I can't tell my Girlfriend about my past..

[Leeroy_Jenkins]

You were man enough to do everything you did bro, be man enough to tell the girl you are saying changed you to be a better you not only for yourself but the people around you. Tell her the truth, just answer the questions she is asking you and cut clean. At this moment you have alot being carried on your shoulders. Once you come clean, it wont be as heavy. Dont make this relationship into a lie, you have the power to change this.

[j0ker]

pics of MILF please

oh yea, you should be honest with her.

[Govithoy]

Originally Posted by Npeart

Why did you lie? All you had to say was it was a mistake and she didn't mean anything to you. Then you tell the girl who asked you the question that she matters and she's all you want. Poorly handled, bro. Lies beget more lies.

Strong truth in this post.

Be honest with her, but you have to make her feel secure and safe as well. Let her know that it didn't mean anything and that she's what matters to you now. Don't dawdle on this one, the longer you wait the more pissed she'll be.

She's afraid she won't measure up or be enough (don't tell her about the 3some or milf, details aren't necessary) so make her feel desired, let her know what a dynamite she in the sack. There are two ways of doing this -- one is overdoing it, which will make her think she's just another notch on your belt and you just want to have sex with her, the other is doing it in moderation and with good taste, which will make her feel more desirable and secure in her feminity.

[LovesMuscles]

I went through the EXACT same thing you did a few months back.

Your situation was no different from mine. In September of last year, I met my now bf. I learned that he was exactly on the same level as you were, only the oldest chick he had sex with was 27, who lives in our neighborhood. I was immediately turned off by it and his value, in my eyes, went down a whole lot (I was a virgin at the time and had only kissed one guy in my entire life). He obviously wasn't lying when I was told the exact same things by a few guys he's close with. He also kind of looks like the type that gets around and I guess he started feeling just as ashamed as you are when I would make jokes about the things he's done (man-whore, carries an STD, all that crap...he stopped thinking it was funny after awhile :/). He stops his behavior when he becomes serious with a girl (he's also very very picky and when he does find the right one, which to him is all about trial and error with each girl to find her, it's hard to distract him from her).

Anyway, finding this out, it took me much longer to commit (I had never done anything before him besides a kiss). He told me he's not really that way, he just sleeps around when he has no gf, and stops when he finds a good one. I definitely think you should tell her because if he hadn't told me that before we started dating, I would have lost all of my respect for him and would have definitely been disgusted.

Edit: He also had to do a lot of crap just to get me to consider. I cut him off after awhile, but he convinced me to give it a chance, 5 months later. BTW, I would have been even more upset if he had told me after we started dating.

[Buffed Out Bo]

Lay it all on the line and tell her every detail in specific fashion. If she's brave enough to ask she should be strong enough to handle the truth. If she can't handle it WALK!!! She's with you NOW not who or what you did before her anyway bro.

[illpunches]

It happens man, I can't tell certain girls my past either. I was with this really Chrisitian girl that was awesome and I couldn't tell her about the **** I used to do cause I didn't wanna scare her off. Nothing worked out though because if you hold **** back you lose your comfort level, and you can't regain that or randomly throw in some insane **** from your past outta nowhere a year or so in lol. Just do it, it's worth it in the long run.

[forcefedfreak]

I usually keep a strict don't ask don't tell policy with all of my girlfriends. It never leads to anything but problems, and I'm not just saying that because of the sexual conquests I've pioneered. I don't want to hear about my girl doing freaky **** either. I was not the first man to land on the moon. I can live with that. If she asks you I would just say "I'm not really comfortable discussing it with you, nor am I proud of it. I would rather focus on my time with you and making you happy."

[TheDiplomats]

Don't tell her now. What is telling her going to do? You are just going to inflict your pain onto her which is selfish.

If you must tell, do not go in detail. Tell her that you made a lot of stupid mistakes (Who doesn't in HS?) and that you've changed for the better.

[Caliphoenix3]

Originally Posted by CR123

Listen up OP. I'm going to give you real world advice not internet player/good guy advice.

In this kind of situation you have to use the don't ask don't tell policy. If she doesn't ask you don't tell. Don't go telling all your stories about what you did before with other girls. If she says did you have sex in you truck? you say yeah and tell her why, and explain to her that you were young and stupid. If she asks tell her without the details, it will make her upset, especially since she never messed with anyone but you.

This is a hard situation being with a really good girl when you have experience from your past. It's importantshe understand that you are just like 99% of the other teen/young adult guys in America NOT a male prostitute.

