Thinking of giving up

[senor_pedro]

So... I have been working out hardcore for over a year - went from a fat 250 to a solid 175. I was a light weight before I went to school, my gf was too - she got fat so did I. I found a way to take control of my health, but she has not. We got married not too long ago - but there is now way in hell I can motivate her. If she would just sit back and see what I made of myself - I think that would be motivation. I cannot get her to eat right or exercise - it's one and done (a day that is or maybe a week). She complains about being fat - but me thinks she is in a comfortable state that I am not leaving and she has no one to impress.

So I ask myself... Why the hell am I continuing to workout? To look good for myself? I love being fit, but to come home to this is just depressing. I wanna give up sometimes. We have lived together for a year - Eat the some what the same foods, but she add to what I eat with nasty crap (chips/dip). And if even make a comment - it's "Holy Hell" for a few days. I make chicken - she gets taco bell/wendys/kfc/arbys. I drink water - she drinks iced tea/soda. I don't touch candy - she eats it all freaking day.

I would be so happy if she could lose even 30 lbs - we go for a walk she is huffing and puffing. Like I have said I have tried and get a licking if I suggest help. She is my wife for god's sake - you'd think she would listen. My life basically sucks in general cuz this depress me - haha. I do all the cleaning while she continues to get fat (I do dishes while she eats chips - WTF?) It's these little subtle things that just add up.

I honestly think I have exhausted all my options trying to motivate her - I think it might be time I go get some help dealing with this sort of crap cuz it's taking me down.

[Robination]

Tell her it's either time to stop being lazy and lose some fat, or a divorce.


OP do you even love your wife?

[VENOMsK8r]

Originally Posted by senor_pedro

So... I have been working out hardcore for over a year - went from a fat 250 to a solid 175. I was a light weight before I went to school, my gf was too - she got fat so did I. I found a way to take control of my health, but she has not. We got married not too long ago - but there is now way in hell I can motivate her. If she would just sit back and see what I made of myself - I think that would be motivation. I cannot get her to eat right or exercise - it's one and done (a day that is or maybe a week). She complains about being fat - but me thinks she is in a comfortable state that I am not leaving and she has no one to impress.

So I ask myself... Why the hell am I continuing to workout? To look good for myself? I love being fit, but to come home to this is just depressing. I wanna give up sometimes. We have lived together for a year - Eat the some what the same foods, but she add to what I eat with nasty crap (chips/dip). And if even make a comment - it's "Holy Hell" for a few days. I make chicken - she gets taco bell/wendys/kfc/arbys. I drink water - she drinks iced tea/soda. I don't touch candy - she eats it all freaking day.

I would be so happy if she could lose even 30 lbs - we go for a walk she is huffing and puffing. Like I have said I have tried and get a licking if I suggest help. She is my wife for god's sake - you'd think she would listen. My life basically sucks in general cuz this depress me - haha. I do all the cleaning while she continues to get fat (I do dishes while she eats chips - WTF?) It's these little subtle things that just add up.

I honestly think I have exhausted all my options trying to motivate her - I think it might be time I go get some help dealing with this sort of crap cuz it's taking me down.

Keep your head up brah. You should tell her risks of heart disease/high blood pressure etc..

[jjsafari]

tell her shes becoming some one you didnt fall in love with. the end. divorce or diet

[readyforthepain]

Originally Posted by jjsafari

tell her shes becoming some one you didnt fall in love with. the end. divorce or diet

this

[cheeseandrice]

i stumbled into the perfect thread

look theres only 1 way to say this so i will

there is no way you can ask/tell/suggest your girl to lose weight. its a relationship ender, thats it. if they arent attractive to you anymore, or theyre just getting gross, just leave them. it sounds *******ish but its the only option

i was with my ex for 2 years. she quit dancing and put on atleast 50 pounds.. on a girl under 5'2 she practically exploded, it was gross. i spent 8 months doing everything in my power to get her to lose weight but she didnt. i straight up told her, i'm not attracted to you anymore, at all. she didnt take it too well. we ended up breaking up anyway

long story short, **** women. you have a better chance getting a dog to fly than getting a woman to lose weight. why? because its a personal choice. unless she wants to do it, she never will

the most F'ed up part is, after you divorce her, she will realize shes a fat pig and THEN she will lose the weight

