Eating Disorder Support Group

[importrev]

is it an ED if you eat to curb anxiety. when i eat i dont think, i dont have anxiety, i feel good. Thus i overeat on both clean and dirty foods. but i dont let myself go too long..its not that serious, but it definetly made me higher BF than i shoud be at

[Environ]

Originally Posted by importrev

is it an ED if you eat to curb anxiety. when i eat i dont think, i dont have anxiety, i feel good. Thus i overeat on both clean and dirty foods. but i dont let myself go too long..its not that serious, but it definetly made me higher BF than i shoud be at

I would say yes. The sole purpose of food is to provide nourishment and nutrition. That's it. If you're using food for other purposes, then you have an issue with food. Everybody sees eating disorders as either anorexia or bulimia, because that is what most people understand it to be. However, it's much more complicated than that.

While, I wouldn't say that you have a full blown eating disorder, I would advise you to stop eating to escape the issues that cause you anxiety. Look at it this way, the thing that causes you anxiety is still there after you've eaten. So, it would be better for you to face and resolve your anxieties rather than block those fears out by eating. Eating will only provide you with a temporary relief.

Also, if you continue, you may very well end up with a full blown eating disorder. Given what you've described, you would probably progress to binge eating and, from there, you could potentially start purging (or even starving yourself).

[Skunkah]

Originally Posted by Environ

I would say yes. The sole purpose of food is to provide nourishment and nutrition. That's it. If you're using food for other purposes, then you have an issue with food. Everybody sees eating disorders as either anorexia or bulimia, because that is what most people understand it to be. However, it's much more complicated than that.

While, I wouldn't say that you have a full blown eating disorder, I would advise you to stop eating to escape the issues that cause you anxiety. Look at it this way, the thing that causes you anxiety is still there after you've eaten. So, it would be better for you to face and resolve your anxieties rather than block those fears out by eating. Eating will only provide you with a temporary relief.

Also, if you continue, you may very well end up with a full blown eating disorder. Given what you've described, you would probably progress to binge eating and, from there, you could potentially start purging (or even starving yourself).

I've gotten to that point, I think. Mostly due to my cravings for things that taste sweet.

[Aeris]

Has anyone ever heard of someone morphing their eating disorder into another addiction (gambling, smoking, drinking, or even something not self-destructive), and never having food problems again thanks to it?

[Environ]

Originally Posted by Aeris

Has anyone ever heard of someone morphing their eating disorder into another addiction (gambling, smoking, drinking, or even something not self-destructive), and never having food problems again thanks to it?

No, but I have heard of people with eating distress piggy-backing a number of conditions. For example, I know of a few sufferers who also abuse drugs, alcohol and prescription drugs. I know of others who self-harm. But, I really doubt that someone with an eating disorder will swap it for something that is not physically harmful to themselves (e.g. swapping ED for gambling).

[danapetersen]

Originally Posted by Aeris

Has anyone ever heard of someone morphing their eating disorder into another addiction (gambling, smoking, drinking, or even something not self-destructive), and never having food problems again thanks to it?

Yes. Generally someone with an issue more of with a focus of obsessive addictive behavior. They may jump from addiction to addiction.

[Aeris]

Originally Posted by Environ

No, but I have heard of people with eating distress piggy-backing a number of conditions. For example, I know of a few sufferers who also abuse drugs, alcohol and prescription drugs. I know of others who self-harm. But, I really doubt that someone with an eating disorder will swap it for something that is not physically harmful to themselves (e.g. swapping ED for gambling).

Originally Posted by danapetersen

Yes. Generally someone with an issue more of with a focus of obsessive addictive behavior. They may jump from addiction to addiction.

If the eating disorder is much more of an immediate threat to the individual's life, do you think it's worth it? Considering that by the time the person can eat and view their body normally, their level of addiction to the new habit may or may not be anywhere near a life-threatening level..?

[Environ]

Originally Posted by Aeris

If the eating disorder is much more of an immediate threat to the individual's life, do you think it's worth it? Considering that by the time the person can eat and view their body normally, their level of addiction to the new habit may or may not be anywhere near a life-threatening level..?

