Unsupportive spouses...

[stracin]

Sounds like jealous of having an interest outside of him

[zoman68]

Originally Posted by Italianangel

omg yes, I think I posted on another thread in there.
My guy would sabatoge me, order pizza the night before I had to fly off to the Universe......stuff like taht, fights and arguements, head games........
He just ignores it all now, had no interest, seen a few and does not like the politics, calls them gong shows, hates I spend money on it, does not care about any of my magazine appearances, does not even look at it.
others tell him 'your so lucky dude, your chick is hot' or whatever and he is like 'yeah i guess so'.........and he is no calendar boy neither!
But anyway, he still occasinoally says something negative if I am stupid enough to ask him a question or get him involved so I go it all alone and keep it to my self. At least he is not sbatoging me now, he may say, wait til nexgt year so you can look better or whatever, small lil digs but I don't care, he was not there before to help so his opinion now does not count, its easy to tell people what to do once it done............but anyway I am with ya sister!!
He was supportive and helped get over anorexia and it was him which got me into weights but I guess he never thought I would excell beyond him so it is also a cause of him being jelous OF Me, which he admited adn I wouild never had thought........i mean I can see him being jelous over the guys I deal with etc, but not OF me. None of my family or friends even remember when i compete or not, my circle is so not in to it, which is fine in one way as the local circle of competitors here are 'catty' but it also means I am no myown. But after 13+ years of this, I am used to it now and am stronger. I always envied the gals whos guys are buff and diet too with them and carrhy their bags and go with them to shows to watch and help them prep but not having that has taught me to do it all myself so if I have no help I manage just fine!!!
It would be nice if he had a bit of pride about what I did but whatever. I am dieting now, under 2 mths out, and he had been eating his crap outside of my view which is huge for him, taht means he is actually considerate................but thats about it. The first few years he did all he could to throw me off...............so at least that is not so prevalent now. I don't bother involving him or do so very lil and I at least get peace...........no digs, no neg comments and I do my own thing, he does his. I always did eat different anyway as I d'nt eat meat and he does and he hates himself for being chubby and haveing no will power, so taht is his battle. He was built like a bb before, then when i got into it, he got less into it..........very odd.
But that is what these forums are for, so people like us can connect adn support each other!!
Linda

Great advice from everyone. My fiance at first didn't understand my passion for lifting, nutrition, sticking to a time schedule, etc but gradually she has started to accept what she see what my passion is. I feel kind of lucky that we don't argue or anything and she gets the full benefit of how i look, feel and act because of working out. 2nd to my softball this is what i enjoy and i love how far i have come in such a short amount of time. To those who aren't as lucky...keep your head up, keep training, and never let someone crush your goals. There are so many people who don't support their spouse furthering their education, job pursuits and other interests and eventually you may regret it for the rest of your life. Don't let them stop you from looking good, feeling great, and accomplishing your goals! Congrats to those who have never looked back! -Lorenzo

[backer]

not my line I got it from somebodys sig. "obsesive is how the lazy describe the dedicated"
On a lighter note my mother drives me crazy by refering to my training as
lifting out or working weights etc.

[sixzebra]

Originally Posted by Italianangel

omg yes, I think I posted on another thread in there.
My guy would sabatoge me, order pizza the night before I had to fly off to the Universe......stuff like taht, fights and arguements, head games........
..........very odd.
But that is what these forums are for, so people like us can connect adn support each other!!
Linda

Wow, that's a very sad story. Although my husband I think unconsciencely did some of the same things. He'd bring home boxes of Donuts etc etc. Plus he works for Keebler and "forgets" I'm pre-contest and brings home a sack of cookies etc.
But I'd have to say overall, he's very supportive. Unlike a friend of mine who's husband can't stand that she competes. its very sad. last weekend she won the overall at a show and when she called her husband to tell him he just said "whatever" and hung up. Bummer..