[TNetz]

You have to stop expecting her to do what you want her to do. I know where you're coming from because I've been there. I use to get on my wife all the time about losing weight. I would get on her about what she ate, about how she looked, about how I thought she should look, about why she doesn't work out ect. It was a constant battle for me and caused us both a lot of stress.

Finally, I remembered that I loved her. I realized that all of the anger, and stress I was causing wasn't worth it anymore. I figured if she wants to get fat and not take care of her self than fine, but I'm not. I'm not waisting my damn energy fighting about it anymore.

As time went on, I kept going to the gym and taking care of myself. I started noticing that she was starting to ask more questions about routines and stuff. Keep in mind, I had told her that I didn't want to discuss working out with her anymore because I didn't want to fight about it. But when she started showing interest, I started telling her about stuff. When she did finally start going to the gym, I gave her POSITIVE reinforcement, which only added to her motivation. I also had a good heart to heart talk with her. I told her that this is a hobby that I have and I would love it if she wanted to share it with me. I told her that I wanted to become one of those couples that we see in the grociery store that are fit, and look like they workout. After all, it's not always about looks but it is always about health and a long life together.

I meant everything I told her and now she goes to the gym 4 nights a week. We go together. There are still things about her routine that drive me nuts but I leave it alone. I only say POSITIVE things to her about it and when she askes if she looks fat you better believe I say no. She's lost 20lbs since she started and she looks great. Seriously.

You can not try to change people. They have to want it for them selves. Negative reinforcement only reinforces the negitive. This is one of the major reasons marriages fail.

[johnderriLLL]

go for more walks it has to start somewhere what better time than now?

dont quit hows that goona help change anything? all you can do is set a good example.

ive lost 102 pounds so far. 20-30 more to go.

now = no opportunity wasted

[Xennen]

could pitch it as a new Diet... The Fastest way to lose 200 lbs... with a Lawyer

[rob112]

Originally Posted by cheeseandrice

i stumbled into the perfect thread

look theres only 1 way to say this so i will

there is no way you can ask/tell/suggest your girl to lose weight. its a relationship ender, thats it. if they arent attractive to you anymore, or theyre just getting gross, just leave them. it sounds *******ish but its the only option

i was with my ex for 2 years. she quit dancing and put on atleast 50 pounds.. on a girl under 5'2 she practically exploded, it was gross. i spent 8 months doing everything in my power to get her to lose weight but she didnt. i straight up told her, i'm not attracted to you anymore, at all. she didnt take it too well. we ended up breaking up anyway

long story short, **** women. you have a better chance getting a dog to fly than getting a woman to lose weight. why? because its a personal choice. unless she wants to do it, she never will

the most F'ed up part is, after you divorce her, she will realize shes a fat pig and THEN she will lose the weight

dam dude i went through almost the same exact ****........

[Fatman2]

Take her out for walks like someone already said, do stuff that isn't bodybuilding related with her, does she have a job?

[FFRN]

Realistically you can't expect her to change; some people are fat their entire lives. You said yourself that she didn't bother to workout when you began losing weight.

[*STEVE*]

Strong first post ....



Pics of said wife ... I wanna see just how bad it is.

[cheeseandrice]

Originally Posted by FFRN

some people are fat their entire lives. You said yourself that she didn't bother to workout when you began losing weight.

thats so not true. unless they have a legitimate problem like hypothyroidism or they just got f'ed with the worst endo genes imaginable, being fat is a choice.

and like you said in the 2nd part of your post, she chose not to work out. shes choosing to not be skinny

[senor_pedro]

Thanks for all the replys... I do love her - been with her for 10 years Good times and the bad.

