Eating Disorder Awareness Week

SophieM · 02-25-2008, 09:02 PM

Just wanted to post something in recognition of this week being Eating Disorder Awareness Week.

It seems that quite a few of us on here have suffered/are suffering from an eating disorder and I thought that it'd be nice, since it's EDAW, that we come together, if only for this week, and support one another in our recovery journey.

So, a little bit about me and my eating disorder.

I was abused growing up and one of the things I was abused for doing was eating I'd be punished in various ways for eating "too much" and eating causes me flashbacks, so I chose not to eat and it eventually became anorexia. I was hospitalized for 5 weeks summer of 2005 and gained 14 lbs in that time.

I've been in the triple digits since I was discharged (my highest weight was in the summer of 2007 and was 30 lbs over my lowest weight!!) but still fear relapsing due to flashbacks.

When I don't work out, the flashbacks get worse when I'm eating, I don't eat, my weight drops, I freak out, try to be more consistent, which isn't always possible in college, and the cycle starts again.

My message box is always to anyone who needs to talk. We can beat this!!

sportyhp · 02-25-2008, 10:53 PM

wow great post, im sure it will be helpful to so many people around here (at least i HOPE it will be!)

twinnett · 02-26-2008, 02:55 AM

Thank you for sharing your story!

Mine isn't quite so moving, but we've each had our own battles. I was brought up to be fat honestly: out to eat every day, fast food 2 meals a day, snacks at home...I was overweight and got teased a lot, so I stopped eating in high school, dropped a ton of weight, then was unhappy still and that led me to just gain it all back plus more in college: pizza, cookie dough, fast food, Taco Bell, etc.

Then I discovered eating better and exercise but got obsessed again and dropped down to 105#....I discovered this board and Emma Leigh and it's changed my life! I have a whole new outlook toward my body and food now!

Messly1 · 02-26-2008, 04:10 AM

i had no clue it was eating disorder awareness week thank you!

...i was 200lbs at 10 years ola diagnosed with diabetes and syndrome X at age 6 my highest weight was 250lbs when i turned 15 the doctor said if i didn ot lose weight i could pie because my pancreas was failing on me causeing pancriatic failure, i'm not gonna say that was my main goal for loseing weight, because i was teased not so much by friends but just everyone, little comments here and there from close friends,family,even strangers really ware one you over 6 or 7 years so that was another huge reason, i went from 250 to 150 in 5 months thenen lost down to 110lbs in the next 2 months from volleyball conditioning and extra excercize and not eating that i was doin, i'm 6'0 , so i was clearly emaciated at about 120lbs my family and friends finally realized what i was doing and my family saved my life, i was in denile big time! i made myself believe i ate normal everyday in reality obviously not i lost 10 more lbs, my mom and dad finally decided it was either a hospital for 500,000$+ or get healthy on my own i didn't want my family to lose our house or go bank rupt, which we would have!! so i decided to do it o my own i started at a gym w/ a personal trainer for 3 months and maintained at 115lbs, of course i havent told you everything that went on in this time frame but if i typed all of that drama we'd be here fo days! but when i wasn't makeing progress i got a nutritionist and my trainer brought up the idea of competeing in figure! i hated it at first then decided i wanted to do it i've been traing with her and meeting with my nutritionist for over a year now, i'm 16 1/2 now and weigh 150lbs! about to do my first show in a few months! i have my life back and now and thank my parents and trainer everyday for saving me!! i'm still a diabetic and insulin resistent but i have a menstral cycle now and my pancreas is workinga gain, i could not be happier!

jeeze this is long haha! sorry

Leslie

JessFM · 02-26-2008, 05:51 AM

Thank you for this thread!

