I have a psychological question about female sexual jealousy

[TonicWater]

Originally Posted by Jaw-Knee

Truth.



Lol, my bad. I kinda jump at that sort of thing.

Fair nuff. Its good to just sit back and listen to other people. You learn different views on life. Or when people just push one side. And you don't have to agree with em. Its interesting.

[humblegenius]

From a male perspective, well, my own really, I would be far more torn appart if my wife had sex with someone else over falling in love.

If she were to fall in love with someone else (but not have sex yet) im thinking that she is following what her heart truely desires, and is telling me this before hand. I know she would still have feelings, you never lose those, but obviously she would have greater ones for someone else. These feelings are something which I cannnot change, and if she follows her heart, although gutted, I could understand. She wouldnt be lying to me if she said she loved me, she just hasnt so much told me she is more in love with someone else.

If she has sex with someone else, this opens the door to her being a cheat, liar and decietfull. She has purposely exposed me to potential STD's, and has shown complete disrespect for our marriage for her to undertake acts outside of that. For this, it would be unforgivable. Having sex with someone else randomly would suggest she knows what she is doing is wrong, however has no respect for the consequenses, which to me is that a cheap root is more important than a marriage.

[LiftingIsLife]

Originally Posted by DemetriaF

I measure my methods of reasoning in regard to what works and what doesn't. Trying to get a man (or anyone), to change is futile and will cause great distress to both parties. The only person I can change is me, and if I'm unhappy in my relationship for whatever reason, I can either get over it, speak my mind, move on if I don't like it, or change myself. But getting things you want is easy I find, all you have to do is give what you want. And if I still don't get what I'm looking for, then I'd be confronted with the various aforementioned choices for dealing with things.

totally agree with everything you have said here. does seem a bit off
the 'beaten path' though of your orginal statement which i contested that...
'you felt you failed as a woman if your man were to betray you'.

my only objection to that orginal statement was that you did NOT fail.
it was no failure on your part because you can only control your OWN
reactions to others behavior, and are not responsible (i.e. the word blame) for their actual behavior.

carry on.........

~lifer

[Mindi911]

Originally Posted by LiftingIsLife

Mindi,
i can honest how 'beating you up' would be worse, because its 'physical' infliction of pain, but...

how is 'controlling' someone, or 'treating them like shiit' any worse than
'cheating on someone'??

in fact, 'cheating on someone' IS treating them like shiit (a specific example of it infact).

so i dont understand why the latter two things are worse........

best,
~Lifer

I'm talking about women who are mentally and physically abused by their man but they are being so controlled by him that they don't leave because they believe he loves them.

I'm talking about men who tell their women on a daily basis they aren't good enough just so they'll believe they have to stay because no other man will talk to them.

I'm talking about the men who control what their women and either make them anorexic or as I have seen in other women make them fat, (yes the fat thing happened to a friend of mine).

I'm talking about the men who dragging their women around the house by the hair every time a little argument breaks out or decides that both your lives aren't worth living if you're not together so tries to run the car into a wall at top speed whilst you are both in it.

Can you see now how these things are far far far worse than not being in love or being cheated upon.

[Elfie.]

This thread depresses me and makes me want to live by myself in the woods with lot's of cats for the rest of time.

[Tiffany Wantsmore]

Originally Posted by cannondale.

And if another woman is having sex with my guy, she is trying to take him from me.

Not necessarily. One of my FBs is purely for sex, and I have zero intention of ever taking him off his fiancee.

[cannondale.]

Originally Posted by Tiffany Wantsmore

Not necessarily. One of my FBs is purely for sex, and I have zero intention of ever taking him off his fiancee.

I'll assume you mean f*ck-buddy by the FB.

If I'm in a relationship with a guy and he has a f*ck-buddy and she knows he's in a relationship with me, then yes she is still trying to take him from me in my mind because it's somthing happening behind my back and it's something that'll end the my relationship with the guy if I find out about it. If it isn't a serious relationship then there is no problem with having a f*ck-buddy but if it is then it is personal to the person that doesn't know about it.

Don't get me wrong there is nothing wrong with a FB i've had some too, it's just if I was the fiancee in your situation and my guy was screwing someone else just for sex, it would still be personal to me and still be about taking him from me since it is going to end my relationship with the guy.

And if you're knowingly having sex with this guy only just for sex even when you know he is engaged and about to get married, I'd say you need to go find some morals. Quickly.

[Tiffany Wantsmore]

Originally Posted by cannondale.

I'll assume you mean f*ck-buddy by the FB.