I just don't want to give up on her nor do I want to give up on myself. This post was kind of for both me and her. I don't want to quit exercising cuz it's great, but I get in these moods if I can't motivate her - just take me down for a day or two.

I think I am going to add her to my health plan for next year this month. Work has a gym (very freaking convenient for me) but we can also add our spouse on it for an extra $3.50 a week. I suppose for that amount I won't get hit hard, but I surely hope she uses the time - My work is on her way home from her's. I will ask her tonight.

I am going grocery shopping with her tonight so maybe I will suggest a few things and hopefully get her motivated. I know she has it in her. Most of my frustration stems from her being out of work for well over a year - sitting at home not doing crap. I did all the cleaning, etc.

We have P90X - I used it saw awesome results - but she wants to do it with me. I suppose I can sacrifice the extra cal burn from it (maybe even half ass the workouts) since I will do it on top of my lifting. So I will be bulking while she is cutting - hmph guess that means I can eat more.

Wish me luck!

[rolledthatho]

leave this thread up on your computer by "accident" and let her see how its really bothering you haha good luck man

[tozhead6]

Originally Posted by rolledthatho

leave this thread up on your computer by "accident" and let her see how its really bothering you haha good luck man

do not do this lol

[localstommy]

I know Im young, but I still wanted to give you an opinion. Because I was once listening to two older guys talk about this.

Your wife got too comfortable and complacent in your relationship and therefore isn't thinking about trying to look better. I think whats really hurting you is that you love to look healthy and fit. But your wife just aint doing the same and shes not meeting your qualification. I mean you love to say fit but when your with someone who abuse there body it really impacts on what your doing, specially when you cant do nothing about it because shes unmotivated. You could still sign a gym membership together and hope that she will stick with it and if she doesn't, then prehaps it will be time to end things because she will only get bigger from here. The reason shes not so motivated is cause
She is not threaten by the possibility of loosing you. There is no easy way, and you cannot be the one who motivates her. There's gotta be a reward/punishment factor that only SHE can use to drive herself to do it.

And here let me quote this one guy who been thought it.

"You and this girl are done. I don't know how many people have to tell you man. Your relationship is done unless you enjoy being unhappy. Cut the cord. Start fresh with a bunch of other people, and forget this girl. If you don't listen to us now, you will end up marrying her because you're a pus$y and can't get over that you're supposedly in love with this fat hog. You will be miserable for the rest of your life, or after a while things will just get so bad that you finally realize it and divorce her. You will have then wasted years of your life with this woman, and the icing on the cake is that she'll take half your assets. Is this what you want your life to look like?

Please don't make the same mistake that so many men have made before you. Even if you wanted to stay with her, breaking up with her is still the best option. Only you breaking it off with her will be enough of a wake-up call for her and be enough to swing any power in your direction (but I still say you forget her). This is the only option you have left. She doesn't care that you think she's fat."

Take care man! Hope it work outs for you!

[ejthomp]

Sorry.... but there is a lot of young, dumb advice on this thread.... I've been married for 22 years and been through this already.

1) You married the person, not the body. My wife certainly doesn't have the body that she had 25 years ago when we met. Sure, I wish she did, but age doesn't stop for anyone. And she never gave me grief when my weight ballooned up to 250 pounds and I was the one eating fast food and drinking Mt. Dew.... She's happy to see that I'm taking care of myself, but that hasn't changed her one bit.

2) You may be married, but you are still two different individuals. You may be interested in diet and exercise right now, but that doesn't mean she ever will be. You are only creating a problem by trying to force your interests on her. If you enjoy body building, you need to do it for you and let her worry about her. Some day the tables may be turned. Imagine if her hobby was sewing and she insisted you start doing it with her.... I don't force my wife to go fishing with me... We learned those lessons long ago. We are still two very different individuals with many different interests. That won't ever change. Love your wife enough to encourage her to do what she enjoys. If that is sitting in the house watching TV.... well that's her choice.

