Eating Disorder Support Group

[rhengst89]

Originally Posted by Alyion

anyways bit of an update

After a big battle, I finally broke the 3000 calorie barrier that seemed to be holding me back, but all of a sudden I get this huge appetite/hunger almost constantly now - I could honestly eat all day if I wanted to - nothing extreme, I have no desire to eat chocolates, sweets cakes etc but have a mass appetite - it seems as though my stomach is never full - why is this and should I heed these signals - i've largely ignored them for the time being or just purposely snacked on lower calorie foods such as fruit. (hitting at a guesstimate around 3500 cal) I'm purposely not counting anymore but I figure I could eat an easy 4-5k a day if I listened to my body

I've read in the past that those recovering from ED need a lot of calories for repair and should aim for at least 3 thou whilst totally sedentary (keep in mind I go the gym 3x a week doing heavy compound lifting (sometimes 5x but this is very rare)) and it makes me think that I should just keep eating, but on the other hand I don't wanna go from one extreme to the other and figure that I could develop binge eating disorder

Im sorry for bringing numbers into this - I honestly dont care about the figures, but I wanna know if this is potentially dangerous or just my body repairing itslef.

This is completely normal when recovering from an ED. I had the same thing happen to me. I could eat ALL DAY and still be hungry - it was freakin' amazing. I had absolutely no sense of satiety no matter how much I would eat. Even today, a few months in to recovery, I still have trouble knowing when I am full.

During the time I was eating so much (easily 4k-5k calories per day) I gained pretty much no weight. Your body is repairing itself internally with all of those calories, believe it or not. You have starved yourself and now it has to make up for it. this is why EDs are such a waste of time. Most people return to their previous weight and then some. Just listen to your body. It wants to be a certain weight!

Please do not worry about it.

[andyvoh]

well mainly over the last couple months, and also for the last year or more, i have been very conscience of what i have been eating, and only a few times have i eaten something with loads of sugar in it. i find that once i get started on something sweet i can't stop, but fortunately even though i had some cake and pie at the beginning of this week, i had the will power to stop before things got out of hand. i just hate looking in the mirror and seeing the fat around my belly so i try to eat everything healthy and barely eat any sweets at all. i'm not sure if this is a good thing, but i'm afraid to eat anything sweet at all now. i was once 250 pounds and would drink at least 2-3 cans of coka cola a day, and then i lost like 80 pounds in 4 months tops, which i know is way too fast. sometimes i eat a lot, sometimes i don't, but lately i've been eating more to match my excersize, which i find myself doing constantly, such as ab excersizes before meals. i do these about 3 times a day and around 20-30 minutes a set. this is not including the workouts i do at home, at the gym, or the runs that i go for. i know i'm overdoing it, but right now i just can't stop. the result is me feeling weak until i get some food in my system. i don't think i am anorexic, i just don't know how much to be eating with the excersize i am doing, and i don't want to overeat and gain any fat.

p.s. sorry if this thread messes up in anyway ie. i quote someone by accident, this is my first post on this site.

[Alyion]

Originally Posted by andyvoh

well mainly over the last couple months, and also for the last year or more, i have been very conscience of what i have been eating, and only a few times have i eaten something with loads of sugar in it. i find that once i get started on something sweet i can't stop, but fortunately even though i had some cake and pie at the beginning of this week, i had the will power to stop before things got out of hand. i just hate looking in the mirror and seeing the fat around my belly so i try to eat everything healthy and barely eat any sweets at all. i'm not sure if this is a good thing, but i'm afraid to eat anything sweet at all now. i was once 250 pounds and would drink at least 2-3 cans of coka cola a day, and then i lost like 80 pounds in 4 months tops, which i know is way too fast. sometimes i eat a lot, sometimes i don't, but lately i've been eating more to match my excersize, which i find myself doing constantly, such as ab excersizes before meals. i do these about 3 times a day and around 20-30 minutes a set. this is not including the workouts i do at home, at the gym, or the runs that i go for. i know i'm overdoing it, but right now i just can't stop. the result is me feeling weak until i get some food in my system. i don't think i am anorexic, i just don't know how much to be eating with the excersize i am doing, and i don't want to overeat and gain any fat.

p.s. sorry if this thread messes up in anyway ie. i quote someone by accident, this is my first post on this site.

Just wanna give my two cents on this matter, I dont wanna scare you but this is pretty much how I started losing my weight - be careful but im afraid i'm not in any decent position to give a solid solution

It made me realise however how these eds often start (not that I think you have a disorder, but it could go that way). The first thing I thought when I read your post was "he's 17 and eating a lot of sugar and sweets - which 17 year old doesnt", the problem stems from the transition we all make from teenagers to adults. When we are 13 we think of nothing of eating 17 big macs and litres of coca-cola (at least I did anyway ) but as we get older we start to take on more responsibilities for our own health and wellbeing and as we grow up, and surrounded sadly by the adult world - in a world were 'perfection' and 'beauty' sells - we often take things to the extreme.

