does "taking a break" always mean it's over? (serious)

Tiny J · 10-09-2007, 08:25 PM

honestly, does it? or could the girl really be telling the truth and just needs to soul-search for awhile to find out what she wants to do? I'm torn up over this and i can't get over it no matter what I try. I'm just looking for some answers

Jaw-Knee · 10-09-2007, 08:29 PM

It's over, dude. "Soul-searching" means that she's checking out other options.

As much as it sucks, it's true.

CoffeCanSlayer · 10-09-2007, 08:30 PM

Yes thats her way of saying, its over.

mysttrisha · 10-09-2007, 08:32 PM

Yes absolutely

I feel bad for you but, i think its better to know these things right off the bat so you can get over them

My last ex and I ended it like that and I feel really bad now but letting him languish for 6 months thinking we had a chance to get back together. I think if someone wants to stay with someone, they won't "take a break" or "see other people"

It just feels like a good way to let someone down at the time

Tiny J · 10-09-2007, 08:39 PM

for some reason i just refuse to believe all that man, it's always the pessemistic side of things. I've known this girl for 10 years, and of that 10 we went out for the last 6 months. she has a kid and all that, she said she wants to make sure she knows what she's doing so her and her kid are safe and that with everything she's doing/stressing about she doesn't have the time to focus on "pleasing" somebody else (not sex) and giving even more emotions than she has.

here's another thread i posted awhile ago, a_new_g i think is the only girl that posted, not sure though.

http://forum.bodybuilding.com/showthread.php?t=4948703

Jaw-Knee · 10-09-2007, 08:44 PM

Nobody ever wants to believe it, dude. Everyone wants to believe that there's a chance.

The reality is that there isn't a chance. Even if you do get back together, the break will have a negative affect on the relationship and the two of you will continue to doubt your bonds.

It's a harsh reality, but it's reality.

a_new_g · 10-09-2007, 08:48 PM

i don't know, it's really hard to say with your situation only because you say that you were really good friends with her before and that she was having a really hard time coping with things....

mysttrisha · 10-09-2007, 08:54 PM

I read the thread and I guess I can't say for certain but that is what I have said to my last 3 boyfriends when I broke it off. Its softer and it lets you still be friends later.

Argue with me if you want, but I am still friends with all my exes

Jaw-Knee · 10-09-2007, 08:55 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by mysttrisha

Its softer and it lets you still be friends later.

I actually hate hearing it, to tell you the truth. It makes me feel that I'm not worth the honesty, and it leaves me a lot more bitter.

mysttrisha · 10-09-2007, 09:02 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Jaw-Knee

I actually hate hearing it, to tell you the truth. It makes me feel that I'm not worth the honesty, and it leaves me a lot more bitter.

Yeah I actually do need to work on being more honest but I feel terrible saying, "Dude you are boring and I have been looking for a way out for the past month"

Jaw-Knee · 10-09-2007, 09:12 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by mysttrisha

Yeah I actually do need to work on being more honest but I feel terrible saying, "Dude you are boring and I have been looking for a way out for the past month"

Oh well ****, if it's only been a few weeks of dating then why even concern yourself with sparing the feelings? I'd just be like, "Later woman, I have more important and interesting **** to attend to."

mysttrisha · 10-09-2007, 09:14 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Jaw-Knee

Oh well ****, if it's only been a few weeks of dating then why even concern yourself with sparing the feelings? I'd just be like, "Later woman, I have more important and interesting **** to attend to."

If I could rep you again right now, I totally would. You crack me up

a_new_g · 10-09-2007, 09:16 PM

i will post in here what dan sent me in august. he heard it somewhere... can't remember what he told me though. we had a really low time over the summer, but we got passed it and are stronger than we were before we took our "break":

The truth of the matter is, that every couple deals with the same problems. No couple is different in this case. Same arguments, same pain and hurtful feelings shared. But the couples that last are the ones that don't let it bring them down. In every argument for these couples there is one side who won't let them die, won't let them fade. They fight for the other one till the other one feels the same way again. A relationship truly dies when the two in the relationship, both want it ended. Belive it or not, sometimes a relationship can lasts if just one side wants it, the other will eventually turn around again and feel the love.

Tiny J · 10-09-2007, 10:40 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by mysttrisha

it lets you still be friends later.

