Girlfriend and I are on a Break!!

bdybldrkev · 06-21-2008, 06:39 AM

Lately, my girlfriend of two and a half years and I have been having a lot of petty fights (just stupid stuff that people fight about and then everything is fine 10 minutes later). We finished our first year of college together and she has this job which causes her to work everyday. Needless to say, we have only been hanging out once a week, if that. So this past Wednesday i told her we need to start hanging out more and she got pissed. we didnt talk the rest of the day and the next day she called me and said she needed a break. WTF. She said she still wanted to be with me long term but right now she wasnt happy and needs her space. we only talk about once a day and its killing me. her best friend said she just needs her space for the summer. for the whole summer?! WTF. I dont know if i can do this.... any help is greatly appreciated!

gobstpr · 06-21-2008, 06:45 AM

breaks dont end up well..

trevman · 06-21-2008, 06:46 AM

jturton7 · 06-21-2008, 06:56 AM

best thing you could do is say bye, kiss her on the forehead and walk away. NEVER CALL HER, let her do her "thinking" and she will call you if she misses you. If she calls just to chat not to hang out (sexytime) end the call quickly and say you have to go do something.

she is looking for something else, she has to realize what she has already. The only way for her to realize this is to truly miss it (you ignoring her).

bdybldrkev · 06-21-2008, 06:56 AM

this just sucks because we were eachothers lives and lately she has been hanging out with her old best friend.... makes me wonder if that has anything to do with it.

essential222 · 06-21-2008, 06:59 AM

She has feelings for some one else and wants to act on them to see if its any better, from my experience anyway, put the hard word on her and confront her, lay the cards on the table and get a strong answer, if she can't give you one get out and walk away.

bdybldrkev · 06-21-2008, 06:59 AM

i'm trying to ignore her but it's hard as hell. shes acting like this is no big deal so i think i do need to ignore her to make her realize what she has. we live in a small town and there aint **** to do so all i do is sit and dwell on it while she works all day to keep her mind off of it.

bdybldrkev · 06-21-2008, 07:03 AM

i'm positive it is not another guy. all she does is work and the guys she works with are homosexual so i dont think that is. i've already made up my mind that if she sees someone else during this break, it's over, i cant handle that. one more detail about her, she always hides her feelings. she is worse than guys when it comes to feelings. she acts like nothing can bother her and she never shows emotions when somethins is bothering her. this is what worries me becasue i feel that i cant fight for her because she needs her space.

essential222 · 06-21-2008, 07:05 AM

Sounds just like me, Don't dwell, you will go insane haha,

Accept its either over or give her a dead line, don't sit in limbo

bdybldrkev · 06-21-2008, 07:06 AM

i tried to set a deadline but she said she doesnt know why she feels this way and doesnt know how long it will take..

bdybldrkev · 06-21-2008, 08:57 AM

i'm trying to prepare for the worst but i'm hoping for the best. when i hear from her today i am going to lay down the rules for this break. if she objects than it is over between us. if she agrees i will give her all the space she needs as long as she follows the rules of the break. i know people say just dump her but its harder than that when you think you have found the girl you're gonna marry one day... she says she still feels we will end up together and i believe her but its hard as **** right now

hero_time · 06-21-2008, 09:03 AM

I'm in the same situation. It was her idea to go on a break and it only lasted a day. Keep in mind most women change their minds many times. If she's still on about this break, use this time to chill out and maybe date other girls. When she sees that you're doing what she said, she'll probably come back when she realizes she doesn't want to lose you.

J-Bol · 06-21-2008, 09:06 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by essential222

She has feelings for some one else and wants to act on them to see if its any better, from my experience anyway, put the hard word on her and confront her, lay the cards on the table and get a strong answer, if she can't give you one get out and walk away.

Bingo.