I grew up in a very image-conscious household... my father was a competitive bodybuilder and my mother was always struggling with her weight (usually losing the struggle). I stayed skinny until college, where I immediately gained the freshman 15. My sophomore year, I decided to go vegetarian to drop some weight- at first I looked good, but it got out of hand. I started eating pretty much nothing but fruits and vegetables and running obsessively. That summer, I was admitted to an eating disorder hospital, where I stayed for a month. I gained some weight back junior year, but it was mostly alcohol-fueled binges that made that possible. I took many steps forward and back during my senior year, and I think the real turning point for me was meeting my boyfriend. He has been so patient and understanding and has really helped me crawl out of that dark hole. He's the one who got me to start lifting weights, and i think that's where my real healing came in... Now that I see my body transforming, I want to give it all of the right nutrition and help it grow. Our bodies are amazing things and I'm so grateful that I've finally found someone (my boyfriend) and something (bodybuilding) to keep me motivated to stay better. I know I'm not in the clear- it'll always be in the back of my mind. But I truly believe that bodybuilding is what keeps it at bay for me right now in my life.

thanks for listening

SophieM · 02-26-2008, 09:10 AM

Twinnett - I'm sorry you were teased. I don't understand why people have to harass one another for any reason. I'm so glad you're doing better now.

Messly1 - I can't imagine how stressful that must have been on your body and your mind to go from one extreme to another. I'm so happy you're at a healthy weight now and getting ready to compete. That's awesome!!

JessFM - Ugh on the hospital. I'm sorry to hear college was such a roller coaster for you. That had to be so difficult. I'm so glad you've found something to keep you healthy.

Just a tidbit on hospitals. If you (meaning anyone who is reading this) ever needs to be hospitalized for an eating disorder, do your research on what kind of services are provided. The place I went provided no therapy and basically just fed us until we gained weight, then we moved on.

