Al Majlis

[2X-eed]

Asalamu Alaikum wa RahmutAllahi wa Barakatuhu

Hello everyone. I had a friend die in a motorcycle accident last night. I ask everyone to please make dua for him and his family.

Jazakum Allahu Khairen

[SYRIANKID]

Ignorance and extremism

http://radicalmiddleway.co.uk/videos...&art=26&a_id=6

http://radicalmiddleway.co.uk/videos...&art=19&a_id=6

[truthseeker1]

Originally Posted by 2X-eed

Asalamu Alaikum wa RahmutAllahi wa Barakatuhu

Hello everyone. I had a friend die in a motorcycle accident last night. I ask everyone to please make dua for him and his family.

Jazakum Allahu Khairen

Sorry to hear that bro. May Allah grant your friend jannah.

[asiya-sparkles]

Qur?an Bearers: Nobles of this Ummah


In the Name of All?h, the Most Beneficent, the Most Merciful



Imam al-Jazari?s praise for the Qur?an bearer ? taken from the Muqaddimah of ?Tayyibat al-Nashr.?


***

A person is not honoured or raised
Except by what he knows and has memorised



***

For that reason the bearers of Qur?an
Are the nobles of this Ummah and its righteous



***

And they are the people of Allah amongst Mankind *
And indeed our Lord has boasted of them

***

He spoke of them in the Qur?an, and it is sufficient
That He gives it (the Qur?an) to those He has chosen **

***

And in the Hereafter, it is an ardent intercessor
And its statement is something surely heard

***

By it a person is given the dominion and immortality
And likewise, he is given the crown of honour

***

He?ll read and ascend the ranks of Paradise by it
And his parents will also be clothed by it

***

So let a person strive to attain it
And let him never tire of its recitation.


____

* Due to the hadith: ?Indeed Allah has people from amongst Mankind. The people of Qur?an, they are the people of Allah and His Specialties.? [Ahmad, Ibn Majah]

** Due to the verse in Soorah Fatir:

ثُمَّ أَوْرَثْنَا الْكِتَابَ الَّذِينَ اصْطَفَيْنَا مِنْ عِبَادِنَا فَمِنْهُمْ ظَالِمٌ لِّنَفْسِهِ وَمِنْهُم مُّقْتَصِدٌ وَمِنْهُمْ سَابِقٌ بِالْخَيْرَاتِ بِإِذْنِ اللَّهِ ذَلِكَ هُوَ الْفَضْلُ الْكَبِيرُ

?Then We gave the Book for inheritance to such of Our slaves whom We chose?? [Fatir: 32]

*** Due to the hadith: ?The Qur?aan will meet its companion on the Day of Resurrection when his grave is opened for him, in the form of a pale man. It will say to him, ?Do you recognize me?? He will say: ?I do not recognize you.? It will say: ?I am your companion the Qur?aan, who kept you thirsty on hot days and kept you awake at night. Every merchant benefits from his business and today you will benefit from your good deeds.? He will be given dominion in his right hand and eternity in his left, and there will be placed on his head a crown of dignity, and his parents will be clothed with priceless garments the like of which have never been seen in this world. They will say: ?Why have we been clothed with this?? It will be said: ?Because your son used to recite Qur?aan.? Then it will be said to him: ?Recite and ascend in the degrees of Paradise,? and he will continue to ascend so long as he recites, either at a fast pace or a slow pace.? [Ahmad, Ibn Majah]

[asiya-sparkles]

http://www.quranreading.com/cost.html

home online tuition - for those unable to access direct tuition inshAllah

[onevoice]

[Jamie M]

Salam alaykum
I am heading back to Pakistan in a few days. I won't be back until January. Not sure if I'll get any time to come online from there.

[asiya-sparkles]

Originally Posted by Jamie M

Salam alaykum
I am heading back to Pakistan in a few days. I won't be back until January. Not sure if I'll get any time to come online from there.