I was worried at the amount of exercise you do - that sounds like it could be disordered, remember that running for an hour on a treadmill after eating a binge is just as bad as sticking your fingers down your throat. Days were you binge happen, days were you eat little happen - its called life - take it for what it is and live each day the best you can.

I realise I ironically didnt really answer your question, but I just wanted to throw that thought out there

[andyvoh]

Originally Posted by Alyion

Just wanna give my two cents on this matter, I dont wanna scare you but this is pretty much how I started losing my weight - be careful but im afraid i'm not in any decent position to give a solid solution

It made me realise however how these eds often start (not that I think you have a disorder, but it could go that way). The first thing I thought when I read your post was "he's 17 and eating a lot of sugar and sweets - which 17 year old doesnt", the problem stems from the transition we all make from teenagers to adults. When we are 13 we think of nothing of eating 17 big macs and litres of coca-cola (at least I did anyway ) but as we get older we start to take on more responsibilities for our own health and wellbeing and as we grow up, and surrounded sadly by the adult world - in a world were 'perfection' and 'beauty' sells - we often take things to the extreme.

I was worried at the amount of exercise you do - that sounds like it could be disordered, remember that running for an hour on a treadmill after eating a binge is just as bad as sticking your fingers down your throat. Days were you binge happen, days were you eat little happen - its called life - take it for what it is and live each day the best you can.

I realise I ironically didnt really answer your question, but I just wanted to throw that thought out there

no thank you Alyion, that did help to a degree, thanks for taking the time to read it. i just gotta relax and know that i can't be perfect. as you said i'm still young and i'm probably still growing and i guess even if i will eat healthy i should make sure i have energy to do excersizes, and then eat enough after them to have strength.

[cubaricangirl]

So today I woke up and the hardest thing to do was get out of bed. Everyday in the last 4 months has been a battle. Im new on the forums and I have been looking for a place to get this out of my heart and mind. I have been on bodyspace for over a year now and I got caught up in the losing weight part. I had dropped over 60 lbs and got my bodyfat down. Was taking half naked pics of myself, showing off my abs etc...I even had my share of some internet flirting and romance. And then I met my current boyfriend (not on bodyspace). He is amazing. But yet, something is still lacking for me. I was so focused and driven and motivated. But then the external drama took over. I lost my house, I had to file BK, I had to take a temp job for lessor pay. But yet the first month of my relationship was amazing. I'm so in love, but and here is the big BUT, he is younger than me, he is just starting out in his life and he comes from a conservative home. Why is this an issue, well, I ended up moving to my own apartment and it's big enough for the 2 of us, but he wont live with anyone till his married. Not only that, he can't even stay over because of his conservative Christian family. I totally respect this. but part of me on the inside feels like he should stand up to them. So for now we spend time together and then he goes home and I am left alone. Now, on the outside this seems outstanding. I am an independent woman, I pay my own bills, my own car etc...but yet I still feel like something is missing. I know he is the man for me, the one I have been praying for. He tells me everyday how much he loves me and how much he wants to marry me and have a life, but he wants to be in a better position financially. My job I am in, same situation, I am a temp and I am waiting to see if they have headcount so they can hire me. I have no benefits, no sick or vacation time. I dont show up, I dont get paid. Now, I am grateful to have a job, dont get me wrong, but its like the 2 important things that I should be able to sleep at night peacefully about are so up in the air. I am constantly in a state of fight or flight. This pit in my stomach plagues me and the only way I know how to calm it, they way I have always done it. Is to eat as much food as possible to basically send me into a food induced coma and just go to sleep. The last month has been the worst and I have eaten and fallen asleep by 8pm and sleep till about 8am. I dont want to get up, I dont want to see anyone. I have even overdrawn my bank account just to buy food. It's bad. But yet my bf, still thinks I am so beautiful. I have a closet full of clothes and none of them fit. Even my workout clothes are tight. My shoes, my jewelry. When I met my BF on December 6, 2008, I was 193 lbs, I had lost a ton of weight, and my goal was to enter into a figure competition. I only had about 20lbs to go. Today I got on the scale and I am 252. That is a 59 lb weight gain in 8 months. Every lb that I lost is back. This suit of protective armour is back.

