Girl problem(serious)

[HeLiu]

Hi! Thanks for reading my thread. I have a serious question. During my Freshmen year, I started talking to this girl(lets say her name was Madi) a lot as opposed to not talking to her that much during middle school. We have one class together. And every single day when I walk into school I think that if I'm lucky, I could have a great conversation with her during 5th period. As Freshmen year rolls on, there was a lot of talking, laughing, and great times with Madi. Everywhere we go, people ask if we go out and she wold say that we're just friends and she loves me like a brother. I know, yikes. It finally hits me that she will never have feelings for me because I'm just a unathletic, chubby, average looking guy with no abs and tiny arms. Well, around that time, I got into bodybuilding. I lost 25 lbs of fat(from 25% to 12%) and got a lot stronger for the football season.
Just last week, we planned a trip for a bunch of my friends including Madi to go to six flags(lol corny, i know, but keep in mind that I'm 15) It was hot as hell so I wore a wife beater and shorts. She saw me and she was shocked. "What happened to the belly?" "When did you get your abs?" I was flattered and tried my best to humble myself. Later on that day, she keeps on feeling on my abs and we started grinning at each other(Yes, Im very aware that girls like to tease). I thought to myself "She didn't like me when I was fat and now she's flirting with me just because I look better?" She's treating me differently but in a good way. Now my feelings for Madi aren't as strong. And I feel that if I do go out with her, I would be doing it against my own conscience. Should I just let it go and go out with her?

[darkangel]

How do you know she wouldn't have gone out with you before? You limited yourself by not trying and telling everyone you were "friends." You said even then, you talked, laughed and had a great time together. Nothing's changed besides her becoming more aware of you physically and liking the changes. Ask her out if you're still interested.

[CountryBlonde]

Your 15, there will be plenty of girls along the way. Just enjoy yourself. If you have feelings for her go for it. If not, then find another girl you like. However, I wouldn't hold it the fact that she finds you more attractive now against her. Guys do that all the time too. She was friends with you b/c of your personality and now your physical apperance has spike her intrest to a new level. Nothing wrong with that. At least she wasn't treating you like crap before (that would be different).

Good luck!

[enforcerlady]

Physical attraction is a vital component in a relationship. By losing fat you obviously became more attractive in this gal's view. In an ideal world, apperance wouldn't matter, but it does. So don't hold it against her. By the way, good work on losing the fat.

[SuziCue]

I agree with all the ladies above. You're young--go out with her--it's not like you two are getting hitched. Plus, you don't know she didn't have feelings for you in the beginning b/c you didn't ask. Sounds like a good relationship if you ask me--all the best boyfriends I had were my FRIEND before we started anything else. Go for it!

[solstice]

Sounds like a simple matter of attraction. She wasn't necessarily attracted to you before, but she *liked* you as you said you were friends. Now she likes you *and* is attracted to you. Like it or not, right or wrong, appearance *does* play a role in attraction. If she considered you a close enough friend before ('like a brother') it's not only looks that she's seeing in you *now*. I say give her a chance. Besides- you're 15- you should have FUN!

[SycG]

Take it from me that you should not rack your brain over women at such a young age. 90% of the time you will not stay with someone you date at that age or for that matter until your probably in your early 20's. There is research as well as a lot of men that will tell you they didn't have a real, serious relationship until their early 20's, and that they regret chasing relationships at a young age because they just don't last. To me it seems young relationships are based more on attraction from looks than anything. I would say that if it works out good, if it doesn't oh well. Try to have fun and enjoy life, not worry about women.

[Random Rufus]

Real names or no advice. You choose.

[HeLiu]

I really appreciate the positive feedback. Thanks a lot. And why do you need real names anyway?

[bttrthnb4]

Originally Posted by HeLiu

I really appreciate the positive feedback. Thanks a lot. And why do you need real names anyway?

He doesn't need real names, I think he ignored your (serious) tag and is trying to be funny.

[dillingerescp]

dude seriously, If this girl was really fat and unattractive, do you really think you would have given this much attention to her?

Whether you want to admit it or not, physical aspects of relationships play a HUGE role in things.

She obviously liked you before, and now she likes you even moreso. If I were you, Id sit her down and tell her you want something more than friendship.

If she doesnt go for it, then move on. theres over 3 billion women in the world.

[tdog69]

Piece of advise:

I would suggest one thing, if you really enjoy this girls friendship and you consider her a real good friend I would not take it to the next level, because in the long run you will loose a really good friend.