I do not think that someone who is suffering from an eating disorder today, will tomorrow decide to drop it and start playing the lotto or betting on the horses. And, if they are in therapy and have gotten to the stage where they are happier with their appearance (which means that, if treated properly, the underlying issues have been or are being addressed), they will not need the crutch of an alternative addiction.

Obviously, I can't speak for someone with OCD tendencies, because that is a different condition and I don't know enough about it. I also think that many people too easily attribute certain behaviours with OCD tendencies, but, when it comes to eating distress, that is incorrect (I've dealt with a fair few people who were previously either diagnised with OCD of scitzophrenia). It is incorrect because someone with ED is only interested in trying to control all aspects of their life. Everything they do is concerned only with making sure that they can continute to lose weight or continue to live in destructive lifestyle.

[Aeris]

Thanks for your input.

I should clarify my situation:

I've lost weight since I started smoking. That and I haven't thrown up a single time, or been tempted to. It completely dulls the stress that was leading me to do it. It is wonderfully therapeutic.

Smoking does seem to be associated with weight loss though, and I know that a lot of people with eating disorders do it for that reason. But I don't know how many people have channeled their stress into it in order to stop obsessing over food. It probably isn't the smartest idea. And I'll probably regret it twenty years from now. But I just couldn't live like that anymore.

[BigMan550]

hery man, read through everything, and going to post a much more extensive response, but let me just say this.

Right now, your huge. You look good, cut, and muscular. So you should not hate on yourself. Feel confident and good about your current physical state and try to enjoy life and find happiness. [i know its a LOT easier said than done]

I know what you've gone through and i know it makes things twice as hard to feel like nobody is there to help you through it [especially with parents who dont understand or want to understand], but know we're here.

[user787877877]

Originally Posted by BigMan550

hery man, read through everything, and going to post a much more extensive response, but let me just say this.

Right now, your huge. You look good, cut, and muscular. So you should not hate on yourself. Feel confident and good about your current physical state and try to enjoy life and find happiness. [i know its a LOT easier said than done]

I know what you've gone through and i know it makes things twice as hard to feel like nobody is there to help you through it [especially with parents who dont understand or want to understand], but know we're here.

Thanks for the kind words man. Yeah this site is one of the best things to happen to me because of the fact that people can help and guide you through things. I try to do what you say, but it is a constant struggle everyday with my body image and how I feel.


P.S- why are u in the red? Ill rep you on recharge.

[scoch]

Originally Posted by clownbaby1

Thanks for the kind words man. Yeah this site is one of the best things to happen to me because of the fact that people can help and guide you through things. I try to do what you say, but it is a constant struggle everyday with my body image and how I feel.


P.S- why are u in the red? Ill rep you on recharge.

no need to rep. thats my "temp" account anyway. [ i banned myself to get away from nutrition to recover, but needed help along the way so i created bigman550-->long story]

my situation was/is a bit different from yours [stress fractured back, semi-abusive parents, etc], but iv felt exactly the same way you have. i know how horrible it is to go to school feeling bad about yourself and your body. When i was anorexic i thought i was **** every day. If i wasnt beating myself up for being "skinny fat" it was for being a loser or not doing good in school. Its like you want to make yourself feel bad, your mind searches for things to criticize, [for me at least, heh]

i was anorexic until literally a 1 Month or so ago, [was 5'9 123 lbs] and now iv started binge eating. [ 5'9 142 lbs]. instead of restricting im hurting myself with overeating on junk food. which isnt right, heh.

Something im trying to do, which kind of helps, is always focus on the positive aspects of life and yourself. AND remember that you dont have to suffer, you should and CAN enjoy life.. every time you beat yourself up for something or feel terrible, realize you dont have to and that you shouldnt. your huge, a nice guy, and definently can make friends [in addition to the ones you already have]. you have a long life to live, and tons of potential.

At the very least, you have us to support you.