Walaykom Salam wa rahmat Allah wa burrahktohu,

Sister I hope you have a safe journey and a special time with your husband. I don't know if you have time now, but inshAllah, I would suggest as a good read a great book called 'The Surrendered Wife' by Laura Doyle , it is a must for revert sisters like us, as it takes us through the stages of ridding secular thinking and patterns of behaviour and helps us to prepare ourselves in the best way to be a wife - and to enjoy the blessings that brings with it inshAllah. It is especially useful to have as a reference and also helps us to look at things from the perspective of a husband too

Anyway, may Allah keep you safe, guided, blessed and loved! Ameen.

Fi amanillah

[onevoice]

Enemies of Islam

[SYRIANKID]

http://www.cnn.com/2009/WORLD/meast/...ort/index.html

[SYRIANKID]

http://www.videosift.com/video/Contr...one-Commercial

I was surprised the Palestinians kept volleying a ball back. I was expecting something else to get lobbed over. Overall this commercial trivializes apartheid. Yes I'm sure people outside the cage want to have some fun.

[asiya-sparkles]

Originally Posted by SYRIANKID

http://www.videosift.com/video/Contr...one-Commercial

I was surprised the Palestinians kept volleying a ball back. I was expecting something else to get lobbed over. Overall this commercial trivializes apartheid. Yes I'm sure people outside the cage want to have some fun.

Subhan Allah, if the commercial was to be believed the wall is merely incidental to what appears otherwise to be very friendly relations. Cynical campaign

[2X-eed]

http://www.time.com/time/health/arti...711154,00.html

[osamaelias]

Salam brothers,

Bumping the thread i grew up in,

Ramadan is approaching, fooooooood lol , well not really "Bab al hara 4", lol not really too.


Ramadan is a blessing, i feel very comfortable with it , may god bless all muslims.

[asiya-sparkles]

Originally Posted by osamaelias

Salam brothers,

Bumping the thread i grew up in,

Ramadan is approaching, fooooooood lol , well not really "Bab al hara 4", lol not really too.


Ramadan is a blessing, i feel very comfortable with it , may god bless all muslims.

Walaykom salam brother,

InshAllah that you also enjoy the blessings of this time and of shaban, also months of oppurtunity!

May Allah make this Ramadan a time of accepted jihad in His cause, of abstinence, of remembrance, of diligence and of sincerity. Ameen.

[asiya-sparkles]

Those Who Take Complete, Unconditional Responsibility For Their Own Lives Are the Ones Who Consistently Accomplish Big Things
By: Daniel Herzner
Something I find fascinating is that everybody - every last one of us - wants the best that life has to offer. Yet only a very small percentage of us will ever achieve anything better than mediocrity. Everybody wants a greater sense of financial security. Everybody wants to provide their loved ones with a good life. Everybody wants the peace of mind which comes from knowing that money will never be an issue or concern. Sadly, however, the reality is the overwhelming majority of us will never get there.

What makes this dichotomy more interesting is that the divide between the haves and have-nots has nothing to do with a person's race. It has nothing to do with a person's sex. It has nothing to do with where someone was born, who their parents are, whether or not they finished their schooling, what field of endeavor they choose to pursue or how high their IQ is. Going all the way back to the time of cavemen, there has always been and always will be that much smaller percentage of people who are successful at whatever they choose to pursue.

But why? Why are there so many smart, sincere, hard working, well meaning people in the world who will experience little more than financial struggle all of their lives? What are the small number of people amongst us doing to live in financial abundance that the rest of us are not doing? As you contemplate this question you may come up with dozens of good answers. And, I'm not going not tell you that any one answer is better than any other. However, there is one good answer to this question that I'd like to focus on throughout the remainder of this article. And here it is: the most successful amongst us take full, unconditional, personal responsibility for their own lives. It's crucial that you completely understand the importance of this concept to get the most from this article.

For starters, those who fail to take full responsibility for their own lives are living in victim mode. If you blame your lousy job or your dumb boss as your reason for being mired in mediocrity, you're playing the role of a victim. If you're blaming the lousy economy for your circumstances then you're playing the role of a victim. If you ever find yourself complaining about anything at all, you guessed it, you're in victim mode. And, there simply is no such thing as a successful victim. If a victim ever did happen to somehow stumble upon success, that success would certainly be short lived.