Stick with the friend thing and even a sex buddy, but once you through the dating thing in there the friendship ends even afterwards.

[HeLiu]

Originally Posted by tdog69

Piece of advise:

I would suggest one thing, if you really enjoy this girls friendship and you consider her a real good friend I would not take it to the next level, because in the long run you will loose a really good friend.

Stick with the friend thing and even a sex buddy, but once you through the dating thing in there the friendship ends even afterwards.

sex buddy lmao. im 15 dude. thx for the advice but even if i do go out with her and break up, im pretty sure were still gonna end up as at least friends.

[tdog69]

Originally Posted by HeLiu

sex buddy lmao. im 15 dude. thx for the advice but even if i do go out with her and break up, im pretty sure were still gonna end up as at least friends.

LOL sex buddy may have been a bit much, that comes later down the road

If you do decide to date and you guys break up, the friendship will never be the same, been down that road many moons ago.

Good luck either way, a good female friend is hard too find.

[TurbulentFluid]

Originally Posted by tdog69

If you do decide to date and you guys break up, the friendship will never be the same

Totally true.

[CoffeCanSlayer]

Bro, your 15. What do you have to lose? You will meet so many more ladies all through high school, and I wont even mention college. Start now, take her out. Just do it!!! (starsky&hutch voice)

[Charles Darwin]

hit it and quit it

[BuildKing]

Originally Posted by smallfry06

Bro, your 15. What do you have to lose? You will meet so many more ladies all through high school, and I wont even mention college. Start now, take her out. Just do it!!! (starsky&hutch voice)

x2

[HeLiu]

Originally Posted by smallfry06

Bro, your 15. What do you have to lose? You will meet so many more ladies all through high school, and I wont even mention college. Start now, take her out. Just do it!!! (starsky&hutch voice)

yea imma ask her out next time i see her. One of the reasons why I haven't is because she's from a really rich family and my fam is poor as f_ck. Thanks for the advice. Rly appreciate it

[Dark_Nothing]

Originally Posted by tdog69

LOL sex buddy may have been a bit much, that comes later down the road

If you do decide to date and you guys break up, the friendship will never be the same, been down that road many moons ago.

Good luck either way, a good female friend is hard too find.

DISAGREE!!!

i am/was kinda in the position the "madi" was/is in.

my best friend is male and i found out he really liked me but i had a bf so it didnt go anywhere but when my bf moves and we split he asked me out and i said yes thinking that what we had was special why not take it a bit further but it was just weird so i talked to him bout it and broke it off
i dont regret goin out with him
but me and him are still best friends and i love him heaps
just because we went out doesnt change us as mates
if u care enough to make it work either way you dont have anything to lose
just make sure your friendship is strong enough to begin with

[HeLiu]

Originally Posted by Dark_Nothing

DISAGREE!!!

i am/was kinda in the position the "madi" was/is in.

my best friend is male and i found out he really liked me but i had a bf so it didnt go anywhere but when my bf moves and we split he asked me out and i said yes thinking that what we had was special why not take it a bit further but it was just weird so i talked to him bout it and broke it off
i dont regret goin out with him
but me and him are still best friends and i love him heaps
just because we went out doesnt change us as mates
if u care enough to make it work either way you dont have anything to lose
just make sure your friendship is strong enough to begin with

i guess things work out differently for different people

[BossMadOne]

Well.. ever she wont sleep with you and there is no reason to call her again.. or she will sleep with you and there is no reason to call her again.

[cabocoleman]

It is quite obvious she suddenly took you off the "brother" (which is the friend zone) and into the "hmmmm....this guy is looking good." Since your feeling towards her has lessen, continue to be friends with her and maybe you might ignite that feeling again....$hit happens sometimes.

[HeLiu]

damn...here's how it went down. There was a party saturday night and I saw Madi there. I was gonna ask her out for dinner and a movie until she said she got back with her old boyfriend, John. It was disappointing enough that my timing was so horrible but what really pissed me off was she went out with this John guy.

Me: Isn't he the one that always argues with you. u no, the one that you're always asking me for advice about?

Madi: Yea, he said he was on a lotta stress lately, that's why he's been acting lke an ass lately.

I was thinkin..."stress? wat the f_ck? this guy is 14 years old. wat kinda stress could he be experiencing? He doesnt have periods!!(sry ladies)"

Me: Didn't he dump you for another girl?

Madi: Yea, the girl didn't like him anymore.

Me: (hesitates for 4 secs) So youre his rebound girl?

