Female soldier is losing her grip

[Foxymoron]

I have always been built like a "brick house." I'm smart and pretty but being bigger than the average woman has always been a sore point with me. Everyone in my family is model thin and graceful whereas I'm the lumberjack/amazon oddball. I was a brown belt in Okinawan Karate my junior year. I was built like She-Hulk before anyone knew who she was. My entire life has been a daily battle against the scales and yo-yo dieting.

Then I began my career as a union carpenter in my teens. It was good money and I used my natural strength to my advantage. After 10 years of professional success, I got hurt falling off a bridge. I've since recovered and enlisted in the military. I have a different career and my job isn't as laborious as it once was. I'm still very athletic and maintain excellent Physical Fitness scores but it's not enough. My body measurements are killing my career and I'm losing my hope and faith in myself.

I've come to the acceptance of being naturally muscular and strong. At this point in my life, I really can't afford to be something I feel I was never designed to be. I'm 64.5", 210#, and nearly 38 years old. I can bust out 96% on the PT test but I ALWAYS come in at least 1% over in the BMI.

I just don't get it. I can't figure out what is stopping me from breaking through.

I've trained and competed against Green Berets and Airborne Rangers and won. I've been out in the desert, chasing these knuckleheads with my camera and an M16A2 slung on my back. I've carried soldiers on my back through muddy swamps but I can't seem to lose 40 pounds off my fat ass.

Exasperated? Disgusted? Pissed off and feeling lost and hopeless? Yeah, that's just the surface.

I'm facing a discharge soon if I don't drop at least 30 pounds by Sept 15th. I feel like I'm trying to untangle a bucket of cobras. I can't think clearly, I'm so f@cking pissed at myself.

I am eating myself into oblivion.

I need some clarity and direction. I know I can do it. I just can't see how.

[buff*n*stuff]

Thats a powerful post. I don't really have any answers for you. However, I would like to say you are an inspiration to all of us women. I'm sure there will be others to help you out. You might want to start with posting your diet and work out routine. That will help the "guru's" here make comments and opinions on how to help. Pick your head up - because you really are admired by a lot of us. What you do and have accomplished was not / is not easy. I know that doesn't help your current situation but I hope it will help motivate you and pick you up from you downward spiral you seem to be in.

Take care and good luck. I'll be checking back in to see some progress on your blog.

[Camogirlie]

Im sorry to hear youre so down! You're obviously a very hard working women, so i know you can accomplish losing 30lbs.. its just a matter of getting everything in the right order. Perhaps your not eating enough of the RIGHT calories since your so active. I would track what your eating like Buff*n*stuff suggested. Do you know your bodyfat %? There are alot of charts and calculators on bb.com that can help you figure out how many calories you should be taking in. I wish you the best of luck!! I know you will be successful in accomplishing your weight loss goal! Just keep your head up and continue to be the strong person you are!

[claycat]

Wish I could help you!

I think it is so wrong to face losing a job over something so skewwed and inaccurate as the BMI chart.

Best to you.

[Mrs_Muscles]

I can feel your pain. I never made weight in the Army, but luckily I managed to barely squeak into the limits on the tape test. I hate that thing though. I just did my best to cheat... i.e. hold your shoulders up and flex your neck when they measure it. When they do the forearm measurement flex as hard as you can. For the hips, stand as tall as possible and with your feet completely together. You've probably discovered those, but man I hated the tape test. Two different people would get easily a 5-8% different body fat for me one right after the other.

As for losing some weight. I'd suggest what the others have. Give us a run down of your diet. I'm assuming it's chow hall junk since you're in Korea... a sure fire way to gain weight. If I ate at the chow hall regularly I always gained weight. Go for the salads. It's hard sometimes because the Army really feeds you a lot of crappy food. Are you weight training in addition to the Army's PT regimen? That's always good. I could never stay in shape with Army PT alone... cardiovascular would be great, but I needed the weight training.

[Sable_Strenua]

Originally Posted by Mrs_Muscles

I can feel your pain. I never made weight in the Army, but luckily I managed to barely squeak into the limits on the tape test. I hate that thing though. I just did my best to cheat... i.e. hold your shoulders up and flex your neck when they measure it. When they do the forearm measurement flex as hard as you can. For the hips, stand as tall as possible and with your feet completely together. You've probably discovered those, but man I hated the tape test. Two different people would get easily a 5-8% different body fat for me one right after the other.

As for losing some weight. I'd suggest what the others have. Give us a run down of your diet. I'm assuming it's chow hall junk since you're in Korea... a sure fire way to gain weight. If I ate at the chow hall regularly I always gained weight. Go for the salads. It's hard sometimes because the Army really feeds you a lot of crappy food. Are you weight training in addition to the Army's PT regimen? That's always good. I could never stay in shape with Army PT alone... cardiovascular would be great, but I needed the weight training.