Taking responsibility also means doing something - taking some kind of action - to help move yourself forward toward your goal. For example, let's say you have a vision board. On your board you have a picture of a sexy speed boat that you dream of owning. You stare at the picture of that boat every day. You meditate about owning the boat. In your meditation you see yourself in the captain's seat cruising the ocean blue on a gorgeous, sunny day. Based on what you know on the law of attraction - through your vision board and meditation - you are magnetically drawing that dream boat into your reality. All you need to do to make the boast your possession is to visualize having it and it will be so. Right? Wrong!

The reality is that nothing on your vision board will materialize unless you take some sort of action towards actually acquiring it. You see, anyone who thinks the law of attraction alone will bring them everything they want in life is sorely mistaken. The law of attraction alone, when not combined with meaningful action, is worthless. Taking action also means taking responsibility.

Taking responsibility for your life means using your leisure time to read a good book instead of watching another useless television program. Taking responsibility means consistently engaging in some type of salubrious activity. It means learning something new that will add to your value in the eyes of your employer or your clients. Taking full, unconditional, personal responsibility for your own life is very empowering. When you come to the realization that your fate lies in your own hands, you'll be giving yourself permission to accomplish any goal you set your sites on.

Taking responsibility for yourself also demonstrates that you understand that nobody else will make "it" happen for you. You have to make "it" happen for yourself. Now here's the real kicker - people, subconsciously, want to be in victimhood. As crazy as this may sound, most people are comfortable playing the role of a victim. They may not realize it or will disagree vehemently with this idea. However, if they were to take a hard, honest look at themselves they would see that they somehow would feel threatened by success because success would take them outside of their comfort zone. And that is where the real problem lies - people, by their very nature, want to stay with what they are most comfortable with.

Finally, taking responsibility for your own life means that even though you may not be able to control everything you experience in life, you do have complete, unconditional control over how you react to that which you experience. Wow, how empowering that is.

In order to take responsibility for your life, take a good look at the areas you feel could use improvement. Start with just one area and begin to work at changing it for the better. Find a book, a web site or an article that can help you with the area you wish to improve upon. I don't care what area you wish to change for yourself, there is a resource out there which can help you do it. I can recall a time when I was in the bookstore and I happened to notice a book on how to properly get a sun tan. At that very moment I realized that if there existed a book on how to sun tan then there has to be a book on any, and I mean ANY, topic known to mankind.

Folks, your life is in your own hands - make the most of it. Once it's gone, it's gone for good. Make sure that when you look back on your life one day you'll see successes and disappointments but not regrets. Disappointments will mean that you tried; you gave it your all but came up short. Regrets will mean that you didn't even try at all. Please, don't let that be you.

[asiya-sparkles]

Sheikh Hassan al-Hindi's lesson 1 about the Muslim Family.
Victimhood

Some of the people who lecture on family affairs, if you look at their lives you?ll find that it?s a failure ? they identified the ailment and its medicine, but they haven?t used the medicine. The medicine being disciplining one self by the scale of obligations and rights. Following this path means that there are things that I will do despite disliking them, and things that I will leave despite liking them. This path is not necessarily in accordance with our desires ? sometimes it will and sometimes it won?t. For that reason, one must make this divine ruling the scale by which one controls his desires, behavior and personality.

In this dunya, you go to the market to buy a garment that suits your taste. But when it comes to divine and prophetic rulings, you make the garment that you choose/like comply with the divine and prophetic teachings. Those who missed that point lived their life in distance from divine rulings. They had the path and thus happiness within their reach, but they didn?t follow it, they didn?t use the medicine.

In the family domain, like you have rights, you also have obligations. So when people enter into marriage thinking that they will get privileges and rights without any giving or any fulfillment of their obligations we tell them that they are greatly mistaken for not following the divine path in this respect. And this is one group of Muslims, they recognized the path but failed to follow it.

Some couples at the beginning of their marriage discuss all the details of how they want their new happy family to function. They choose the rules and regulations that fits their desires, not necessarily the ones established by the prophetic tradition.

This group of people have been deceived by all these theories out there that have been developed by Westerners or Easterners. Even Easterners support their theories with verses from the Qur'an and Hadiths of the Prophet, peace be upon him.

This is the most dangerous of situations, because these families commit themselves to following what they think is the straight path. However, the straight path is already clear and determined as the Shari?a of Allah and his Messenger.

