My rainy day date was a snob? You be the judge! (Serious)

[WhiteCollarBoy]

I'm gonna give this girl another chance, but not without a subtle test.

Perhaps a game or two of pool, where the loser of each round has to buy a round of drinks. Something like that.

There's actually a free outdoor showing of the 4th Harry Potter movie this Friday. Maybe I can see if she wants to go to that (I'll offer to pick her up and stuff) and tell her to bring food and I'll bring some snacks or whatever.

I just want to test her to see if A) she'll contribute and/or B) she shows appreciation.

I lost some respect for her though, good looking or not.

[Lil Freek]

personally, if a girl doesn't at least THANK me for dinner, date's over, then. Never went out with a girl that didn't thank, so i dunno how cruel that'd be, though.

same as all for the story, seems a little odd, but **** DOES happen, and maybe she was waiting to file a police report.
but by even messaging you to tell you something like that - she's either trying to guilt you into asking her out again, and chaffeuring her around, or she likes you WAY more than you like her... in which case, hit and leave it... or just leave it.

[WhiteCollarBoy]

Originally Posted by Lil Freek

personally, if a girl doesn't at least THANK me for dinner, date's over, then. Never went out with a girl that didn't thank, so i dunno how cruel that'd be, though.

same as all for the story, seems a little odd, but **** DOES happen, and maybe she was waiting to file a police report.
but by even messaging you to tell you something like that - she's either trying to guilt you into asking her out again, and chaffeuring her around, or she likes you WAY more than you like her... in which case, hit and leave it... or just leave it.

I don't care- if the story is anything but true, I'm done. I don't mess with girls who make up **** like that...huge red flag...just, huge.

I'm only giving her credit because I called her cell from work and the service to her phone had been cancelled. A service provider recording came up.

She did message me to tell me, so obviously she wants me to keep in touch with her.

I want to see these bruises and cuts she claims to have suffered...I'd like to see her later this week, but just don't know if it's the right time to be asking to see her again. Advice here?

[Lil Freek]

tell her you're worried about her, and that you'd just like to make sure she's ok. Bring her flowers or something.

however, that shows a big interest in her eyes. It'll get you laid, no prob, but you're gonna be a hard-ass jerk to leave her after that. Nobody can really get away with saying "show me the bruises to prove you're not a liar" - although that approach COULD work.
I'd say to give it a day or 2, most people post **** up on facebook, anyways - keep an eye on hers and see what's going on there.

the only way you're gonna get to see her in a weakened state is to be supportive and caring for her... which always coincides with care and interest for the said person.

[WhiteCollarBoy]

Originally Posted by Lil Freek

tell her you're worried about her, and that you'd just like to make sure she's ok. Bring her flowers or something.

however, that shows a big interest in her eyes. It'll get you laid, no prob, but you're gonna be a hard-ass jerk to leave her after that. Nobody can really get away with saying "show me the bruises to prove you're not a liar" - although that approach COULD work.
I'd say to give it a day or 2, most people post **** up on facebook, anyways - keep an eye on hers and see what's going on there.

the only way you're gonna get to see her in a weakened state is to be supportive and caring for her... which always coincides with care and interest for the said person.

Well, she doesn't know I called her cell to check her story out since I did it from work, so as far as she knows, I havn't contacted her.

I browse Facebook in 'stealth mode' so nobody knows if I'm online. I'll keep an eye on her wall, etc. If what she said happened really did happen, I'm sure her friends will be posting stuff. I'll give it a day or two like you said.

Then maybe I'll send her a message back expressing some sympathy and offering to drive her next time we go out.

Still though, should I ask to see her this weekend?

[Cherry]

Huh. Well, I guess I'm really old. Because there is no way in hell, if a guy ASKED ME OUT, that I would offer to pay the tab, or even part of the tab. He shouldn't arrange a date if he's so insolvent that he can't AFFORD the date, or else he should apply some ingenuity and plan a fun cheap outing like a picnic or such.