I didn't do a step down program. I went from in-patient directly to college. I was discharged on a Friday, went home on Saturday (stayed overnight to sightsee Friday night), moved in to college Sunday, and started classes Monday, albeit a week late.

~~~~~~

I thought it might be helpful for those still struggling to know what made us want recovery. So, for those of you who are recovered/in recovery, what made you realize you needed it?

For me, there were two things. The first thing happened in Feb of 2005. I was on a competitive community dance team and also competed in baton. I was eating less that 3000 calories a week and exercising about 20 hours in practices and competitions alone. I should have saw this coming.

I woke up on a Saturday before a competition and was super weak and dizzy. I couldn't stand without something propping me up as I had no balance and I couldn't walk either. I kept fading in and out. My chest would get excruciating pains and things wold black for a fraction of a second. I didn't do the competition the next day and Sunday was more of the same, though not as severe.

The second thing was college. I wanted to go to college. I wanted to sign myself out against medical advice to get there on time but my college wouldn't allow it. I had to be on contract with them when I did go as they wanted me to take a semester to a year off but I knew that I would just relapse. I went to IP in order to go to college, no college, no point in doing it. I now longer go to therapy but not because I don't need it, but because I was told they couldn't help me with the root of it all.

The first event scared me but college was the reason I stayed in recovery once I got out.

HappySnowBunny · 02-26-2008, 09:16 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by SophieM

Just a tidbit on hospitals. If you (meaning anyone who is reading this) ever needs to be hospitalized for an eating disorder, do your research on what kind of services are provided. The place I went provided no therapy and basically just fed us until we gained weight, then we moved on.

Excellent point, Sophie. Mine didn't provide therapy or nutrition information either. Just eat, gain, leave. Lather rinse repeat if needed.

SophieM · 02-26-2008, 09:23 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by HappySnowBunny

Excellent point, Sophie. Mine didn't provide therapy or nutrition information either. Just eat, gain, leave. Lather rinse repeat if needed.

We did have nutritional "groups" but VERY basic information that people with eating disorders are well versed in.

Their partial hospitalization program actually fed into IP. If you didn't gain weight or lost too much in partial, you'd be put in IP, then, step down to partial, then IP, etc.

I got sick when I was in IP (stomach bug they said) and I was accused of purging. I have NEVER purged in my life and hardly ever get sick like that. I was also asked if I was pregnant.

I know think I have done damage to some parts of my digestive system as periodically I have problems eating high fat food or food in general will make me really nauseous. I also get severely constipated and have to take laxatives to resolve the situation. *sorry for the TMI but ED's are not exactly friendly) I'm going to talk to my doctor about it on March 3rd and I'm a little worried about what it could be.

HappySnowBunny · 02-26-2008, 09:37 AM

It could be related to the ed. I can't eat high fat foods without being in agony. I think it's directly related to the restricting. If things aren't being actively digested the lower gi tract gets lazy and bored...or something like that. It's been a long time for me, and I still have to be aware and careful. (this is why the current situation is so hard for me. i could lose all this but the ways i know how...not so good.).

Hope you do get some answers from your doc.

norinicole · 02-26-2008, 10:03 AM

Awesome thread. I also didn't know that it was EDAW.

I never needed hospitalization, and I guess I had what is called a 'sub-clinical' eating disorder. I still had a lot of the tendencies of ED but I still got my period and still looked fairly normal. I dropped a lot of weight the summer after high school and was eating about a cup of rice and a fruit shake a day. Once I moved away from home to attend university, it was a complete switch. I went from hardly eating anything to bingeing.

I didn't gain the freshman 15, it was the freshman 30. I gained 30 lbs in a month (yes, and I have the stretch marks to prove it) and just didn't care what I looked like. After that I got lazy and decided to try some 'diet pills' that completely wrecked my metabolism for the next few years.

I still have all of those nasty thoughts go through my head, but slowly they are being replaced by the knowledge that I need to feed my muscles to keep the hard earned muscle I've got. I think what's really helped is that my waist is now just as small as it was when I was barely eating, yet now I'm eating more than I ever had (but much cleaner).

We are survivors and will be able to fight this.

Thanks so much Sophie and all the other ladies for sharing your stories

JessFM · 02-26-2008, 10:32 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by HappySnowBunny

Excellent point, Sophie. Mine didn't provide therapy or nutrition information either. Just eat, gain, leave. Lather rinse repeat if needed.

My experience was similar... the hospital I went to was actually a women's psych ward- it was the only place in the area with an in-patient eating disorder "program". I went to lots of group therapy- most of the women in the groups did NOT have an E.D.... and they just kept increasing my food intake until I started gaining. For the individual psych portion, they basically gave me so many pills that I was too dazed to care that I was eating.