That brings us to a very important point. There is a big difference between choosing a path or theory based on your own studies, or life experiences then start to find matching verses and Hadiths that supports these theories, and looking at the divine rulings and Prophetic tradition for the right path.

Some people give advice based on their own life experience and intellect, then they support their advice with verses from the Qur'an and Hadiths, and we tell them you are doing it backwards. The Qur'an and the Hadith is the basis of your advice and the basis of your life. The religion is complete, the verse goes, ?Today I have completed for you your religion.? Meaning that Islam is not incomplete, or flawed in certain areas. Allah is not asking us for ideas or opinions. The path that you are supposed to follow has been put for you before your existence. The path to your happiness has already been outlined for you, and all you need to do is follow it to acquire happiness in this life and the next. The Qur'anic verses with this meaning are many, amongst which; ?And whoever does good, from men or women, We shall give him a good life.?? ?Respond to Allah and His Messenger when you called to what will give you life.??

Allah has outlined for us the path to the good life, the life that any sane person aspires to. There is no theory out there that carries the banner of ?establishing a miserable family.? All the theories out there claim that it will guide you to family happiness, so examine all these theories so far, has any of them achieved that?

So the question now is, are Muslims families today heading towards happiness or away from it? The answer is away from it. So let?s examine where the deficiency is coming from. There?s a direct relationship between our commitment to the religion and achieving happiness.

Every time we move away from applying the religion of Allah, we are automatically moving away from achieving happiness. Happiness is only achieved through applying the religion of Allah as presented in the Qur'an, Hadiths and teaching of righteous scholars.

If we are looking for peace and happiness in our lives with our families then we should examine the path that would help us achieve peace and happiness.

Do we need a higher committee to draft rules and regulations for us by which we govern our families? The answer is no, we do not need such committee. All we need is to take ourselves back to the teaching of the Qur'an and the Sunnah of the Prophet, peace be upon him, so we can learn how to live our lives fully. If we learn Islam, we learn how to live happily, there?s no doubt about that. The problem is that some Muslim families today have been affected by western media and western ideologies. Some other families govern their lives by modernistic philosophies, if you mention happiness to them they say happiness is unattainable. If you tell them that living by Islam will lead you to happiness that say Islam is the problem (May Allah forgive us). And if you debate with someone with this mentality, you feel that you are both speaking different languages, totally different wave lengths, and they will simply not listen to you. So we reverse the question and ask; why do you think Islam is the problem? Their simple answer is look around you now and see the reality of Muslim families all around the world. We say, we agree with you that the reality now is unfortunate, it is true that is some places women are mistreated or children are lost and so forth

So we agree that we do have symptoms of a disease, but what is that disease? You can only identify the disease after close examination and study. We don?t object to the fact that the reality of Muslims families today is sad, but we totally object to saying that Islam is the cause of this sadness. In fact the reality today is a proof that when Islam was once applied correctly, Muslims families lived in happiness, in all the sense of the word, and all the individuals in the family were happy. Happiness then slipped away when Muslim families were invaded with poisonous ideas from the west, and thus lost its balance. Happiness was changed to misery the moment we exchanged our system of happiness to another.

When we make this argument, people say this is the talk of sheikhs who are bias to their religion. So let?s examine what western, non-Muslim, scholars say. The United Nations sent a woman researcher to examine the status of women in Muslims countries. She related in her report that a woman in the west, her dreams of a good life don't reach the life that a Muslim woman lives in the poorest areas of the world. Subhan Allah, the traces of Islamic tradition that we have in our families today is enabling us to live a life that many people envy. And if we fully apply Islam, we will live a life we haven?t dreamed of.

Look at an average Muslim city today, how many religious youths commit suicide per year? It?s very rare. Some cities in the west, hundreds of people commit suicide per year.

A wealthy German provided his son with all he ever desired in this life. This son traveled the world, and sent a message to his father from East Asia thanking him for giving him the opportunity to experience the pleasures of this world. He said at the end of this message that he has, however, failed to find happiness and has decided to kill himself hoping to find happiness in the after world.