About the only time I would insist on paying is if he were such a deplorable ass on the date that I wanted to make sure he knew it wasn't going anywhere besides friendship. As far as thank you, I would say that at the end of the night, included with "thank you for a great evening, it was nice to spend some time with you, etc."

If I were so desperate that I asked out a guy who hadn't noticed me, then I would not make it a dinner date. We would meet for drinks or happy hour or some such.

You know, really, I don't even KNOW a male who would ask or expect me to pay. Seriously. Me and my girlfriends go out quite a bit, and even guys that come up to say hi to us usually buy a round for all the girls at the table. Even after a few years of dating my guy, he paid even if I said "hey let's go do xyz" or else said he didn't have the money and we either hung out at home or I paid if I really wanted to do it.

You 20-somethings sound awfully cheap.

[WhiteCollarBoy]

Originally Posted by Cherry

Huh. Well, I guess I'm really old. Because there is no way in hell, if a guy ASKED ME OUT, that I would offer to pay the tab, or even part of the tab. He shouldn't arrange a date if he's so insolvent that he can't AFFORD the date, or else he should apply some ingenuity and plan a fun cheap outing like a picnic or such.

About the only time I would insist on paying is if he were such a deplorable ass on the date that I wanted to make sure he knew it wasn't going anywhere besides friendship. As far as thank you, I would say that at the end of the night, included with "thank you for a great evening, it was nice to spend some time with you, etc."

If I were so desperate that I asked out a guy who hadn't noticed me, then I would not make it a dinner date. We would meet for drinks or happy hour or some such.

You know, really, I don't even KNOW a male who would ask or expect me to pay. Seriously. Me and my girlfriends go out quite a bit, and even guys that come up to say hi to us usually buy a round for all the girls at the table. Even after a few years of dating my guy, he paid even if I said "hey let's go do xyz" or else said he didn't have the money and we either hung out at home or I paid if I really wanted to do it.

You 20-somethings sound awfully cheap.

Interesting. So sometimes a woman offering to pay is in some way like saying, "Hey look, I'm paying for myself so I'm not "obligated" to kiss you or show any interest in you...you are not buying me or my affections"?

Never thought of it like that.

I'm not cheap though. I just know when to spend, and when to hold back.

[Cherry]

Originally Posted by WhiteCollarBoy

Interesting. So sometimes a woman offering to pay is in some way like saying, "Hey look, I'm paying for myself so I'm not "obligated" to kiss you or show any interest in you...you are not buying me or my affections"?

Never thought of it like that.

I'm not cheap though. I just know when to spend, and when to hold back.

Yes. If it's a "date", the guy pays (assuming he initiated the date). If it's "friends" getting together or I want to establish the fact that there is no use investing anymore time/money in pursuing me, I go dutch. If I just want OUT of the same vicinity of him ASAP, I ask for the bill as early as possible and pay unless he insists... whatever it takes to get me on my way, alone.

I don't get the hold back part. If you are interested in pursuing someone, a guy acts the gentleman and foot the bill. He plans dates he can afford, and she either accepts graciously or declines if she is so shallow that the date doesn't meet her expectations. I don't care if it's a hot dog from a vendor in the park... the guy pays if he's trying to date me.

[WhiteCollarBoy]

Originally Posted by Cherry

Yes. If it's a "date", the guy pays (assuming he initiated the date). If it's "friends" getting together or I want to establish the fact that there is no use investing anymore time/money in pursuing me, I go dutch. If I just want OUT of the same vicinity of him ASAP, I ask for the bill as early as possible and pay unless he insists... whatever it takes to get me on my way, alone.

I don't get the hold back part. If you are interested in pursuing someone, a guy acts the gentleman and foot the bill. He plans dates he can afford, and she either accepts graciously or declines if she is so shallow that the date doesn't meet her expectations. I don't care if it's a hot dog from a vendor in the park... the guy pays if he's trying to date me.

I noticed you are from TX. My date was also from the west...went to school out in Michigan. Perhaps it's a western custom? Up here in the Northeast we are all cheap and pissy.