There are no "breaks" in a relationship. Either you're together, or you're not.

bsubodybuilder · 06-21-2008, 09:08 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by jturton7

best thing you could do is say bye, kiss her on the forehead and walk away. NEVER CALL HER, let her do her "thinking" and she will call you if she misses you. If she calls just to chat not to hang out (sexytime) end the call quickly and say you have to go do something.

she is looking for something else, she has to realize what she has already. The only way for her to realize this is to truly miss it (you ignoring her).

this is your answer!
-NO LIE

bdybldrkev · 06-21-2008, 09:20 AM

she swears the only reason for this is becasue she is sooo stressed out and we fight too much. i understand her reasoning but i dont think this is the solution. she doesnt want to see other guys and i dont want to see other girls which, in my opinion, makes this worse. i know there are other girls i can hook up with but i really dont want to. i have only been with her and she has only ever been with me, so the thought of her out hooking up with someone is unbarable. if she turns to another guy, we are done, so there is no way i will go to another girl.

a side note, her best friend recently got dumped and i think this may have somthing to do with it. her friend is a BITCH and if she is misearable she wants everyone around her to be miserable too. i dont know if she conviced my girl to do this or what but i'm just trying to find some reason. we have had wayyyy more serious fights than this in the past and nothing like this ever happened

USER54894846548948 · 06-21-2008, 09:27 AM

Whatever reason she is giving you, its a lie. She wants to have sex with other dudes and not you. Sorry but thats probably the truth. Happened to me after 2.5 years once. She went on a shagging spree after me.

Now I am looking into my crystal ball and...

You will get back together after about a month or two and you'll think YAY she does love me... but it will end again soon after and the second time will hurt even more than the first.

bdybldrkev · 06-21-2008, 09:29 AM

this will be a lot easier once i lay down the rules. i'll ignore her like some of you said as long as i know she isnt out with guys.

its hard for me to completely ignore her though. when i was younger my aunt was kidnapped and murdered so i always have to make sure that my girl is home safe at night. not knowing she is home at night is the hardest thing..

bdybldrkev · 06-21-2008, 09:32 AM

thanks gilgrape, but she really doesnt like sex. she feels that she has put on a lil weight after our freshman year, so she does not find herself attractive at all. i always told her she was beautiful, etc. i know others have had their girls go looking for sex but i'm positive she will not go looking for that.

jasong2gs · 06-21-2008, 09:32 AM

she thinks that taking a few days apart is going to stop the fighting? wrong-o. take it from me, i've been on a 'break' before, it lastes for a week, then we really split. you are just delaying what is going to happen anyway. just end it and get a head start of finding the next. i did and i love my new g/f more than i ever thought i could with my ex.

bdybldrkev · 06-21-2008, 09:35 AM

i dont want to end it now. i'll let her figure herself out and calm down over the next few weeks and decide then. this can be really good or it can be really bad.

angelfire2005 · 06-21-2008, 09:37 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by jturton7

best thing you could do is say bye, kiss her on the forehead and walk away. NEVER CALL HER, let her do her "thinking" and she will call you if she misses you. If she calls just to chat not to hang out (sexytime) end the call quickly and say you have to go do something.

she is looking for something else, she has to realize what she has already. The only way for her to realize this is to truly miss it (you ignoring her).

/thread right here

USER54894846548948 · 06-21-2008, 09:38 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by bdybldrkev

thanks gilgrape, but she really doesnt like sex.

She probably just doesnt like sex with you. Been there sister

bdybldrkev · 06-21-2008, 09:41 AM

you never know but i highly doubt it. we have been fighting a lot lately so i sort of understand. i have faith that everything will be ok.

USER54894846548948 · 06-21-2008, 09:44 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by bdybldrkev

you never know but i highly doubt it. we have been fighting a lot lately so i sort of understand. i have faith that everything will be ok.

So did I, just don't get your hopes up. I had no idea

bdybldrkev · 06-21-2008, 09:46 AM

i'm prepared for the worst. she promised last night when i talked to her that if i give her space everything will be ok... if i do that and the rest is up to her.

Jhendi82 · 06-21-2008, 11:02 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by gobstpr

breaks dont end up well..

Breaks are usually the beginning of the end, mine as well give her some space. Just do your thing and see what happens. If it was meant to be bro it will work itself out.

LeftNut · 06-21-2008, 11:30 AM

Dude do you think she's sat at home moaning about how much its killing her not to talk to you or any of the other crap that you've posted?

