Affiar

[IowaGuy]

If the girl hanging out with me is attractive and enjoyable to be around, eventually I will start thinking with my weiner instead of my brain. It's a given for most males.

[CoffeCanSlayer]

I'd boot any girl to the curb, no matter how hot she is, if she spent nights with "male friends" or was constantly around them more than I. Thats how it should be.

[Jaw-Knee]

Originally Posted by Finner

She stopped the affair and re-committed herself to her husband. Alas, her husband is now "just friends" with a girl from his work. He can't take time off to help my friend with her car issues, but he's taking an entire day off from work to help his "just friend" lay floor in her house. He has also done things like had the friend over for dinner when the wife was out of town, painted the friends fingernails. . .all things I consider to be intimate and beyond my boundaries in a 'friend' relationship. Even if they aren't doing the nasty, if I were his wife, I would be very uncomfortable with the level of intimacy they seemed to have developed.

The wife deserves it, to tell the truth.

[MetalMommy]

some ppl can be friends with the opposite sex....

but for us personally. i dont hang out with other guys UNLESS my husband is their. and vice versa for him.

my husband always says a guy /girl can not just be friends without one of them thinking about something more....i tend to disagree with him...but my best friend was a guy, i never eve noticed but eventually i found out he was telling people he loved me and wanted to be with me.....antoher one of my good friends who was a guy I thought was gay but come to find out he was bie, and hit on me....I just tend to steer clear of being good friends with guys now unless the hubby is around.

I wont even let a male massage therapist work on me, has to be female. Just a personal choice really. the hubby could care less if I did but I just steer clear

[sthpadregrl]

I agree with Kimm and Pauly...

in the end i think it comes down to the health of your relationship. What can your relationship handle? It takes years to build trust...most of the married folks have been there...and honestly, it only takes suspicion to ruin it......

I think that you shouldn't do anything that you wouldn't want your s/o other doing. If you all have different tolernances and standards of that behavior than you need to figure it out with your s/o.

I was in the military and that puts you in a position where you are with people of the opposite sex 24/7. I was the only female in my platoon and pretty damn naive at the time, i can admit that now. My husband ALWAYS had issues with crap...and i got so much shi* from the wives of say my team lead or something. He hated me being in the field for 3 weeks or 3 months with nothing bet men. I was pretty oblivious to it all and it caused so many problems on our marriage at the time. He was right though and i just didn't know it at the time, I think maybe only 3 guys i worked with DID NOT hit on me. Even later in civilian years, he never told me i coulnd't befriend men, but i never did anything alone with them. Sure enough he wouldn't like a friend of mine and i thought he was crazy and eventually that guy would hit on me.

Now i believe you shouldn't put yourself in a situation that can even be "perceived" as cheating, not that i care what others think. I just know that even the suspect of something happening isn't worth the pain it causes.

[MetalMommy]

Originally Posted by sthpadregrl

I agree with Kimm and Pauly...

in the end i think it comes down to the health of your relationship. What can your relationship handle? It takes years to build trust...most of the married folks have been there...and honestly, it only takes suspicion to ruin it......

I think that you shouldn't do anything that you wouldn't want your s/o other doing. If you all have different tolernances and standards of that behavior than you need to figure it out with your s/o.

I was in the military and that puts you in a position where you are with people of the opposite sex 24/7. I was the only female in my platoon and pretty damn naive at the time, i can admit that now. My husband ALWAYS had issues with crap...and i got so much shi* from the wives of say my team lead or something. He hated me being in the field for 3 weeks or 3 months with nothing bet men. I was pretty oblivious to it all and it caused so many problems on our marriage at the time. He was right though and i just didn't know it at the time, I think maybe only 3 guys i worked with DID NOT hit on me. Even later in civilian years, he never told me i coulnd't befriend men, but i never did anything alone with them. Sure enough he wouldn't like a friend of mine and i thought he was crazy and eventually that guy would hit on me.