[Herbalizer]

Bang her if you can. Other than that throw that fish back in the water.

[Pump_30]

Originally Posted by puppet_master

She isn't that hot chief.

I agree...not that hot at all

[Cherry]

Originally Posted by WhiteCollarBoy

I noticed you are from TX. My date was also from the west...went to school out in Michigan. Perhaps it's a western custom? Up here in the Northeast we are all cheap and pissy.

I quizzed a few guys I know, also from Texas and in their 20's... none of them would ask a girl to pay, and were offended on my behalf when they thought I was asking for myself. LOL. Maybe it is a regional thing.

[Beach Boy XL]

what's a few bucks now compared to the many years you'll spend on alimony/child support

[Below 30]

Originally Posted by Cherry

About the only time I would insist on paying is if he were such a deplorable ass on the date that I wanted to make sure he knew it wasn't going anywhere besides friendship.

If I were so desperate that I asked out a guy who hadn't noticed me, then I would not make it a dinner date. We would meet for drinks or happy hour or some such.

I don't even KNOW a male who would ask or expect me to pay.

Even after a few years of dating my guy, he paid even if I said "hey let's go do xyz" or else said he didn't have the money and we either hung out at home or I paid if I really wanted to do it.

You 20-somethings sound awfully cheap.

So when a man doesn't think he should pay the whole bill, he's cheap. When a female doesn't expect to pay even when she suggests the date, she's not cheap right? Only girls who are desparate would pay, but she'd make sure not to make it a dinner date?

Your contradictions don't help anybody -30-

[MissThing]

Originally Posted by WhiteCollarBoy

I noticed you are from TX. My date was also from the west...went to school out in Michigan. Perhaps it's a western custom? Up here in the Northeast we are all cheap and pissy.

No it's a global thing. I come from the UK, and I wholeheartedly agree with Cherry

[WhiteCollarBoy]

Just to make things clear, I have no problems paying for a date once I know for sure that I'm not being taken for a chump because I have some class and manners.

All I'm looking for is a little bit of respect here. We live in a world where men and women are treated as equals. In the courts, women get treated even better than men. So why do we all still follow antiquated actions of chilvalry?

If my date last night had offered to pay half, I would have declined and paid the whole thing. That's all I was looking for here. Some class and appreciation- not entitlement based on gender.

Perhaps it is a regional thing, but the words "princess" and "southern belle" aren't in my vocabulary.

I've paid for plenty of dinners, bought plenty of gifts, etc. for girlfriends. So it's not like I'm a miser here. It's just that I've never come across a girl who doesn't even say thank you. I don't think I was that good looking to have made her so nervous that she forgot her manners.

[FunkDaddy]

Originally Posted by WhiteCollarBoy

Just to make things clear, I have no problems paying for a date once I know for sure that I'm not being taken for a chump because I have some class and manners.

All I'm looking for is a little bit of respect here. We live in a world where men and women are treated as equals. In the courts, women get treated even better than men. So why do we all still follow antiquated actions of chilvalry?

If my date last night had offered to pay half, I would have declined and paid the whole thing. That's all I was looking for here. Some class and appreciation- not entitlement based on gender.

Perhaps it is a regional thing, but the words "princess" and "southern belle" aren't in my vocabulary.

I've paid for plenty of dinners, bought plenty of gifts, etc. for girlfriends. So it's not like I'm a miser here. It's just that I've never come across a girl who doesn't even say thank you. I don't think I was that good looking to have made her so nervous that she forgot her manners.

I completely agree with you dude. Of all the girls I've dated, the ones that stand out most as far as first impressions go, are the ones who insisted on paying their share. Whether it was dinner or a movie, the fact that they want to pay their half makes me want to pay for them even more. Whether I'm old-fashioned or a chump or whatever anybody wants to say, I'd feel REALLY cheap if a girl paid her half when we were on a date (when it's platonic I'll only foot the bill if it's a birthday or special occasion)

It has nothing to do with being cheap or wanting to save some cash, it's the simple fact of the girl being simply POLITE enough to offer to pay some.