**** no she isn't.

She's out doing her own thing, she's living her own life and right now she doesn't want you to be a part of it. (That should tell you all you need to know)

Breaks by girls are nothing more than a dog leash fastened firmly round a guys neck. She's had her head turned by something (read: someone) and will use this break as an opportunity to 'hangout' with him as 'friends' without any guilt. She may not **** him (most do though) but she'll be testing the waters all the while knowing that she has you as 2nd choice in case **** dont work out or he's not as great as she thought.

Oh and you only speak to her once a week and yet she claims that thats not enough space? Wtf is that ****?

Anyway she's chosen to take the gamble of potentially losing you because in her eyes its a dead cert you'll be sticking around like a good puppy. (You dont bet **** on uncertain long shots do you?) Dont make her gamble be a certainty in her favour by sitting at home, twiddling your thumbs and just reminiscing about her, because she isn't doing the same about you.

Man the **** up and use this time yourself to evaluate what you want just as she is 'allegedly' doing herself. Meet new girls, hang out with friends you've maybe lost in touch with and then if she calls about wanting to get back together then you make the decision on your terms and your terms only. If the getting back together is not going to be as enjoyable as the life you have created on this break, then don't get back together because if she's had her head turned now then it'll happen again in the future. So make the right choice that works for you.

Oh and here you are talking about potential marriage and being certain of her and yet if she was as certain of you as you are of her then she wouldn't be demanding a break would she? If there is a chance that she's going to lose the man she plans to marry then what sane girl would gamble losing him?

bdybldrkev · 06-21-2008, 11:47 AM

you make sense lefnut. shes out doing her thing like working and hangin out with her girlfriends but i dont believe she is out there with guys. its just not her. i'm fine at night when i'm out with friends, but during the day this **** sucks. i work m-f from 6am to noon so i have all day to think about it. i plan on ignoring her for a few days and see if she contacts me. if anything happens i'll let you guys know.

she had to go to work today at 2 and told me should would call before she went to work, but she didnt..

musclebound2007 · 06-21-2008, 12:00 PM

Is she your first girlfriend or first love? Because this sounds like the first love situation, we all have probably been in before, especially at your age. Like someone said, if you've argued before and breaks have never happened. Then you need to take this break into huge consideration, to being the beginning of the end. The more breaks there are in a relationship, eventually spills into it ending completely. Both party gets tired of it, and if one party has initiated the break, then that individual is the one who's a tad bit tired. I mean I am guessing she's around your age, so she's young. If this is your first gf and you are her first boyfriend, then chances are even if she's not the type to hang with guys, maybe she wants to see what it's like with other guys, instead of just settling with the first love she has, or the first boyfriend she has.

I have been there but my circumstances had a background for understanding, being as her mother met her dad and he was her first love. They got married but after about 20 years together, the father filed for divorce. So for a teenager to see that, it's understanding why it's probably a good idea for young people of today to meet different people, fall in love maybe a couple of times, before committing themselves for a long term life with someone.

So ignore her. Do you, forget her. Act like she broke up with you and you're not on a break because I think it's unfair for females nowadays or anyone to use the 'i need my space' argument for having a 'break'. I mean, just come out and break up with the individual, and stop wasting each other's time and feelings. Because technically, one can do anything they want on a break (date other people or have sex with other people) and you can't get angry.

LeftNut · 06-21-2008, 12:05 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by bdybldrkev

you make sense lefnut. shes out doing her thing like working and hangin out with her girlfriends but i dont believe she is out there with guys. its just not her. i'm fine at night when i'm out with friends, but during the day this **** sucks. i work m-f from 6am to noon so i have all day to think about it. i plan on ignoring her for a few days and see if she contacts me. if anything happens i'll let you guys know.

she had to go to work today at 2 and told me should would call before she went to work, but she didnt..

Does she not have male friends?

Bro actions speak louder than words. Dont listen to what she says but judge her by what she does and how she treats you. Then switch it around and apply it to yourself and ask yourself why you would do to her whatever she is doing to you.

Whether she is doing anything with anyone else, only she knows and well it is what it is. But seriously fella don't sit moping around the house, this **** will drive you crazy if you're left sat alone with your thoughts.

You need to be pro-active and get yourself busy. Why not go out and sharpen up your game with women? You dont have to do anything with them other than get their number. Seriously once you get over the initial anxiety of it, its actually kind of fun, plus it'll help put you in good stead for the future in case things dont work out.

Good luck mate.