid - whatever she sees me doing she wants to do, whatever I ask her to do, or tell her to do she does not want to do. I understand that - I am the same way. I think alot of us are.

Mike

heatwave13 · 10-10-2007, 09:25 AM

Been there, done that.......fought that fight for several years now. I have pretty much given up and just resigned myself to the fact, that, it's her body, her lifestyle, and she'll make that decision when she's ready. My lecturing, pleading, and trying to "sell" her on regular exercise has gotten nowhere. Most of our disagreements have been over eating habits. I try to stick to a "clean" diet, where my wife eats whatever.

For my wife, the big issue is consistency. She will go to the gym and really get after it, but only very sporadically. She'll have a great week where she'll hit it four times per week.....but then, she'll go two weeks without doing anything. I wish she would make it a higher priority, rather than, "well, if I have time and don't have other stuff to do......"

erod13 · 10-10-2007, 09:30 AM

my wifes the same, will go for a week loose intrest, and get mad when I try to get her to go with me
Ed

bhaputi · 10-10-2007, 09:42 AM

Short answer: You can't

Longer answer: You can't. Think about it - does her desire for you to workout really mean anything as far as getting you into the gym? I doubt it. She has to want to do it for herself.

farsscf · 10-10-2007, 09:44 AM

exactly, you can set an example and encourage but you can't instill the desire. "You can lead a horse to water, but you can't make her drink" Or should it be "You can lead a wife to the gym, but you can't make her workout"

ASWEDE · 10-10-2007, 09:48 AM

I told her that I love her and can't imagine going through life without her. She does cardio but wont do lifting but that's alright. The truth is you've got to be self-motivated or you won't stick with it. Most people aren't.

hotdamnman · 10-10-2007, 09:49 AM

All you can really do is lead by example. When she see's you feeling better and looking better she may come around. Of course it may just take one "your huuby's looking good" comment from one of her friends.

farsscf · 10-10-2007, 09:50 AM

I think some women just won't touch weights, they will do cardio but you can't get them to understand they won't get muscualr by lifting a couple of weights

IdahoViking · 10-10-2007, 09:55 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by farsscf

I think some women just won't touch weights, they will do cardio but you can't get them to understand they won't get muscualr by lifting a couple of weights

Even taking the musculature out of the equation, I wish my wife would do it just for the bone-density aspect of resistance training.

MrPresident · 10-10-2007, 09:57 AM

I think that most of us have a problem similar to this one. I know I do, b/c I just had a similar post. I know first hand that the most important thing you can do is remain positive yourself. After that, it's all about leading by example!!! I've starting doing things to get her to exercise that really don't seem like exercise at all. We go to the pool alot and swim (great cardio), we go on walks (I say we need to get out of the house so we can talk and just enjoy each other), and then i ask her to help me when I work out at home. for instance, I intentionally do leg throws so she will have to throw my legs. . .once I'm done I say, "your turn to get a couple in." doesn't always work, but she feels good after she does. . .I wish you the best man!!

Carl123 · 10-10-2007, 10:00 AM

It is an interesting dilemma. It appears that some of us enjoy, and in fact thrive on intense exercise while other's don't! No matter how we attempt to persuade such a significant other to work out they will resist; a definite losing battle.

An approach that MAY be helpful is to approach your mate in a "loving" manner NOT a challenging one, to take up a non threatening, non competitive physical activity together (no, I am not referring to making love

)a couple of times a week such as hiking, walking on a beach or any similar form of exercise to attempt to spark their interest and motivation. Perhaps this will do the "trick" to motivate them to engage in more regular and serious workouts, including resistance training, down the road.

landsteam1 · 10-10-2007, 10:16 AM

I see other's are feeling the same as myself. The other person has to want to do it. I thought if we both worked out together it would nice to do it together, what could be better it make you heathly and stronger.
They can always find reasons why they can't workout on a givin day. My wife when she does work out she always says she tired today and wants to do less and not increase the weights at all. It like she fighting against it the whole time. It take self motivation to stick with the plan.

IdahoViking · 10-10-2007, 10:21 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by landsteam1

I see other's are feeling the same as myself. The other person has to want to do it. I thought if we both worked out together it would nice to do it together, what could be better it make you heathly and stronger.
They can always find reasons why they can't workout on a givin day. My wife when she does work out she always says she tired today and wants to do less and not increase the weights at all. It like she fighting against it the whole time. It take self motivation to stick with the plan.

On the other hand, anything is better than nothing. On low energy days, I too sometimes forgo the increases (in fact will even decrease if I feel that's warranted).

While others may disagree, I feel consistancy is MORE important than intensity.

WeebleNoMore · 10-10-2007, 10:27 AM

This is why I troll at the gym... lol, jk. I workout at home...

