My Attempt At Picking Up Chicks Thread ....yea Baby.

[PioneerAve]

I enter Railey's to buy bananas. I stand in the check out line and observe a heavy latina with a cute face.

P.A.: No ring? Does that mean I can hit on you?

Latina: No ring lol

P.A. : Well Im holding up the line a bit but Im going to hit on you next time I am here.

Latina: OK lol.

P.A.: Be prepared for it.
Latine: Lol.

[PioneerAve]

With a friend at the car wash to clean his van. i spot squeegee girl number 1 who knocks on the passenger side window to give me the radio antenna. She is Hispanic , wears braces and is of questionable age. But I smile at her. She smiles back. We proceed through the car wash.

We park by the vacuum area. She glances at me with a smile and walks over.




P.A.: Whats up?


Squeegee girl: nothing much.


P.a.: Are you 18 or older?


Squeegee girl: No, I am 16



Friends laughs in the background.


P.A.: He's laughing cuz I'm old.


Squeegee: How old are you?


P.a.: uMMMM tWENTIEEEEEEEEE FIVE?


Squeegee: lol

P.a.: We should hang out sometime........ [ I say this looking for an exit out of the conversation]

Squeegee: Well I dunno about hanging out,I am at work most of the day.


p.a: OH WELL, i'LL BRING IN MY CAR ONE DAY, POINT AND SAY " I know her"



And then I leave. [no Chris Hanson]

[nice_lifts]

good to see you back at it mchenry

[PioneerAve]

I selected a 3 pack of mach 3 razors and 2 containers of oatmeal,placed them in my carry cart and scanned the cashiers for the hottest employee....... I selected one , who was wearing what appeared to be a wedding ring, stood in line and summoned my testicles...

P.A.: Does that ring mean I can't hit on you?

Cashier breaks out in laughter

P.A.: Does it?

Cashier: You have asked me that before!

P.A.: I hit on you before?

Cashier: Yes!!!

P.A.: At walmart?

Cashier: Yes


P.A.:Using the same line?

Cashier: Yes

P.A.: What did you say

Cashier shakes her head Nooooo


P.A.: I used that line on a cashier before and got her number, true story.

Cashier: You told me that too!


P.A.: Oh yeah.

Cashier: And I said you shouldn't tell that to a woman you are trying to hit on.


P.A.: Oh That WAS you! Did you do something different with your hair?


She rang up my goods and we then parted ways.

[PioneerAve]

My eyes bore witness to an older short haired female, whom I see frequently in the gym. She had a nice body though. So just call me "The Gardner" , Because I plant seeds son. She was doing lunges in the aisle way of the gym while her personal trainer looks on.

I walked down the aisle and refused to step aside. A game of chicken ensued. She lost.

Chick to trainer: He didn't even say excuse me.

I do a few sets on the ab crunch machine then return.


P.A.: Whats up!

Chick: Whats up?


P.A.: You know?, Every time I walk passed you, You look at me kinda mean, Like you hate me.


Chick: Lol I don't hate you. I see you hear all the time.


P.A.: Whats your name?


Chick: Pat


P.A.: I am Pioneer Ave. , Nice to meet you. Gimme some fist!




I extend my fist for the bump and she bumps it with her fist.


P.A.: We will fist again soon.

[Chicopartiesbig]

Originally Posted by PioneerAve

My eyes bore witness to an older short haired female, whom I see frequently in the gym. She had a nice body though. So just call me "The Gardner" , Because I plant seeds son. She was doing lunges in the aisle way of the gym while her personal trainer looks on.

I walked down the aisle and refused to step aside. A game of chicken ensued. She lost.

Chick to trainer: He didn't even say excuse me.

I do a few sets on the ab crunch machine then return.


P.A.: Whats up!

Chick: Whats up?


P.A.: You know?, Every time I walk passed you, You look at me kinda mean, Like you hate me.


Chick: Lol I don't hate you. I see you hear all the time.


P.A.: Whats your name?


Chick: Pat


P.A.: I am Pioneer Ave. , Nice to meet you. Gimme some fist!




I extend my fist for the bump and she bumps it with her fist.


P.A.: We will fist again soon.