In the Muslim world, if a non-practicing young man expresses his desire to kill himself, people take him to the Mosque and start guiding him until he slowly abandons the thought to kill himself completely and starts to live a life he?s happy with.

A convert French family was interviewed and were asked about how they felt after Islam, and they said by Allah we never tasted happiness like this before becoming Muslim.

These stories are also reality that many of us find strange, because we are deceived by western thought and way of life, thinking they are leading happy lives. It is true the west is advanced in terms of modern technology and living in luxury, but when it comes to living in virtue and with sound principles, Islam is far ahead.

How do you explain group suicides in the states based on a promise of eternal happiness after death? How do you explain the high rate of suicide in Sweden, the most comfortable, and rich country to live in the world?

We have to bring back people?s trust in Islam before we ask them to apply it. Some Muslims between themselves ? not publicly ? believe that Islam in itself is the problem, so how can we ask them to apply it?

These people need to realize that Islam is the only system that brings balance and happiness to the ummah. Unfortunately some people limit happiness to their personal desires ? a bigger house, children, a raise?etc and when we examine families, or individuals that have these blessings, we?ll realize that they are still not happy for the absence of what they don?t have!

And we tell them happiness is above, and much better than all that. And the fact that this is people?s definition of happiness, it means that they do not know what happiness is. You find some people who have problems with their health, wealth, job or others but when you sit with them you see that they are the happiest of people.

A wealthy man came to me suffering from anxiety, I asked him what the cause of his unrest is, and he said he?s afraid he?d loose his money and become poor one day. I said subhanAllah, the poor are not living this anxiety, so why are you?!

In summary happiness is a sweetness that a person tastes in his heart ? it?s something that Allah places in people?s hearts that has nothing to do with worldly gains.

Ibrahim ibn Adham, a wali of Allah (swt), was a wealthy man who spent his time in play and idleness. While hunting one day he heard a voice telling him, O Ibrahim you were not created for this! So he left everything of this world and dedicated his time to worshipping Allah. Years later, after losing his wealth and leading a poor life he said his famous saying; we are living in sweetness if kings knew about, they?d fight us over it with swords.

And we Muslims have between our hands a religion if we apply correctly, we?ll be living in sweetness if kings knew about, they?d fight us over it with swords.

[TranceNRG]

Eid al-Mab'ath Mubarak


27th Rajab: On this Blissful and Auspicious Day Holy Prophet Muhammad (S.A.W.) was appointed to the Prophetic Mission

Read in the name of thy Lord Who created, Created man from a clot (of congealed blood): Read and thy Lord is most Bountiful, He Who taught with the pen, taught man that which he knew not. (The Holy Qur'an, 96:1-5)

These were the first ayats to be revealed, and the date was the 27th of Rajab, 40th year of elephant (610 C.E.).

Holy Prophet Muhammad Mustafa (S.A.W.), known as Sadiq (the Truthful) and Amin (the Trusted) from his youth and was sent as "The Mercy for this World and the Hereafter" and "The Last Messenger of God Almighty" and "The Seal of the Prophethood" was appointed to the prophetic mission on the 27th of Rajab and his Prophethood commenced from the same day.

The flow of the Divine message which continued for the next twenty-three years had begun, and the Holy Prophet of Islam (S.A.W.) had arisen to proclaim the Unity of God and the Unity of Mankind, to demolish the edifice of superstition, ignorance, and disbelief, to set up a noble conception of life, and to lead mankind to the light of faith, justice, equality, brotherhood and celestial bliss.

On this Happy and Auspicious Occasion of Eid al-Ma'bath (The Appointment of Holy Prophet Muhammad (S.A.W.) to the Divine Prophetic Mission) we extend our Heartiest Greetings and Felicitations to the 1800 Millions Strong Muslim Ummah.

http://maaref-foundation.com/english...phet/index.htm
http://imamreza.net/eng/list.php?id=010301

[onevoice]

Excellent documentary

[asiya-sparkles]

This is a lovely poem, I wanted to send to you all as a gift,

My life is but a weaving between my Lord and I,
I cannot choose the colours He weaveth steadily,
Of time He chooses sorrow and I in my foolish pride,
Forget He sees the upper and I the under side.

