I need advice/opinions on something...

s1mon25 · 01-20-2009, 10:02 PM

***************Reps for answers. I know this **** is long to read.************

I've given my share of advice here so far... but wow I didn't think I'd actually need advice some day lol.

Anyway, my girlfriend's sex drive has creatly decreased the past 2 months or so. We have sex once a week if that... as opposed to 4-5 times a week before. I'm kinda ok with that... as long as I get some eventually... but the time inbetween seems to increase each time.

So what's up ? She says she's still very attracted physically and I'm very good at it (she cums 3 times on average... during 20 minutes or so) but she says she doesn't "feel the need". She sometime says she does it because she knows I need it, so it feels excessively awkward. She isn't as excited as she used to be.

She's on birth control, and since it stabilizes your oestrogen levels for everyday.. some women lose sex drive that's caused by high sexual-hormone spikes... but she was on birth control before too so I don't think it's the cause.

She doesn't do any type of workout, or exercise. The only sport she does is Tennis during the summer.. and that's once a week if that. So maybe it has something to do with it?

WHAT DO YOU THINK ?? WHAT COULD BE THE CAUSE IYO?

We're together for 2 years now.. if that has something to do with anything. I'll answer any question if that can help you give your opinion.

BTW, I know for a fact that she doesn't get it somewhere else... cheating on me is NOT an rationnal explanation in this very situation.

Cliffs:
-gf losing sex drive.
-what's the cause in your opinion?

EequalsHbarC · 01-20-2009, 10:12 PM

She may have things going on that are distracting/stressing her out (eg college, moving away from home, family crisis, drinking problem). Or she could be getting ready to leave the relationship. (Women check out mentally well before they pull the plug on something long term).

BreesieBabby · 01-20-2009, 10:15 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by s1mon25

She doesn't do any type of workout, or exercise. The only sport she does is Tennis during the summer.. and that's once a week if that. So maybe it has something to do with it?

WHAT DO YOU THINK ?? WHAT COULD BE THE CAUSE IYO?

this is why. I'm on bc and I have a HUGE sex drive. I work out everyday(or almost) and eat well. I ALWAYS want sex, sometimes more than my guy. If she starts the excercise, then her drive will go up and she will want it more and more often. Voice of experience. What kinda bc? Pill, ring, IUD?

game1990 · 01-20-2009, 10:17 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by s1mon25

***************Reps for answers. I know this **** is long to read.************

I've given my share of advice here so far... but wow I didn't think I'd actually need advice some day lol.

Anyway, my girlfriend's sex drive has creatly decreased the past 2 months or so. We have sex once a week if that... as opposed to 4-5 times a week before. I'm kinda ok with that... as long as I get some eventually... but the time inbetween seems to increase each time.

So what's up ? She says she's still very attracted physically and I'm very good at it (she cums 3 times on average... during 20 minutes or so) but she says she doesn't "feel the need". She sometime says she does it because she knows I need it, so it feels excessively awkward. She isn't as excited as she used to be.

She's on birth control, and since it stabilizes your oestrogen levels for everyday.. some women lose sex drive that's caused by high sexual-hormone spikes... but she was on birth control before too so I don't think it's the cause.

She doesn't do any type of workout, or exercise. The only sport she does is Tennis during the summer.. and that's once a week if that. So maybe it has something to do with it?

WHAT DO YOU THINK ?? WHAT COULD BE THE CAUSE IYO?

We're together for 2 years now.. if that has something to do with anything. I'll answer any question if that can help you give your opinion.

BTW, I know for a fact that she doesn't get it somewhere else... cheating on me is NOT an rationnal explanation in this very situation.

Cliffs:
-gf losing sex drive.
-what's the cause in your opinion?

Dude, she prolly found somone else to do it with. She is cheating on you!

s1mon25 · 01-20-2009, 10:20 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by EequalsHbarC

She may have things going on that are distracting/stressing her out (eg college, moving away from home, family crisis, drinking problem). Or she could be getting ready to leave the relationship. (Women check out mentally well before they pull the plug on something long term).

She's taken a semester off to work.. because the field of study she was in didn't match her really well. She lives with her parents, no drinking problem etc. She's doing great actually. Maybe she does want to leave me though. It is a possibility. However, she always wants to be with me, in a way that it's hard for me to have time with my friends without her lol.