Also if she likes you, she will understand the past is the past and that you two are the future. Unless you cheated on all your ex's.

The only other thing I can say is chances our if you are her first she may want to explore and try things with other guys especially in college.

FTW!

If you bring up all that you've done sexually; you might as well bring up everything bad you've ever thought/said. Everyone has secrets/regrets sometimes you don't realize what they are until you are put into a position where you feel uncomfortable or embarrassed.

As long as your not doing any of those things anymore, and hopefully you've been tested so you keep her clean, then what's it to anyone else. If she asks you, you have to tell her the truth b/c she has a right to know and i'm sure you'd expect the same. Other than that man, if you're honest with her all the time she'll always know what she has in you.

[Dave1958]

I agree with this posters option:


1. tell her the truth, tell her you lied before and you were ashamed of it and didnt want to tell her. tell her you care enough about her that you didnt want to fcuk anything up and thats what you did. tell her you will answer her questions truthfully if she has them but also tell her not to ask them if she doesnt want to know the answer..girls do this a lot. she might be mad at you for a few days, but this opens the door for a better relationship based on 100% truth. DO NOT VOLUNTEER INFORMATION though. if she asks, tell her, but dont start rambling.



Relying heavily on DO NOT Volunteering Information on a need to know basis. Past is past, your relationship is present and future. What you tell her WILL be used against you in the future!!! Dont lie and answer her questions honestly. HOPE she doesnt pry to much and if she is getting off on the details, because if she is your relationship is a lost cause. Most mature ladies realize some men have pasts that need to stay that way, and wont ask to much. They just want honesty in the relationship

[Al_Pal]

Originally Posted by bearfan34201

Shes an angel compared to any girl. Made out with two guys in her life and never did anything with any guy expcept me. She asked me tonight about a story she heard about me banging at girl in my truck, she asked me if it was true, I swore and promised it wasn't... And it is..

Her friend has a lot of dirt on me, telling her that she won't tell me anything I've done because it's bad.. And yeah, most of it is true. I'm just terrified to tell her, nor do I want to. What the hell am I going to tell her, the truth? I lost my virginity in a 3some, I made out/hooked up with 20-40 girls last year alone, as a Senior in High School? I got with a 36 year old mom? I can't tell her that.. I pretty much deny to myself now that I've got such a great girlfriend, that I did any of these things.. She tells me it won't effect our relationship and no matter what I've done, she doesn't care because it was before her and I shouldn't regret it..

I don't know.. I got really upset when she asked me, I just denied and shook my head and mumbled. Then she said she heard how big of a player I was and how much crap I use to do with girls and how she doesn't believe any of it, and she believes me.. God, I'm such an *******? But I sorta think maybe it's for the best, thats not me and I'm so happy with her. But at the same time I wouldn't want her lying to me about that kind of stuff.. I don't know, what is it called? A white lie? Maybe I'm lying for the best of us.. I have it so good I don't want her to know what I use to do.. And how I was.. Because now I've got such a good girlfriend, I'm ashamed.

first off... fan of what bears?

2nd... deny til you die and if that dont work just make her feel special by saying she was the first girl to come in your life that made you want to throw away all the pimpin. One night with her surpasses a lifetime with a million meaningless tricks.

your past is your past... what ya gonna do about it? Anyones past is the exact cause for who they are now, so if she cant expect your past, than how can she apreciate you now?

[bearfan34201]

Yes, big Bears fan.

I told her yesterday that before her I had everything planned out. Go to college single, live a life of bachelorhood because of the crap I've seen with girls. I told her I've been and have seen women who were in serious relationships cheat on her boyfriend and deny it later. I admitted that after doing these things and seeing this that I was scared for a long time to be committed because I don't want to get hurt. She went onto tell me that she loves me alot, and the only way we end is if I break up with her. She said I don't even understand how much I mean to her, with her family problems and all.. And how great I am to her. She threw around the word perfect too.

It went on for a few more minutes of how she has been everything I've looked for in the past 2 years. She doesn't drink, smoke, party and had not one thing in her past besides making out with a guy a few years older than her when she was younger..


She went onto say that my past doesn't matter to her, and she loves me for who I am. I guess I should point out I said that I have done some things and I don't want to talk about , and I would take it all back for her. It upset me a lot last night cause I was worried that I would lose her, even after going 6 months strong without one argument. But I don't think it will be effecting us, shes such a good person and she told me she doesn't want to know nor does she care bout my past.. Because that was before me and her started hanging out.

