Tonight this topic came up, she said more than 5, less than 10. She claims she never has had a one night stand and not into random hookups, etc. Now here is where I think I caught her in a lie...She's 21, had 2 serious relationships, first was ~3years, the other was ~2years. So ~5 years in "serious" relationships. Now lets say she lost her v-card at 16 (~5 years ago), where did she do these other 4-6 guys? I'm thinking there had to be some one night stands and stuff, which honestly wouldn't bother me, but the fact that she's trying to hide it pisses me off. Is it even worth calling her out? I think if I don't it's going to bug me and eventually I'll bring it up in a negative way. Help!
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she had sex with ppl before she ever met you. you act like she cheated on you.
get over yourself.
Dude, read my post. I don't care if she did slut around, the fact that her story doesn't add up to what SHE is telling me pisses me off and makes me uncomfortable. If she will lie about something stupid like this, who knows what else, I guess I see it as a bad sign which is depressing because until now I saw no faults in this girl.
Tonight this topic came up, she said more than 5, less than 10. She claims she never has had a one night stand and not into random hookups, etc. Now here is where I think I caught her in a lie...She's 21, had 2 serious relationships, first was ~3years, the other was ~2years. So ~5 years in "serious" relationships. Now lets say she lost her v-card at 16 (~5 years ago), where did she do these other 4-6 guys? I'm thinking there had to be some one night stands and stuff, which honestly wouldn't bother me, but the fact that she's trying to hide it pisses me off. Is it even worth calling her out? I think if I don't it's going to bug me and eventually I'll bring it up in a negative way. Help!
the math makes no sense, you are right. Maybe she is one of those people who doesn't count time apart from a person. I know people who are like "oh we've been together for 5 years" when really they were broken up for 2.5 of those 5 years. Could be that and she dated people in between but doesn't consider them serious.
If you were that curious you should have asked while the conversation was still going on. If you bring it up now you look like you've been dissecting the conversation all night long.
you're an absolute moron for having this conversation at all. nothing good could possibly come from it. what's wrong with you?
I didn't bring it up intentionally, I know better. We were joking about something stupid and she just kind of said it.
Quote:
Originally Posted by newlyminted
the math makes no sense, you are right. Maybe she is one of those people who doesn't count time apart from a person. I know people who are like "oh we've been together for 5 years" when really they were broken up for 2.5 of those 5 years. Could be that and she dated people in between but doesn't consider them serious.
If you were that curious you should have asked while the conversation was still going on. If you bring it up now you look like you've been dissecting the conversation all night long.
Yeah...I didn't bring it up mid-conversation because I HATE that conversation and changed the subject quickly before she could ask me or give me more info than I wanted to hear.
Don't go anywhere around that question or area. It's fine if she asks you, but DO NOT ask her. **** hits the fan after you ask her
Nah I know dude, I didn't even ask her. We were BS'ing and joking about something and she kind of dropped it, I asked if she was serious, she confirmed so I changed the subject quickly.
Regardless of whether you should have had that conversation or not, the fact is you have and she has thrown up a red flag in her behaviour in answering the topic of conversation. When you break it down to its foundation.... if her answer makes no sense and she is in fact lying then she is lying in order to manipulate you into thinking she is something that she is not. That is bull**** because as soon as a partner opens up that door and gets found out then **** is only going to go downhill for the relationship.
She has a mental image in her mind of what is 'correct' (if she is lying then isn't it funny how she isn't willing to hold herself highly to those same boundaries of her mental image of being 'proper'?) but as you have said you dont give a **** about her past so now your heading into being deceitful to manipulate territory.
If she's lying then she is not only incapable of being culpable of her past, but like all women, she is also quite happily willing to manipulate you into believing she is something that she is not (even though like you said you dont give a ****) so that like the majority of girls she can carry on acting like her **** don't stink (and be treated a certain way by you) and thus leverage power in the relationship but most importantly she is also willing to base her relationship with you on the foundations of deceit.
That to me is something to think about when concerning a persons character for a relationship worth of any strength.
this is why i NEVER ask a chick about her sexual history. the only thing it can ever do is somehow lower your opinion of her. if she says a low number you'll probably think shes lying (especially if shes attractive). so then youll not only think shes a whore but a lying whore.
This is always a loaded question I suggest don't ask & don't tell in the future. Works for me.