[WhiteCollarBoy]

Originally Posted by FunkDaddy

I completely agree with you dude. Of all the girls I've dated, the ones that stand out most as far as first impressions go, are the ones who insisted on paying their share. Whether it was dinner or a movie, the fact that they want to pay their half makes me want to pay for them even more. Whether I'm old-fashioned or a chump or whatever anybody wants to say, I'd feel REALLY cheap if a girl paid her half when we were on a date (when it's platonic I'll only foot the bill if it's a birthday or special occasion)

It has nothing to do with being cheap or wanting to save some cash, it's the simple fact of the girl being simply POLITE enough to offer to pay some.

Repped.

I'd like some more opinions on this mugging incident. True, false? Women's views?

[Lil Freek]

Originally Posted by Below 30

So when a man doesn't think he should pay the whole bill, he's cheap. When a female doesn't expect to pay even when she suggests the date, she's not cheap right? Only girls who are desparate would pay, but she'd make sure not to make it a dinner date?

Your contradictions don't help anybody -30-

LOL... You hit the nail on the head, bro.

This is my approach to dates. The only time I've ever LET a girl pay, is when she either makes a BIG fuss about it, or if I'm not interested. I don't want girls to pay their half, but i want them to OFFER, as a sign of equality and politeness.

By the typical woman's standard of "buy me dinner and pay for the whole date and you'll get a kiss at the end of the night", you're an escort - and a lame one at that.
If the girl wants to be perceived as anything more than a whore, in my eyes, then she's gonna at least reach for her purse during the evening's festivities.

As far as my opinion's concerned for WhiteCollarBoy, drop the girl cuz she's leeching off you, and you've only been out with her once. Screw that ****. Below 30 and I don't always agree, but this girl's got nothing more than sex to offer you - otherwise, you're being sucked in to a world where you seem to have little interest.

[MissThing]

Originally Posted by WhiteCollarBoy

All I'm looking for is a little bit of respect here. We live in a world where men and women are treated as equals. In the courts, women get treated even better than men. So why do we all still follow antiquated actions of chilvalry?

Originally Posted by FunkDaddy

It has nothing to do with being cheap or wanting to save some cash, it's the simple fact of the girl being simply POLITE enough to offer to pay some.

ay-yi-yi

You don't get it do you? whoever does the asking, PAYS.

[WhiteCollarBoy]

Originally Posted by MissThing

ay-yi-yi

You don't get it do you? whoever does the asking, PAYS.

No, we do. But it's not that simple.

Going out on a date is more often than not initiated by the guy. The man's job is to request a MUTUAL discovery of each other's interests and personalities. The first date is the first step two people take to find out more about each other. Both sides are curious, and both sides may leave dissapointed if the date goes badly. Both sides stand to gain.

With that said, offering to pay is like saying "Hey, I think I have something to gain here...thanks for initiating this search...here's a contribution/investment to the journey and I want you to know that I appreciate it and want to find out more about us".

[Lil Freek]

Originally Posted by WhiteCollarBoy

No, we do. But it's not that simple.

Going out on a date is more often than not initiated by the guy. The man's job is to request a MUTUAL discovery of each other's interests and personalities.

QFT

We don't ask that you pay, we ask that you OFFER. I've never let a girl pay, but I'll never ask a girl out again if she doesn't offer.

exceptions are if a girl pays for the drinks or whatever else we do that night

[MissThing]

Originally Posted by WhiteCollarBoy

No, we do. But it's not that simple.

Going out on a date is more often than not initiated by the guy. The man's job is to request a MUTUAL discovery of each other's interests and personalities. The first date is the first step two people take to find out more about each other. Both sides are curious, and both sides may leave dissapointed if the date goes badly. Both sides stand to gain.

With that said, offering to pay is like saying "Hey, I think I have something to gain here...thanks for initiating this search...here's a contribution/investment to the journey and I want you to know that I appreciate it and want to find out more about us".