Cool story

[Serge006]

Originally Posted by PioneerAve

P.A.: We will fist again soon.

You got me there, lol.

[PioneerAve]

I was driving a home a 21 year old friend I made at my apartment complex to a friends apt to chill. As I navigated my Toyota Corolla through the means streets of Stanislaus County. Along side the road , seated at a bus stop was , what appeared to be a hot 18 year old female listening to an I-pod.

21 Year old: Roll down your window, I wanna hit on this girl.

P.A.: Ok

21 year old to chick: Whats up girl?

He waved, She returned the wave with a wave of her own. Not to be the odd man out, I piped in with my own newly created and genius pick up line...

P.A.: Sup

We passed her and pulled into a video game store to retrieve 5 dollars that he paid to put a hold on the new "Smackdown vs Raw 2010" video game.

21 year old: IM gonna ask that girl for her number fool.

P.A.: Ok but don't be a p ussy.

21 year old: We can't just stop on the street fool, theres no shoulder. Just drop me off and I'll walk up to her.

P.A.: ok, get out.

21 year old: I can't get out. That will be creepy. Let's just drive by her slowly and I'll ask





We turn out onto the street. She is still seated at the bus stop.


21 YEAR OLD: Hey girl, Can I get you're number?

Chick: ok [gives number]



Not to be the odd man out, I piped in with a pick up attempt of my own:


P.A.: I am gonna write that down too....

I enter it into my cell phone.


P.A.: What's you're name?

Chick: Ashley, I don't get my phone turned on until tomarrow.



We then part ways with the bus stop girl.



21 year old: Ima bang that girl

P.A.: Ima bang her too.

[Ascendent]

Teriffic.

[mistahans]

This thread is eff'ing hilarious yet also very pathetic.

[PioneerAve]

Originally Posted by mistahans

This thread is eff'ing hilarious yet also very pathetic.

Please explain...

[PioneerAve]

A day of seeking out that sweet poonanny led me and my 21 year old friend to two different parks, a 20 minute walk through of Walmart and finally a Blockbuster video store where I laid eyes of the 20 year old counter girl. She had a nice shapely buttocks that I wanted to penetrate with a variety of my body parts.

After a dispute over who would make the pick up attempt , My friend approached.


21 year old: My friend wants to get you're number.


The female employee glances at me.

P.A.: What ya think? I am a strikingly handsome man.



Chick: I don't even know you're name. I'm Caitlin. Nice to meet you.




P.A.: I am Pioneer Ave. Nice to meet you as well.

So lemme get you're number.

She give her number and I type it into my cell phone.



Business is picking up.

[PioneerAve]

While working security at a mexican girls 15th birthday party. I spotted a cute chick. She approached my and another guard and asked if we wanted anymore cake.


P.A.: No , but I'll take you're phone number.

Are you 18 or older?


Chick: I am 17 but ALMOST 18.



P.A.: Close enough, whats you're number?


She gives me the digits


P.A.: Ok, I am going to text you soon. When I write "Whats up, Its Pioneerave" You'll know thats my number.

[PioneerAve]

While sending a money transfer via Western Union, My Tsunami blue eyes met the eyes of a white girl with a slight Hispanic accent. I knew this because I overheard a conversation she was having with the customer ahead of me in line.


P.A.: Where are you from? You have an accent.

Chick: I am from here. I was raised around Hispanics all my life so I picked up the accent.

P.A. : I see.


My wheels were spinning. Though I am a wordsmith , I couldn't build a rapport with her. I observed no indicators of interest.


I handed her the money for the money transfer and attempted one final Hail Mary.



P.A.: No ring? Does that mean I can hit on you?



Chick: Oh No, I forgot to put it on. I am married. I have a daughter and everything.


P.A.: How old are you?


CHICK: 22


p.a.: Thats far too young. I know that because I am old. Have a nice day.

[RothbardM]

i'm 12 and what is this

[PioneerAve]

It's been a year and I'm still unemployed. Life is boring. I took to visiting sites like ihatemymiserablelife.com to find camaraderie with others like myself. Instead I found obese , social retards whose dreams of growing beards and moving to a cabin in the mountains to live off the land had been foiled by society and The Man, and minorities.