Quote:

Originally Posted by breessaint35

this is why. I'm on bc and I have a HUGE sex drive. I work out everyday(or almost) and eat well. I ALWAYS want sex, sometimes more than my guy. If she starts the excercise, then her drive will go up and she will want it more and more often. Voice of experience. What kinda bc? Pill, ring, IUD?

Yeah I thought it had to do with something. Trust me I tried to get her to workout... she even bought herself a year gym-membership... but she just doesn't want to workout. She thinks it's boring and she needs to see FAST results in order to stay motivated (which obviously isn't going to happen : She's not fat... but she's physically out of shape and she gets pissed off fast)

I can't force her to exercise. And the bc thing is in forms of pill. Couldn't tell you the name though... I have no idea.

Tricyclen lo or something... since it's the only name I know right off the bat haha.

Quote:

Originally Posted by game1990

Dude, she prolly found somone else to do it with. She is cheating on you!

lol I was waiting for this. I know she's not... trust me.

BreesieBabby · 01-20-2009, 10:24 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by s1mon25

Yeah I thought it had to do with something. Trust me I tried to get her to workout... she even bought herself a year gym-membership... but she just doesn't want to workout. She thinks it's boring and she needs to see FAST results in order to stay motivated (which obviously isn't going to happen : She's not fat... but she's physically out of shape and she gets pissed off fast)

I can't force her to exercise. And the bc thing is in forms of pill. Couldn't tell you the name though... I have no idea.

Tricyclen lo or something... since it's the only name I know right off the bat haha.

You should let her know about some fat burning excelerators. They aren't that bad, get fast results, but she HAS to work out and eat clean for them to work REALLY well for her. It will motivate her. Get her a bangin playlist to work out with as well! That always helps me! Make her a playlist of her favorite pump-up songs! Orrrrrrr have her message me. ORRRRR show her my progress pics to let her know I'm not fraudin when I say this...

s1mon25 · 01-20-2009, 10:32 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by breessaint35

You should let her know about some fat burning excelerators. They aren't that bad, get fast results, but she HAS to work out and eat clean for them to work REALLY well for her. It will motivate her. Get her a bangin playlist to work out with as well! That always helps me! Make her a playlist of her favorite pump-up songs! Orrrrrrr have her message me. ORRRRR show her my progress pics to let her know I'm not fraudin when I say this...

Yeah but she's not fat (she's 5'8 140-145 : Your bodies are actually quite similar lol)... she's just out of shape cardio-wise and strength-wise. I tell her to start slow and make good progress rather than start all-out and get pissed and quit.But she's just very stubborn and won't do what I recommend her... so she loses motivation.

That's probably her worst problem... she's stubborn and doesn't accept critics and advices easily.

game1990 · 01-20-2009, 10:49 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by s1mon25

Yeah but she's not fat (she's 5'8 140-145 : Your bodies are actually quite similar lol)... she's just out of shape cardio-wise and strength-wise. I tell her to start slow and make good progress rather than start all-out and get pissed and quit.But she's just very stubborn and won't do what I recommend her... so she loses motivation.

That's probably her worst problem... she's stubborn and doesn't accept critics and advices easily.

give her a Wii Fit as a gift. lol. or buy this for her -> http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=E9_amg-Aos4

I think sex is like drugs, cause in the beginning u are all crazy for it you do it every single day but then one day you realize that it is consuming your life too much and somhow this person wants to change. iono hahha hard to explain in words

s1mon25 · 01-20-2009, 10:52 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by game1990

give her a Wii Fit as a gift. lol. or buy this for her -> http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=E9_amg-Aos4

I think sex is like drugs, cause in the beginning u are all crazy for it you do it every single day but then one day you realize that it is consuming your life too much and somhow this person wants to change. iono hahha hard to explain in words

wow the Wii is actually a cool idea. I remember she used to play DDR so intensely that I considered it cardio.

lulz hawaii chair. Win.

I agree with you. However, once you realize you CAN'T have it when you want it.. you want it more !! fuked up human beings.

"You always want what you can't have"

BreesieBabby · 01-20-2009, 10:54 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by s1mon25

Yeah but she's not fat (she's 5'8 140-145 : Your bodies are actually quite similar lol)... she's just out of shape cardio-wise and strength-wise. I tell her to start slow and make good progress rather than start all-out and get pissed and quit.But she's just very stubborn and won't do what I recommend her... so she loses motivation.