So would you rather find out by somebody else? " Oh **** I didn't know katie was your girl, she use to get down back in the day". I think as a man hearing that from somebody else would hurt wayyyy more than knowing it from your girl. I rather know and not be surprised. Then it is my choice to stay or not. Brah don't be the laughing stock if your girl was a slut in the past. Some standards should not be lowered and that is one of them. If she is lying then it is for a reason, shes ashamed.
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Dont get caught up in the bullsh*t of eachothers past. Im sure you have some secrets youve lied to her about. Some things are better forgotton anyways.
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I'm with the OP on this one... this is a PRIME example of a girl lying about something that doesn't need to be lied about. In fact, she's not even doing a good job of it because it clearly doesn't add up... the only girl I've ever loved, I dumped because she did this kind of stuff.
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Grow up and stop looking for things to get your panties in a twist about.
Don't ask, and don't listen if anyone tries to tell you. Don't answer the question, either. Now you know why- because you'll find a reason to be pissed about SOMETHING, one way or another, with regards to the issue, because you just couldn't leave it alone.
One person's opinion of what a one-night-stand is may very well not reflect another's. Some think that a one night stand is any time you have sex with anyone only once. Some think that it doesn't count as a one night stand if you have sex with someone you thought you were in a relationship with, and the other person bails immediately after.
Maybe she's trying to tell you that she's only had sexual relationships with people she honestly thought she was in a relationship with and going to be long-term with. Maybe she's trying to get through the conversation as fast as she can because she's uncomfortable and embarassed. Maybe she feels like she can't lie, but that explaining it all would be too complicated and/or humiliating to explain how she slept with someone and then he immediately dumped her. Maybe she gave those guys a number, and they all bailed because it wasn't a 0, too.
You can make any assumptions you want to. You can decide she's lying and she's just been picking up random cock at parties and nailing them in the gutter behind the house or in the alley behind the bar. You can make any worst-case-scenario up in your mind that you want to. And what good does it do you?
This is why it's better to go with what you know of her right now, than with what you decide to assume about her because of a number and all the sordid assumptions you made about that number.
Grow up and stop looking for things to get your panties in a twist about.
Don't ask, and don't listen if anyone tries to tell you. Don't answer the question, either. Now you know why- because you'll find a reason to be pissed about SOMETHING, one way or another, with regards to the issue, because you just couldn't leave it alone.
One person's opinion of what a one-night-stand is may very well not reflect another's. Some think that a one night stand is any time you have sex with anyone only once. Some think that it doesn't count as a one night stand if you have sex with someone you thought you were in a relationship with, and the other person bails immediately after.
Maybe she's trying to tell you that she's only had sexual relationships with people she honestly thought she was in a relationship with and going to be long-term with. Maybe she's trying to get through the conversation as fast as she can because she's uncomfortable and embarassed. Maybe she feels like she can't lie, but that explaining it all would be too complicated and/or humiliating to explain how she slept with someone and then he immediately dumped her. Maybe she gave those guys a number, and they all bailed because it wasn't a 0, too.
You can make any assumptions you want to. You can decide she's lying and she's just been picking up random cock at parties and nailing them in the gutter behind the house or in the alley behind the bar. You can make any worst-case-scenario up in your mind that you want to. And what good does it do you?
This is why it's better to go with what you know of her right now, than with what you decide to assume about her because of a number and all the sordid assumptions you made about that number.
You're missing the point. The girl is lying for the sake of lying - it doesn't even have continuity. My ex used to do this... something that had she told the truth from the start would not have been a big deal BECAME a big deal just because of how she handled it. Its not even about the sex, its about a girl taking a non-issue and making more out of it than she needed to.
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Tonight this topic came up, she said more than 5, less than 10. She claims she never has had a one night stand and not into random hookups, etc. Now here is where I think I caught her in a lie...She's 21, had 2 serious relationships, first was ~3years, the other was ~2years. So ~5 years in "serious" relationships. Now lets say she lost her v-card at 16 (~5 years ago), where did she do these other 4-6 guys? I'm thinking there had to be some one night stands and stuff, which honestly wouldn't bother me, but the fact that she's trying to hide it pisses me off. Is it even worth calling her out? I think if I don't it's going to bug me and eventually I'll bring it up in a negative way. Help!
wow... you've thought about this alot eh
what would you do if she said she'd been with 15 people?
(ps we all secretly do what u did when we're in long term relationships... its normal... just dont let it effect things with her)
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bad convo been there gotta just get over it realize the past is the past and your in the present...bang her brains out better then the past and its all good....nobody is totally honest with #'s
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GF's sexual past doesn't make sense...
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