It's sad, but there really aren't many quality E.D. hospitals around. I think this is a serious issue and it needs to be addressed because the problem is only getting worse

MAANGER · 02-26-2008, 10:54 AM

I have never thought of myself as having any kind of disordered eating, but last year i decided to do a cutting diet and once I started to ddrop the weight I think I took it too far. I was SO strict and beat myself up for eating out, even though I usually got a salad with no eggs, cheese, bacon, or anything. Just some veggies and maybe a grilled chicken, but felt extremely guilty because I didn't know how many calories I had eaten and didn't make the food myself. Once I was down to 100# and 9% bodyfat, no periods, and had some bloodwork come back all CRAZY from my obgyn, they sent me to get a full abdominal ultrasound and additional bloodwork done. This whole incident scared me to death, they told me I might have some liver failure) and I promised myself that if I was givenn a second chance at having my health back, I would start taking much better care of myself. I NEVER EVER thought that I might have any type of eating disorder because I was eating around 1100-1200 cal a day, but was very strict, no nuts, cheese, fats, fruits, etc. And on top of that was on the "overvoard" side of working out. But regardless of how much I was eating or anything like that, I reallized that I had a problem ( my own type of eating disorder) when I had to put some weight back on and get my bodyfat up to a normal and healthy number. This was very dificult, I struggled mentally for a good amount of time. Had very distorted and unhealthy body image even after gaining only 6 or so pounds back. I would just look at myself in the mirror and tell myself that i was disgusting and fat and needed to go back on my crazy diet.. I have came a long way mentally since then, but I think sometimes living a lifestylle like I do, with clean eating and training I have to be careful to have a little balance and enjoy llife and the whole process of doing it. I had to stop doing just to lose weight and get lean. I had to start doing it just for the sake of loving it. My marraige, time with my 2 daughters, and everything in life is so fun and happy, I can't believe I sacrificed fo much happiness for those months to try and look so perfect(which by the way I actually looked awfull).

SophieM · 02-26-2008, 11:57 AM

HappySnow Bunny - What current situation? Is everything okay? I'm sorry you too have lasting damage from an ED.

Norinicole - I'm glad that the ED thoughts are being replaced with healthier ones. And you are right, we are survivors and we will beat this.

JessFM - I'm sorry your experience in IP was so bad. Mine was specialized for ED's so you'd think they'd have done better. By the time I left, I was eating more calories in a day than I had been eating in an entire week and still slowly gaining. I was also put on medication that is KNOWN to make people insatiably hungry and gain weight. The only thing IP did was get my weight up, which probably saved my life, but therapy would have been a bigger help in the long run.

ED's are a serious issue and I wish insurance companies and doctors realized this. My doctor told me that I was not anorexic and that if I feel below 70 lbs he would suggest I seek treatment. Yeah. Helpful. NOT!! When I saw a specialist, I was told I should had been hospitalized a while ago and that I was severely underweight. Some doctors are just as much as a hindrance as insurance companies.

Maanger - I hope you've loosened up on your diet, though it sounds like you have. And you're right, we all need to be careful because since we have chosen this lifestyle, it gets easier to justify ED actions with trying to be ?healthier? or for any number of reasons.

I still look at pictures of pictures of myself when I was at my worst and I don't think I look ?sick? or anything to me. Other people can see it, but I still can't. I never thought I was fat until I was already underweight and the brain chemistry changed. I still think I look ?soft? in some pictures so my brain chemistry isn't 100% but I don't think it ever has been. I can see the difference before the pictures when I was at my lowest weight and now though, so I guess that's a start.

I was a little worried posting this that no one would respond or that it wouldn't go over well. I'm so happy that it seems to be serving a positive purpose.

chochmom · 02-26-2008, 01:28 PM

thanks for this thread. I had just got with my fiance a few years ago. He was lean and in really good shape and I was still carrying a bit of baby fat... I tried to restrict my calories and ended up going down a spiral of uncontrollable cravings and binge eating. I tried to throw my food back up but never could figure out how to do it. I was getting more and more depressed and felt so alone. When noone was around I would sit and eat like ten bowls of cereal in a row, and just continue eating. By the time I was done I felt so bad about myself that I would get up the next morning and do three or more hours of cardio to try to counter some of the damage. I kept gaining weight. It was gross how much I ate but I couldnt stop. Eventually, I decided to stop focusing on what I was eating and just ate what I wanted. Thats when my appetitie subsided and I have not gotten to that point since. I watch what I eat and am on a nutrition plan right now. And I feel fine. I dont know how or why that binge eating occured. My purging was not vomiting, but exercising. I hope that it never happens again. I am just happy that I can tell someone what I went through and not be judged. Thanks you guys