Ditto to Mrs. Muscles
I was in the Army too, and stationed in Korea as well (da Hump) so i understand how limited your food choices can be. But i do know that the commissary will have all the basics in stalk, plus certain non-perishables (like oats & nuts) can be purchased online and sent to you in certain quantities.

you can also talk to Katusa's and maybe go to the grocery store with them and learn different vegetables and fruits that you can incorporate into your diet. I had fun experimenting but at times my stomach DID NOT LOL (Surprisingly, i never got any stomach viruses while i was there. Thought i had an iron-clad stomach until i went to China. But i digress...)

I understand pushing yourself through military drills and training and having that sense of accomplishment but no matter how Hooah it is, or how brutal your unit's PT program maybe you'll have to do your own regiment during your off-duty hours. That goes for every soldier - those who fear busting tape and those who never do.

What is your unit's PT regiment? What do you do for physical fitness during off-duty hours? What do you eat when you're in the chow hall? What do you buy and eat regularly from the commissary? Have you gotten a complete physical yet (to check your blood, thyroid, etc)? What kind of troops do you hang out with? Are they the types who always want to get drunk off their @ss on soju on the weekends? Or are they the type to sit around chillin and eating and doing nothing more than watching bootleg dvds? The company you keep could be holding you back from your fitness goals as well.

O/T i LOVE your screen name - very clever =}

[Foxymoron]

I have so much to say and it's nearly midnight so if I come across as kind of dense in the head, just bear with me. I'll sleep when I'm dead. (zzzzz...) Hooah!

First of all, because of my job, I am lucky in the sense that I get separate rats and don't have to eat at the chow hall. I am also blessed in that I am exempted from conducting unit PT because it's basically a waste of my time and I've already proven that I'm diligently working out on my own. I'm also argumentative and 14 years older than than the Det CDR. If I push hard enough, I generally get my way. Besides, it's just bad juju to piss off the only person who can fix your equipment.

However, again because of my job, my schedule has been thrown into a perpetual state of flux. Regardless of when I went to sleep, I was rising at 0400 to go to the fitness center to PT 6 days a week. 30m stretching and abs, 60m cardio, 30-45m weight training, followed by 15m cooldown stretches. I ate nothing but healthy, whole foods. No coffee, no sodas, no donuts, no fries. Nothing but water or green tea. Some weight was coming off but it was nothing like I hoped for.

UNTIL,... June of this year. I had finally gone from 225 lbs back in 2006 down to 195 lbs. I was very pleased with myself. I felt like I was accomplishing great feats. My abdomen was lined, not deeply, but clearly nonetheless. My ass had lost much of the squareness and had risen to long forgotten heights. Things were going very well.

My schedule changed. The stress of my marriage/divorce, my job, TDYs, blah blah blah. I tried to rise above it all and keep my focus on the things that really mattered. But all of a sudden, a box of FigNewman's disappeared from my shelf. Then, an empty dbl mocha grande cup and a blueberry muffin wrapper showed up next to my keyboard. A light lunch with co-workers turned into an all night Long Island Iced Tea binge that made me wish for a swift kick in the head just to put me out of my misery.

Two weeks of slips here and there came to an abrupt end. I stopped messing around and being stupid but I went into a deep, hormonal depression. I took every opportunity to cry. ****! I made up reasons to cry. My dog, Daisy, died 5 years ago and I forgot to bury her with her favorite chew toy. (bawling) My husband gave me a spatula for our first Christmas. I should have filed for divorce right then. (more bawling) I can't find my black heels with the sequins. I'll bet that b1tch, Gina, took them. I'll never see them again... sniff (hand me that box of Kleenex) You know how it goes.

Now I fully admit to being one of God's more ridiculous characters but being a crybaby is not part of my repertoire.

Earlier this week, I got called back from leave to work on a VIP project. It sucked because I wasn't needed. I raised a little hell and my CDR let me go back on leave. One thing led to another and I ended up meeting an old friend who helped to recalibrate my head and put my butt back in the gym where I needed to be.

Since then, I've started my period-- Thank God! I've thrown out all my old fatgirl clothes and I've been back in the gym doing the ABS diet workout plan. I also bought some DHEA, nitric oxide and whey protein to go along with my mega-multivitamin, CLA and coral calcium. Smoothies or scrambled egg white and oatmeal for breakfast. A little tuna sashimi or radish kimchi for a.m./p.m. snacks. Lunch is some kind of meat and hearty salad/steamed veggie. Dinner is soup and a banana. I have a pseudo-date Saturday night and I fully intend to drink two beautiful glasses of red wine with my tom yum kai.

I figure, I'll just do what I can. I'm trying to stop being a perfectionist because... I'm not perfect. But the more I learn about this website and community, the stronger I feel about my success.

I see women who look strong and curvy and firm and healthy. They make "bodybuilding" look sexy as hell. Oh yeah! Count me in. The other life options aren't nearly as appealing.