Now i believe you shouldn't put yourself in a situation that can even be "perceived" as cheating, not that i care what others think. I just know that even the suspect of something happening isn't worth the pain it causes.

i agree completely. i always think "wold it bother me if HE did this? if so i dont do it"

when i was in the army, i was always around guys...all of my friends were guys....and he didnt really care too much because being army hiimself he understood its not like i had a huge variety of girls to choose from to hang out with. but now...i dont hang out with guys.
even the healthiest of marriages, can be trouble by suspecting something, or just wondering....

i just dont take the risk. its not worth it.

[Finner]

Originally Posted by Jaw-Knee

The wife deserves it, to tell the truth.

No argument from me. I think that every time she whines about it. (shrug) Not very sympathetic. . .

[sthpadregrl]

I knew i liked you metalmommy!!

[javyn]

Sorry ladies. Guys just don't work that way. If a straight guy is your "friend", he wants to screw you. Period.

[sthpadregrl]

Originally Posted by javyn

Sorry ladies. Guys just don't work that way. If a straight guy is your "friend", he wants to screw you. Period.

I think that is what my ex-husband was trying to teach me and i just didn't see it at the time, but he was right, as are you.

maybe it's just cause all the bb.com ladies are so hawt...men can't help themselves

[RHINO240]

When will women learn - we want to sleep with all of you!!!

[erinlee01]

Of course you can be just friends with someone of the opposite sex. My whole life I have related better to males than to females. I can't see why I would have to stop hanging out with who I am comfortable, or start hanging out with people who I am not comfortable with just because I got married. As a matter of fact, I wouldn't have married someone who had an issue with me having male friends.

Going away overnight is a littler trickier. I can't say I'd count it as cheating, but I really wouldn't be comfortable with my husband doing it. Nor do I see myself doing it. But that's just me.

[erinlee01]

Originally Posted by CoffeCanSlayer

I'd boot any girl to the curb, no matter how hot she is, if she spent nights with "male friends" or was constantly around them more than I. Thats how it should be.

I missed this earlier, but I think you hit on a key thing, Matt. When you choose to hang out with any friend (male or female) more than your partner/spouse, you are headed for trouble.

[RHINO240]

Originally Posted by erinlee01

Of course you can be just friends with someone of the opposite sex. My whole life I have related better to males than to females. I can't see why I would have to stop hanging out with who I am comfortable, or start hanging out with people who I am not comfortable with just because I got married. As a matter of fact, I wouldn't have married someone who had an issue with me having male friends.

Going away overnight is a littler trickier. I can't say I'd count it as cheating, but I really wouldn't be comfortable with my husband doing it. Nor do I see myself doing it. But that's just me.

Want to spend the night at my house?

[erinlee01]

Originally Posted by RHINO240

Want to spend the night at my house?

lol! Can I bring my hubby?

[PLANETGETLOW]

Blame it on the Vodka, Blame it on the Henney.....

[gamebred26]

Originally Posted by strength_77

That's asking for trouble BIG TIME. You'd have to be 110% honest with yourself and really understand what your motives are. Men and women don't usually just get together to "chat". They want to bang. plain and simple. If i want to chat and hang out with someone other than my wife, it sure as shiit isnt gonna be another women. Im gonna call up an old GUY friend and shoot the breeze not some old fling or chik i used to know.

You got it!

[Darshiva8]

I'm perfectly okay with my s/o hanging out with other women, and he's okay with me hanging out with men. We kind of have to be as he is in a predominately female PhD program, and I'm in a predominately male PhD program and profession, and these people constitute our friends. There has to be a certain amount of trust there. Sure, I get hit on occasionally, as does he, but we trust each other, so there's no issue.

[gamebred26]

Originally Posted by LittleCharlie

I couldn't be with someone who didn't appreciate I prefer male company to female company. My best friends are all guys. Partners must understand that!

yeah and if they are not gay....and if your decent looking ( cant tell from your pic )

given the right circumstances and conditions they would all sleep with you.

you do know that ...right?


no guy hangs out with a hot chick cause he wants to be friends.

unless they bat for the pink team.