JessFM · 02-26-2008, 01:30 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by MAANGER

I have never thought of myself as having any kind of disordered eating, but last year i decided to do a cutting diet and once I started to ddrop the weight I think I took it too far. I was SO strict and beat myself up for eating out, even though I usually got a salad with no eggs, cheese, bacon, or anything. Just some veggies and maybe a grilled chicken, but felt extremely guilty because I didn't know how many calories I had eaten and didn't make the food myself. Once I was down to 100# and 9% bodyfat, no periods, and had some bloodwork come back all CRAZY from my obgyn, they sent me to get a full abdominal ultrasound and additional bloodwork done. This whole incident scared me to death, they told me I might have some liver failure) and I promised myself that if I was givenn a second chance at having my health back, I would start taking much better care of myself. I NEVER EVER thought that I might have any type of eating disorder because I was eating around 1100-1200 cal a day, but was very strict, no nuts, cheese, fats, fruits, etc. And on top of that was on the "overvoard" side of working out. But regardless of how much I was eating or anything like that, I reallized that I had a problem ( my own type of eating disorder) when I had to put some weight back on and get my bodyfat up to a normal and healthy number. This was very dificult, I struggled mentally for a good amount of time. Had very distorted and unhealthy body image even after gaining only 6 or so pounds back. I would just look at myself in the mirror and tell myself that i was disgusting and fat and needed to go back on my crazy diet.. I have came a long way mentally since then, but I think sometimes living a lifestylle like I do, with clean eating and training I have to be careful to have a little balance and enjoy llife and the whole process of doing it. I had to stop doing just to lose weight and get lean. I had to start doing it just for the sake of loving it. My marraige, time with my 2 daughters, and everything in life is so fun and happy, I can't believe I sacrificed fo much happiness for those months to try and look so perfect(which by the way I actually looked awfull).

Wow- that is a really powerful story. I hope your liver tests came back okay. It sounds like you have things under control- best of luck to you and thank you for sharing your story

JessFM · 02-26-2008, 01:35 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by SophieM

I still look at pictures of pictures of myself when I was at my worst and I don't think I look ?sick? or anything to me. Other people can see it, but I still can't. I never thought I was fat until I was already underweight and the brain chemistry changed. I still think I look ?soft? in some pictures so my brain chemistry isn't 100% but I don't think it ever has been. I can see the difference before the pictures when I was at my lowest weight and now though, so I guess that's a start.

It's just another reminder that the ED "voice" is always there- however "hidden" it may be. It's not so important that you see the physical differences in pictures- it's important that you realize that what you were doing to your body at the time was wrong- and it sounds like you do. So kudos to you

I was nervous to start getting so into bodybuilding, since a certain food/exercise strictness is involved. But so far, I have only seen *positive* results and I've gotten better at listening to my body and giving it what it needs.

HappySnowBunny · 02-26-2008, 01:41 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by SophieM

HappySnow Bunny - What current situation? Is everything okay? I'm sorry you too have lasting damage from an ED.

It's ok enough. Problem is that after my surprise daughter my metabolism was already shot. Add PDD, and a huge amount of life stress and I ballooned up. I could go back into habits I have LONG since worked through but I'm trying very hard to learn proper eating and not have this great sense of constant worry. What's happened is that the messed up metabolism means that it's been extremely difficult to see progress, which frustrates me and makes me want to restrict just to get back down (which you know means bargaining and reasoning myself back into the spiral). That's pretty much what I mean by 'current situation'. Emotionally it's been awful because I've always been judged by my body and I still do that to myself. Needless to say I'm not kind to myself. heh.

MAANGER · 02-26-2008, 01:58 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by JessFM

Wow- that is a really powerful story. I hope your liver tests came back okay. It sounds like you have things under control- best of luck to you and thank you for sharing your story

Yes, I am doing very good and very healthy now...I had to gain about 20 pounds back to be at a good and healthy weight, and I have all of my energy back, and am unbelieveably happier. I was not very much fun for those around me. It is just crazy that I actually felt like I was normal and fine during that time, and I just couldn't see it myself. I think something that worked well for me was to start surrounding myself with a lot of positive girls, not ones that just fuss nonstop about superficial things, but are confident in them. So many of the woman on this forum have made a positive impact on me, and they don't even know it. So thanks to you all!

CharliC · 02-26-2008, 05:15 PM

Great idea for a thread.

I'm in recovery from anorexia at the moment. It wasn't triggered by anything traumatic, I've been lucky enough to have always had very supportive family and friends. It was more a diet that combined with certain personality traits of mine to become an ED.