If I'm in a relationship with a guy and he has a f*ck-buddy and she knows he's in a relationship with me, then yes she is still trying to take him from me in my mind because it's somthing happening behind my back and it's something that'll end the my relationship with the guy if I find out about it. If it isn't a serious relationship then there is no problem with having a f*ck-buddy but if it is then it is personal to the person that doesn't know about it.

Don't get me wrong there is nothing wrong with a FB i've had some too, it's just if I was the fiancee in your situation and my guy was screwing someone else just for sex, it would still be personal to me and still be about taking him from me since it is going to end my relationship with the guy.

And if you're knowingly having sex with this guy only just for sex even when you know he is engaged and about to get married, I'd say you need to go find some morals. Quickly.

He's the one cheating, not me. I asked him if he felt guilty and he said no, he said he can compartmentalise his life, typical bloke. I don't think the situation is ideal and I'm not particularly proud of it, but I happen to enjoy the sex, he does too, its not affecting anyone.

[humblegenius]

Originally Posted by Tiffany Wantsmore

He's the one cheating, not me. I asked him if he felt guilty and he said no, he said he can compartmentalise his life, typical bloke. I don't think the situation is ideal and I'm not particularly proud of it, but I happen to enjoy the sex, he does too, its not affecting anyone.

Dont worry about the dotting girl friend he has at home that will be absolutley devastated. Someone always gets hurt. Dont think for one second that since you dont know the other girl then you dont need to consider her. Its called common decency. If you are prepared to accept this kind of behaviour while playing the other woman, I hope you are prepared to accept it one day if the shoe is on the other foot. Your actions are going to hurt someone.

[Tiffany Wantsmore]

Originally Posted by humblegenius

Dont worry about the dotting girl friend he has at home that will be absolutley devastated. Someone always gets hurt. Dont think for one second that since you dont know the other girl then you dont need to consider her. Its called common decency. If you are prepared to accept this kind of behaviour while playing the other woman, I hope you are prepared to accept it one day if the shoe is on the other foot. Your actions are going to hurt someone.

She won't be devastated, because she won't know. He doesn't even feel guilty, I asked him. If he doesn't, why should I? Nobody's ever going to tell her.

And yes I've been cheated on, and I've also been in an abusive, violent relationship, and I know which I would prefer. Its only sex, its not a big deal.

Lastly, the only person who's going to end up hurt is me, and that's for me to deal with.

[cannondale.]

Originally Posted by Tiffany Wantsmore

He's the one cheating, not me. I asked him if he felt guilty and he said no, he said he can compartmentalise his life, typical bloke. I don't think the situation is ideal and I'm not particularly proud of it, but I happen to enjoy the sex, he does too, its not affecting anyone.

Originally Posted by Tiffany Wantsmore

She won't be devastated, because she won't know. He doesn't even feel guilty, I asked him. If he doesn't, why should I? Nobody's ever going to tell her.

And yes I've been cheated on, and I've also been in an abusive, violent relationship, and I know which I would prefer. Its only sex, its not a big deal.

Lastly, the only person who's going to end up hurt is me, and that's for me to deal with.

You're a very naive 41 year old woman if you believe it's not affecting anyone. And if you think this isn't going to affect their marriage somehow then something is wrong with you. Like I said before there's nothing wrong with a f*ck buddy; but when that person is someone engaged you really need to draw the line.

You say that the other woman will never find out, how do you know for 100% certainty that she won't? Did you go to the future and find out? No you don't know for 100% that she won't it doesn't matter how careful you are there probably are some signs. And if there is even a possibility she might find out and that you are one of the reasons why their marriage is ruined (the guy is the other and he's not looking that great right now either) then you should stop.

I can't believe you're defending this type of behavior. It's women like you that give us a bad reputation in these matters. Please start having some sense and end it. The fact that I have morals and knowing that I'm doing something like this to another woman would make me stop.

[TonicWater]

Originally Posted by cannondale.

You're a very naive 41 year old woman ....

x2.

[humblegenius]

Originally Posted by Tiffany Wantsmore

She won't be devastated, because she won't know. He doesn't even feel guilty, I asked him. If he doesn't, why should I? Nobody's ever going to tell her.

And you think she wont find out? Sooner or later she will find out, he will slip up.

And you should feel guilty. As human beings we owe each other common courtesies. How can you be someone who was cheated on, then go and be a part of something which obviously caused you pain.

This other girl deserves respect. As human beings we deserve a bit of respect. Just claiming to be the other party does not excuse the fact that you are a willing participant in an act that will ultimatley destroy someones life. I hope that lets you sleep at night.