That's a good thing, and I know we'll be friends, on my optimistic view of it, always being friends could eventually lead, again, to those feelings for each other and another chance. As for me, when I love someone so deeply for such a very long time, no matter what I do those feelings aren't going to fade very fast, if at all. Maybe I'll just learn to cope with what I have and am feeling, and try to hide it, I don't know. A year ago a girl left me for another guy, I didn't know her NEARLY as well as this girl, but I was so afraid that there was going to be a repeat. I know and love her family as my own and love her more than anyone in the world.

LiftingIsLife · 10-09-2007, 11:18 PM

ranks right up there with........

"Lets just be friends"

and

"I think of you like a friend"

sorry ...

~lifer

naughtystorm · 10-10-2007, 06:21 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Tiny J

honestly, does it? or could the girl really be telling the truth and just needs to soul-search for awhile to find out what she wants to do? I'm torn up over this and i can't get over it no matter what I try. I'm just looking for some answers

In most situations, I would say yes...However, with me, it was true, the first time my husband asked me to marry him, i broke up with him for a year, cause at the time, marriage was a four lettered word to me. I'd just gotten out of a really bad marriage. He and i stayed apart for a year, then i went back to him, and we've been together for 17 years, Married for 14. But in most cases...Soul searching, or needing a break means it's over, I don't want to give you false hope or turn you into a stalker or anything like that.

fmrmarineinbiz · 10-10-2007, 07:15 AM

From my experience, "taking a break", "we can still be friends"(We'll just never talk to each other again), "let's see other people for a while"...(WTF? you want me to take you back after you get some strange for a while???) all mean the same thing, it's over. They just don't know a better way to come right out and say it. You have your odd case every now and then, but 95+% of the time, it never works out after you "take a break".

fmrmarineinbiz · 10-10-2007, 07:23 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Tiny J

for some reason i just refuse to believe all that man, it's always the pessemistic side of things. I've known this girl for 10 years, and of that 10 we went out for the last 6 months. she has a kid and all that, she said she wants to make sure she knows what she's doing so her and her kid are safe and that with everything she's doing/stressing about she doesn't have the time to focus on "pleasing" somebody else (not sex) and giving even more emotions than she has.

here's another thread i posted awhile ago, a_new_g i think is the only girl that posted, not sure though.

http://forum.bodybuilding.com/showthread.php?t=4948703

You've known her since you were kids (assuming you are 20 like your profile says), you're STILL kids technically at 20, she HAS A KID (usually means she has her priorities that she needs to work on), and she's not sure what she wants from you, a relationship....and most likely not from LIFE either yet.

There are literally thousands of women out there who could be right for you man. I say "take a break"....that means SEVER all contact for at least a few months...then see how you feel. No need to concern yourself with someone who you probably will not end up being with over the long haul anyway, at your age for no reason. Emotions are evil things a lot of times, and most likely that's all this is about. Is she your first? (Sexually?) That can also influence things BIG TIME. Trust me on that. ALSO, when there's a KID involved things ALWAYS get messy.

I got involved with an older woman when I was 19. She also had a kid. I was young, impressionable, emotionally immature, and I got attached to her kid. That made leaving her that much harder. Really, really think things through on this one. Do you want to be her kids father figure? Are you ready for that at this time in your life...to potentially shape the future of this child?

Just some food for thought.

JeepCreeper · 10-10-2007, 07:42 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by mysttrisha

I read the thread and I guess I can't say for certain but that is what I have said to my last 3 boyfriends when I broke it off. Its softer and it lets you still be friends later.

Argue with me if you want, but I am still friends with all my exes

I'll bet everyone of those exes believes that there is still a chance of getting back together.

littleblkninja · 10-10-2007, 08:28 AM

It's over.

wannaBmoy · 10-10-2007, 10:17 AM

This is not always necessarily true. My ex-fiance wanted to take a break, and we did for two weeks until she came crying to me asking her to take her back. That I did not.

anb1683 · 10-10-2007, 12:12 PM

If I need a break thats what it means, I need a break, it means your being to clingy and needy and to back off and let me breath, things are moving to fast...if I miss you I'll come back, and I will explain to you why I needed the break, if I don't miss you then I will let you know that I don't want to be with you, so for me, thats what a break means. But a break is also like a week in my terms, and it doesn't give either person the right to go and screw who ever comes along...and yes I would say all this up front.

mysttrisha · 10-19-2007, 08:50 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Tiny J

honestly, does it? or could the girl really be telling the truth and just needs to soul-search for awhile to find out what she wants to do? I'm torn up over this and i can't get over it no matter what I try. I'm just looking for some answers

Are y'all still on this break or did you get back together. Just curious

Tiny J · 10-20-2007, 07:23 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by mysttrisha

Are y'all still on this break or did you get back together. Just curious

Nah we aren't back together. Still friends though. I kind of did something hypocritical which I have beaten myself up over, and explained to her why I did it. Basically, since we weren't exactly OVER, me taking stuff of her off my myspace didn't make the situation good. I listened to someone who gave me advice, and at the time of the advice giving I was feeling really ****ty and took all the stuff off... Well she messages me calling me out on my changes, which in turn made me feel like **** because I feel I hurt her. It was the stupidest thing I could have done and I regret it horribly. Anyway, we're still talking and stuff, I just hope I didn't screw things up too bad. I feel as though I did.

