Ladies over 40: When does it stop?

[genia824]

I'm referring to the continuing strive for perfection (for lack of a better word). I think it's safe to assume that most women on this forum are "type A", perfectionists, & quite driven. We are a dedicated bunch to being as healthy & fit as possible. With that said, when do you reach the point where you realize your body "is what it is"?

I'm 45 and I'm not sure I've ever been 100% happy with my body. I know I look good (notice I didn't say great), better than most, but I still obsess over exercise, food, etc.... So I ask, is there a point in life where that switch goes off? And maybe this is an ageless question? I guess this more about being mentally healthy than it is about age? Is it mentally unhealthy to keep striving to be "better"?

[woodenshoes055]

Originally Posted by genia824

I'm referring to the continuing strive for perfection (for lack of a better word). I think it's safe to assume that most women on this forum are "type A", perfectionists, & quite driven. We are a dedicated bunch to being as healthy & fit as possible. With that said, when do you reach the point where you realize your body "is what it is"?

I'm 45 and I'm not sure I've ever been 100% happy with my body. I know I look good (notice I didn't say great), better than most, but I still obsess over exercise, food, etc.... So I ask, is there a point in life where that switch goes off? And maybe this is an ageless question? I guess this more about being mentally healthy than it is about age? Is it mentally unhealthy to keep striving to be "better"?

I'm not 40yrs old or a type A personality, but for me it's not looking at myself and seeing flaws that need to be fixed, but looking at myself and saying damn you look good even with those flaws! It's all about the challege. I love eating healthy, going to the gym to see how I can transform my body in different ways. I think it's the striving to be better, or the challenge to be better that keeps people motivated in life. Everyone has something that motivates them in life it's whether you chose to make it a healthy motivation. I think just b/c you get older your motivation doesn't stop, maybe for some people it might switch to something different.

[freebirdmac]

I don't consider myself obsessed, but I am highly motivated to keep pushing the boundaries. I don't seeing it ever stopping. Maybe it's the "obsession" part that is bothering you and needs to be addressed. You can still push yourself to improve while enjoying life and having time for other things.

[genia824]

Originally Posted by freebirdmac

I don't consider myself obsessed, but I am highly motivated to keep pushing the boundaries. I don't seeing it ever stopping. Maybe it's the "obsession" part that is bothering you and needs to be addressed. You can still push yourself to improve while enjoying life and having time for other things.

Freebirdmac...You are GOOD!! Yes, I do have an obsessive personality that spills over into just about everything I do! Most times it doesn't bother me, but every now & then I get a little irritated with myself for being so.

I guess I was wondering when or if will I mentally decide working out is for maintaining the status quo. Who am I kidding...probably never!

[DemetriaF]

Originally Posted by genia824

I'm referring to the continuing strive for perfection (for lack of a better word).

I don't think there's anything wrong with having this attitude 'everywhere' in my life. But never to a point where it makes me miserable. I'm not seeking 'perfection' per se (as we're all only human), but am instead striving toward betterment and meeting challenges with enthusiasm.

But I do have a number of female friends who believe I'm twisted psychologically because I've made working-out a part of my life (as opposed to a quick way to shed some pounds after holiday eating binges). Or that I'm bizarre because I eat right, or enjoying taking care of my looks or my skin, etc. I even hear that I'm too obsessive when it comes to earning money, or working overtime on my business. Yeah, okay.

Sad thing is that this thinking seems to be a trend nowadays, this 'love yourself as you are' movement, which I could never get behind because too many folks take this literally. It's like loving oneself into submission, without having goals, challenges, desires or things to push against. This is not a life, this is instead a deathtrap.

And the interesting thing is, my friends who claim to 'love themselves as they are,' do most of the complaining and seem most miserable. And even though I'm not even close to being 'perfect,' there is a great sense of adventure and accomplishment by creating challenges, and then attempting to meet them. And if I'm lucky (although luck has little to do with it), meeting some of those challenges. Even that miserable word known as 'FAILURE' is an accomplishment in its own right, because at least I've tried. You know the old saying about shooting that arrow high, right? Or getting back on that horse every time we fall off?