You may have been in an abusive relationship, and now you are partaking in one. You are hurting a person whom you do not know for the sake of your own selfish sexual desires. If you want a lay, go find someone unattached. Im sorry, but you are just as morally corrupt as he is.

[Tiffany Wantsmore]

Originally Posted by humblegenius

And you think she wont find out? Sooner or later she will find out, he will slip up.

And you should feel guilty. As human beings we owe each other common courtesies. How can you be someone who was cheated on, then go and be a part of something which obviously caused you pain.

This other girl deserves respect. As human beings we deserve a bit of respect. Just claiming to be the other party does not excuse the fact that you are a willing participant in an act that will ultimatley destroy someones life. I hope that lets you sleep at night.

You may have been in an abusive relationship, and now you are partaking in one. You are hurting a person whom you do not know for the sake of your own selfish sexual desires. If you want a lay, go find someone unattached. Im sorry, but you are just as morally corrupt as he is.

If I could find someone unattached, I'd have a boyfriend wouldn't I??

[crusher_]

Originally Posted by Tiffany Wantsmore

He's the one cheating, its not affecting anyone.

Im sorry what??? I actually thought you had some intelligent posts until this pearl came out..

Do you have any regard to what his fiance would be feeling or how devestating it would be to her to find out the man she loves is fcuking you?
Your right he's the piece of **** cheating on her but did you ever stop and think what it would be like to be in her place?

[humblegenius]

Originally Posted by Tiffany Wantsmore

If I could find someone unattached, I'd have a boyfriend wouldn't I??

Not necessarily, you could still have a FB. I think you should find your own person to sleep with for your own conscious. Its all fun and games until she shows up at your house with a shotgun and you claim "its not hurting anyone" (SERIOUS).

You should re-phrase your post - Its not hurting you, and it appears that's all you care about. The worlds a pretty lonely place if you don't care about other people. And before you say "that's the way the world is" you only need to look at people you donate their time and/or money to charity. Helping others is what separates us in the kingdom.

[Elfie.]

On a serious note the way I see it is, If someone I loved fell in love with someone else I'd be absolutley devastated and probably feel like dieing. On the other hand in someone I loved had sex with someone else I'd be furious and of course hearbroken and betrayed but more furious than anything else. I prefer rage over devastation. It would be a lot easier for me to get over.

[The_Reaper]

Some VERY interesting answers.

Tomorrow I'm going to talk about the evolutionary differences between how men and women differ in terms of their sexuality - and how this poll fits into this, including the comments many of you have made.

This is going to be interesting stuff.
Talk to you then...

[TeresaMalia]

Originally Posted by TonicWater

interesting when compared to the guys one.

So wait....

Is this a liscence to cheat now?

Even though there is worse....you'd still get dumped. Make your choice.

Originally Posted by Mindi911

I'm talking about women who are mentally and physically abused by their man but they are being so controlled by him that they don't leave because they believe he loves them.

I'm talking about men who tell their women on a daily basis they aren't good enough just so they'll believe they have to stay because no other man will talk to them.

I'm talking about the men who control what their women and either make them anorexic or as I have seen in other women make them fat, (yes the fat thing happened to a friend of mine).

I'm talking about the men who dragging their women around the house by the hair every time a little argument breaks out or decides that both your lives aren't worth living if you're not together so tries to run the car into a wall at top speed whilst you are both in it.

Can you see now how these things are far far far worse than not being in love or being cheated upon.

QFT. It doesn't matter who the person is.... Hearing you are worthless from your husband on a daily bases......you start to believe it. When your husband's cute pet name for you is "his cum rag," You'd rather get cheated on.

Originally Posted by Tiffany Wantsmore

She won't be devastated, because she won't know. He doesn't even feel guilty, I asked him. If he doesn't, why should I? Nobody's ever going to tell her.

And yes I've been cheated on, and I've also been in an abusive, violent relationship, and I know which I would prefer. Its only sex, its not a big deal.

Lastly, the only person who's going to end up hurt is me, and that's for me to deal with.

She'll find out. This is very sad to me. I struggle with the types of feelings you have because of my own bitterness from my past situation. Why does it have to be one or the other? Both are very wrong and hurt someone, just different degrees. I think everyone deserves to have a good relationship and shouldn't settle.

Why would you get hurt? You stated you want nothing but sex from him and weren't trying to take him from his fianc

[TonicWater]

Originally Posted by TeresaMalia

Even though there is worse....you'd still get dumped. Make your choice.

You never read thru the rest of the thread.

[TeresaMalia]

Originally Posted by TonicWater

You never read thru the rest of the thread.

I did...lol but I still wanted to reply.....just to put it out there.