[mustan9]

Originally Posted by sixzebra

Unlike a friend of mine who's husband can't stand that she competes. its very sad. last weekend she won the overall at a show and when she called her husband to tell him he just said "whatever" and hung up. Bummer..

That is just so sad. I hope your friend moves on with her life towards better things, and puts that guy behind her.

[Todd_A]

Those that are not into this lifestyle and give you grief are usually jealous that they don't look better and they think they can't do it now because it seems like such an uphill battle. They can't imagine life if they had to give up their crappy foods and alcohol every day, so they are pissed because they don't have the will power and self control to do it and then along comes their significant other who excells at it and all their frustration and anger with themselves gets poured out on you.

Everyone thinks they know the right way to live life and everyone that does not conform is just wrong according to them. Just watch people eat and watch how they spend their free time to see how much they truly think of themselves. They want to be like you but they can't. I know it must be frustrating.

My question to everyone that has an unsupporting spouse - Why did you get involved with someone that treats you with this much disrespect in the first place? Now you are married to them and "stuck" with them. A "come to Jesus" talk is a minimum! I'd suggest some marraige counselling. I hate to hear about anyone being in this situation. I was married to someone that does not care about her health enough to do much about it, and, while she was supportive of me in my fitness lifestyle, her attitude toward herself did effect me negatively. Being in a marraige with someone that does not believe what you believe is difficult enough without having a spouse that just plain is opposed to your goals. I'd let them know that if there was any thought that you might eventually leave them for someone in better shape than they are in, it would probably not be because they look better, but more because their goals and beliefs are more in line with yours and because they respect you more and show support better.

As for those with the unsupporting boyfriend or girlfriend - why are you with them still? Dump the loosers that don't support you in what you do. This is a HUGE sign that you should take to heart. Remember, you can not change someone else. Only they can change themselves and people don't tend to change all that often. If this is how they are now, you can expect more of it in the future. Life is too short to choose to be with someone that doesn't support you and does not give you the respect you deserve.

The one you love should be the one that gives you the most support!!!!


Sorry to rant...I am pissy because it's late and I can't sleep... and you know how important that probably is to someone that does what we attempt to do.

Best of luck to everyone in this crappy situation, and just know that you have tons of friends on here that do support you. Lean on us when necessary!

[cnock]

Ive just come to the conlusion that unless you date somone who competes they will never be truley supportive. Even if they do support you other thinhs will still get in the way and they dont understand that competing has to come first sometimes. They dont have the passion or dedication so they dont understand. Most people dont get and thats cool because i do and thats all that matters.

[misstransformer]

Originally Posted by Todd_A

My question to everyone that has an unsupporting spouse - Why did you get involved with someone that treats you with this much disrespect in the first place? Now you are married to them and "stuck" with them. A "come to Jesus" talk is a minimum! I'd suggest some marraige counselling. I hate to hear about anyone being in this situation. I was married to someone that does not care about her health enough to do much about it, and, while she was supportive of me in my fitness lifestyle, her attitude toward herself did effect me negatively. Being in a marraige with someone that does not believe what you believe is difficult enough without having a spouse that just plain is opposed to your goals. I'd let them know that if there was any thought that you might eventually leave them for someone in better shape than they are in, it would probably not be because they look better, but more because their goals and beliefs are more in line with yours and because they respect you more and show support better.

As for those with the unsupporting boyfriend or girlfriend - why are you with them still? Dump the loosers that don't support you in what you do. This is a HUGE sign that you should take to heart. Remember, you can not change someone else. Only they can change themselves and people don't tend to change all that often. If this is how they are now, you can expect more of it in the future. Life is too short to choose to be with someone that doesn't support you and does not give you the respect you deserve. The one you love should be the one that gives you the most support!!!!

Jealousy is always rooted in fear, so it's important to find out what a loved one is afraid of before reacting. If the person is afraid of losing you, that can be worked on, if the jealousy is more selfish, along the lines of resentment, or simply not wanting you to achieve something just so they'll feel better, that will be a problem. I've seen some of the most loving people, become downright ugly when they're filled with jealousy. Whew!