We went and got our body fat tested last week. One of those dunk tanks. My appointment was first and then my BF's. The lady was like both of you can come in at the same time. I was mortified. But he didnt say anything and afterward, just kissed me and held me and told me I was his beautiful girl. My body fat was 40% btw...So at this point I am obese. And what do I go and do that day once I see this and hear this news? I go and eat donuts and coffee. Its like my mouth and my mind are totally disconnected. And then the next day, I go to the bathroom and in my mind its like a purge and I do it all over again the next day. I want to stop, I want to eat healthy and go to the gym like I was doing before, but I just cant seem to get my mind right. I had started taking Birth Control pills and I just stopped them last month, maybe this is what is making me crazy, but because my body fat is so high, I'm not getting my period. Back to where I started almost 2 years ago. Why do I keep doing this to myself?

I am writing this today, to get it out, to see if maybe there is someone else to talk to. I have been in therapy, I have gone to OA. I am totally lost.

Thanks for listening.

[Claymont86]

So i was at work today and remembered i had a couple really ripe plantains at home. I thought, lets make plantain pancakes when we get home and for some reason i wanted a banana as well. Then i get home and make like five little pancakes and decide they werent coming out the way i wanted and threw everything down the drain! Then, rather than remaking the batch, i made a bowl of oatmeal with some berries in it instead cause it was the safer option. I have no desire to go to the gym right now and i want to get to a better weight but its just so damn difficult and it seems i cant eat well unless i go to the gym and i only go to the gym to punish myself. Im thinking about taking the day off and not going to lift tomorrow unless i can eat it up old school today. Or maybe go and not do cardio and just do my lifing routine and maybe just go for a bike ride later. I hate this, I'm frustrated beyond all reason and i dont know how to just let it go. I think i need to do a little bit of reflection and maybe journal something.

My apologies for the rant, feel free to ignore this i just had to scream something... but im in a starbucks and that wouldnt be polite.

[Alyion]

Thanks for the advice guys, eating just gets hard sometimes, I must admit im still worried - its like there is no difference between appetite and fullness lately, as I type this my stomach is full, but I still feel like eating - I don't wanna start going into binge eating which is a massive worry

Another thing I need to overcome is the idea of 'bulking' and weight gain - I've pretty much throw it to the wind in terms of calories etc, and I know im different - that it's not as simple as muscle/fat and that I just need a general mass gain/repair, but it gets difficult when you see guys talking about their 2700cal weight gain diet and im sitting there knowing well im more than likely exceeding this figure.

On the other hand you've got guys like rippetoe telling people to drink a gallon of milk (whilst doing a similar program im doing and in a kinda similar situation (skinny guys doing heavy lifting) which makes me justify (ugh - 'justifying' food sounds so disordered) the amount I figure im eating - whilst not binging - clearly a lot.

I know the obvious solution is simple - stop overthinking things/reading stuff and just eat. But when I eat I feel as though im eating too much in regards of bb'ing and reading up on stuff like the gallon of milk makes me feel better

In short - I need to stop eating in regards of weight lifting, but also find it hard to eat without some kinda bizarre justification in regards of my weight lifting

ugh, so confused right now

[nic902]

I feel where you're coming from girl. I've struggled with distorted eating patterns for years and just when I thought I had it beat, lately I've been struggling with binge eating again. Its only been a few weeks for me, so I've only gained a few lbs but its enough to feel/see the difference. The good thing is that you seem to know what has triggered your behavior (I'm still not sure for me). It sounds like you have a great guy who will support you....does he know what you've been dealing with?? And how you've gained all the weight in such a short period of time?? I have been with my boyfriend for a long time, but I still have never told him how severe my problems are/have been.

I dont have any advice to help you conqure your demons...Just wanted to tell ya that I know how you feel and you're not alone