That's probably her worst problem... she's stubborn and doesn't accept critics and advices easily.

intersante... well... tell her to stop being a ***got and get'er done... hahaha... You can't really help stubborn... SHE has to be the one to want it...

s1mon25 · 01-20-2009, 11:03 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by breessaint35

intersante... well... tell her to stop being a ***got and get'er done... hahaha... You can't really help stubborn... SHE has to be the one to want it...

Yeah I know... it's sad.

Friggin sucks though if this is what keeps me from having frequent sex !

GIMMI TEH SECKS F4GGOT!!

BreesieBabby · 01-20-2009, 11:08 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by s1mon25

Yeah I know... it's sad.

Friggin sucks though if this is what keeps me from having frequent sex !

GIMMI TEH SECKS F4GGOT!!

strong angry face hahahahhahahahahha Maybe when ever you DO have sex, you could put her on top and move her arms like she's punching something... you know, fo excercise! Just a thought.

game1990 · 01-20-2009, 11:11 PM

or maybe lock her in the sauna for like a day or 2.

s1mon25 · 01-20-2009, 11:17 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by breessaint35

strong angry face hahahahhahahahahha Maybe when ever you DO have sex, you could put her on top and move her arms like she's punching something... you know, fo excercise! Just a thought.

lmao. I'll send her to military boot camp so she get her ass kicked furiously due to her stubborness. That'll fix her.

Quote:

Originally Posted by game1990

or maybe lock her in the sauna for like a day or 2.

So she'll be willing to have more sex afterwards?

I see the logic here.

Wait, no I don't.

game1990 · 01-20-2009, 11:31 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by s1mon25

lmao. I'll send her to military boot camp so she get her ass kicked furiously due to her stubborness. That'll fix her.

So she'll be willing to have more sex afterwards?

I see the logic here.

Wait, no I don't.

ughh they say sauna makes you lose weight because it gets rid of excess water in the body.

BreesieBabby · 01-20-2009, 11:32 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by game1990

ughh they say sauna makes you lose weight because it gets rid of excess water in the body.

yeah... bc THAT will be healthy... NOT

Amandarose531 · 01-20-2009, 11:40 PM

It's probably just a dry spell that can come and go. I've been in a relationship with my man for going on 2.5/years and we have those periods too since we moved in together a year or so ago.

She probably has about a million things going in her mind, stressed, sick, tired etc, and - my perspective, even if she is doing it for you "only" it's not necessarily anything to feel awkward about unless you make it that way or she is overly ready to let you know it's STRICTLY for you and not for her.

To be honest, even if i'm not into it after my guy is ready to relax it's mildly rewarding to do it for him and not for myself, could be similar, unless like I said she lets you know her head isn't in the game.

Chakra · 01-20-2009, 11:50 PM

women are emotional creatures [men more physical]... sometimes after a couple have been together for a length of time... the excitement and newness goes away for a woman... we need constant emotional stimulation to get warmed up... and when a guy gets too comfortable with his woman she might start reading that as 'he doesnt love me as much as he used to'..or hez not as invested emotionally .. or hez bored with me... etc.

just try to take a little more time stimulating her heart and emotions instead of her libido and she will come [no pun lol] around much faster...try a little romance dude...its always a sure fire way to let your lady know you treasure and cherish her...

a poem, small gift for no reason, a romantic setting, a song, a certificate for a free massage by you, use a little tenderness, etc... get creative

the last message a girl wants to feel.. yes i said feel.. is that that man she is in love with wants her to front him sex....

Suit · 01-20-2009, 11:56 PM

OP its how she eats, lives and what she does in life.

Get her to eat right, the right foods even.

Food = Sex drive

Atreyu_Fan · 01-21-2009, 12:13 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Grease Monkey

OP its how she eats, lives and what she does in life.

Get her to eat right, the right foods even.

Food = Sex drive

this

or slip viagra in her drinks

Tiffany Wantsmore · 01-21-2009, 03:53 AM

Its quite natural after two years for sex to decrease. You can't expect to keep going at the same level forever. You said she'd taken a semester off to work? Maybe she's just more tired than usual or finding the work hard or whatever.

I agree with doing little things, a small romantic gesture can make so much difference, especially if its unexpected.

TruStinger · 01-21-2009, 04:00 AM

Im in the same boat as you man. Dont really know what to do about it. I always figured the guy was an ******* for being upset about not getting sexed, but now that im on the inside looking out I think I get it. I love her though....it just sucks

sweetbecky · 01-21-2009, 08:19 AM

People have given great advice, all of which may help. My suggestion is for her to see her doctor. A sudden dip in sex drive can be a sign of a physical problem.