[user787877877]

Originally Posted by scoch

no need to rep. thats my "temp" account anyway. [ i banned myself to get away from nutrition to recover, but needed help along the way so i created bigman550-->long story]

my situation was/is a bit different from yours [stress fractured back, semi-abusive parents, etc], but iv felt exactly the same way you have. i know how horrible it is to go to school feeling bad about yourself and your body. When i was anorexic i thought i was **** every day. If i wasnt beating myself up for being "skinny fat" it was for being a loser or not doing good in school. Its like you want to make yourself feel bad, your mind searches for things to criticize, [for me at least, heh]

i was anorexic until literally a 1 Month or so ago, [was 5'9 123 lbs] and now iv started binge eating. [ 5'9 142 lbs]. instead of restricting im hurting myself with overeating on junk food. which isnt right, heh.

Something im trying to do, which kind of helps, is always focus on the positive aspects of life and yourself. AND remember that you dont have to suffer, you should and CAN enjoy life.. every time you beat yourself up for something or feel terrible, realize you dont have to and that you shouldnt. your huge, a nice guy, and definently can make friends [in addition to the ones you already have]. you have a long life to live, and tons of potential.

At the very least, you have us to support you.

i know exactly what you are trying to say abiut how I try to look at the bad things about me. It really sucks, I am glad that I found this thread. I can't wait for my cut that I am starting in 2 months because I feel it will be a good thing for me. I will be able to take off my shirt at the beach and friends pools, etc. and can feel good about myself for once. I know I won't be entirely happy, but it will be something.

About the saying good things about myself/what happened that day, I started doing that in my journal a few weeks ago, but it is hard to think of stuff sometimes.

Thanks for all of your help man.

[scoch]

Originally Posted by clownbaby1

i know exactly what you are trying to say abiut how I try to look at the bad things about me. It really sucks, I am glad that I found this thread. I can't wait for my cut that I am starting in 2 months because I feel it will be a good thing for me. I will be able to take off my shirt at the beach and friends pools, etc. and can feel good about myself for once. I know I won't be entirely happy, but it will be something.

different things work for different people [for me, bb.com wasn't so great], and i understand how cutting could boost your self esteem [lower bf, look "better" etc].
at the same time, you should be happy/confident about yourself now. [and not just physically]. Trust me, you look a LOT better/"huger" than most people on this site and anywhere. You could take off your shirt now, and i guarentee most people would compliment you. [no homo]

But more importantly and beyond that, you have to learn to love yourself for what you are regardless of physique, etc. I know that its almost impossibly hard to do/imagine, but there's a LOT more to life than physique or even lifting. [im still caught up in it, but working to change]
You said bodybuilding is all you live for right now, but realize you can enjoy everything, and should. Lifting is a great hobby, but know you deserve to feel good about yourself, and enjoy life.

I know how hopeless it can feel, but work at it, realize that thousands of other things are out there for you to enjoy, that you deserve to enjoy.
Who says you can't be happy? No-one. Because you should/deserve it.
About the saying good things about myself/what happened that day, I started doing that in my journal a few weeks ago, but it is hard to think of stuff sometimes.

I can definitely relate to how hard it can be to think positive. It seems impossible and pointless sometimes. But keep at it, i promise you, keep trying to be happy and soon you will be happy

[user787877877]

Originally Posted by scoch

different things work for different people [for me, bb.com wasn't so great], and i understand how cutting could boost your self esteem [lower bf, look "better" etc].
at the same time, you should be happy/confident about yourself now. [and not just physically]. Trust me, you look a LOT better/"huger" than most people on this site and anywhere. You could take off your shirt now, and i guarentee most people would compliment you. [no homo]

But more importantly and beyond that, you have to learn to love yourself for what you are regardless of physique, etc. I know that its almost impossibly hard to do/imagine, but there's a LOT more to life than physique or even lifting. [im still caught up in it, but working to change]
You said bodybuilding is all you live for right now, but realize you can enjoy everything, and should. Lifting is a great hobby, but know you deserve to feel good about yourself, and enjoy life.

I know how hopeless it can feel, but work at it, realize that thousands of other things are out there for you to enjoy, that you deserve to enjoy.
Who says you can't be happy? No-one. Because you should/deserve it.
About the saying good things about myself/what happened that day, I started doing that in my journal a few weeks ago, but it is hard to think of stuff sometimes.