Having said that, I don't think "most" loved one's intend to be unsupportive. Try spending quality time with them, and communicate clearly that although training is important to you, that doesn't mean you love them any less. If the person is unwilling to compromise, and the only way they'll accept you, is if you give up your dreams for them, it may be time to re-evaluate the relationship.

Normally I would cease all communication with someone filled with this toxic emotion(if they're unwilling to change), especially if it's just a friend, or someone you're dating, as Todd mentioned. Life is too short. However, when it's a spouse, things become complicated, because it depends on the foundation of the marriage. T

[TheKansan]

Originally Posted by b.spencer

First, I'm glad you and your hubby have come "to an understanding." I hope he gets back in the game with you.

I think you hit it exactly. Most people just do not care. I certainly didn't, amd my friends nad family never did. But, now, there is just something inside that pushes and pushes to be better. I wish my friends could understand, but it's like banging my head against a wall.

The only people who really understand it are the ones who have the same drive. Just look around your gym, and I bet you get along the best with people like you, who have that compulsion to make yourself better no matter what it takes. I'm certainly that way. There are acertain group of "familairs" you might say who get a long and respect each other no matter what pint they are along the journey. Like, I'd love to look like the trainer at my gym who as doing decline benches the other day with 405 on the bar. I can't do half that for 8 reps and he was cranking out set after set. I will probably never look like that. But, that's fine. I'll be as good as I can get, and it's the journey to that end that's more important. And we both respect each other for where we are.

Most of my friends do not understand that drive to be better. They are like, you've done so much, why can't you be satisfied? Why can't you live a normal life? A lot of them have told me -- and I bet all of you have heard it too -- "You won't ever quit, I can see it in your eyes." They see it, but they don't get it. I think the kind of passion and commitment you have to have to succeed at this scares them. Most people fear what they do not understand, so they fight against it.

OK. Enough soap box for the moment

That is very insightful.

[PinkLaceUndeez]

He took off his wedding ring and left today. Said that we all deserve to be alone (bodybuilders).

What perfect timing.

[sideways1]

Originally Posted by PinkLaceUndeez

He took off his wedding ring and left today. Said that we all deserve to be alone (bodybuilders).

What perfect timing.

I don't want to insult your guy but if he is not willing to deal with one of your top passions (a healthy passion at that) then clearly he is not as devoted to you as he should be. He should support you in everything you do that is healthy and steer you clear of anything you do that is unhealthy, not insult you or sabotage you.

I'm not sure what else to say but best of luck to you and don't lose sight of your goals.

[PinkLaceUndeez]

Right now I would like to go to Cracker Barrel and eat an entire apple dumpling (those of you have had this lovely dessert know how huge it is)...Instead, I think I will watch a DVD of a competition on the laptop at the local coffee shop and remind myself that I am ok.

I refuse to give up. I have worked too hard to blow it all now. Only 3 weeks out today.

Ain't no step for a stepper!

[heidi martell]

DONT YOU DARE! You only have 3 weeks! Remember when one door closes another door opens up. Show him what he missed out on. GOOD LUCK in Oct. I bet you win! Only 3 weeks.
Sorry, why do men throw in our faces the things we love, when thier feeling intimnated Heidi Martell

[bjmalin]

Keep strong, and keep the faith. My wife is supportive of me. We have 6 kids and she still wants me to go to the gym. She is starting to get involved a little as well. She will go when she can. Maybe if you involve your spouses a little it might help - it might not as well.

Good luck to all of you!!

[askshoop]

Hello I understand I actually started fitness when my husband was in Korea...

I was so excited when I did so well because I was dealing with cancer in the colon and losing weight but later I was so into it I was competing four or five times a year...