[erinlee01]

Originally Posted by gamebred26

yeah and if they are not gay....and if your decent looking ( cant tell from your pic )

given the right circumstances and conditions they would all sleep with you.

you do know that ...right?


no guy hangs out with a hot chick cause he wants to be friends.

unless they bat for the pink team.

Yeah, but some guys are able to prioritize friendship over a good lay. And some guys do hang out with hot chicks to be friends because they genuinely enjoy their company. Again, not to say they wouldn't sleep with them, but they can prioritize the friendship.

[gamebred26]

its all about the situation.

you have a few drinks..you're alone together.

bing bang boom..

"you make me want to leave the one i'm with start a new relationship with you..."

ask my wife thats how i met her...i was her "friend"

[DaBurg3r]

Originally Posted by strength_77

That's asking for trouble BIG TIME. You'd have to be 110% honest with yourself and really understand what your motives are. Men and women don't usually just get together to "chat". They want to bang. plain and simple. If i want to chat and hang out with someone other than my wife, it sure as shiit isnt gonna be another women. Im gonna call up an old GUY friend and shoot the breeze not some old fling or chik i used to know.

/\/\/\

This, I only have one female friend I wouldn't jump into bed with in a heart beat if given the chance.

[sif]

The way I see it is this:
He's going to hang out with whomever he wants. There is nothing I can do about that, nor would I want to hold him back from socializing with people that entertain him. Whether they be female or male is not something I focus on. He has male friends that are compelte *******s, as well as female friends who I think are completely retarded.
Having said that though, if I feel if like the girl is wying for his attention because she is attracted to him I will let it go on and see what HE does.
Her motives don't bother me.
His do.
If he's in it for the attention, and only attention, then sure...why not. Its harmless and I think its human nature. If he falls in love with her, there is absolutely nothing I can do about that. Why would I want to prevent him from being happy because I'm insecure with who he socializes with in the first place?
What I'm trying to say is complicated so I hope whoever reads this understands what I'm saying.

I am free to socialize with whomever I want.
I have more male friends (4) then female (2) and yes its by choice.
Does he mind? Im sure he's had his days when he has.
Have I cheated on him? No. My intentions have and never will be to 'do' any of said 4 male friends.

[guest89]

Personally I look at it like this. I would not want my wife hanging out alone with another male (unless a relative), and since I know this is an issue for me I would make sure we are both on the same page before we are married. And since this is completely unacceptable behavior for my relationship, of course I would not hang out with another female alone.


I consider myself a pretty honest, trustworthy person. I'm 99.9% sure I could hang out with any female and be trusted, HOWEVER, because I'm a guy I know how guys think. Even if a male and female can "Just be friends" without any sex, because one or both of them is in a relationship, don't think if a relationship gets rocky/ends that something won't be going on.


I have a friend who has loads of female friends, he doesn't cheat on his girlfriend. However, as soon as they break up he has about a dozen more females to pick from, already lined up. I would NOT be comfortable with the thought of my girlfriend having a backup, or some prick having my girl lined up waiting for something to go wrong in our relationship before making his move.


Most times when cheating occurs/one spouse leaves another it's not on random impulse. It's because they've met someone "better" or have fallen for someone else. I don't like the idea of another guy lining up my woman to be his future booty call should we ever get into an argument/have a disagreement/she has a lapse in judgment.


Also, I believe that people who think everyone want's be be strictly friends is very naive. This type of situation involves three people. The husband, the wife, and the third party. Regardless of the amount of trust you have with your spouse, you simply cannot know the intentions of that third party.


I don't claim to be an expert on relationships or females, but simply from observing people I know, I've seen relationships (and sometimes marriages) go awry dozens of times, due to an "innocent" friendship. I have six different family members who this very thing has happened to (not counting friends/acquaintances).

First an innocent friendship, then supposedly "unhappy", then leaves spouse for "Friend" + divorce = shocked naive spouse and devastated kids.

It always starts out as an innocent friendship.

[Yoghurt]

It can be platonic. Women know when someone's trying to weasel their way into our pants ... and if we're happy with the man we're with, that weasel hasn't got an ice-cube's chance in he\\.