Originally Posted by cubaricangirl

So today I woke up and the hardest thing to do was get out of bed. Everyday in the last 4 months has been a battle. Im new on the forums and I have been looking for a place to get this out of my heart and mind. I have been on bodyspace for over a year now and I got caught up in the losing weight part. I had dropped over 60 lbs and got my bodyfat down. Was taking half naked pics of myself, showing off my abs etc...I even had my share of some internet flirting and romance. And then I met my current boyfriend (not on bodyspace). He is amazing. But yet, something is still lacking for me. I was so focused and driven and motivated. But then the external drama took over. I lost my house, I had to file BK, I had to take a temp job for lessor pay. But yet the first month of my relationship was amazing. I'm so in love, but and here is the big BUT, he is younger than me, he is just starting out in his life and he comes from a conservative home. Why is this an issue, well, I ended up moving to my own apartment and it's big enough for the 2 of us, but he wont live with anyone till his married. Not only that, he can't even stay over because of his conservative Christian family. I totally respect this. but part of me on the inside feels like he should stand up to them. So for now we spend time together and then he goes home and I am left alone. Now, on the outside this seems outstanding. I am an independent woman, I pay my own bills, my own car etc...but yet I still feel like something is missing. I know he is the man for me, the one I have been praying for. He tells me everyday how much he loves me and how much he wants to marry me and have a life, but he wants to be in a better position financially. My job I am in, same situation, I am a temp and I am waiting to see if they have headcount so they can hire me. I have no benefits, no sick or vacation time. I dont show up, I dont get paid. Now, I am grateful to have a job, dont get me wrong, but its like the 2 important things that I should be able to sleep at night peacefully about are so up in the air. I am constantly in a state of fight or flight. This pit in my stomach plagues me and the only way I know how to calm it, they way I have always done it. Is to eat as much food as possible to basically send me into a food induced coma and just go to sleep. The last month has been the worst and I have eaten and fallen asleep by 8pm and sleep till about 8am. I dont want to get up, I dont want to see anyone. I have even overdrawn my bank account just to buy food. It's bad. But yet my bf, still thinks I am so beautiful. I have a closet full of clothes and none of them fit. Even my workout clothes are tight. My shoes, my jewelry. When I met my BF on December 6, 2008, I was 193 lbs, I had lost a ton of weight, and my goal was to enter into a figure competition. I only had about 20lbs to go. Today I got on the scale and I am 252. That is a 59 lb weight gain in 8 months. Every lb that I lost is back. This suit of protective armour is back.

We went and got our body fat tested last week. One of those dunk tanks. My appointment was first and then my BF's. The lady was like both of you can come in at the same time. I was mortified. But he didnt say anything and afterward, just kissed me and held me and told me I was his beautiful girl. My body fat was 40% btw...So at this point I am obese. And what do I go and do that day once I see this and hear this news? I go and eat donuts and coffee. Its like my mouth and my mind are totally disconnected. And then the next day, I go to the bathroom and in my mind its like a purge and I do it all over again the next day. I want to stop, I want to eat healthy and go to the gym like I was doing before, but I just cant seem to get my mind right. I had started taking Birth Control pills and I just stopped them last month, maybe this is what is making me crazy, but because my body fat is so high, I'm not getting my period. Back to where I started almost 2 years ago. Why do I keep doing this to myself?

I am writing this today, to get it out, to see if maybe there is someone else to talk to. I have been in therapy, I have gone to OA. I am totally lost.

Thanks for listening.

[Environ]

Originally Posted by Claymont86

So i was at work today and remembered i had a couple really ripe plantains at home. I thought, lets make plantain pancakes when we get home and for some reason i wanted a banana as well. Then i get home and make like five little pancakes and decide they werent coming out the way i wanted and threw everything down the drain! Then, rather than remaking the batch, i made a bowl of oatmeal with some berries in it instead cause it was the safer option. I have no desire to go to the gym right now and i want to get to a better weight but its just so damn difficult and it seems i cant eat well unless i go to the gym and i only go to the gym to punish myself. Im thinking about taking the day off and not going to lift tomorrow unless i can eat it up old school today. Or maybe go and not do cardio and just do my lifing routine and maybe just go for a bike ride later. I hate this, I'm frustrated beyond all reason and i dont know how to just let it go. I think i need to do a little bit of reflection and maybe journal something.

My apologies for the rant, feel free to ignore this i just had to scream something... but im in a starbucks and that wouldnt be polite.

This happens everybody. Just get back on the band wagon tomorrow.

Tell me, did the pancakes have to be PERFECT, just the way you wanted them? Would 'slightly different' not have been sufficient? This sounds like 'all or nothing' thinking, something you need to be aware of.

[Environ]