I can definitely relate to how hard it can be to think positive. It seems impossible and pointless sometimes. But keep at it, i promise you, keep trying to be happy and soon you will be happy

Thanks a lot man you are being a big help. I really just need to work on self confidence, etc. And it is hard to think I look good right now when the Idea of good looking to people my age is skinny with abs because of low body fat. Girls at my age don't want guys with muscle and some bodyfat. Just blows, puts me down in the dumps. Not saying I lift for girls because that is the last thing I lift for, but it would be nice to have the opposite sex think you look good.

[ddollar]

Originally Posted by clownbaby1

I read your story and it sounds very similar to what happened to me, glad you are starting to overcome those mental blocks your progress is really solid looking alot thicker espically in your lats keep it up

[user787877877]

Originally Posted by ddollar

I read your story and it sounds very similar to what happened to me, glad you are starting to overcome those mental blocks your progress is really solid looking alot thicker espically in your lats keep it up

Thanks a lot man. It's pretty tough trying to get all those thoughts out of your head.

[ddollar]

Originally Posted by clownbaby1

Thanks a lot man. It's pretty tough trying to get all those thoughts out of your head.

Agreed they are still in my head aswell but i just say **** it and eat hopefully it will soon not even become a thought. Its becoming easier the longer i do it, now if i am hungry i eat no questions asked. Oh totally un realated to this thread add me on PSN:ddollar7 i usually play on xbox live put i have been playing PS3 more latley

[user787877877]

Originally Posted by ddollar

Agreed they are still in my head aswell but i just say **** it and eat hopefully it will soon not even become a thought. Its becoming easier the longer i do it, now if i am hungry i eat no questions asked. Oh totally un realated to this thread add me on PSN:ddollar7 i usually play on xbox live put i have been playing PS3 more latley

yeah, well I do eat and love it, just the image **** sucks.

kk Ill add you do you have COD5 or 4? and a mic?

[Aeris]

Originally Posted by clownbaby1

Thanks a lot man. It's pretty tough trying to get all those thoughts out of your head.

You look awesome.

And this is irrelevant, but I like your glasses

[ddollar]

Originally Posted by clownbaby1

yeah, well I do eat and love it, just the image **** sucks.

kk Ill add you do you have COD5 or 4? and a mic?

I got it them for 360 the only games i have for ps3 are little big planet,MGS4,Resistance 2 and motorstorm pacific rift i got a mic i just have to find the charger for it

[Fat2trim2010]

Originally Posted by clownbaby1

Thanks a lot man you are being a big help. I really just need to work on self confidence, etc. And it is hard to think I look good right now when the Idea of good looking to people my age is skinny with abs because of low body fat. Girls at my age don't want guys with muscle and some bodyfat. Just blows, puts me down in the dumps. Not saying I lift for girls because that is the last thing I lift for, but it would be nice to have the opposite sex think you look good.

Dude. Don't buy into that BS of what people your age think is attractive. I work with mostly teens and older children. I can tell you that every single teenager I work with is attracted to something different. That image of the skinny guy with abs is some kind of BS perpetrated by media. You have gotta move above that. The reality is that our society sets it up for us to feel like we have to look different than we already are. If you buy into it, then you are going to have a hard time getting over your body image issues. It stinks but it's the truth.

A little bit of personal info for you. I am about 11 years older than you and I weighed 230 or so in high school. At 5'5" that's fat. At first I was really shy and my parents constantly had me on a diet. Guess what happened? I didn't get a date. No way, no how. When I hit my senior year I decided to say the hell with it. I still ate a lot and was still fat but I started to love myself. I became more out going and confident. I took some risks. Guess what? I got a date to the prom. I then met my first serious girl friend. The only thing that changed was how I responded to the world. I decided I was worth it. I still struggle a great deal with over eating. However, I've never had a problem getting a date or now a wife. I'm also picky about who I date because I'm worth it. All of your problems may not go away. But how you react and carry yourself has way more to do with how other people respond to you in the long run. They may not have the same initial reaction to you at first sight but after the first few minutes, it's your confidence and personality that will have the bigger impact.