Thank you ladies for all your kind help. You inspire me to be better than I once thought possible. Thank you.

[Angela R]

I don't have much to add, except that was two great posts. I think sometimes we think we know it all when we probably can't even skim the surface. Just keep on learning and pushing forward and you'll find what works for you to get any unnecessary weight off. But heck if you're 200lbs of muscle ain't no one around here gonna say anything negative about that, except perhaps "lucky bitch" ;-)

Good luck on your journey. Calling bull**** bull**** when you see it is the best attitude to getting where you want to be in this lifestyle.

[Mrs_Muscles]

Awesome post. It really sounds like you hit a bad patch, but you've figured out exactly what you need to do and have a good mindset now! Lord knows I can relate to a LOT of what you've said and I'm sure plenty of other ladies around here can too.
Hang in there and keep at it. Do what makes you happy. You sound like a strong woman. Hell, if you can push the CDR around I give you mad props. It takes a respected and intelligent person to do that. Generally assuming your a SSG or SFC?

[buff*n*stuff]

Based on the wo you described - I would suggest dropping down to a 5 day wo week. Lower the cardio to 3 session a week of HIIT, do your weight lifting first before the cardio. I can almost guarantee that will help you out. You're doing way to much - your body is fighting you. No kidding - you have the potential to have a killer body with beautiful muscles - as Angela R said lucky! Keep up the post and let us know how things are going.

[Foxymoron]

Originally Posted by Mrs_Muscles

Awesome post. It really sounds like you hit a bad patch, but you've figured out exactly what you need to do and have a good mindset now! Lord knows I can relate to a LOT of what you've said and I'm sure plenty of other ladies around here can too.
Hang in there and keep at it. Do what makes you happy. You sound like a strong woman. Hell, if you can push the CDR around I give you mad props. It takes a respected and intelligent person to do that. Generally assuming your a SSG or SFC?

I should rephrase that... I don't push the CDR around. I make strong arguments and back up my **** then I make it seem like it's her idea. Her OER looks great as a result. She's happy, I'm happy. See how that goes?

I enlisted when I was nearly 34. I'm only an E-4 SPC but I'm the NCOIC of Broadcast Engineering in Area 1. Like I said, 9-11 personally pissed me off. My sister and bro-in-law worked at the Pentagon and were out of the office when it got hit. 4 of the 12 members of their wedding party were victims of the blast.

I'm not one to go looking for a fight. I'm a granola crunching hippy at heart but, at the time, I was just counting the days before we packed up our toys and went gunning for a war. In my usual sense of candor and humility, I figured they weren't going to win it without me.

Apparently, I didn't get the memo. The Army doesn't really need an old broad with a know-it-all attitude (i.e. a mother hen). They'll be fine without me. Now I'm just counting the days till I can go home and start my life over. 861 to go! Woo-hoo! I may re-up but I'm praying that I come to my senses and have my bags packed before the re-enlistment officer comes sniffing around. 8 years is more than enough for me.

[Foxymoron]

Originally Posted by Angela R

I don't have much to add, except that was two great posts. I think sometimes we think we know it all when we probably can't even skim the surface. Just keep on learning and pushing forward and you'll find what works for you to get any unnecessary weight off. But heck if you're 200lbs of muscle ain't no one around here gonna say anything negative about that, except perhaps "lucky bitch" ;-)

Good luck on your journey. Calling bull**** bull**** when you see it is the best attitude to getting where you want to be in this lifestyle.

Thank you for being so positive and encouraging. It means a lot and it is appreciated.

[Foxymoron]

Originally Posted by buff*n*stuff

Based on the wo you described - I would suggest dropping down to a 5 day wo week. Lower the cardio to 3 session a week of HIIT, do your weight lifting first before the cardio. I can almost guarantee that will help you out. You're doing way to much - your body is fighting you. No kidding - you have the potential to have a killer body with beautiful muscles - as Angela R said lucky! Keep up the post and let us know how things are going.

Do you have any informative recommendations on books to read or websites to follow? There's so much information here at BB.com but it's a bit overwhelming and confusing.

I think you're absolutely right. Perhaps I've been overdoing it with the workouts. My main concern lately is my hormones. I don't have kids and I've read that child-free women are at greater risk for cervical cancer and early onset of menopause.

My cycle is going ape-****. It's here, it's gone, IT'S HERE for good. Meanwhile, I'm popping supplements that are supposedly good for me. I guess my question really is... how long does it normally take to find out which supplements work for the individual? How long did it take you, for example? How did you come out your routine. Are you consulting with experts? What pitfalls do you suggest avoiding?

I'm concerned about ruining my endocrine system because I'm flipping out about my weight.

Also, you mentioned HIIT. I don't understand that acronym.

Oh wait... yeah, I get it. High Intensity Interval Training? See? I'm the occasional window licker.