3) Doing the dishes and housework is totally unrelated. You are taking your frustration (that shouldn't be there) about her weight and using that to blame her for completely unrelated items. I promise that even if she were 50 pounds lighter, she still would prefer you do the dishes and cleaning!

SHE HAS TO WANT TO DIET AND EXERCISE..... FOR HERSELF....NOT YOU!

[NFLMASON]

What you have done bro is get youre wife comfortable, bitches are like stitches you pull them out then they open up! set her straight she in heaven with all the sugar bursting in her mouth and youre working youre ass of to look good. Tell her you want to do the shopping and when you do start shopping buying food stuff that taste good and tell her you wanna die after her so you need to hit her hard with the facts and tell her youre not attracted to fat that is why you go to gym! up to you buddy sometimes to get a girl out of this habbit is have a huge argument that could results in a few days of no talking then she will come crawling back with meal replacements she got it to easy man she surrounded by candy (food candy) and body candy (you)

[Chaohinon]

I'm not sure what to tell you about the exercise part, but you could try cooking for her. Come up with great tasting, healthy meals that will seduce her into wellness.

Case in point, my GF always had a terrible diet, but loves most of the stuff I/we make. If nothing else, it can be a fun learning experience for the both of you.

[Kodokan]

Originally Posted by Chaohinon

I'm not sure what to tell you about the exercise part, but you could try cooking for her. Come up with great tasting, healthy meals that will seduce her into wellness.

Case in point, my GF always had a terrible diet, but loves most of the stuff I/we make. If nothing else, it can be a fun learning experience for the both of you.

there is some dangerous advice in this thread, but this is a really good comment by Chaohinon. small changes make a big difference in the long run, and don't forget that beauty and even your own fitness is fleeting. if you workout to look good you've already lost. do it because it feels good and makes you happy.

[Kodokan]

Originally Posted by ejthomp

Sorry.... but there is a lot of young, dumb advice on this thread.... I've been married for 22 years and been through this already.

1) You married the person, not the body. My wife certainly doesn't have the body that she had 25 years ago when we met. Sure, I wish she did, but age doesn't stop for anyone. And she never gave me grief when my weight ballooned up to 250 pounds and I was the one eating fast food and drinking Mt. Dew.... She's happy to see that I'm taking care of myself, but that hasn't changed her one bit.

2) You may be married, but you are still two different individuals. You may be interested in diet and exercise right now, but that doesn't mean she ever will be. You are only creating a problem by trying to force your interests on her. If you enjoy body building, you need to do it for you and let her worry about her. Some day the tables may be turned. Imagine if her hobby was sewing and she insisted you start doing it with her.... I don't force my wife to go fishing with me... We learned those lessons long ago. We are still two very different individuals with many different interests. That won't ever change. Love your wife enough to encourage her to do what she enjoys. If that is sitting in the house watching TV.... well that's her choice.

3) Doing the dishes and housework is totally unrelated. You are taking your frustration (that shouldn't be there) about her weight and using that to blame her for completely unrelated items. I promise that even if she were 50 pounds lighter, she still would prefer you do the dishes and cleaning!

SHE HAS TO WANT TO DIET AND EXERCISE..... FOR HERSELF....NOT YOU!

completely agree.

[senor_pedro]

I didn't do it on purpose, just out of habit but she was making breakfast and put butter on something then pb on top of that. I just simply asked why? Made her think. Definitely got some sh*t for it though.

I offered her to get on my fitness membership last week - she said no. But changed her mind this week. So far things are positive for once. I offered to go for a few walks each week and discuss dieting with her. She actually came to me asking what's a good lunch - flat out told her what I did while I was dieting and she is starting it!

I will get her in shape and push her to a reasonable goal that she agrees to.

I feel she is motivated now enough to change things (for her). I feel bad for her everytime she brings up her weight, I choose to keep it all in and let it build up inside, but thanks to everyone who commented and gave positive feedback - or simply just listening to my rant helped me out.