Fidelity is based on how happy and healthy the couple's relationship is. I firmly believe that. If half the couple starts feeling unsatisfied, the relationship will end unless something changes. Friends of the opposite gender won't make a difference then, as that unsatisfied half will eventually start looking for satisfaction elsewhere, and anywhere. Getting posessive and jealous will just make it worse.

[Jaw-Knee]

Originally Posted by Yoghurt

It can be platonic. Women know when someone's trying to weasel their way into our pants ... and if we're happy with the man we're with, that weasel hasn't got an ice-cube's chance in he\\.

Precisely--cheating women know exactly what they're doing.

[dimepiece]

i don't see any problem with having friends of the opposite sex as long as you don't cross the line where it becomes an emotional and/or physical affair. personally i don't have many guy friends because there is usually attraction on one end or the other.

[Walk2liv]

I'm too lazy to read all the posts but it's known that when a guy and a girl are friends.. the friendship usually starts because one of them is attracted to the other... so yeah, I don't think it'd be appropriate.

[Walk2liv]

Originally Posted by guest89

Personally I look at it like this. I would not want my wife hanging out alone with another male (unless a relative), and since I know this is an issue for me I would make sure we are both on the same page before we are married. And since this is completely unacceptable behavior for my relationship, of course I would not hang out with another female alone.


I consider myself a pretty honest, trustworthy person. I'm 99.9% sure I could hang out with any female and be trusted, HOWEVER, because I'm a guy I know how guys think. Even if a male and female can "Just be friends" without any sex, because one or both of them is in a relationship, don't think if a relationship gets rocky/ends that something won't be going on.


I have a friend who has loads of female friends, he doesn't cheat on his girlfriend. However, as soon as they break up he has about a dozen more females to pick from, already lined up. I would NOT be comfortable with the thought of my girlfriend having a backup, or some prick having my girl lined up waiting for something to go wrong in our relationship before making his move.


Most times when cheating occurs/one spouse leaves another it's not on random impulse. It's because they've met someone "better" or have fallen for someone else. I don't like the idea of another guy lining up my woman to be his future booty call should we ever get into an argument/have a disagreement/she has a lapse in judgment.


Also, I believe that people who think everyone want's be be strictly friends is very naive. This type of situation involves three people. The husband, the wife, and the third party. Regardless of the amount of trust you have with your spouse, you simply cannot know the intentions of that third party.


I don't claim to be an expert on relationships or females, but simply from observing people I know, I've seen relationships (and sometimes marriages) go awry dozens of times, due to an "innocent" friendship. I have six different family members who this very thing has happened to (not counting friends/acquaintances).

First an innocent friendship, then supposedly "unhappy", then leaves spouse for "Friend" + divorce = shocked naive spouse and devastated kids.

It always starts out as an innocent friendship.

100% agree

In fact, my husband was the "friend/acquaintance" that I left my ex-boyfriend for (though, not due to my husband... my old relationship had been dead for years (dated almost 5 yrs) and just hadn't gotten the balls to end it, till finally I met someone better and I did end it). But I have no guy friends now except my husbands and he trusts them and trusts me.. if he ever left us alone (mainly his best friend since 3rd grade) nothing would happen.

EDIT: and yeah, another funny thing... I had a friend in HS, who I like didn't even talk to a lot or hang out with ever (I wasn't allowed by my ex) and I found out after I broke up with my ex, this guy had had a crush on me through HS. so yeah. usually that's the case. If you aren't attracted to the guy, then they are probably attracted to you and want something more.

And unless you are asking the question just out of curiosity... it sounds like you might think you are doing something wrong if you are hanging out with someone of the opposite sex if you have a SO. or else I don't think you'd be asking this question. just IMHO

[Walk2liv]

Originally Posted by javyn

Sorry ladies. Guys just don't work that way. If a straight guy is your "friend", he wants to screw you. Period.

yeah my husband always say I'm naive about guys... I mean male co-workers who say certain things I wouldn't think meant anything but he's always like "you can't be serious? that guy totally wants you" or some bull****.