Not until the loom is silent and the shuttles cease to fly,
Shall God unroll the canvas and explain the reasons why,
The dark threads are needful in the weavers skillful hands,
As are the threads of gold and silver in the pattern He has planned.



Assalam alaikom, I read this in a great area for sisters and thought it a lovely metaphor for life's purpose

[EOY]

[EOY]

[asiya-sparkles]

Marital Stress: Bad For a Woman's Heart

Men and women are not the same; and this notion carries through to
health
issues. For example, when a woman under the age of 70 has a heart attack,
she has a worse prognosis than a man of the same age. The reason for this
disparity, however, is not yet understood.

A commonly held belief is that a man's stress is experienced at work
and a
woman's stress is experienced at home. Previous studies of men have found
that work stress is associated with an increase in heart disease and poorer
health outcomes after a heart attack. Speculation into the role of stress
in the home led researchers to focus on marital stress as well as work
stress when they studied women and heart attacks. Their results were
published in an issue of the Journal of the American Medical Association.


Work Stress Versus Marital Stress

Researchers studied 279 females who were hospitalized after >experiencing a
heart attack. For five years after the initial attack, records were kept on
any recurrences of coronary events, such as another heart attack, a
revascularization procedure, or death from heart disease. In addition, researchers assessed marriage and work stress levels in the women using
specialized questionnaires and structured interviews.


The results were quite significant. Severe marital stress was highly
correlated with risk of a recurrent cardiac event; these women had a
threefold higher risk than women with mild or no marital stress. Work
stress, however, did not increase a woman's risk for a recurrent event.



The authors of the study speculated on possible explanations for these
findings. Due to emotional strain and a perceived lack of support from her
partner, a woman may not be motivated to stick with healthful lifestyle
behaviors, or may not seek out medical support. Another factor may be the
potentially damaging effects of negative emotional states and stress on the
way the body functions physiologically.

Communicate Your Way to Less Stress
Whatever the mechanism, it seems clear that marital stress is bad for a
woman's heart, both emotionally and physically. Working to alleviate stress
in a marriage is a good step toward health and happiness. Many experts
believe that communication is the foundation for a good marriage.


The Families Worldwide Organization provides some ideas about what you
and your spouse can do to help build effective communication. Some of the tips
include:

Listen as well as talk; Communication is a two-way street.

Work on hearing what your spouse is communicating. You may not be
receiving
the message that your partner is trying to convey.

Restate what you think your partner has said to ensure that what you think
you heard was what was intended. This will help with your understanding.

Be sensitive to the nonverbal messages as well as the ones expressed in
words. Although they can be confusing, they can also send important
messages.

Take time out to talk. Put the kids to bed, turn off the television unplug
the phone. Make it a priority.
Just be there. Sometimes it is comfort enough to have someone to lean
on or someone to listen.

http://www.ilookisee.co.uk/Lectures/...20Marriage.htm

"...the heart of a woman is brittle...it is easily broken..."

"...the fragility of children is such that one look can devastate..."

[asiya-sparkles]

Adapted from Initiating and upholding an Islamic marriage - Hedaya Hertford.

The wise husband.

Bismillah Ar-rahman Ar-raheem

'muadha wa rahma' love AND mercy

Allah Mighty & Majestic guides the believers to the actions that bring success, both in the sense that the results manifest in this life as well as earn rewards for the Hereafter if applied. The actions that please Allah are also going to bring personal benefits inshAllah (God willing) to us when we implement them for the sake of Allah.

The following verses are some of what He says:

"But the best provision is right conduct. So fear Me, O you who are wise" [Qu'ran 2:197]

"Those who spend freely whether in prosperity, or in adversity; who restrain anger, and pardon (all) men; for Allah loves those that do good" [Qu'ran 3:134]

"Do men think that they will be left alone on saying, 'We believe', and that they will not be tested?" [Qu'ran 29:2]

And fear a day wherein you shall be returned to Allah, and every soul shall be paid in full what it earned." [Qu'ran 2:281]

Some men confuse being masculine with a natural state of being harsh towards women and children and vulnerable people, they perceive their role as being strong and of discouraging emotional intimacy; in fact this lack of gentleness manifests in a harmful way and becomes an unconscious lack of compassion that causes harm to their families, the wife (wives) and children are dependants and that isn't linited to a financial responsibility.