With that said, when do you reach the point where you realize your body "is what it is"?

My body is what it is, but it also has untapped potential. We all have this. But if I don't work out, my body will definitely be something that it's not today. Nearly every single human on this planet is able to manipulate their body into one that's healthier and more athletic. It's the one thing we can do for ourselves without having to be ultra-gorgeous or excessively rich. It's just a matter of effort and consistency. And there's nothing wrong with that, or even pushing harder.

I'm 45 and I'm not sure I've ever been 100% happy with my body.

Are any of us 100% happy with anything? We can always have more or better, right? And other lawns always seem to be greener than our own.

Hey, but what's wrong with loving what you've got, and ALSO taking exceptionally good care of it? Polishing your own wares, showcasing them, getting a better frame, showing some love for your own?

So to answer your question...No, it should never stop. Challenges are the only proof that I'm really living.

[Miranda]

Originally Posted by genia824

We are a dedicated bunch to being as healthy & fit as possible. With that said, when do you reach the point where you realize your body "is what it is"?

I'm 45 and I'm not sure I've ever been 100% happy with my body. I know I look good (notice I didn't say great), better than most, but I still obsess over exercise, food, etc.... So I ask, is there a point in life where that switch goes off? And maybe this is an ageless question? I guess this more about being mentally healthy than it is about age? Is it mentally unhealthy to keep striving to be "better"?

i don't think it is age-related at all. you can be in your early 20s and content;
or 50 years of age and miserable. 'good health' encompasses mental and social wellbeing as well. those qualities need to be developed and learned in life, they're not a given.

there is no magic age, or *something* in life, that will automatically change you for the better. you have to work at it yourself. some call it 'growing up'

your body 'is what it is' in that you can only work with what you have.
that 'can' doesn't mean you 'should'. it is a choice.

Originally Posted by DemetriaF

Sad thing is that this thinking seems to be a trend nowadays, this 'love yourself as you are' movement, which I could never get behind because too many folks take this literally. It's like loving oneself into submission, without having goals, challenges, desires or things to push against. This is not a life, this is instead a deathtrap.

literally? i'd say it is used as an excuse to give up on yourself.
which is perfectly fine if that's what you want.
if not . . . it's up to you to change.

[genia824]

Ladies...thanks for all your input! All wise & much appreciated! As someone that struggled w/ ED's many years ago, I still have that little piece left that strives for perfection. And don't misunderstand me, I LOVE working out, eating right, and having an active full life! I love feeling powerful & strong! My question was more me wondering if this drive, obsession, passion, whatever you want to call it, will subside with age, because I haven't felt it yet. And I'm not gonna lie, sometimes it's exhausting!

And as you all have graciously stated, more or less, it's definitely a good thing as long as I keep it in balance.

I am thrilled that I have someplace to go to discuss this! As much as I love my friends & family, no one shares the same ideas with me on exercise & diet! So again, thank you so much!

[kfisherx]

Originally Posted by genia824

I'm referring to the continuing strive for perfection (for lack of a better word). I think it's safe to assume that most women on this forum are "type A", perfectionists, & quite driven. We are a dedicated bunch to being as healthy & fit as possible. With that said, when do you reach the point where you realize your body "is what it is"?

I'm 45 and I'm not sure I've ever been 100% happy with my body. I know I look good (notice I didn't say great), better than most, but I still obsess over exercise, food, etc.... So I ask, is there a point in life where that switch goes off? And maybe this is an ageless question? I guess this more about being mentally healthy than it is about age? Is it mentally unhealthy to keep striving to be "better"?

When I stop striving to be better, I will die.