He didn't like it either....because I spoiled him and all of the sudden there wasn't much attention if you want read my article on how to deal with fitness and relationships then call me for a consultation I will help you.....

light and love go to my

https://www.bodybuilding.com/fun/shoop1.htm
maybe this will give you some tips...

Traci http://tracishoop.com/phonecoaching.htm

[artsong27]

Originally Posted by JasOWN

lol, my dad used to give me so much ****, until the doctor told him he had high cholesterol. now he comes to me and asks for my advice.

How beautifully ironic! I can totally understand what you're going through. My stepdad is the same way: constantly complaining about my diet and telling me what I should and should not eat, but fails to remember that he currently stands at over 300 pounds, suffers from congestive heart failure, had a stroke 3 years ago, and suffers from hypertension and high cholesterol. So while I take my protein shakes in the morning to fuel my workouts, he's at home taking coumadin to keep his heart pumping. Amazing! People are so funny. I agree with all that has been said here. People only try to belittle you and your efforts because they lack the discipline and self control to do it themselves. More power to us. To the OP, stay strong, and I hope your hubby realizes what a strong woman he has in his life! Kick butt on that stage in October!!!

[artsong27]

Originally Posted by PinkLaceUndeez

Right now I would like to go to Cracker Barrel and eat an entire apple dumpling (those of you have had this lovely dessert know how huge it is)...Instead, I think I will watch a DVD of a competition on the laptop at the local coffee shop and remind myself that I am ok.

I refuse to give up. I have worked too hard to blow it all now. Only 3 weeks out today.

Ain't no step for a stepper!

Girl, don't mention Cracker Barrell. Those pancakes have been calling my name for WEEKS.

You said it yourself...ain't no step for a stepper. You got this in the bag. I can't imagine what you're going through; your spouse must be dealing with some serious emotions to leave you and make comments like that. Stay focused on YOUR goal, and take life one day at a time. Don't give up; you've worked much to hard to turn around now. Hold your head high, and kill that competition in October!

[Im Arrogant]

Originally Posted by backer

I think that sometimes when you do something good for yourself others resent it because it makes them look bad.I believe they know you are doing a good thing and they feel jelous. Deep down they want what you are achieving for yourself but dont want to put in the effort you put in.They deal with this by dismissing your acomplishments and trying to trivialize what you have achieved.This applys not only to spouses but to alot of people.Dont let anybody take away what you have earned for yourself.

You pretty much summed it up..

[CTB]

Originally Posted by PinkLaceUndeez

He took off his wedding ring and left today. Said that we all deserve to be alone (bodybuilders).

What perfect timing.

I can't believe that

I hope he comes to his senses! But if not, don't you settle for anything less than you deserve, and thats the best.

Thinking of you!

[Twerp]

Originally Posted by PinkLaceUndeez

He took off his wedding ring and left today. Said that we all deserve to be alone (bodybuilders).

What perfect timing.

I've never been able to understand how some members of my gender think (or don't) sometimes. I think it's sexy and would be all for it! Good luck in your show on the 27th! Perfect timing is right, this close to your show you certainly don't need stress in your life!

[Italianangel]

Originally Posted by PinkLaceUndeez

He took off his wedding ring and left today. Said that we all deserve to be alone (bodybuilders).

What perfect timing.

I am absolutely stunned...........and very sorry to hear. I am not sorry about the split if in the end it is the best for you but all the emotional stress and hassle this causes for you is what I am so sorry about!!!
One word sums up his actions........selfish.
I always feel that if he loves you he will support you and not sabatoge or manipulate and will love what is best for you and what you love........I remind mine of this all the time, at least he tries somewhat, even if its neutral or ignorning it, at least it is not emotional blackmail anymore and that is what yours is doing...............and you are doing nothing wrong, you are doing good.
The last girl I know who this happened to.......a fitness gal, not even a year later she met a wonderful man, a bodybuilder and they are now married happily, both competing and happier than pie! Just to say, I pray for blessings for you to come from this.
Linda

[j_neatherlin]

Originally Posted by PinkLaceUndeez

He took off his wedding ring and left today. Said that we all deserve to be alone (bodybuilders).