Originally Posted by cubaricangirl

So today I woke up and the hardest thing to do was get out of bed. Everyday in the last 4 months has been a battle. Im new on the forums and I have been looking for a place to get this out of my heart and mind. I have been on bodyspace for over a year now and I got caught up in the losing weight part. I had dropped over 60 lbs and got my bodyfat down. Was taking half naked pics of myself, showing off my abs etc...I even had my share of some internet flirting and romance. And then I met my current boyfriend (not on bodyspace). He is amazing. But yet, something is still lacking for me. I was so focused and driven and motivated. But then the external drama took over. I lost my house, I had to file BK, I had to take a temp job for lessor pay. But yet the first month of my relationship was amazing. I'm so in love, but and here is the big BUT, he is younger than me, he is just starting out in his life and he comes from a conservative home. Why is this an issue, well, I ended up moving to my own apartment and it's big enough for the 2 of us, but he wont live with anyone till his married. Not only that, he can't even stay over because of his conservative Christian family. I totally respect this. but part of me on the inside feels like he should stand up to them. So for now we spend time together and then he goes home and I am left alone. Now, on the outside this seems outstanding. I am an independent woman, I pay my own bills, my own car etc...but yet I still feel like something is missing. I know he is the man for me, the one I have been praying for. He tells me everyday how much he loves me and how much he wants to marry me and have a life, but he wants to be in a better position financially. My job I am in, same situation, I am a temp and I am waiting to see if they have headcount so they can hire me. I have no benefits, no sick or vacation time. I dont show up, I dont get paid. Now, I am grateful to have a job, dont get me wrong, but its like the 2 important things that I should be able to sleep at night peacefully about are so up in the air. I am constantly in a state of fight or flight. This pit in my stomach plagues me and the only way I know how to calm it, they way I have always done it. Is to eat as much food as possible to basically send me into a food induced coma and just go to sleep. The last month has been the worst and I have eaten and fallen asleep by 8pm and sleep till about 8am. I dont want to get up, I dont want to see anyone. I have even overdrawn my bank account just to buy food. It's bad. But yet my bf, still thinks I am so beautiful. I have a closet full of clothes and none of them fit. Even my workout clothes are tight. My shoes, my jewelry. When I met my BF on December 6, 2008, I was 193 lbs, I had lost a ton of weight, and my goal was to enter into a figure competition. I only had about 20lbs to go. Today I got on the scale and I am 252. That is a 59 lb weight gain in 8 months. Every lb that I lost is back. This suit of protective armour is back.

We went and got our body fat tested last week. One of those dunk tanks. My appointment was first and then my BF's. The lady was like both of you can come in at the same time. I was mortified. But he didnt say anything and afterward, just kissed me and held me and told me I was his beautiful girl. My body fat was 40% btw...So at this point I am obese. And what do I go and do that day once I see this and hear this news? I go and eat donuts and coffee. Its like my mouth and my mind are totally disconnected. And then the next day, I go to the bathroom and in my mind its like a purge and I do it all over again the next day. I want to stop, I want to eat healthy and go to the gym like I was doing before, but I just cant seem to get my mind right. I had started taking Birth Control pills and I just stopped them last month, maybe this is what is making me crazy, but because my body fat is so high, I'm not getting my period. Back to where I started almost 2 years ago. Why do I keep doing this to myself?

I am writing this today, to get it out, to see if maybe there is someone else to talk to. I have been in therapy, I have gone to OA. I am totally lost.

Thanks for listening.

I think you are full of self-doubt and you have very low confidence in yourself. This, I think, is why you cannot let go of your bad habits and your negative mind. You have self-destructive behaviours too - such as binging after your body fat percentage. This was an emotional reaction. You were disappointed with the result and you binged. There are two ways to interpret this - first, you wanted to comfort and console yourself with food or secondly, you abused yourself with food knowing that, while it gave you a little comfort, it ultimately made you feel worse afterwards.

Realistically, you have to fight really hard with the condition. It's not sufficient to just acknowledge that you overeat - you have to accept that you have an eating disorder and that requires specialised treatment. Your average therapist will not be able to help you much. You need a therapist who specialises in eating disorders.

Stop being hard on yourself. Yep, you've screwed up royally, but most people trying to cope with eating disorders screw up. God knows I did it so often. One thing that we are great at when in recovery is sabotaging our own progress. But, you always have the option to start again.

With regard to your boyfriend, it's great that you respect his faith. But, remember that he might be committed himself to the demands of his faith for himself and not because of the pressure imposed by his peers and/or family.

[rhengst89]

Originally Posted by Alyion

Thanks for the advice guys, eating just gets hard sometimes, I must admit im still worried - its like there is no difference between appetite and fullness lately, as I type this my stomach is full, but I still feel like eating - I don't wanna start going into binge eating which is a massive worry

Another thing I need to overcome is the idea of 'bulking' and weight gain - I've pretty much throw it to the wind in terms of calories etc, and I know im different - that it's not as simple as muscle/fat and that I just need a general mass gain/repair, but it gets difficult when you see guys talking about their 2700cal weight gain diet and im sitting there knowing well im more than likely exceeding this figure.

On the other hand you've got guys like rippetoe telling people to drink a gallon of milk (whilst doing a similar program im doing and in a kinda similar situation (skinny guys doing heavy lifting) which makes me justify (ugh - 'justifying' food sounds so disordered) the amount I figure im eating - whilst not binging - clearly a lot.

I know the obvious solution is simple - stop overthinking things/reading stuff and just eat. But when I eat I feel as though im eating too much in regards of bb'ing and reading up on stuff like the gallon of milk makes me feel better

In short - I need to stop eating in regards of weight lifting, but also find it hard to eat without some kinda bizarre justification in regards of my weight lifting

ugh, so confused right now

I am doing starting strength and am eating like 5k calories per day. I am not a body builder and I do not like body building in general. The skinny guys with their 2700 calorie diets are always going to be skinny. Drink your milk and do your squats. Unplug the cable from the internet and come back in 12 weeks of squats and milk - and tell us how you feel. I am pretty sure you'll tell us it was the best decision you've made in a while.