In my area , minorities are getting the majority of jobs. The Man likes it that way. It makes him seem less racist. Society accepts this behavior, they have to, they don't want to appear to be racist. For the same reason I've taken to boning Mexicans.

I fill all my voids with women. Pick ups excite me. The chase excites me. The actual sex I can take or leave. I needed a vacation from women but still feel the rush of excitement that only comes from doing something new or having a new girl put her hand down my underpants.

Apparently I had met a woman on a telephone chat line. I know this because she text me and told me so. I called her later that night.

P.A.: What are you're plans for the evening?

Chick: My daughter and I are going midnight bowling.

P.A.: May I join you?


chick: Sure, come to my place first and hang out so you can be sure you like me enough to wanna come.



I should have ended the call at this point but...


chick: Afterwards we are gonna smoke a J.

A j is a joint. A joint is weed. I once refused to eat weed brownie because I didn't wanna fail a drug test. But now I was unemployed. The Lord , perched up there on a cloud and overlooking my life presented me with an opportunity to break society's laws.

PA: What color is the rolling paper?

CHICK: Umm, White why?


PA: Do they come in black ? I don't wanna appear to be racist.










She gave me directions to her house. I google mapped that s hit and navigated THE BEAST!!! ,


[My Toyota Corolla] , to her home. I got lost due to lack of street lights and called her to guide me the rest of the way there. I followed her directions.

CHICK: IS THAT YOU COMING UP?

PA: UMM YES

CHICK:OK MAKE THE NEXT RIGHT INTO THE DRIVEWAY.

PA: OK





As I did so , In my peripheral vision, I caught a glance of a large woman in a red tee shirt. I prayed to The Lord that The Bloods had became more leniant on who they allow into their gang.
I climbed out of my car and bore witness to an ungodly site. Although she claimed to be 40. She easily could have passed for early fifties.

But this night wasn't about sex. It was about giving up my weed virginity. But first were the intros.

Chick: This is my daughter Patty.

PA: Nice to meet you. I notice that you are wearing all black. Are you a vampire or an emo or something?


Patty: HA HA no. I used to be gothic but not so much anymore.


PA: Do you want to kill yourself or do you have suicidal urges? No?Just checking.





I was offered and drank 3 apple beers. I was buzzed.











EXTREME FAST FORWARD





We drove to the bowling alley and sat at a table on the lanes. We were waiting for the daughters friend to arrive who would be joining us. The lights went out. A black light came on and suddenly I was aware of how much lint was on my sweater.

The friend arrived. She was beautiful. She was also 16 years old. I suddenly became aware of how wrong a thought that was to have. Plus she was Hispanic so I felt a little racist.

We played 2 games. I came in second both times. I gutter balled 4 times.








EXTREME FAST FORWARD






We left the bowling alley and arrived back at the chicks home. Time for a promise to be fulfilled. I would smoke weed for the first time in my life. The timing couldn't be more perfect. They filled a pipe with weed and we took turns taking hits. Immediately the two girls became giggly.

PA: This can't be how being high feels! I feel nothing. I'm slightly not right in the head but still this is blasphemy.

CHICK: Give it time. Take a few more hits.


I did and still nothing.


PA: This can't be high. I refuse to believe this.


CHICK: What do you want it to feel like.


PA: Like those two. They are idiots. Look at them. I wanna feel that idiotic.


I took some more hits. I tried to talk about something intelligent and became overwhelmed with laughter. I was high, finally. The chick made some Mexican food. It felt a little racist but I ate it. Food tastes better when you are high. All the flavors can be distinguished and enjoyed separately. It was amazing.



PA: I can taste all the distinct flavors! This is amazing!


See, I told you.




Weed also makes me tired. I fell asleep. For 5 hours. And woke up , checked my pockets for my cell phone, wallet and keys. Check, check, and check. The chick throughout the night became very sad that I made no attempt to fondle her goody bags. But I didn't care. She'll find another man to plow her from the chat line.


Momentary highs followed by extreme lows. Getting high feels that way. Being single feels that way. Maybe I need something more consistent. Like a job. Although I don't want to take away employment from a minority. THat would be racist.


So I'll milk my unemployment while I pick up chicks and hopefully find out where I'm going with my life in the process.