One of my behaviours was compulsive over-exercising but having started weights training as part of my recovery, my outlook has completely changed. Exercise has become something to make me feel good rather than punishment. It's given me a healthy focus and makes me much more inclined eat properly- I truly FEEL like I need the fuel, and importantly, like my body actually deserves it. The idea of muscle building also makes me feel more comfortable with regaining mass (though I need to work on fat as well). It's definitely key to my recovery the moment.

dani5162 · 02-26-2008, 06:17 PM

Good thread, I am glad so many of you are in recovery and/or trying to become healthy.

Makes me all fuzzy inside.

My story is kind of long and unexciting.
Basically, I was a chub chub (or felt like one) during most of my childhood, ages 7 to about 13-14. my highest weight was about 156, at 5'3" or 5'4". I naturally slimmed down a little tiny bit when I was 13 and liked the feel of it, of being healthier and more energetic and active....somehow, convolutedly, I'm not sure how (stress, stupidity, whatever), it turned into severe anorexia. I ate basically nothing toward the end.
I went to a doctor when my mom was first worried about me, but I waterloaded and still weighed about 120, so the dr said "there's nothing wrong with her". My mom was relived, but doubtful, and I was triumphant.
A few months later, I was in the 90# range and my mom took me out of school and I was hospitalized on October 20, 2004--I will always remember that date.
I had to be in the "real" hospital for about 2 wks, then they moved me (once medically more stable) to the Psych ward, where all the "crazy people", lol, went. There was no help there for EDs, or anything specific, I don;t think.
I was a pain in the ass for the nurses. I was so stubborn! I wanted to do it MY WAY. Finally I realized I couldn't talk my way out and then stuffed my face till I made the goal weight; the doctors made a "meal plan" that I knew I would never follow and my mom would not enforce, and they released me.
A month or so later, I had lost it all and more, and was doing weird crazy stuff like eating aspartame packets and shoplifting- and was at my lowest weight (my lowest was (very briefly) about 85 lbs at 5'7". Even I thought I looked dead), and I had to go back, first to the hospital and then to Psych.
It sucked so bad there, but that was mostly because of my mindset, I think (i.e., my brain did not work).
When a space opened up, they sent me to McLean (in the hospital that "girl, interrupted" was in!

kinda cool, kinda very not). They had to sedate me to get me in the car; I freaked out so bad.
Anyway, this has been way too detailed, I'm sorry, I got kind of carried away! But they made me eat there, a LOT, and I complied "just til I got out of there, then I was going to do it my way", and binged and got edema and all that. I was ****ed up, lol.
Sometimes I wish I had let go of control completely; and seen where I would be now.....
Anyway, I did, I got out, did outpatient briefly, blah blah, and then lost most of the weight again.
But I gained it back, very, very slowly, over about 3.5 or 4 years. It was faster at first, obviously.
My mom also helped immensely; she was so amazing and brave and patient and supportive....thank you mom! (*LOVE*)
But I did it. I found this site (actually, thru a disorder practice I was doing) and found the reg. nutrition section-- and saw that people were complaining about not getting enough calories! That blew my mind, and flipped some sort of switch in my head-- and I started to get healthier. I seriously credit bb.com for saving my life.
It's been a slow, ****ty road, and it took what should have been the best years of my life and turned them into the worst, but I survived and am getting better every day.
I am by no means perfect, but by god I eat enough, haha!
I have side issues I am working on still-- but I am physically the healthiest I have ever been (i think. lol! )

Sorry this was so long!
Girls, all your posts are so wonderful, keep recovering and loving yourself and nourishing your bodies and souls!

you all deserve nothing but the best.

SophieM · 02-26-2008, 08:41 PM

Cochmom, I am so happy to hear that the binging and excessive exercise has stopped. Way to go!!

HappySnowBunny, I think if you continue eating right and exercising, you WILL see changes. We're all here to support you. That's one of the reasons for the thread, not just for those who are recovered but for those who need support. I KNOW you can do it!!

maanger, it's grat that you were able to find positive people to surround yourself with. That's not easier anymore with the constant focus on appearance.

CarliC, I agree, lifting weights has helped in my recovery in many ways. I think it's great that you feel like need and deserve food, because, well, you DO!!!

dani5162, I am so happy you are at a healthier weight now. I'm sorry your experience in the hospital was bad though that seems to be common unfortunately.

SophieM · 03-03-2008, 02:23 PM

I don't mean to bring this thread back from the dead, but I wanted to thank everyone who repped me. I normally don't look at reps but I did.

I'm so glad people thought the thread was good and that I could help people in some way.

Hope everyone is hanging in there. Just because the week is over doesn't mean we still can't support one another.

cocopuffs · 03-05-2008, 07:38 AM

This thread is really nice to read.. makes me feel like I am not alone.