No pics of milf. It was last summer, and as cool as it was to think I was a big bad ass player.. If I knew I'd find someone worth dating like her, I'd take it back along with everything else. I've been on both sides of the boat and can vouch and say that having a really great girlfriend is 100x better than screwing around with random girls at parties. I can sit in at my house, watch movies, read a book and lay in my bed with her and enjoy that much much more than I would going out and partying like I use to.

[kswag934]

Originally Posted by bearfan34201

Yes, big Bears fan.

I told her yesterday that before her I had everything planned out. Go to college single, live a life of bachelorhood because of the crap I've seen with girls. I told her I've been and have seen women who were in serious relationships cheat on her boyfriend and deny it later. I admitted that after doing these things and seeing this that I was scared for a long time to be committed because I don't want to get hurt. She went onto tell me that she loves me alot, and the only way we end is if I break up with her. She said I don't even understand how much I mean to her, with her family problems and all.. And how great I am to her. She threw around the word perfect too.

It went on for a few more minutes of how she has been everything I've looked for in the past 2 years. She doesn't drink, smoke, party and had not one thing in her past besides making out with a guy a few years older than her when she was younger..


She went onto say that my past doesn't matter to her, and she loves me for who I am. I guess I should point out I said that I have done some things and I don't want to talk about , and I would take it all back for her. It upset me a lot last night cause I was worried that I would lose her, even after going 6 months strong without one argument. But I don't think it will be effecting us, shes such a good person and she told me she doesn't want to know nor does she care bout my past.. Because that was before me and her started hanging out.

No pics of milf. It was last summer, and as cool as it was to think I was a big bad ass player.. If I knew I'd find someone worth dating like her, I'd take it back along with everything else. I've been on both sides of the boat and can vouch and say that having a really great girlfriend is 100x better than screwing around with random girls at parties. I can sit in at my house, watch movies, read a book and lay in my bed with her and enjoy that much much more than I would going out and partying like I use to.

You're a lucky man. Congrats.

[luckyshark]

Like everybody else has already said, I'd say you can't adfford to NOT tell your girl about your past. Eventually, it all WILL come out if you're planning on this being "long term" with this girl. I mean it may be YEARS down the line, but the truth ALWAYS comes out. Funny how that works. Anyway, try to hide it all you can, but lying about it now will only make it worse later. Mark my words, man. Tell her now if you want things to last for the 2 of you.

[bearfan34201]

Originally Posted by kswag934

You're a lucky man. Congrats.

My friend, that is an understatement. I ask her all the time, why are you with someone like me? You could be with someone who has less the baggage I do and not nearly half the crap/rumors of me.. Someone who doesn't party or drink. She said shes in love with me. With who I am, regardless of what people say.

I tell her all the time how lucky I am to find someone like her. She laughs and says " I'm lucky", sometimes I gotta slap myself in the head knowing how good I got it.

[-RAIn-]

the truth shouldn't matter..& regardless of how many times she says it won't bug her or blah blah..it will..

what's she wanna know for anyway? not like u could change it if she didn't like it anyway. just tell her you're disease free & u got no kids with past girls or the nonchalant way of saying something along the lines of "I'd rather not think about the past, you're the girl I'm with now & you're the one I'm going to be with in the future."

[girlygirl]

clearly hiding it is making you sick with stress and worry, which will only get worse as time goes on. if for that reason only, one can't hide these kinds of things. secrets like that ruin your bond with the other person. i'm not saying one has to confess every last deed in great detail--god knows i don't wanna hear about the nastiest things my man has ever done--but there must be an assumption of openess... right now she thinks you're a different person than you are. you don't want to move forward like that with her.

[tsid19]

"Ignorance is bliss"

[Al_Pal]

WHAT BEARS MOTHER****ER!!!!!

if chicago bears... than reps 4 you.

[bearfan34201]

Originally Posted by Al_Pal

WHAT BEARS MOTHER****ER!!!!!

if chicago bears... than reps 4 you.

Is that a question? Of Course!

Yes, hiding it is making me mad.. But of course I just want to let it go, and the funny thing is I hear these things on here that I should tell her cause thats who I am.. Well in truth, it's not.

[girlygirl]

your past is always a part of who you are today. it doesn't mean you behave that way anymore, but it's part of you, it made you who you are today.