This is why the Messenger of allah(saw) gave much advice on the subject of kind treatment and there are many hadiths that remind men to be compassionate and overlook.
Muhammad(saw) said " The believer who has the most exemplary faith is he who is best in demeanor and most kind to his wife" [Tirmhidhi 1162]. A scholar explained , this hadith also holds true for the reverse, those who are bad in their character are also bad to their wives.

It is important to remind ourselves, that of all subjects that could have prevailed at the Farewell Pilgrimage, our Prophet(saw) paid particular attention to the treatment of women, he said "O men, listen to me, for I may not be with you after this yearin this place. Let it be well understood that your lives and property are sacred and inviolable to each other... You have rights over your wives, they have rights over you...and all muslims are brothers to one another. I call upon you all to guard yourselves against committing any injustice... Listen! Treat your women kindly; they are a trust for your safe keeping in your hands." [tirmhidi 3087]

It must be understood that the wife is not a chattel, she is an individual who comes to her husband and serves him, she is deserving of his love, compassion and companionship. She is not merely a vessel to fulfill his needs, she also has needs which should be considered a duty fulfilled in good spirit, the pious husband hates to see his wife upset. Muhammad(saw) recognised his wife Aisha(ra) needed female companionship and ensured that she spent quality time with friends, not overburdening her with housebound duties or restricting her to mixing only with kin.

Allah Most High has said "O you who believe! Stand out firmly for justice, as witnesses to Allah, even as against yourselves, or your parents, or your kin, and whether it be against rich or poor; Allah can best protect both. Follow not the lusts of your hearts, lest you swerve; if you distort or decline justice, verily Allah is well acquainted with all that you do" [Qu'ran 4:135]

We all have a natural tendancy to follow our nafs, but in fact we should master them, in doing so, we reap the rewards and blessings and become disciplined and humble before Allah. As believers it isn't fitting for a muslim to change or have a say in any matter that has been decided by Allah subhana wa t'ala & His Messenger(saw). It is fitting only that a husband and wife live piously, mindful and conscious of the care, compassion and love they are enjoined to bring into their marriage. Allah commands us nothing that will harm us.

In truth, the sunnah is the means we need to enable a healthy Islamic marriage, and there isn't an equivalent or alternative mode that will protect the believers or grant them the necessary skills, contentment or setting to enrich our souls, earn rewards and live equitably with our spouses.

Allah knows best.

All mistakes are my own, and what good comes from my Rabb.

[asiya-sparkles]

truly wise words transmitted from a mother to her daughter, at the time of marriage a door is closing and we step into the unknown territory of being a wife. The first weeks will be a time for discovery, observing, asking & learning about individual habits, preferences & how we can best complement each other. A beautiful summary of instruction from Umama bint al-Harith:
"I'm telling you this not because you are in need of refinement, rather it is a reminder for the unaware and an aid for the wise. Verily my daughter, you are about to leave the common surroundings of your upbringing and go to a new home with a companion you are not familiar with, who has become your overseer.
Be a slave to him, he will be a slave to you. Hold fast to ten things and they will be of service to you:
Submit to him with contentment,

Listen well to him and obey,

Never let his eyes fall on something ugly - be it in your appearance or your behaviour,

Never let his nose smell anything from you but a pleasant scent,

Take care of his sleep time. Do not disturb him, for it will make him angry.

Take care of his hunger, because the discomfort will make him irritable.

Take care of his money and manage it well!

Take care of his children and manage them well.

Neither ignore his instructions nor divulge his secrets. If you defy his directions, he will hold malice against you. If you disclose his secrets, you will never be safe from his treachery.

Finally, do not appear elated when you find him disheartened and do not let him find you depressed when you find him raptorous."

[asiya-sparkles]

Adapted from Initiating and upholding an Islamic marriage - Hedaya Hertford.