Me and my ED are something that I think I have control of but then it sets back in and before I even realize it, EDs the one taking over. It sucks.. terribly. I try to understand it, I've tried so hard to patch up things on the outside that might trigger this. My parents are in denial of it.. A time things came so close to my parents finally sitting back and thinking "Maybe our daughter has a eating disorder." But then that night they made me eat eat eat eat.. i felt terrible and the next day I was so bloated with water by about 10 pounds that they took me to the doctor to see if I was healthy, but that extra 10 pounds just barely pushed me into a healthy weight range for the day so the doctor said I was fine.. my parents were relieved. I tried to explain to them that I am obsessive.. went straight through there ears. Its like a silent cry for help. I know it has so much to do with the relationship my parents have and how I feel towards my Dad. My personal trainer has been my life saver. I know I wouldn't be here today if it wasnt for her. I can vent to her and she always has a caring and helpful advice to give to me. She's become my bestfriend.. She experienced this growing up and was rasied the same way with one parent having a my way or the highway attitude. Its a continuing battle but slowly progressing...i'm doing my best. I use to constantly be nagged by my Dad that 'Youre too skinny. EAT!' He thinks he can just control me when that makes me want to not eat.. Ever since that doctor visit a few months ago he has not said one thing about telling me to eat. I think that has helped because I have been stable with my meal plan and occassionaly enjoy treats without beating myself up and getting up to do 3 hours of much uneeded cardio for eating a little extra the night before.

One question.. I haven't had my period for 5 months! I have gained weight in the past 2 months.. well probably 2 pounds. My weight fluctuates between 116-118. I'm 5'6. I'm afraid to go to the doctor because I feel the doctor will instantly bring up eating disorders and that's something I am afraid to get involved with, with my doctor. Suggestions? Thanks girls..

SophieM · 03-05-2008, 08:32 AM

i'm sorry your parents are in denial. the only thing i can say is keep eating and getting the weight up. you could always go on the pill. i've been on the pill for years so even at my low weight, i still had my period. YAY BC pill!!!

tone4now · 03-05-2008, 08:57 AM

great thread. as a teenager i struggled with alcoholism and drug addiction. i ate what i pleased and went on my merry way. eventually i had to seek help for my alcoholism/drug addiction and entered treatment on January 29, 2006. I have stayed 100% sober since. However, in the spring of last year I started working out every day and developing a obsession about diet/nutrition. I eat extraordinarily clean.

Last night i went out for a celebration dinner with friends for an AA anniversary. i ended up pigging out on fried calamari, cheese bread, sausage, and pasta. All I could think about afterwards was getting to the gym. Today i woke up disappointed in my cheat meal. This leaves me to believe that while I am not annorexic (3000 calories a day), I do have an obsession about diet that is not normal. I feel bad psychologically when I cheat. Oh well, its a big step up from drugs and alcohol.

heidismommy · 03-05-2008, 09:17 AM

In a way I hate to see this thread because I hate to see that so many of you have struggled or are struggling with an eating disorder. On the other hand it's a relief to see so many on this site with whom I can relate.

I, too, have struggled with an eating disorder, but I'm finally coming out of it. It started for me at the age of 14, mainly due to issues such as clinical depression and low self-esteem. I had been an athletic 105 lbs at a height of 5'1" and lost nearly 30 lbs in a month and a half. I had to be hospitalized in order to halt the weight loss. Since that time (I'm 29 years old now) I've ranged in weight from a low of 67 lbs to a high of 105 lbs. I've bounced back and forth, having been hospitalized on numerous occasions.

My biggest period of recovery was right after my last hospitalization in the year 2000. I met a man, got married, and had a baby in 2003. My last relapse was a couple years ago and I got down to around 80 lbs. My psychiatrist was talking about my needing hospitalization again, but that wasn't an option for me. That wouldn't have been fair to my husband or child. I decided I needed to do something in order to change so in addition to medication and therapy, I also decided to give weights a try. It has helped tremendously. I've gained 15 lbs and I'm actually okay with it. I'm actually trying to gain a little more even. Working out has improved both my body and mind. My body image is much higher now than it ever has been. 15 lbs may not seem like a lot, but it's a lot on my small, 5'1" frame. And I'm actually 28 lbs higher than my lowest weight, such a big improvement over that.

For the first time ever I feel that going backwards isn't an option. I have more outlets now with strength training and I know that my husband and daughter deserve a much healthier and stronger person in theirs lives. I cannot go back and I no longer feel the drive to waste away to nothing.

SophieM · 03-05-2008, 02:06 PM

tone4now - It sound sort of like "orthorexia nervosa" which, though not an official ED is still disordered eating. One step at a time though.

heidismommy - I'm so glad you're doing better now. My lowest weight wasn't anywhere near yours but I am so happy you have found a reason to not ever want to go back to where you were. I hope you continue to build muscle and get to a healthy weight and body fat level.

Just a side note, I think you are all amazing!!