[PioneerAve]

As I walked through the gym doors I spotted a female whom I didn't recognize.


PA: I never seen you before. You are new!

CHICK: No I'm not new lol I work in the daycare.

PA: Oh that is cool. What is you're name?

CHICK: Lila

PA: Nice to meet you. I watched an episode of ""Dexter" There was a character on season 2 of that show with the name Lila.

CHICK: Yes there was......

PA: Now you are thinking "Tjis guy is f ucking weird"!

CHICK:Lol


I don't know why I brought up the name of a tv show. It just came to me like a vision. I didn't care however. I am soon to be 29 years old. I am too old to care about the opinion of others.



And I am a sexy beast.

[letsgetitdone]

OMG you are back, you are the man

[xJustin]

OP, you can save yourself LOADS of time if you just read up on some true game principles. all your convos are just so random and i cant see any spots where you are generating attraction from her.

[PioneerAve]

Originally Posted by xJustin

OP, you can save yourself LOADS of time if you just read up on some true game principles. all your convos are just so random and i cant see any spots where you are generating attraction from her.

Oh Hai Brah, I rely on my looks and comedic personality to win over the ladies. I concentrate on being funny and charming. Then I allow my hands to do the talking.

I do not have the attention span to read up on "Game" and strategies anymore. If you knew me , you'd understand that I am a different breed of animal. I'm not a P.U.A. I am a funny conversationalist.

[45poundbench]

Originally Posted by PioneerAve

Oh Hai Brah, I rely on my looks and comedic personality to win over the ladies. I concentrate on being funny and charming. Then I allow my hands to do the talking.

I do not have the attention span to read up on "Game" and strategies anymore. If you knew me , you'd understand that I am a different breed of animal. I'm not a P.U.A. I am a funny conversationalist.

you are ****ing hilarious.

[xJustin]

Originally Posted by PioneerAve

Oh Hai Brah, I rely on my looks and comedic personality to win over the ladies. I concentrate on being funny and charming. Then I allow my hands to do the talking.

I do not have the attention span to read up on "Game" and strategies anymore. If you knew me , you'd understand that I am a different breed of animal. I'm not a P.U.A. I am a funny conversationalist.

strictly funny usually = "the dork".
we all know one.

[PioneerAve]

Originally Posted by xJustin

strictly funny usually = "the dork".
we all know one.

I also said "Charming" , so have I escaped the label of " Dork"??

[kel_varnsen]

pure gold.

[j10nke]

I love people who need to read books and study before they attempt to get laid. It's not supposed to be school moron... you are just supposed to hang out with your wang out.

[juve07]

Over the last 3 days I have read all 23 pages of this thread and have been thoroughly entertained. Mchenry, you may have no job and no direction but you certainly have talent!! Seriously write a book, it will become a best seller. I even directed my brother to this thread and he's been laughing like crazy. Good job man you are a f***in legend my friend, thank you for this thread and I cant wait for more stories. Keep them coming!!!

[Serpicoo]

Honestly you SHOULD release a book. When the guys say release a book, they're serious. it would sell. These posts you make would help promote it. Also after writing it you can take it to publishers with these forum posts and show them that there's a demand for it. Because everyone's loving these posts

[PioneerAve]

Originally Posted by Serpicoo

Honestly you SHOULD release a book. When the guys say release a book, they're serious. it would sell. These posts you make would help promote it. Also after writing it you can take it to publishers with these forum posts and show them that there's a demand for it. Because everyone's loving these posts

I am seriously considering it.

[PioneerAve]

Originally Posted by juve07

Over the last 3 days I have read all 23 pages of this thread and have been thoroughly entertained. Mchenry, you may have no job and no direction but you certainly have talent!! Seriously write a book, it will become a best seller. I even directed my brother to this thread and he's been laughing like crazy. Good job man you are a f***in legend my friend, thank you for this thread and I cant wait for more stories. Keep them coming!!!

I do have more stories coming soon. And most likely I will be turning this thread into a book. And by doing so I hope to fulfill my dream of complete world domination.

[bitty_bish]

Originally Posted by PioneerAve

I do have more stories coming soon. And most likely I will be turning this thread into a book. And by doing so I hope to fulfill my dream of complete world domination.

Oh noes...