The short version is, you gotta start loving yourself.

[samsuperjew5]

i know this is sorta long, but i guess i might as well post it....

So here is how it went: untill about 3rd grade, i was sorta small, and i was ok with it, i was a little kid, what did i care? But when i started to grow older, i got fatter and fatter, and my self esteem got worse and worse. in 4th grade i was 5'2' 140, in 5th grade i was 5'3'' 160!

Every day, i would go to school, get made fun of all day, and just sort of chill by myself, as i didn't deserve to talk to them, because i was an ugly fat ****, i should have been dead. Every day after school, i would go home, and theorize what it would take to make me look good, this might not seem important, but remember this, as it is important later. Also know two other things, that i am VERY smart, (not in a smug way, not bragging, this is importan)t, i also have obsessive compulsive disorder, and am bipolar.

So back to the story, every day when i got back from school, i'd sort of sit there, depressed as all hell, and make deals with myself about losing weight, as i thought that was the KEY to looking good. Occasioaly, (this is also important) i would go a week without eating and feel awesome about myself, or go a week just eating prune juice etc, keeping my calories below 250, but to no avail. In 6th grade, the bullying just got worse and worse. Eventually i reaized how fat i really was, but was in denile, i thought that i was about average, but couldn't figure out why all my friends were better looking than me (no homo).

Girls wouldnt' talk to me, and i assumed it was because i was fat. Guys didn't want to be associated with me, and i was picked last for sports, my self esteem was at an all time low, i wanted to kill myself. In 7th grade, the situation escalated. I discovered videogames, and my parents got divorced. I thought it was my fault. I still do. I thought it was because they didn't like me. I started biking, 20 miles a day, and i started eating, thousands of calories a day.

My weight stayed the same. I thought god hated me, i thought he WANTED me to kill myslef. I had dreams where i'd wake up, and there was someoen standing over my bed with a knife, and i'd go up to him, and gratefully accept the knife from his hands, and then, take my own life. Everything changed that summer. I went to a sleep away camp, where you get moderate food and alot of cardio (not fat camp, just a regular camp) and lost about 10 lbs, and was thrilled with the body i had, and wanted to continue making progress. I loved how it made me feel to be able to control my body, and i wanted to keep that power. But i still hated myself.

People still didn't like me, i still didn't have any friends. and it was because i was fat. I was positive it was. I decided to take my own life. I was biking with a couple friends on a 50 mile bike ride, just for fun so we could say that we did. I saw a bridge, withl a 30 foot drop on the side, although there was a 15 foot ledge to the left. I told my friends i was going to bike to the ledge, and i was going to plan to do the full 30 feet, to my death. But, luck would have it, my bike broke, and swerved off to the left, and i did a double front flip, and landed on the ledge. I remember waking up in the hospital. a broken shin, bruises, and a totally shattered shoulder, as well as a dislocated one.

I was admitted into surgery, and luckily, it wasn't too invasive, and i recovered quickly. During a month of my recovery, i stayed at my dads, who, even though i love him, he didn't feel the need to moniter what i ate. So i ate nothing. Nothing, for days, and i ended up at around 5'7''130. I hated fat people. I would kill myself if i was fat again. I hated how it felt, how i looked, and how it made me act. I started biking. As you guys know from previously in this, i am a smart kid. Although i knew little about nutrition, i knew that calories out> calories in= weight loss. I started biking 15 miles a day, eating 500 calories a day. My weight plummeted, and my parents started to get worried. They took me to my doctor, who was shocked at my transformation.

I told the doctor that i had: started a healthier lifestyle, but as i knew she was on to me, i told her "i overdid the weightloss a bit". She scheduled me for weekly checkups. I hated her for that. I love her for that. Each week, i'd come in, and be 3 pounds lighter, like clockwork. My friends started to get worried. They called my parents, and told them i wasn't eating at school. They were shocked. They wern't smart enough to realize i was secretly dumping my food. I was 5'7'' 100 lbs. I was happy. My cut wasn't over yet, skinnyness was the key to happyness, i had to loose more weight, i had to, 80 lbs or bust. This is when my doctor got into it.