[MountainSong]

To stay healthy we have to possess good living habits and do our part. This means diet and exercise~~~for as long as we want to remain healthy. I believe that if we stop eating right and/or stop exercising, then our bodies begin deteriorating. When I was much younger I could afford to take *breaks* from both and still keep the levels of strength and health I had acquired. But after I turned 50 my metabolism began changing and I found I would lose strength and endurance rapidly and become *soft*. Now, in less than a month, I will be 66 and if I stop working out or ease up on my diet for even 2 weeks it's like starting all over when I get back into it.
So I pretty much accept that I will have to keep doing what I'm doing until I just can't do it anymore, if that day ever comes.
The way I eat has become a every-day habit now, and I work out 5 days a week whether I want to or not. There ARE days when I just can't face the weights, and on those days I walk and/or do Pilates.
Sadly, no one around me does the same things and none of them think I'm over 45. When I tell them how old I really am, they just scoff and say I must have good "genetics". I just smile and keep on dancing to the beat of my own drum. If I don't take responsibility for my own health, just as with my own actions, who will?

[aussiemommy]

Originally Posted by kfisherx

When I stop striving to be better, I will die.

So well said!

I'm not over 40 yet, but I sure hope I never lose the desire to be better.

[peninsula]

If you are an ultra-driven perfectionist who's been that way for the past 40 years, why would you expect that to drastically change in the next 40 years?

My mom is 60 years old and pushes herself to the limit in all aspects of life - for better or for worse. That's who she is. It's what makes her unique. Nobody would ever guess she was already 60...she has a lot of energy and keeps herself in good shape...but behind closed doors, she has turned from the mirror to me, crying, asking when she got so old and ugly. I only expect this to get worse as she ages.

For my grandma (her mom), caring excessively about her image never stopped until she had so many strokes, her short term memory was obliterated. She was well over 40 when this happened.

I hate to be the negative one here, but inner peace isn't something that magically comes with age. If you want to learn to accept what you are, that is something you need to work on, not wait for.

[genia824]

Originally Posted by peninsula

If you are an ultra-driven perfectionist who's been that way for the past 40 years, why would you expect that to drastically change in the next 40 years?

My mom is 60 years old and pushes herself to the limit in all aspects of life - for better or for worse. That's who she is. It's what makes her unique. Nobody would ever guess she was already 60...she has a lot of energy and keeps herself in good shape...but behind closed doors, she has turned from the mirror to me, crying, asking when she got so old and ugly. I only expect this to get worse as she ages.

For my grandma (her mom), caring excessively about her image never stopped until she had so many strokes, her short term memory was obliterated. She was well over 40 when this happened.

I hate to be the negative one here, but inner peace isn't something that magically comes with age. If you want to learn to accept what you are, that is something you need to work on, not wait for.

Ummm...never said I was looking for "inner peace" and not once did I say I was not okay with aging. Believe it or not, the one thing I'm not obsessed with is my age. I'm 45 and proud of that. I was just wondering IF with the age, comes a more relaxed feeling towards working out and thought I would "think out loud" on this forum. I've always kept my body image issues to myself and even more so since having my daughter who is now 14.

And now that I think about it, what a stupid question, because I already knew the answer. Now if you'll excuse me, gym opens at 6am!

[IronOrchid]

Originally Posted by genia824

I'm referring to the continuing strive for perfection (for lack of a better word). I think it's safe to assume that most women on this forum are "type A", perfectionists, & quite driven. We are a dedicated bunch to being as healthy & fit as possible. With that said, when do you reach the point where you realize your body "is what it is"?

I was always happy with my body. I train because I know if I don't I'll be ... fat. And for me, it is just more simple to have a good looking body: no problems with swimsuits, shorts, weight scales, food.
And I don't think I train for health as I'm well aware of my family health history: I won't avoid genetic illnesses. But right now I'm sure I can postpone them.

[DemetriaF]

Originally Posted by genia824

Ummm...never said I was looking for "inner peace" and not once did I say I was not okay with aging. Believe it or not, the one thing I'm not obsessed with is my age. I'm 45 and proud of that.

I just took a gander at your Bodyspace page, and wow! You look fantastic Genia! Whatever you're doing or seeing, whether it's obsession, high standards, bad mirrors in your house, or just wondering out loud--keep doing it because you look amazing.

I was just wondering IF with the age, comes a more relaxed feeling towards working out and thought I would "think out loud" on this forum.