What perfect timing.

wow...i have to admit, i have a hard time swallowing that this all stems from your contest prep.

however, it sounds like he really needs to figure out what's important to him. you need to try to compromise with him on this...but, that doesn't mean i think you should abort your prep...

but damn. that is some rough stuff.

[b.spencer]

Originally Posted by PinkLaceUndeez

He took off his wedding ring and left today. Said that we all deserve to be alone (bodybuilders).

What perfect timing.

I really don't know what to say. I'm so sorry doesn't seem like enough.

But, I hope you understand when part of me isn't sorry at all. From your descriptions of this person, he doesn't deserve you and you deserve so much better than him. Don't you dare quit. You keep going. You go and win that contest, and you show that so-called man what he could have been a part of. I do know this. We'll all be here for you.

[PinkLaceUndeez]

You're a sweetheart. Thanks for the kind words. I'm not giving up. I just want it to get here and hopefully I will do well. I want it so badly!

Thank you again for the moral support. Much needed and appreciated...

xoxo

[b.spencer]

Originally Posted by PinkLaceUndeez

Right now I would like to go to Cracker Barrel and eat an entire apple dumpling (those of you have had this lovely dessert know how huge it is)...

I forgot got to say, I tried "apple dumplin" therapy, and it doesn't work.

I go to Cracker Barrel just to order food that feels like home (I grew up in South Carolina) when I get depressed or feel nostalgic. I used to love those dumplins so much -- apple pie is my favorite dessert. Anyway, the last one I ordered was about 6 months ago. I was feeling bad, it was a cheat meal anyway . . . so I weakened and ordered it to really cheat. I was able to make it 6 small bites in before I got so sick from the sugar overload, I couldn't stomach to even look at it. First time a sweet ever made me literally nauseous.

Even so, I wonder if we could put all out heads together and invent a healthy one?

[zoman68]

He probably will never understand...everyone has a passion for something! Follow your heart or it will forever haunt you of what you "could've" done. It sucks because you're married, but if he's not willing to stand by your side for something that is making you healthier then....?

I'd like to know what's going through his head to taking off your wedding ring and leave because of your desire to workout and compete. Keep your head up...brighter days will come!!!

[Stock350i]

Wow. It seems like there are a whole mess of ladies that body build, lift weights and work out that have jealous men in their lives. I read somewhere that its natural for another human being to drag another person down when they are succeeding passed that other person. Much like crabs do to each other when a whole bunch are trapped in a bucket and one is on its way out. The others below will latch on and pull it back down.

Its sad really, because there are a lot of guys out there like myself that would totally stick by my woman 100% no matter what she wanted to do with her life. Call it loyalty, call it respectful, call it what you want. But the main thing I know is I know how to make a relationship work and its sacrifice and compromise that gets it all done.

I would be a very lucky man to date one of these dedicated women on BB.com. I couldnt respect a person enough that wants to take care of her/his body and be healthy.

[sha04]

just tell him how important it is to you and just hope he finally understands

[beerbaron105]

ive always had unsupportive gfs who would attempt to sabotage me by going out for dinners, always wanting to hang out in the evenings, unfortunately i was weak minded and always succumbed to it, but now my current gf loves to work out and we have actually syncronized our gym time in the early am, so that if we want to get togegther we can in the evening, and its always healthy, no boozing or fast food

[hotmom76]

Originally Posted by PinkLaceUndeez

He took off his wedding ring and left today. Said that we all deserve to be alone (bodybuilders).

What perfect timing.

Oh Pinklace! He is just selfish, pure and simple, and immature! (My husband is the same way) If things aren't the way they want it, then they complain. They could care less what you want and what makes you happy, its all about them. He must of been spoiled as a kid.

I hope you are doing okay. The fact that you have worked so hard and accomplished what you have means you are a person of great character and strength. You deserve so much better!