I got the impression from the OP that you asked her. Regardless of who 'benefits' from the experience, you began the process. It would be nice of the other party to offer (sometimes, I offer to contribute because I'm very independent) but it should not be expected.

[MissThing]

Originally Posted by Lil Freek

QFT

We don't ask that you pay, we ask that you OFFER. I've never let a girl pay, but I'll never ask a girl out again if she doesn't offer.

exceptions are if a girl pays for the drinks or whatever else we do that night

If you do something for someone or buy someone a gift for example, do you hope for an offer of reimbursement? Just curious.

[WhiteCollarBoy]

Originally Posted by MissThing

If you do something for someone or buy someone a gift for example, do you hope for an offer of reimbursement? Just curious.

I do not.

Because it was my choice to do something nice. The other person isn't expected to reciprocate the kind deed.

However, if kind deed after kind deed isn't reciprocated, at some point I'd wake up and say to myself "this person is sort of ungrateful and obnoxious...or just aloof"

I have a buddy that always comes to my house to eat. I've probably had 1-2 meals at his house. Guess what? I stopped giving him food.

[Below 30]

Originally Posted by WhiteCollarBoy

No, we do. But it's not that simple.

Going out on a date is more often than not initiated by the guy. The man's job is to request a MUTUAL discovery of each other's interests and personalities. The first date is the first step two people take to find out more about each other. Both sides are curious, and both sides may leave dissapointed if the date goes badly. Both sides stand to gain.

With that said, offering to pay is like saying "Hey, I think I have something to gain here...thanks for initiating this search...here's a contribution/investment to the journey and I want you to know that I appreciate it and want to find out more about us".

Originally Posted by Lil Freek

QFT

We don't ask that you pay, we ask that you OFFER. I've never let a girl pay, but I'll never ask a girl out again if she doesn't offer.

exceptions are if a girl pays for the drinks or whatever else we do that night

I would say that the girl doesn't really have to offer to pay or reach for her purse etc. But.........she should make it very clear that she appreciates the free evening that a guy (who doesn't even know her) is providing. Girls have no trouble taking a husband to court to get half of everything she didn't work for, so they could atleast thank a man for a free date.

Let's be real here, good looking girls aren't going to ask random men to go out on dates. So when the man does all the work to ask her out and call her and plan the date, she should atleast say; "Thank you" -30-

[WhiteCollarBoy]

Wow...they unblocked Facebook at my work!!!!!!!!!! Woohoo!

Here's her message to me:

"I had a good time with you last night. Hopefully we can do it again sometime soon. FYI-I no longer have a phone, so if you try to call me I won't know it. Last night i was mugged outside my apartment and my purse was stolen. Everything's okay...I'm just really shaken up and have some cuts/bruises.

Have a good day!"

I can't help but to find it odd. It's just, so dark, yet casual. The have a good day part made me chuckle.

[Below 30]

Let's move past her questionable story for a second. The facts provided so far (all her messages) show that she clearly has an interest (how positive?) in you. You have to use this to your advantage. My advice is not to test her, just plan a non expensive date and get your sexual feels off her.

She didn't show a basic level of class the first time out, but you could have made the date inexpensive too. So forget about the past and do it right this time. This should never be about tests or revenge, this is the mating game. It's all about getting the girl, so get her -30-

[loney]

That message sounds like complete utter BS.

'I got mugged...blah blah..

Have a nice day! '

WTF?

I say meet her, and bring up the mugging convo when she's relaxed somewhere (park etc) and ask to see the bruises, say you know how to handle them and what would work well to get rid of them, see if she shows you them.

[WhiteCollarBoy]

Originally Posted by loney

That message sounds like complete utter BS.

'I got mugged...blah blah..

Have a nice day! '

WTF?

I say meet her, and bring up the mugging convo when she's relaxed somewhere (park etc) and ask to see the bruises, say you know how to handle them and what would work well to get rid of them, see if she shows you them.

She could easily dodge that by saying they are on her back, or chest, places where she can't just pull up a sleeve to show.

Either way, it's a bizarre story!