Bumped into him (serious) - Page 2

DaddyR · 04-08-2009, 12:46 PM

Yep sounds like you said some things that needed saying. It may take time for you to feel it, but it had to be good to get some of that out and say it and be done with it. It all sounds good to me!

bodyhard · 04-08-2009, 01:37 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by DaddyR

Yep sounds like you said some things that needed saying. It may take time for you to feel it, but it had to be good to get some of that out and say it and be done with it. It all sounds good to me!

Yes I am feeling a lot better, not that it will ever bring back the little girl, but I feel that I owe her that much, at the very least telling him what he did was f'cking cowardly.

One thing I forgot to mentioned though is that jail (sadly) was good to him. He looked good, healthy as can be and he looked strong like an Ox.

bodyhard · 04-09-2009, 07:41 AM

Is this a f'cking coincidence or is somebody f'cking with me upstairs? I decided to drive my wife to work this AM as I need to take the car for its routine checkup, you know oil change etc etc.

I am in the garage, waiting for the mechanic and guess who shows up? Un****enbelievable! He nods his head I do the same and we go about our business, but damn I feel my anger just creeping up on me and once again my mind starts racing.

I know, I just know some **** is going to happen this is really not good

And the thing is, truthfully he isn't doing anything wrong, (it's me) his presence around me is getting to me and it has only been two encounters.

oldmangreene · 04-09-2009, 09:00 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by bodyhard

Is this a f'cking coincidence or is somebody f'cking with me upstairs? I decided to drive my wife to work this AM as I need to take the car for its routine checkup, you know oil change etc etc.

I am in the garage, waiting for the mechanic and guess who shows up? Un****enbelievable! He nods his head I do the same and we go about our business, but damn I feel my anger just creeping up on me and once again my mind starts racing.

I know, I just know some **** is going to happen this is really not good

And the thing is, truthfully he isn't doing anything wrong, (it's me) his presence around me is getting to me and it has only been two encounters.

You have a wonderful source for love and compassion...Your wife..use her, talk to her, let her know what's going through your mind....because no matter how you feel you have to handle this issue...If you do something silly or vengeful then your not only going to cause problems in your life but it will effect that wonderful women ..Talk, listen and discuss your feeling with her and your loved ones..He's not worth anything other then forgetting....Use your mind and don't deal from anger...don't let the anger rule...You don't have to forgive, but you can forget

GreenWave1 · 04-09-2009, 09:02 AM

Good luck dealing with this. You've exercised outstanding control. Hopefully you won't be pushed.

bodyhard · 04-09-2009, 09:33 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by oldmangreene

You have a wonderful source for love and compassion...Your wife..use her, talk to her, let her know what's going through your mind....because no matter how you feel you have to handle this issue...If you do something silly or vengeful then your not only going to cause problems in your life but it will effect that wonderful women ..Talk, listen and discuss your feeling with her and your loved ones..He's not worth anything other then forgetting....Use your mind and don't deal from anger...don't let the anger rule...You don't have to forgive, but you can forget

I do I speak to her all the time, lately more than ever. She is my lever, my safety net.

Quote:

Originally Posted by GreenWave1

Good luck dealing with this. You've exercised outstanding control. Hopefully you won't be pushed.

Once again I don't want to knock the guy, he isn't doing anything wrong at all well at least not to me. Just his presence angers me, I know this is my issue and not his, but I just can't shake the feeling of anger when I see him.

Hopefully this was just a coincidence and we don't bump into each other as much.

Minotaur · 04-09-2009, 09:38 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by baker

You did the right thing.

X2.

Minotaur · 04-09-2009, 09:42 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Keltron

find him and spill it. You don't have to be confrontational about it... Just let him know that there are some things that you have been bottling up for the past 30 years that HAVE to get out for your own well-being.

I would not do that. It's over and done with, or he must think it is. To open up another conversation leaves the door open for him to come back in and think there is a chance they can take up again. Nope... if there is more to be said, I would find another way to vent it, but not with this guy.

Minotaur · 04-09-2009, 09:43 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by bodyhard

I want to and then again I don't, I know that is stupid

Don't do it. It's a bad move.

bodyhard · 04-09-2009, 10:07 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Minotaur

Don't do it. It's a bad move.

Yeah I know it is a constant battle in my heart but not in my mind.

beachguy498 · 04-09-2009, 09:15 PM

After I bought my house here in 1986, someone I knew from the old days looks me up and pops in unannounced. No wild story like yours, but he was looking to sit down and party and make himself at home.

I pretty much told him that I wasn't into the scene any more and was going in a different direction in life. He accepted it and split, I never saw him again. It was someone that I was never comfortable with in the first place even back in the wild party days.

BG

budnyc · 04-09-2009, 11:54 PM

Howdy John, if I can add my two cents - keep thinking of your wife, your wife, your wife, when these things happen. And your kids too. It sounds like you have great relationships with them all, and you don't want to do anything that will take you away from them. Keep that uppermost in your thoughts. THEY are important, he is NOT. I can only try to imagine the horrible images and nightmares his madness has put you through, but he is NOT worth it.