She gave me blood testts. It turns out, i had wrecked my body, i had months, if not weeks, to live. I was ok with that. I loved how i looked, i'd have a light casket, and they'd know how good i looked. But then it hit me, i was going to die. I was going to die, and i was powerless to accept that fact. Death was looming, and i could feel its fingers, real or imaginary, i didn't care. I wasn't ready, i didn't want to die an ugly fatass. That is when i met mark.

He was a phycologist. He was my friend. He validated my existance. He, was always happy to see me, and know how i was doing. I started gaining weight. I was scared. I hated being fat, i needed to lose weight. That was when i joined bodybuiding.com The key to getting muscular was to eat as little as possible, and do as much as possible cardio. I had to get muscular, or i would die. I asked why i was gaining weight. that wasn't my goal! what was i doing wrong!

But, i was accepted here, and steered, not very gently, in the correct direction by some of the smarter members of the board, and for that i am VERY grateful. I began my bulk. Badly. I had 1100 calories a day. 90% of them from protein, at about 120 lbs, i upped it to 1500, that of a 9 year old girl. I made slight progress. I used an ab lounge, that mark told my parents to buy. I was gaining a pound of muscle on my abs a week. I didn't have a scale, only he knew this.

I got abs, i wasn't happy, i needed to get bigger. I hated the scale, i hated how it made me feel, i hated those damn red numbers that appearedo n that ****ing screen. My friends hated me. There parents didn't like me. I refused to do their social activiteis, only exercise, and researching low cal foods interested me, at this, i was genious. I upped my calories to 2000 and bought a corner gym, a blessing. I s started making serious gains, i packed on some muscle, and got to 130. I loved how i felt. I hated how i looked. I was fat, i didn't have a six pack anymore. I had to cut again. I was scared to cut. I loved how i used to look. I knew it was unhealthy. I knew it was wrong.

I thought i was still going to die. I knew i was going to die. I got a letter one day in the mail from the hopsital. I wasn't going to die, they ****ED UP MY ****ING TEST! I was furious. I was supposed to die. I was ready for it, i had renounced life, my friends, and my family. i hated myself, i was going to live. I still hate myself, for being on this damn planet when so much lies in store, as i had convinced myself over the past couple of months, every night before bed. I was going to kill myself. I deceded to write down a list of things to live for.

MY LIST

My family- i hated my family

My friends- i didn't have any friends

My body- my body sucked, i was a peice of ****

My dog- i loved my dog


I decided to do the only thing i could: train my body. I was going to become the ultimate athlete. I would be the biggest, fastest, strongest, and skinniest. yes skinniest, i had not yet realized how disguesting i looked.

I decided to bulk though, thanks to everyone on here, i am where i am today. It is still hard as hell. I cant look aat food, i still think food brings fat. I cant do cardio, what if i become skinny again, and become fat due to my lower metabolism? It has affected my life. I wont ever be able to get a wife, or love my kids, in those couple months, have renounced people for their flaws, and convinced myself they were worthless, which i am still recovering from.

When i grow up, like my friends clownbaby, i will have a job in pharmisuticals, hopefully to devolop a drug to save people from my malady, mabye to help people gain muscle, or even just feel better about themselves, and mabye take it myself.

I am not able to take my shirt off. I am fat. I dont admit it to people now in school, but i still consider myself fat, i dont know why, but i'm scared of peoples judgemental eyes, and i refuse to take off my shirt, i dont know if i ever will, my greates fear in bbing, if i choose to compete, is that i will walk on stage, and everyone will laugh at the fat kid who thought he was muscular. That is why i'm going to powerlift, i can keep on my shirt, and still be proud of my gains, and let others boost my confidence, and admire my hard work. I dont think i'll ever be able to live a normal life. But why would i want to?