[SophieM]

I don't really post in here. I had recovered before I came to bb.com. I just want to share with those who are struggling, or those who are just starting their journey of recovery, that it is possible and it is SO worth it.

Four years at this time, I was in-patient and just starting my journey to recovery. Five weeks of in-patient and I went to college, late. I've now graduated college and have not once relapsed and never had a serious slip. My life is a complete 180 from what it was.

Just keep in mind that eating healthily and maintaining a healthy weight isn't the whole battle, it's working on what sent you down the path of an eating disorder in the first place. THAT is often the most difficult thing to get at and work through.

Being recovered is definitely worth the pain and struggle to get there. Keep fighting.

[Claymont86]

Originally Posted by SophieM

I don't really post in here. I had recovered before I came to bb.com. I just want to share with those who are struggling, or those who are just starting their journey of recovery, that it is possible and it is SO worth it.

Four years at this time, I was in-patient and just starting my journey to recovery. Five weeks of in-patient and I went to college, late. I've now graduated college and have not once relapsed and never had a serious slip. My life is a complete 180 from what it was.

Just keep in mind that eating healthily and maintaining a healthy weight isn't the whole battle, it's working on what sent you down the path of an eating disorder in the first place. THAT is often the most difficult thing to get at and work through.

Being recovered is definitely worth the pain and struggle to get there. Keep fighting.

Okay, so this is more proof that there is something (God or otherwise) looking out for me. I was just surfing this thread looking for some success stories and some motivation after having a pretty bad day in terms of overcoming this damn thing on my own. The page i ended up on was 57 or so and the last thing i read before i signed my computer off for the night was a post from you talking about a specifically hard time and totally saying the same thing that i was going through.

Needless to say, this quote right here is going to motivate me to be better today than yesterday... but not as good as tomorrow. We can do this guys, there is no doubt in my mind and i will keep ya'll posted!

[SophieM]

Claymont86 - I'm so glad something I said was motivating. If you, or anyone else, ever needs to talk, you can always PM me.

Summers used to be so hard for me as that is when the abuse happened. All that changed after I got intensive trauma therapy. I no longer have flashbacks when I eat, or any other time really, nor do I have nightmares. I really think it was a life saver for me.

That's why I say it's SOOO important to work through the issue that caused the eating disorder in the first place. I struggled psychologically for 2 years until I got the therapy. The difference is like night and day.

Until the therapy, I considered my "in recovery" and was fighting thoughts and urges. But now, I don't have the thoughts or urges and consider myself "recovered" instead. Since the "purpose" of the eating disorder for me was to stop the flashbacks I got during eating, now that the issue has been worked through, I don't see it being a problem again.

I talked in my 2007 about not being able to feel but I am slowly starting to learn how to do that. I can also finally see how thin I was then, not just that I was thin, but that I was too thin.

It feels so nice to be free.

[wrestlingaa]

ok i just want to share my story i was always fat until 6th grade then i got cut from a lax team it suck so i got slowly got strict on my diet i lost 30 lbs in 1.5 months i went from 119and happy to 89 and miserable i was 4'11 and had no muscle i was eating one grapefruit and a can of tuna a day sometimes less then i began to get better eating more food and i gained about 20 lbs and was happy not counting calories this lasted for about a year then this spring i began to become obbsesed with trying to get a perfect body and started cutting weight i went from 112 to 100 lbs in about 3 weeks and was restricting myself to about 1000 calories a day and running for about 5 miles aday and had 2 lax practices aday i began counting calories and cant stop i measure everythng and cant stop.now i am gaining weight i gained 4 pounds in 2 weeks and am starting to feel better does anyone have any sugjestions on how to get over the you need to eat healthy like everyone on all the other forums talks about they make it seem like if you dont eat healthy you will get fat and wont gain good weight how do i get over this?

[wrestlingaa]

also is this normal that i can eat 5000 calories today i ate 3 cups of dry oats in one sitting and was still starving but i feel i need to restrict myself to 3200 caloreis aday how do i get over this should i just like listen to my body and eat when im hungry and not go by the eat every 2-3 hours like every one else says and could i eat like every when ever like if i eat then 25 min later im starving eat again and should i not count caloreis everyone on the other forums say you like need to count to make sure you gain

[rhengst89]

Yes it is normal. You're 14. You need to forget what a calorie is and start drinking milk. Lots of milk. And learn how to properly squat.