I had no sex drive at all on birth control. What should have been a sexually liberating time was just the opposite. The worst for me was ortho tri cyclen lo. Bloat, fat, skin problems and no sex drive. People react differently to meds.

Levels other than hormonal may be off. Thyroid, iron, etc. A talk with her MD just to rule that out can't hurt. There's many reasons for low sex drive... depression, not feeling appreciated, poor diet, low self esteem, ready to leave relationship, cheating, etc. Who knows. What does she say when you ask her?

s1mon25 · 01-21-2009, 04:56 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Amandarose531

It's probably just a dry spell that can come and go. I've been in a relationship with my man for going on 2.5/years and we have those periods too since we moved in together a year or so ago.

She probably has about a million things going in her mind, stressed, sick, tired etc, and - my perspective, even if she is doing it for you "only" it's not necessarily anything to feel awkward about unless you make it that way or she is overly ready to let you know it's STRICTLY for you and not for her.

To be honest, even if i'm not into it after my guy is ready to relax it's mildly rewarding to do it for him and not for myself, could be similar, unless like I said she lets you know her head isn't in the game.

Thanks for your time. There's no "set-up" thing but I can feel she isn't as much willing as before. She didn't say that she does it for me... but this is what I feel. Could be wrong though.

Quote:

Originally Posted by Chakra

women are emotional creatures [men more physical]... sometimes after a couple have been together for a length of time... the excitement and newness goes away for a woman... we need constant emotional stimulation to get warmed up... and when a guy gets too comfortable with his woman she might start reading that as 'he doesnt love me as much as he used to'..or hez not as invested emotionally .. or hez bored with me... etc.

just try to take a little more time stimulating her heart and emotions instead of her libido and she will come [no pun lol] around much faster...try a little romance dude...its always a sure fire way to let your lady know you treasure and cherish her...

a poem, small gift for no reason, a romantic setting, a song, a certificate for a free massage by you, use a little tenderness, etc... get creative

the last message a girl wants to feel.. yes i said feel.. is that that man she is in love with wants her to front him sex....

Wow thanks for the answer ! Totally makes sense now that I think of it !

I used to be romantic (I wouldn't buy her crazy things... but I'd surprise her every once in a while with different things) I admit I might have gotten too comfortable in the couple lol. I'll def try that thanks alot.

Quote:

Originally Posted by Grease Monkey

OP its how she eats, lives and what she does in life.

Get her to eat right, the right foods even.

Food = Sex drive

Yeah I know.. she eats relatively healthy though ... hence why she's not fat. Then again she's a stubborn chick so she doesn't like me saying "you should eat healthier."

Quote:

Originally Posted by Tiffany Wantsmore

Its quite natural after two years for sex to decrease. You can't expect to keep going at the same level forever. You said she'd taken a semester off to work? Maybe she's just more tired than usual or finding the work hard or whatever.

I agree with doing little things, a small romantic gesture can make so much difference, especially if its unexpected.

Thanks. I'll def try that as I was more into romantic things earlier in the relationship. I've gotten myself into some sort of "routine".

Quote:

Originally Posted by TruStinger

Im in the same boat as you man. Dont really know what to do about it. I always figured the guy was an ******* for being upset about not getting sexed, but now that im on the inside looking out I think I get it. I love her though....it just sucks

I feel for you bro. Definitely try and do romantic stuff... this is what I'll do haha. I know it worked in the past.

Quote:

Originally Posted by sweetbecky

People have given great advice, all of which may help. My suggestion is for her to see her doctor. A sudden dip in sex drive can be a sign of a physical problem.

I had no sex drive at all on birth control. What should have been a sexually liberating time was just the opposite. The worst for me was ortho tri cyclen lo. Bloat, fat, skin problems and no sex drive. People react differently to meds.

Levels other than hormonal may be off. Thyroid, iron, etc. A talk with her MD just to rule that out can't hurt. There's many reasons for low sex drive... depression, not feeling appreciated, poor diet, low self esteem, ready to leave relationship, cheating, etc. Who knows. What does she say when you ask her?

Thanks also. I first thought this might had something to do with her health too (hence why I precised she didn't workout).

I'll *smartly* talk her into going to her doctor. She probably will get pissed at me but oh well lol.

When I ask her she says she truely has no idea. She says she doesn't "feel the need" to have sex. And I think she feels bad about it and that makes things worse IMO. She puts extra pressure on her shoulders because of it.