[TonicWater]

Originally Posted by TeresaMalia

I did...lol but I still wanted to reply.....just to put it out there.

You got issues.

[TeresaMalia]

Originally Posted by TonicWater

You got issues.

*sigh* I know. I'm working on it. lol

[TonicWater]

Originally Posted by TeresaMalia

*sigh* I know. I'm working on it. lol

cool

[The_Reaper]

****RESULTS****

This was an experiment to confirm what has already been confirmed numerous times, across numerous cultures and societies across the world, from tribal societies to the United States, to Eastern Europe to the Middle East.

In summarised form, here it is.

Men and women have evolved different psychologies: how we think, process information, and process emotion.

This contradicts a modern intellectual dogma that that men and women do not differ psychologically in any way (because to accept that, the reasoning goes, would be tantamount to accepting inequality).

Now, here is where this poll comes into it:

For millions of years, humans evolved minds that helped them to survive and reproduce. Women differ sexually from men in one BIG way: they become pregnant and carry a baby inside them for 9 months.
Men only require a few squirts of their juice to impregnate the woman, and they're free to walk away unscathed.

The man can have sex with MANY women at a time, and spread his genes.
A woman can only have ONE man's child at a time.

The emotion of romantic love evolved, which keeps us together for enough time to have and raise a child.
A man who falls in love will divert his resources to the woman he has fallen in love with. The woman will then survive, and her child will survive. The man will protect her, provide food, shelter, and security.

Because a woman can become pregnant with only ONE man's child, if she has an affair and has sex with another man, she is DESTROYING the first man's entire biological reason for existence: to propagate his OWN genes (as opposed to some other man's genes).

Hence, for most women, the idea of their man falling in love with another woman is devastating - because this meant, in terms of evolution, he will divert his resources to another woman (which is darwinian suicide to her). If a man has sex with another woman it does not necessarily entail her darwinian suicide.

Conversely, for men, if the woman has SEX with another man, it is suicide to him.

The polls reflected these differences

[Please note that everyone, except for one person, who voted that sex causes more distress in the female poll (this one), were cognitively impaired males who were unable to read that it was a female-only poll.]

Here's the men's poll:

http://forum.bodybuilding.com/showth...#post269383141


And that, ladies and gentlemen, is why most men here found the idea of SEX more distressing, and most women here found the idea of LOVE more distressing.

Many you have given interesting reasons for your choice - but many of you may not be aware WHY those emotions evolved in the first place.

[Jaw-Knee]

Originally Posted by TonicWater

x2.

x3.

[DemetriaF]

Originally Posted by Tiffany Wantsmore

She won't be devastated, because she won't know. He doesn't even feel guilty, I asked him. If he doesn't, why should I? Nobody's ever going to tell her.

Oh dear. If you don't feel guilty, is there any part of you that feels jealous at all? And what if they have kids at some point, do you think that would change the dynamic between you?

Also, this might sound kind of extreme, but what if she became suspicious for whatever reason and hired a PI, and as a result discovered the affair? I'd imagine this would devastate their relationship, and your friend just might end up in divorce court getting his nuts raked over the fire.

[vegasmarcie]

Originally Posted by The_Reaper

Hi ladies.

I've never posted in this section before but I have been meaning to make a poll about this. All you have to is choose which answer most suits your case.

Afterwards, I'll talk a little about what the answers suggest, in terms of evolutionary differences between the sexes.

Poll coming. [FEMALE'S ONLY. I will make one for guy's in the misc later]

Which of the following situations would cause you more distress? (Emotional, psychological distress). Think about it deeply, get the thoughts firmly in your mind, before answering

Your partner falling in love with someone else

Your partner having sex with someone else

If the two choices sound too familiar, then in the first choice, no sex has taken place, and for the second choice, there is no emotional connection.

(I'll be reading your responses but Im not going to reply until there are a decent amount of replies. Thanks.)

If your man fall love with someone else will be more damaging because as a women i will consider that all my time and efforts were worthless to keep a functioning relationship, that is why is better if you keep it real just a friend with benefits... no attachments , no feelings to be hurt!!! No reason to put your self down and be depressive!

[Komadori]

Originally Posted by Tiffany Wantsmore

If I could find someone unattached, I'd have a boyfriend wouldn't I??

I was ready to defend you, thinking it was a polyamorous situation. Even in the most liberal circles, it is highly unethical to play with someone whose partner is unawares.

If it's just sex, then it should be no big deal for you to walk away from it and find another FB who is either open with his sexual practices with his SO, or is unattached.

If she doesn't know, it still hurts her. And when you hurt others, you DO hurt yourself. Please think about this.

[sandy131]

Both would hurt