[2 HUGE]

20-40 girls

strong aids

[bearfan34201]

Originally Posted by 2 HUGE

20-40 girls

strong aids

Nope. In a sense it did make me who I am today, in that I know when a good one sprouts and have a very hard time trusting anyone. I've seen too many girls with boyfriends who they love, and end up cheating on them either with me or with someone else. Crazy thing is shes a great girl, in love with me and I rather be with noone but her. I told her, I've seen a lot and experienced a lot in a sense that I don't want to get hurt and I'm afraid of getting hurt. She was almost in tears telling me that she'd never do that too me and she loves me to much. So I guess I told her enough, no details.

[BlazerXX]

this thread seems like a carefully constructed way to brag without the appearance of doing so

[bearfan34201]

Originally Posted by nofx33

this thread seems like a carefully constructed way to brag without the appearance of doing so

Of course, I have nothing better to do than brag to a bunch of people I don't know. My god, how did you know?

[bmy-]

Originally Posted by bearfan34201

Shes an angel compared to any girl. Made out with two guys in her life and never did anything with any guy expcept me. She asked me tonight about a story she heard about me banging at girl in my truck, she asked me if it was true, I swore and promised it wasn't... And it is..

Her friend has a lot of dirt on me, telling her that she won't tell me anything I've done because it's bad.. And yeah, most of it is true. I'm just terrified to tell her, nor do I want to. What the hell am I going to tell her, the truth? I lost my virginity in a 3some, I made out/hooked up with 20-40 girls last year alone, as a Senior in High School? I got with a 36 year old mom? I can't tell her that.. I pretty much deny to myself now that I've got such a great girlfriend, that I did any of these things.. She tells me it won't effect our relationship and no matter what I've done, she doesn't care because it was before her and I shouldn't regret it..

I don't know.. I got really upset when she asked me, I just denied and shook my head and mumbled. Then she said she heard how big of a player I was and how much crap I use to do with girls and how she doesn't believe any of it, and she believes me.. God, I'm such an *******? But I sorta think maybe it's for the best, thats not me and I'm so happy with her. But at the same time I wouldn't want her lying to me about that kind of stuff.. I don't know, what is it called? A white lie? Maybe I'm lying for the best of us.. I have it so good I don't want her to know what I use to do.. And how I was.. Because now I've got such a good girlfriend, I'm ashamed.

The truth. Do it. It's better in the end. You don't have to go into detail. A simple.. look there are alot of things i've done that I now regret.. very basic information.

[GFoed020]

Ok if this is all true, and the 36 year old mom was a MILF, then you are the man.

[TricepsNGirls]

Either you don't tell, or you make it very general and keep sparse with the details. There is the seriously misguided assumption that you need to tell your partner everything about you here.

Communication and honesty are important, no doubt, but there's some things that aren't worth anyone's time sharing. Would you tell a best friend hurtful things that you overheard others say about him? No. It takes a sharp and sensible mind to maintain a balance between truth and sensitivity. Your relationship stands to gain NOTHING from you going into explicit details about your past. It takes more of a man to keep shut on things that have the potential for hurting others than to "confess".

[fenixzona]

Originally Posted by bearfan34201

Shes an angel compared to any girl. Made out with two guys in her life and never did anything with any guy expcept me. She asked me tonight about a story she heard about me banging at girl in my truck, she asked me if it was true, I swore and promised it wasn't... And it is..

Her friend has a lot of dirt on me, telling her that she won't tell me anything I've done because it's bad.. And yeah, most of it is true. I'm just terrified to tell her, nor do I want to. What the hell am I going to tell her, the truth? I lost my virginity in a 3some, I made out/hooked up with 20-40 girls last year alone, as a Senior in High School? I got with a 36 year old mom? I can't tell her that.. I pretty much deny to myself now that I've got such a great girlfriend, that I did any of these things.. She tells me it won't effect our relationship and no matter what I've done, she doesn't care because it was before her and I shouldn't regret it..

I don't know.. I got really upset when she asked me, I just denied and shook my head and mumbled. Then she said she heard how big of a player I was and how much crap I use to do with girls and how she doesn't believe any of it, and she believes me.. God, I'm such an *******? But I sorta think maybe it's for the best, thats not me and I'm so happy with her. But at the same time I wouldn't want her lying to me about that kind of stuff.. I don't know, what is it called? A white lie? Maybe I'm lying for the best of us.. I have it so good I don't want her to know what I use to do.. And how I was.. Because now I've got such a good girlfriend, I'm ashamed.

tell her the truth and, who knows, she may very well tell you her truth.

[Deja]

isnt necessarily a lie if you leave it out, technically you arent lieing.