In a Man:
Naturally there are characteristics in each of us that the right partner will enhance and are unique, however there are also some qualities that you should seek:

Piety, A halal (lawful) income, sufficient to support his household, Basic Islamic knowledge, because Allah subhana wa t'ala says: "Protect yourself and your family from the fire" [ Qu'ran 66:6]

Contentment, Ability to make mature judgements, Ability to understand and think soundly, A forgiving nature, tolerant and even tempered, Patience & generosity, Responsibility, protectiveness and co-operation, Being from a decent stable family, Good appearance and bodily cleanliness. [the intended bride may look at the man who wishes to marry her as many times as she needs before making her decision]

The Prophet(saw) said "Choose well for your seed, marry suitable women and marry your daughters to suitable men." [Ibn Majah, 1968]

In a woman:

There are important qualities to look for in a woman who will be your wife, companion and mother to your children, they should always include:

Piety The Prophet(saw) said "A woman is married for her wealth, her lineage, her beauty or her religion. Choose the religious one or you will lose." [Bukhari 5090]

Affectionate & easygoing nature The Prophet(saw) said "Marry loving, fertile women" [Nasa'i 3227]

Ability to make mature judgements, to understand & think soundly, Obedience & patience, Contentment The Messenger of Allah(saw) said ""I was shown hell and the majority of its inhabitants were ungrateful women". The companions asked, "Were they ungrateful to Allah?" "No" He replied "[it was]because of their ingratitude towards their husbands and denyng goodness done to them. Even if you were generous to her for a lifetime, as soon as she experiences anything she dislikes from you [her husband], she tells you that she has never seen any goodness from you." [ Muslim 907]

Being from a decent stable family. As with the aforementioned Hadith regarding suitable men, The Prophet(saw) also said "Beware of a beautiful girl of bad background." [ Musnad al-Shihab 957]

Good appearance & bodily cleanliness. (When seeking marriage a man may see the face and hands only of the intended bride but may seek his female relatives to meet the prospective bride in her home without her hijab, it is important to mention any specific preferences... colour of hair, straight or curly etc... but not expect a description of the bride, only a confirmation of her suitability).

In the case of both the husband and wife, there are also those to avoid, these are:

Irreligious or immoral, ill tempered & short tempered, arrogant or concieted, unsatisfied, miserly, tyrannical in word or deed, the one who doesn't have empathy or compassion, who plays the 'divorce' card...asking for or threatening divorce habitually, immature and weakwilled, impatient, irresponsible, loafer, negative and complains often, hypochondriac and malingerer.

It is important to establish prior to marriage these character traits through close questioning, shyness should not stop legitimate questions from being asked or invited, but need not sound like an interrogation! It is also very important to discuss expectations in regards to children - how will they be educated etc? And very important to seek compatibility in religiousness, this can either make for a blessing or burden within a marriage.

[deeyala]

Originally Posted by asiya-sparkles

It is important to establish prior to marriage these character traits through close questioning, shyness should not stop legitimate questions from being asked or invited, but need not sound like an interrogation! It is also very important to discuss expectations in regards to children - how will they be educated etc? And very important to seek compatibility in religiousness, this can either make for a blessing or burden within a marriage.

The author of the article seems to know me quite well !

yeah , I still lurk here

As salamu alaykum, everyone
Hope all is well with you all

@ Asiya, very good reads. Couldn't have arrived at a better timing
Thanks , sis and God bless.

[asiya-sparkles]

Originally Posted by deeyala

The author of the article seems to know me quite well !

yeah , I still lurk here

As salamu alaykum, everyone
Hope all is well with you all

@ Asiya, very good reads. Couldn't have arrived at a better timing
Thanks , sis and God bless.

wa'laykom salam sis!

I think the author does know you

Alhamdulillah all is well, inshAllah all is well with my inquisitor also?

*hug

[asiya-sparkles]

Assalam alaikom wa rahmat allahi wa burrahktohu,

http://qa.sunnipath.com/issue_view.a...D=1873&CATE=99

http://qa.sunnipath.com/issue_view.asp?ID=16257

what to look for in a spouse
http://qa.sunnipath.com/issue_view.a...=4379&CATE=204

is beauty something to seek?
http://qa.sunnipath.com/issue_view.a...=4005&CATE=389

advice for a sound marriage.
http://qa.sunnipath.com/issue_view.a...=2576&CATE=121

[mehdi84]