Then she just completely flipped out on me saying how I'm so unsupportive. It just went completely downhill from there. damn...i dont get girls sometimes....

[darkangel]

Poor choice on her part. Maybe she'll come around if he dumps her a second time... then again, maybe not. Some folks never learn.

[ctgblue]

Remember that she is 15 too. She is immature and of course appearences matter a bit. She has always liked you or she wouldn't have hung out with you. Did you EVER make a move? If not, how can you know. Also, 'self confidence' is sexy. You now give off a confident attitude and women, even 15 yr old girls find that attractive.
Don't worry about it, go for it and see how long it lasts.
Trust me, there are plenty of women who will come along to torture you later.

[adpayne]

Originally Posted by HeLiu

Me: Didn't he dump you for another girl?

Madi: Yea, the girl didn't like him anymore.

Me: (hesitates for 4 secs) So youre his rebound girl?

Then she just completely flipped out on me saying how I'm so unsupportive. It just went completely downhill from there. damn...i dont get girls sometimes....

Women don't always want you to solve their problems, they just want someone to listen. You questioned her decision in a rather blunt manner (whether truthful, or not, isn't the point), and you offended her. You both are young, and logic doesn't always play out when it comes to romance. Continue to be there as a friend, and when her boyfriend dumps her again (which he will) give her the support she needs. If things happen down the road, fine. If not, you have a long life ahead.

BTW, I totally agree with ctgblue. Besides the physical transformation, I'm sure you've improved your confidence as well.

Kudos to you!
Art

[CountryBlonde]

Originally Posted by HeLiu

damn...here's how it went down. There was a party saturday night and I saw Madi there. I was gonna ask her out for dinner and a movie until she said she got back with her old boyfriend, John. It was disappointing enough that my timing was so horrible but what really pissed me off was she went out with this John guy.

Me: Isn't he the one that always argues with you. u no, the one that you're always asking me for advice about?

Madi: Yea, he said he was on a lotta stress lately, that's why he's been acting lke an ass lately.

I was thinkin..."stress? wat the f_ck? this guy is 14 years old. wat kinda stress could he be experiencing? He doesnt have periods!!(sry ladies)"

Me: Didn't he dump you for another girl?

Madi: Yea, the girl didn't like him anymore.

Me: (hesitates for 4 secs) So youre his rebound girl?

Then she just completely flipped out on me saying how I'm so unsupportive. It just went completely downhill from there. damn...i dont get girls sometimes....

That stinks, but don't stress it hun! You seem a bit more mature for your age than she is...plus, don't be suprised if she gets jealous when you start gettting attention from other girls=)

[KittyLuck]

Originally Posted by adpayne

Women don't always want you to solve their problems, they just want someone to listen. You questioned her decision in a rather blunt manner (whether truthful, or not, isn't the point), and you offended her. You both are young, and logic doesn't always play out when it comes to romance. Continue to be there as a friend, and when her boyfriend dumps her again (which he will) give her the support she needs.

ok... this girl just went back to someone who dumped her at the drop of a hat for someone else. You just don't go back to people like that. X_X imho he had a right to question her logic in that matter. He should call her out on that. She might not like it but she needs it and thats what friends are for. My boyfriend calls me out when i do stupid stuff all the time and i get pissed about it but guess what? I get over it. she will too. and doing so will show that you have some brains on your shoulders and that you care about her.



unrelated to this earlier it sounded like you were a bit hesitant to go out with her again... why is that? do you just not like her anymore? cuz if so all this is just irrelevant... if you don't like her anymore don't go out with her. If you like her than go for it. she is obviously interested.


p.s in making up to her about your fight just say that you were jeaous (even if you weren't) it will make her feel better and 99% chance she will auto-forgive you. ^_^;

[abcreations]

Originally Posted by dillingerescp

dude seriously, If this girl was really fat and unattractive, do you really think you would have given this much attention to her?

Whether you want to admit it or not, physical aspects of relationships play a HUGE role in things.

She obviously liked you before, and now she likes you even moreso. If I were you, Id sit her down and tell her you want something more than friendship.

If she doesnt go for it, then move on. theres over 3 billion women in the world.

Exactly. What if the shoe was on the other foot. If she was the one that lost weight and looked fit and pretty, you would find her more attractive.

Your only 15. Girls will come and go. Thats why it is called dating. Your not stuck with her for the rest of your life.

Honestly, go out on a date. If it doesn't work out the way you hoped then stay friends.