[Fat2trim2010]

Samsuperjew,

Dude...reading your post made me feel really sad. Not sad for you but I could just sense your sadness all over your post. I want to ask you a question? Is there some part of you that realizes that you thinking you are fat is all in your head? Honestly my friend, I saw your pic and was like holy **** the boy is muscular...not anywhere near fat. If there is some part of you that realizes it is in your head, then you need to focus more on that part. You need to start changing your thinking. Sit down and write a list of all of the positive things about your body and tape it to your mirror. Then read it every day. Even if you can only think of one thing to put on that list, that's fine. Try to focus more on the positive.

With that said, I'm wondering if you are still in counseling. I was a little confused by your post as to if you still feel like killing yourself or hurting your body. I hope that you continue to work through your feelings. You are young and you have so much more to do in life. If you'd like to chat or if you feel like you need some support, you can always send me a message.

[samsuperjew5]

thx bro, i'm still going to counseling :0

[ddollar]

Originally Posted by samsuperjew

damn man i read the teen section alot and see you post alot i would have never guessed you suffered for and eating disorder. Let me tell you bro you dont look fat at all infact it hardly looks you have a pound of fat on you i think you look great. And the fact that you are 14 and you destroy my deadlift is so ****in awesome ( my deadlift sucks lol but still) I wish i looked half as good as you keep up the good work and dont get down on yourself you look great no homo.

[determined4000]

Originally Posted by ddollar

damn man i read the teen section alot and see you post alot i would have never guessed you suffered for and eating disorder. Let me tell you bro you dont look fat at all infact it hardly looks you have a pound of fat on you i think you look great. And the fact that you are 14 and you destroy my deadlift is so ****in awesome ( my deadlift sucks lol but still) I wish i looked half as good as you keep up the good work and dont get down on yourself you look great no homo.

Dude has practically an 8pack.
You are certainly not anywhere close to being overweight
I bet 99.9% of the guys in their 20s wish they were built like that.

[Vdcnsrg]

I ate today a poppy cake and I managed to stick to one only even if I have cakes in the fridge. Prior to this when I would eat a "cheat meal" I would have said ah fu<k it and eat bad foods all day long. That's the mentality that hurts the most in this cases in my opinion.

[Environ]

Originally Posted by Aeris

Thanks for your input.

I should clarify my situation:

I've lost weight since I started smoking. That and I haven't thrown up a single time, or been tempted to. It completely dulls the stress that was leading me to do it. It is wonderfully therapeutic.

Smoking does seem to be associated with weight loss though, and I know that a lot of people with eating disorders do it for that reason. But I don't know how many people have channeled their stress into it in order to stop obsessing over food. It probably isn't the smartest idea. And I'll probably regret it twenty years from now. But I just couldn't live like that anymore.

I've always understood that two wrongs don't make a right. Do you think that substituting one destructive behaviour for another makes any difference? Death by eating disorder usually takes a long time (relatively speaking). Death by smoking has a similar outcome. If you know that something you are doing now, will probably cause you to feel regret in the future, why set yourself up for having to endure that emotion. I think that the person who has truly lived is the person who, when he is aproaching death, says that he has no regrets.

[Environ]

Originally Posted by clownbaby1

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What age are you now? You mentioned 'several years' a couple of times to illustrate periods of your life. But under your avatar it says that you are 16?

Anyway, that's trivial. My question to you is how are you dealing with the mental aspect of this condition? Everything you mentioned involved changing your appearance, but nothing suggested that you are taking measures to change your thoughts. What are you doing for this? ED is first and foremost a psychological (or psychosomatic) condition. The physical aspects are merely symptoms of the psychosomatic part of the condition. So, if you only fix the physical aspect, you have not fully dealt with the condition. It is important that you deal with your thoughts. Your mind has been conditioned, throught years of negativity, to make you despise yourself and you manifest this self-hatred through dissatisfaction with your appearance. Chances are you will never be 100% satisfied with your appearance, at least not all of the time. And, if you do get to a stage where you are satisfied with your appearance, how will that influence the rest of your life? ED's destroy the sufferer's social life you know.

Anyway, my point is that you need to deal with the negative mind too. Other than, you're physical progress is great, so keep that up too.