[Alyion]

Originally Posted by rhengst89

Yes it is normal. You're 14. You need to forget what a calorie is and start drinking milk. Lots of milk. And learn how to properly squat.

Seriously this ^^^^^

You are 14, I wish I knew about SS when I was your age

Eat and squat a load, and I swear you will be set for life. Also don't count calories, if your hungry then clearly your body is telling you something

[wrestlingaa]

like what weight should i be at 5 feet 3 in

[Alyion]

Originally Posted by wrestlingaa

like what weight should i be at 5 feet 3 in

whatever weight you feel happiest at

seriously its impossible to say - you are 14, no way in hell have you finished growing, you could end up still 5 foot 3 or turn into the worlds tallest man - listen to your body during this growing period - it knows best

[determined4000]

Originally Posted by wrestlingaa

like what weight should i be at 5 feet 3 in

Get rid of the scale. Dont count calories
Eat when you are hungry. You are still growing and will continue to do so if you properly fuel your body.

[Dirty Diesel]

I am on the keto diet.. been doing okay with it. But those days after work and no one is home, I sometimes will go nuts on carbs with cookies. And then after that, I end up puking them back up, with the guilty feeling. Is this normal? I"ve only done it a few times. Today being my last. And no, I am not the cookie monster.

[determined4000]

Originally Posted by Dirty Diesel

I am on the keto diet.. been doing okay with it. But those days after work and no one is home, I sometimes will go nuts on carbs with cookies. And then after that, I end up puking them back up, with the guilty feeling. Is this normal? I"ve only done it a few times. Today being my last. And no, I am not the cookie monster.

not remotely normal or healthy
I would stop Keto because it is probably contributing to cravings (too restrictive-your body wants some carbs). Adopt a more wel-baanced diet and just keep calories in check.

[Claymont86]

I want to be stronger, im doing Starting Strength right now and looking foward to putting on a little more lean tissue. Why? Becuase when i first started loosing i knew that if i had more muscle it would incinerate the leftover fat on me and also allow me to eat more. I love food, whats the matter with that?

Problem: I think im so ingrained in the ED that i have a mental block that is holding me back without my knowing. I havent been counting during the day for the last couple of days and this evening i actually logged in what all i ate and it came out to around 1500 if that. I ate what i wanted and stopped when i was full. I didnt binge and didnt have that "I need to eat this im gaining" mentality. I also started the SS program so i wouldnt be in the gym as much as i was so i wouldnt hurt my body anymore. What is the friggin deal? I used to work to stay under 2k by the end of the day but now that im not in school and chilling in the pad for most of the day, i dont know...

I apologize for always ranting. Im not asking for "The perfect plan" cause i know the only thing i can do is eat healthy and balanced and excercise lightly. Im just frustrated with myself. Can we just hit the reset button on my console? (thats what she said...)

---> I FOUND HUMOR!!! I must admit, of all the disorders to laugh about, anorexia is one of the most fruitful. Im thinking of righting a book that will not only be a entertaining but also hil-ar-i-ous!

[Thatgirl1]

This thread is a blessing. I never realized that even people in bodybuilding could develop eating disorders.

I've been suffer from Bulimia for the past 5 years, and it's only recently that I've been motivated to get better and eat healthy.

I have my good and bad day. But the worst thing about having Bulima is that it's self sabotaging. I try to workout everyday ( cardio and strength training) and I'm at the gym most of the time, but when I get home, the sudden urges to ransack my fridge springs up. There's not a lot of processed food at home ( I threw them all out) but when I get cravings to eat, I have tendency to overload on really, high carb food. Being Asian, this means a lot of rice. And the the constant purging, has been sending my body into starvation mode.

I never used to binge so frequently. I think my body and mentality has just adapted itself to wanting to eat and thinking purging is the answer to everything.

I'm trying to take things one day at a time. If I feel hungry, I will eat really clean, like tuna and veggies. I do have a high aversion towards carbs and fat, but I try to balance out my eating with working out.

The one thing about EDs is the relapse. Because I do have an all -or- nothing mentality, relapses constantly send me into despair.

[rhengst89]

Originally Posted by Thatgirl1

This thread is a blessing. I never realized that even people in bodybuilding could develop eating disorders.

The fact that their success in their chosen interest of bodybuilding requires them to obsess so much about food, its a wonder why most of them don't.. Or do they?

[Alyion]

Yea I agree, bodybuilding pretty much led to me developing an eating disorder - it took me a while to get over it. My relationship with food is a hell of a lot better and I dont really care about figures,charts and numbers anymore - most bb'ers would be shocked by this and its pretty sad when you think about it

Just wanna add that I had a sucky workout today (you know those days were you just cant lift for sh*t?) but I have no interest in limiting my food intake (which was something I use to do - a kinda 'damage control')

[Environ]

Originally Posted by Claymont86

I want to be stronger, im doing Starting Strength right now and looking foward to putting on a little more lean tissue. Why? Becuase when i first started loosing i knew that if i had more muscle it would incinerate the leftover fat on me and also allow me to eat more. I love food, whats the matter with that?