Naa, I think we are who we are, and that will follow us to the grave. Or at least I hope it will, for my own sake.

I've always kept my body image issues to myself and even more so since having my daughter who is now 14.

My daughter is the same age, and I also have body issues that I try to keep under wraps for her sake. But I think she realizes these things about me anyway. Especially when mom has to jump on the treadmill at 7:00 PM, or else mom's brain will explode.

But at least these days I try to achieve a better body through 'healthier' means, as opposed to the crazy nonsense I did when I was younger. I'm still obsessed, although now it's health and fitness driven. Nothing wrong with that!

[genia824]

Originally Posted by DemetriaF

I just took a gander at your Bodyspace page, and wow! You look fantastic Genia! Whatever you're doing or seeing, whether it's obsession, high standards, bad mirrors in your house, or just wondering out loud--keep doing it because you look amazing.



Naa, I think we are who we are, and that will follow us to the grave. Or at least I hope it will, for my own sake.



My daughter is the same age, and I also have body issues that I try to keep under wraps for her sake. But I think she realizes these things about me anyway. Especially when mom has to jump on the treadmill at 7:00 PM, or else mom's brain will explode.

But at least these days I try to achieve a better body through 'healthier' means, as opposed to the crazy nonsense I did when I was younger. I'm still obsessed, although now it's health and fitness driven. Nothing wrong with that!

Thank you so much for the nice post! I just got brave enough the other night to put up pictures, so your words mean alot.
My daughter (who is an athlete...has been playing competitive soccer for 6 years) is way more confident at 14 than I ever was or ever will be. I think part of that is because of athletics (I've become a huge advocate of sports for girls), but I'd also like to think because I don't ever share my "issues" with her. I really try to lead by example with exercise & diet.
You are so right! Nothing wrong with being fitness driven!
Thanks again!

[peninsula]

Originally Posted by genia824

Ummm...never said I was looking for "inner peace" and not once did I say I was not okay with aging. Believe it or not, the one thing I'm not obsessed with is my age. I'm 45 and proud of that. I was just wondering IF with the age, comes a more relaxed feeling towards working out and thought I would "think out loud" on this forum. I've always kept my body image issues to myself and even more so since having my daughter who is now 14.

And now that I think about it, what a stupid question, because I already knew the answer. Now if you'll excuse me, gym opens at 6am!

Sorry - I didn't meant to put words in your mouth. I used the term "inner peace" because for me, the image-obsession is a constant nagging at the back of my head throughout every day. If I could learn to relax a little more about food and exercise, I would certainly feel much more at peace with myself. The thought that image might consume my thoughts this much 50 years down the line terrifies me.

That said, I'm glad you and other mothers in this thread DON'T share your image issues with your children. It's not pleasant, and it definitely encouraged me to develop some unhealthy habits in the past. And you DO look amazing on your bodyspace, so whatever you are doing, you can at least be assured that it is working

[kitebean]

Interesting thread. Don't really know what to say - compared to most of my friends, yes, I am heavily into training, eating
clean most of the time, being active. I make sure that I plan my days so that I can prepare food, shop, and train. BUT, my
life is also full of many, many other things. Family, friends, school, other activities, art, music, film, travel, etc. etc. I have
finally reached a place where I think these things have a pretty good balance. Never perfect, never exact, but I think the only
time these days when I get anxious is when any of the above is compromised or gets shoved aside when these things get
out of balance. Am I actively striving for something? Well, I might like to compete next year. Normally at this time of year
I'd be training for triathlon or a MTB race or something, but I have had health issues which have caused me to become more
pragmatic. Even though it's been a traumatic year, I'm choosing to see it almost like a gift which has forced me to slow
down a little. Not alot! As above I still train more and eat more optimally than 98% of the people I know!

Be kind and patient with yourself. As I get older I am really understanding what and who I love, people and experience and
connection - and I actively seek out opportunities to nurture that and express it. Sometimes that might be a fitness goal
or a physique goal, sometimes it's not. and that's OK. and I am really, really happy