I agree with Bhaputi... x2

rsw1 · 10-10-2007, 10:31 AM

Honestly, if "lead by example" were the key (at least in my case), my wife would be a warrior in the gym. I'm very consistent, and the results are quite evident.

My wife? I just let it go after 2 1/2 years of encouragement and trying to "help". I finally realized she'll go if she wants to. Period.
She knows she's 10-15#'s overweight, talks about her clothes not fitting 3x a week, etc........but until SHE's ready, it's not gonna happen.

hotdamnman · 10-10-2007, 10:36 AM

My training partner is actually my ex-wife. We have a good relationship now that we're not married. She never wanted to exercise before, but now that she's on the prowl again and has seen me dating younger women, she wants to get in better shape. As long as I "don't turn her into a muscled up freak" lol

Hey-Iwas51 · 10-10-2007, 10:40 AM

If you do get her to the gym (or basement as in my case...) don't push her too hard. Maybe a little, but be careful. My wife does not like feeling sore. When I finally got her going, one work out shot the whole week (or month). Bad thing is, she knows how important it is, she is an health care coordinater RN, but she never seems to have the energy for it in the evening when I work out.

Now my 83 year old Mom has moved in with us... so far it has been difficult for even me to work out... I hate exercising between 11:30 pm and 12:30 am like last night...

Dan

hotdamnman · 10-10-2007, 10:46 AM

I also keep track of the workouts, load the plates,etc.......
She just does what I tell her and has no idea what she's even lifting. If it looks to easy for her I'll bump up the weight or reps a little.

NuclearArms · 10-10-2007, 10:57 AM

You can show her some draft divorce papers.

Just kidding. PRETTY TOUGH THING TO DO. Try a couple of things at home like a treadmill or bike and see what happens.

chrisbute · 10-10-2007, 10:59 AM

You can't motivate her. She needs to be motivated herself. The more you push, the more she will resent it.

Many people do get motivated to workout/lose weight when there is an upcoming special event to "look good for". Something like a cruise or a family wedding. Maybe talk to her about taking a cruise.

tropszzz · 10-10-2007, 11:02 AM

"Your feet will bring you to where your heart is."

Getsum · 10-10-2007, 11:08 AM

I've been dieting and working out with my wife for the past month at 24hr fitness and things are going great so far. We normally start off with cardio on the elliptical or cross trainer and finish with abs as we are both trying to cut weight and body fat. When it comes to lifting, I basically have her doing what I do except with very light weight. There are some exercises that she doesn't like to do and I don't push her to do them. I strip down and load up the machines for her and it gives me the break I need between sets anyway. She's been looking forward to our workouts and so have I.

I also workout at a boxing club a few times a week and she has zero interest in that. She's just not into it and I'm not going to push her into something she doesn't like to do. On the flip side, she likes some of the cardio classes offered at 24hr and I?m not into them so she does them on her own with her friend or my daughter. I would say it is important not to push her or have her doing anything she isn't comfortable with and just let her go at her own pace. Good luck man.

Olie · 10-10-2007, 11:51 AM

Well, to me it sounds like your wife understand the importance of exercise but something is happening that she is resisting. She may feel intimidated by the whole thing. I don't know how big your gym is or if they have trainers there but maybe some time with someone else she feels more neutral about would help. If going to the gym is a stressor for her, she will fight it no matter what. She needs to enjoy it and want to do it for herself, not just to please you. As a trainer, I have learned that not everyone will want to train like I do. You have to find what works for her, not you.

So, my suggestion is this, see if there is someone else she could spend a little time with to find her "groove" before you two start hitting it together. Then when you do, let her take the lead some times. Good luck and don't give up.

IdahoViking · 10-10-2007, 11:56 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by tropszzz

"Your feet will bring you to where your heart is."

The kitchen?

Nikonguy · 10-10-2007, 12:07 PM

Sadly, for those who think a few complements to a husband (or wife) will make a wife (or husband) come around.....it doesn't alway work that way.

Trust me, in some cases it can creat doubt and cause friction. Studies show that break-ups often occur when one member of a couple makes a change in their life, be it career, education, fitness, etc.(sigh)

delila · 10-10-2007, 12:53 PM

My hubby does not work out, but when he is home, I find it hard to work out. He used to spot for friends in college. I feel that the entire time I am working out he is watching. Then I get really paranoid and become very self conscious about what I am doing. Key word there "paranoid." He probably does not give a rats *** what I am doing, but the thought is always there.
Plant the seed, back off, and see what happens. You don't know what she/he may be doing when your not watching.

Then again, it just may not be her thing and you will just have to live with it. My hubby told me he had been starting to eat right and moving around more. Took 2 days home for me to see that he was full of bull. I suppose it was just to get me to shut up. But, not my life, can't force the issue. You do it out of love, but sometimes even that won't work.

But, I wish you the best and I know your heart is in the right place. You just can't force the issue.