Problem: I think im so ingrained in the ED that i have a mental block that is holding me back without my knowing. I havent been counting during the day for the last couple of days and this evening i actually logged in what all i ate and it came out to around 1500 if that. I ate what i wanted and stopped when i was full. I didnt binge and didnt have that "I need to eat this im gaining" mentality. I also started the SS program so i wouldnt be in the gym as much as i was so i wouldnt hurt my body anymore. What is the friggin deal? I used to work to stay under 2k by the end of the day but now that im not in school and chilling in the pad for most of the day, i dont know...

I apologize for always ranting. Im not asking for "The perfect plan" cause i know the only thing i can do is eat healthy and balanced and excercise lightly. Im just frustrated with myself. Can we just hit the reset button on my console? (thats what she said...)

---> I FOUND HUMOR!!! I must admit, of all the disorders to laugh about, anorexia is one of the most fruitful. Im thinking of righting a book that will not only be a entertaining but also hil-ar-i-ous!

You know, I have always said that I am not a fan of counting calories. I'm not, but for someone who is recovering from an eating disorder, there is a need for an organised eating regimen. When I was in recovery, it was called 'mechanical eating'. You see, when your immune system, digestive system, metabolism and endocrine system are suppressed (as is the case with ED, even if you are well on the way to recovery), you don't truly feel 'hunger' or 'satiety'. You just feel discomfort, either physical, mental or both. So, to say that you ate when you were hungry or full probably involves a bit of denial and control.

So, if you are interested in getting strong, and you know that you have to eat a certain amount, plan that out in advance. I'm not saying to sit down every night and plan out what you are going to eat the following day and I'm not saying to count calories every day. But, plan out what you are going to eat one day and stick to that for a month as much as you can (i.e. variety is important, so chicken and rice every day is not healthy either).

[Alyion]

Originally Posted by Claymont86

I want to be stronger, im doing Starting Strength right now and looking foward to putting on a little more lean tissue. Why? Becuase when i first started loosing i knew that if i had more muscle it would incinerate the leftover fat on me and also allow me to eat more. I love food, whats the matter with that?

Problem: I think im so ingrained in the ED that i have a mental block that is holding me back without my knowing. I havent been counting during the day for the last couple of days and this evening i actually logged in what all i ate and it came out to around 1500 if that. I ate what i wanted and stopped when i was full. I didnt binge and didnt have that "I need to eat this im gaining" mentality. I also started the SS program so i wouldnt be in the gym as much as i was so i wouldnt hurt my body anymore. What is the friggin deal? I used to work to stay under 2k by the end of the day but now that im not in school and chilling in the pad for most of the day, i dont know...

I apologize for always ranting. Im not asking for "The perfect plan" cause i know the only thing i can do is eat healthy and balanced and excercise lightly. Im just frustrated with myself. Can we just hit the reset button on my console? (thats what she said...)

---> I FOUND HUMOR!!! I must admit, of all the disorders to laugh about, anorexia is one of the most fruitful. Im thinking of righting a book that will not only be a entertaining but also hil-ar-i-ous!

I just wanna throw this out there - One thing that helped in terms of eating and exercise was sorta 'shifting' from the idea of bodybuilding into that of strength training. I'm currently on stronglifts and im following the plan exactly - even the nutrtional side of it. Now im not interested in GOMAD or anything like that (such an extreme probably isn't the best given my history), but I realised that seeing as im not a bb'er, why eat like one? I dont follow any set meal plans, I just eat when hungry and make sure I eat a lot - Im not too worried about gaining fat right now (I could probably do with some anyway ) but the fact is it made me realise just how easy it is to get mixed up and overthink things.

Now environ has endorsed set eating - this is more than likely the best solution for you, but I found that doing something as small as slightly changing my attitude has totally revamped my life

[krissymoo]

I think my whole life I have had a poor relationship with food... or some may say an excellent relationship... we loved each other...

Now that I have gotten into weights and getting fit, I am afraid that I have triggered something bad... I crave more than ever the bad food... and say for a week I eat perfectly... my cheat day- i will eat everything in sight... and not have any progress.

I don't really know how to handle it... because when I eat normally I gain, it seems as though i don't lose the weight- or at least not fast enough... I am having a hard time... I don't like limiting my food, or restricting myself and I think it does more damage to me mentally, but I have no idea how to lose the weight w/o it.

Anyone else in the same boat?