I don't know the full story, but I'm gathering that back then he just decided to pop an innocent girl, a stranger, for fun - which makes him a psychopath. And that he was recently released from prison and is back in the neighborhood, as you've already seen him twice. And it sounds like you could almost see him on a regular basis at your auto shop.

If he said something like "you wouldn't understand"...what's to understand about what he did? This suggests he is still a psychopath, not remorseful or rehabilitated and still potentially very dangerous. (And as a psychopath, he may not be so tortured by memories of this as most people would be. Psychopaths don't think about what it's like for another person to experience being murdered, they just care about their own pleasure.)

Wikipedia:
"The psychopath is defined by a psychological gratification in criminal, sexual, or aggressive impulses and the inability to learn from past mistakes. Individuals with this disorder gain satisfaction through their antisocial behavior and lack remorse for their actions."

What you said to him was perfect, and impressive too, since you weren't remotely expecting to bump into him. Pretty damn good for off the top of your head, well-expressed and you did get some important stuff off your chest. Think about that, man, and feel good.

So now - avoid him, man! Avoid, stay cool and aloof, and think of your wonderful wife and family. She really sounds like a great woman. Don't cause her pain. And trust your better instincts, because it sounds like you have been acting on them, making the right choices both times you've seen him. Just keep it up, man!

Wife, wife, wife...kids, kids, kids...

Best to you, John!

a68claret · 04-10-2009, 12:20 AM

I truly hope you find a way to deal with this without it getting physical we both know that with the history one of you will die I,m not trying to be dramatic but it will happen! think of your wife and family and I KNOW that one day he will be judged for his crime by a much higher force than a court and trust me he will pay! You have already proved you are the bigger man by keeping it conversational nothing good can come from this make peace with yourself and forget him god bless you and yours have a great eater weekend

bodyhard · 04-10-2009, 08:32 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by budnyc

Howdy John, if I can add my two cents - keep thinking of your wife, your wife, your wife, when these things happen. And your kids too. It sounds like you have great relationships with them all, and you don't want to do anything that will take you away from them. Keep that uppermost in your thoughts. THEY are important, he is NOT. I can only try to imagine the horrible images and nightmares his madness has put you through, but he is NOT worth it.

I don't know the full story, but I'm gathering that back then he just decided to pop an innocent girl, a stranger, for fun - which makes him a psychopath. And that he was recently released from prison and is back in the neighborhood, as you've already seen him twice. And it sounds like you could almost see him on a regular basis at your auto shop.

If he said something like "you wouldn't understand"...what's to understand about what he did? This suggests he is still a psychopath, not remorseful or rehabilitated and still potentially very dangerous. (And as a psychopath, he may not be so tortured by memories of this as most people would be. Psychopaths don't think about what it's like for another person to experience being murdered, they just care about their own pleasure.)

Wikipedia:
"The psychopath is defined by a psychological gratification in criminal, sexual, or aggressive impulses and the inability to learn from past mistakes. Individuals with this disorder gain satisfaction through their antisocial behavior and lack remorse for their actions."

What you said to him was perfect, and impressive too, since you weren't remotely expecting to bump into him. Pretty damn good for off the top of your head, well-expressed and you did get some important stuff off your chest. Think about that, man, and feel good.

So now - avoid him, man! Avoid, stay cool and aloof, and think of your wonderful wife and family. She really sounds like a great woman. Don't cause her pain. And trust your better instincts, because it sounds like you have been acting on them, making the right choices both times you've seen him. Just keep it up, man!

Wife, wife, wife...kids, kids, kids...

Best to you, John!

Thank you man, much appreciated. It is because of my family that I believe I have not lashed out on my reactions. My thoughts are to stay clear of him if and whenever we bump into each other.

Quote:

Originally Posted by a68claret

I truly hope you find a way to deal with this without it getting physical we both know that with the history one of you will die I,m not trying to be dramatic but it will happen! think of your wife and family and I KNOW that one day he will be judged for his crime by a much higher force than a court and trust me he will pay! You have already proved you are the bigger man by keeping it conversational nothing good can come from this make peace with yourself and forget him god bless you and yours have a great eater weekend

You are not being dramatic, **** happens and I respect his power to react as will I. I do not at the very least want it to become physical no good will come of that and I know he is not the one to engage it as he is not angry at all it is I who am still not over what he did. So I know that the situation can be controlled because I am the one with the issue. So I control the situation.

Quote:

Originally Posted by beachguy498

After I bought my house here in 1986, someone I knew from the old days looks me up and pops in unannounced. No wild story like yours, but he was looking to sit down and party and make himself at home.

I pretty much told him that I wasn't into the scene any more and was going in a different direction in life. He accepted it and split, I never saw him again. It was someone that I was never comfortable with in the first place even back in the wild party days.

BG

Understood.