I knew it wasn't going to be a 1-2 week break though... damn I feel dumb

I feel like I made a great situation into a bad breakup...

She told me to stop stressing out though and to take it easy...

mattf485 · 10-20-2007, 08:02 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Tiny J

Nah we aren't back together. Still friends though. I kind of did something hypocritical which I have beaten myself up over, and explained to her why I did it. Basically, since we weren't exactly OVER, me taking stuff of her off my myspace didn't make the situation good. I listened to someone who gave me advice, and at the time of the advice giving I was feeling really ****ty and took all the stuff off... Well she messages me calling me out on my changes, which in turn made me feel like **** because I feel I hurt her. It was the stupidest thing I could have done and I regret it horribly. Anyway, we're still talking and stuff, I just hope I didn't screw things up too bad. I feel as though I did.

I knew it wasn't going to be a 1-2 week break though... damn I feel dumb

I feel like I made a great situation into a bad breakup...

She told me to stop stressing out though and to take it easy...

Damn myspace, always causing problems!!!!! It always causes drama with my GFs.

www.myspace.com/mattf485 (no advertisiing)

Taina1970 · 10-20-2007, 08:07 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Tiny J

she has a kid and all that, she said she wants to make sure she knows what she's doing so her and her kid are safe and that with everything she's doing/stressing about she doesn't have the time to focus on "pleasing" somebody else (not sex) and giving even more emotions than she has.

...for some reason i just refuse to believe all that man, it's always the pessemistic side of things.

***ALERT, not something you will like to hear

***

I hope I do not hurt you by saying this but sounds like her plate is full. Being a single parent of a 3 year old is tough. She feels she needs to give all her attention to her child for what I understood from your posts and that is 100% understandable. I don't see why it is so hard for you to understand this, that she do not want to have a relationship with you when she has a child to care for. Maybe you are in denial and do not want to see it that way. If she is as independent as you say she is, maybe the fact that you seem needy (don't mean to hurt your feelings but I think you need her more than what she can handle) is a problem for her.

I am sorry this doesn't sound good but life is painfully hard at times and things don't always go your way. I think you have to sit down, take your emotions out of this situation so you can see what she's going through. Your emotions are running too deep to see her needs and i guess her needs does not include you at this time. It's tough being a parent and I can see why someone in her position would just shield her heart from others. You would gain more by letting her be even maybe by moving on to better things in life that doesn't necessarily include another woman. Take this time to care for yourself.

Tiny J · 10-20-2007, 08:38 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Taina1970

***ALERT, not something you will like to hear

***

I hope I do not hurt you by saying this but sounds like her plate is full. Being a single parent of a 3 year old is tough. She feels she needs to give all her attention to her child for what I understood from your posts and that is 100% understandable. I don't see why it is so hard for you to understand this, that she do not want to have a relationship with you when she has a child to care for. Maybe you are in denial and do not want to see it that way. If she is as independent as you say she is, maybe the fact that you seem needy (don't mean to hurt your feelings but I think you need her more than what she can handle) is a problem for her.

I am sorry this doesn't sound good but life is painfully hard at times and things don't always go your way. I think you have to sit down, take your emotions out of this situation so you can see what she's going through. Your emotions are running too deep to see her needs and i guess her needs does not include you at this time. It's tough being a parent and I can see why someone in her position would just shield her heart from others. You would gain more by letting her be even maybe by moving on to better things in life that doesn't necessarily include another woman. Take this time to care for yourself.

I completely understand her situation. While talking with her 2 weeks ago I was completely understanding, but it doesn't mean it doesn't hurt. The point I was getting across is that I messed up because I don't think her, nor I believed it was the end, she just needed to prioritize and when I did what I did, I feel it made it look like I thought it was over and stuff... That's all. I understand her situation and hope I can be a part of her life for as long as I live because I want to be a great friend as I always have been.